can't cope with CBT

[daisycake]

I am struggling with it - the therapist says he wants to do exposure which as I understand involves him making me as anxious as possible then teaching me how to calm myself down.. I am really scared though, I don't feel very relaxed as it is in CBT and I'm starting to not want to go. I am seeing my gp on friday but she's made me feel a bit stupid - when I was at home I would see my old gp every four weeks. I asked new gp if I could do same and she replied:

"I dunno.. we get really busy.. I wouldn't think every four weeks would help.. come down in four weeks if you like, but then next time make it six, then make it eight.. I'm not a counsellor or a pyschologist..."

She did say if I was ill, or really upset, I could give her a phone at any time but not to make it a regular thing, and the cbt guy agrees with her saying this is "fantastic and just what I need".

But I'm so used to speaking to someone every so often - at school it was a teacher, or the school nurse, or my GP - and now at uni I feel I've lost that. I'm not sure what to do - I feel like it's all out of my control if that makes sense. I'm just a bit down right now (which has led the cbt guy to think I am depressed) and I don't know what to do. I'm scared to stop the therapy as I'm in a mess..

Please help? xxx

[allergyphobia]

hi daisy,

i am currently having CBT and i have had big ups and down with my therapist. the main thing to remember about CBT is that it is hard work, and it is there to push you - to break the safety behaviours that you have made in order for you to move forward and away from them and an anxious state.

in my experience the difference between CBT and counselling is that with counselling you do a lot of talking, and depending on your issues this can be very helpful. for me i don't have much to talk about that has made me this way, it's just something that has sort of developed and i didn't find it useful going over the past - i just wanted to get techniques to drive me forward and out of my phobia.

saying all of this, you should never feel over-pushed by your therapist, it is all about maintaining momentum - keep your foot on that accelerator because as soon as you brake you start to slow down and eventually stop... do you see what i mean? but if you are pushed too far, you'll go too fast and crash, which won't help you either.

there is nothing wrong with telling your therapist that the steps he is suggesting is too fast and too big a jump for you. then between you, you can work out steps that are more manageable but helpful to you. this is what my therapist and i did, and now i have a structure and a plan that i manage, and tick off as i go along which shows me what i am achieving and what i am going to do next.

do you mind me asking you what it is that causes your panic attacks and anxiety?

Take care,
AP :hugs:

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Daisycake,

CBT is all about changing habits that you have been doing for years, what the doctor has said is true as hard as it is to except but you should see these as challenges and you will get more confident as the months go on.
I started CBT and she set me lots of task like cutting down going to the doctors and stopping the reassurance ie google etc and at first my anxiety went through the roof because i felt like my security blanket had been taken away.

I have learnt so much about anxiety and how it effects me and I have accepted that I have no health issues and its the way the anxiety comes out of me makes me think I am ill because of the symptoms it presents. I do still have off weeks but CBT learns you to cope with this by using different behaviours if you put in 100% you will seek benefits from it.
I failed a lot in the first weeks because it was all new and I found it hard to change my habits but practise make perfect x

I did also go on 20mg of Citalopram to start so it would lift my depression and help me focus on CBT.

I am not going say don’t be scared because I was all I can say is give it your best use it as a positive to focus on and you will get there x

[daisycake]

Yeah that makes sense - that they are doing it to help me, I am determined not to be like this any longer so will keep trying with it.. I will speak to my GP on friday, I'm now terrified to discuss any emotional issues with her but I'm sure thats not what she was meaning. At nineteen it's not very good to be seeing a gp all the time is it!


do you mind me asking you what it is that causes your panic attacks and anxiety?

This is the thing that is really bothering me - they think it is to do with things that happened in my childhood. Basically my mum was ill/disabled and my dad was abusive towards her, expected too much of me at a young age (to the point that a lot of people have said it was like I was five going on twenty) .. he basically caused a lot of problems, and whilst it wasn't bad bad (I wasn't being sexually abused or anything) it's left me always expecting the worst to happen, like I'm on edge all the time. That and bullying at school, and my gran has always been very critical too - she's called me fat since I was eight.. But in discussing all that in cbt, I find it quite difficult and ended up in tears last week. And the therapist then starts analysing it all - in order to get a diagnose apparently - and I wind up thinking that because he says I am anxious due to my thoughts and behaviours, that this is somehow all my fault,... Seemingly I am complex as I have more than one type of anxiety or something. But it all seems really unorganised, as far as I know I had been getting cbt for three weeks and it was only the end of the 4th session that he acutally said, oh we should really inform your GP that you are getting this now :shrug: so I dunno. If it helps though, I will really really make the effort to stick with it.

Thanks both of you for replies, really appreciate it :hugs: xx

[Sarah Louise]

Hey, if you need to speak with your GP about your emotional state then thats what you need to do mate and if you don not feel comfortable with her changed to see someone else x

It sounds like you have had it rough all i can say is i totally get where your coming from i had a horrible childhood i have been going to CBT for 3 months now every week and i still find it hard to discuss my childhood without getting upset. Don't be so hard on yourself look at it this way how strong must you be to take the step in admitting you have a problem and want to get it sorted out?? Your 19 years old a baby really and your going through an awful lot with what seems like little support from your family? It sounds likie you have GAD which can be hard to put a finger on what it actually is that makes you anxious but you will get thier x

If you ever need a chat PM i will help you however i can with your CBT ask him for some thought diarys it really helped me find out what was going on in my mind x

[allergyphobia]

it sounds like you have had a rough time of it. i too had a complicated upbringing, but i found that once i had spoken about it about 3 or 4 times, i stopped getting upset about it and i felt i could let it go. then i found i wanted to move on and find out how to try and correct the behaviours that i had started and weren't helping me.

CBT can be quite unstructured, and sometimes my therapist startles me by saying 'how do you want to use today?'...and i think eh? aren't you supposed to be helping me? but then i think, damn, it's all about ME doing the hard work and helping myself... it's all about the homework and planning and structuring things yourself... diaries are always great things to do and take back and review...

i really hope you stick with the CBT and manage to push through the sessions being difficult for you. just think how you'll feel if you can come through the other side of it and as a result of that visit your GP less etc.

wishing you all the best daisy :hugs:
amber xx

[daisycake]

Awww thank you both of you :hugs: really appreciate it. I am determined like I said to keep going but am going to cancel this week's and speak to my gp first, see what she suggests - she gave me a load of relaxation exercises last time I was in seeing her so I should really try them too :) yeah, I know the more I talk about things the less difficult it is so hopefully things will get easier as it goes on. Thanks again xxx

[daisycake]

I actually went today :yesyes: he said he is not going to spend the whole time focusing on the past - that when treatment starts he'll be focusing on the here and now - and that he wants to collaborate a bit with my doctor too.. sounds like he really understands me and listens - and is telling me things that Ive been in denial about, it is really helping I think, it's still a bit scary but as a few people have said it's difficult to improve without it being a bit tough at first. I'm so so pleased I went though :) thanks for advice yesterday, you both really helped xx

[Wee-Mee]

that's really good that you went love,how have you been past while anyways?I've not been about :( It's never nice when we feel a burden or stupid by the very people that are supposed to help us but I thin they really do just want to help you :) xx

[allergyphobia]

i'm *so* glad you went daisy!! well done, see you really didn't want to do something and you did it, you are much stronger than you think :hugs:

[jillyb]

Daisycake, I am currently having high impact cbt and it is tough! I had a difficult childhood and it is very painful bringing it all up again and I cry most of the session!!! Having said that, by the end of the session we always seem to be able to find something to laugh about. He is very challenging with my thoughts/fears etc and I am making some progress. This week I actually ate some peanuts for the first time in 10 years! Like you I felt that I didn't want to keep talking about the past and that I wanted help for the future, but he said he needed to build up a picture first. I've a long way to go, I know, but I am determined to see it through. I am very fearful of anything medical and know that I should have tests etc but I avoid everything. Hopefully my therapist will help me to overcome these fears. It is not your 'fault' that you are like this. My therapist keeps telling me this and that I must stop beating myself up about it. He is so supportive and keeps reassuring me that he is there to listen to me, without judgement. It is so hard - I have had many years practise!! I wish you all the very best with your treatment. xxx

[westofengland]

Stick with the CBT - it does work although I agree it's quite a 'tough and direct' treatment. For me, my anxiety rockets up - i think i am going to be sick sometimes - but if I do work the treatment, and not seek reassurance, etc, my anxiety does start to go down.

I think the big benefit of CBT is that it tries to show you HA is an anxiety disorder, rather than a specific health concern. It also teaches you to get more comfortable with bad feelings, and with uncertainty. For me, it's the inability to handle anxious feelings (and uncertainty that i am definitely not going to get ill) that drives this thing. So your gp is right not to keep wanting to see you, as she recognises this as an ANXIETY rather than a medical problem

As for the troubled childhood thing, I would bet most people on this forum had a tough time in one way or the other, that is probably a reason we have anxiety problems now. Both my mother and grandmother were pretty OCD, and quite emotionally unstable

But there's a good saying in CBT - "understanding how you got in the hole is all very well (ie, analysing your childhood), but how are you going to get out of it?"

I guess the CBT tools help you to get out of it. So please persevere. For me, I have to use CBT with other things, like exercise, meditation, spiritual realisation etc. And working on my low self esteem. Good luck!

[Sarah Louise]

Hey You

well done for going to your session its nice you are starting to feel positive keep going and you will fight it x