View Full Version : The ones we love the most hurt us the most?
paula lynne
09-12-10, 09:40
Im so upset today, had about 3 hours sleep last night.
I posted a comment on Facebook last night, this is it...."Why are people more concerned with whos gonna win X-Factor, or who dies in Corrie, when a child dies every 3 seconds of preventative illness??"......Get a grip People!!!!!
Id seen an upsetting tv advert, and it prompted me to write. Anyway, my sister replied, banging on about Im always moaning, and shes had it worse than me, and taking the mick out of my anxiety, saying I do it for attention, my friends on here are tw***, or bible bashers.....
This escalated, and a friend of hers started to join in...I kept saying it was my opinion and I was entitled to it etc, asked her to stop what she was saying, it got a whole lot worse, and on such a public forum too, the things she said were vile, Im so so upset.
Weve always had a volatile relationship, she smashed up my sons christening, tried to get my hubby beaten up during rugby as hes english, hit me...etc...this happens a lot, I always went back after she calmed down. I really dont think I can do this anymore with her. Shes crazy, and Ive never seen a temper like it........she thinks shes the only one whos had loss and grief in her life......
Ceri is my half sister. Her father adopted me when I was 2. I have his name. She said..."hahaha. Wont be seeing you at MY fathers anytime soon you bi**ch....that hurt so much. I dont know where all this hate is coming from, Im astounded by how she thinks of me.
Unfortunately, she gets straight on the phone, tells a pack of lies, and my father doesnt bother with me. Now my mum has died, I feel I dont belong in this family, nothing holding us together really. Why do people we love the most hurt us the most? I couldnt swallow last night, felt sick, had palps til 4am, Im such a mess. I cant go through this again with her. This wouldnt have bothered her in the slightest, and Im left feeling like Ive been stabbed. It hurts.
Thanks for listening. x
Hi,
Don,t know what to say to make you feel better just want to send you big hugs :hugs: and hope you feel better soon, take care
:shrug: :hugs::bighug1::flowers: xxx
So sorry you are upset Paula :hugs:Normally I would suggest you have a long talk and try to sort out what the underlying problem was .But it does seem from what you said this has been going on for years .Obviously from your childhood ,Your sister probably resented the fact she had to share her Dad .Her behaviour is spiteful and nasty .You can chose your friends but not your family .You have your own family now and if your Dad wishes to believe her, theres no point in putting yourself through this all the time .Sometimes its better to walk away and let people get on with it ,the upset you feel will fade .But you wont have to endure any more of this .If all you get from people is grief you wont miss anything .Its her loss .Id write to your Dad explaining how you feel then leave it up to him .Sometimes its better to get rid of the deadwood and concentrate on the people who genuinely love and care for you .Lifes too short to Drink bad wine .Hope you feel better soon .luv Sue :hugs::bighug1:xxxxx
She sounds like she has some problems Paula, jealously being one. When I was young I always thought being an only child was the rough end of the stick. As an adult, seeing what some siblings can be like I'm not so sure. I know this is easy to say but don't let her drag you down :hugs:
PS seems to me Facebook has a lot to answer for at times
bottleblond
09-12-10, 11:19
Paula
I hate to say this but your sister sounds like a right spoiled little brat. :mad:
I too believe it's pure spite and jelousy because you share her dad.
Paula, if someone even did half of that stuff to me, it's simple, they just wouldn't be in my life. You don't deserve that treatment hun. Tell her to get lost and block her from your FB. :mad:
Let me at her...... lol
Love Lisa
xxx
:hugs:
Aww paula.
I am so sorry you are upset by this.
But i agree with suzy's and lisa's comments, life is too short to be putting up with all that. She sounds very jealous indeed, and jealousy is an ugly quality to have.
You have tons of friends here who care about you very much and love you to bits.
Its the great reason why we have our friends, as we don't get to choose our family.
Now go block her off facebook :D
:hugs::hugs:
And always remember we are here for you. xxx
margaret jones
09-12-10, 11:30
Paula your poor thing have a big :hugs: and hope you feel better soon dont forget we are all here for you xxx
I don't really know what to say (what's new there then)
Just give you a big squelchy :bighug1:
Paula
Hope you don't mind me saying this but your sister and her friends sound like very nasty, spoilt and bitter individuals with major problems. Far from me to advise but if my sister (or anyone for that matter) had treated me or my family in the same way as your has then I would just wipe her out of my thoughts as if she didn't exist. I certainly wouldn't even entertain having her as a 'friend' of mine on facebook. Block her and her mates !!
Paula you sound like such a lovely person... you certainly don't need spiteful and evil people like that around you or in yours or your families lives.
By the way the words you wrote about corrie, xfactor and children dying was so very true and I agree with you 100%
Chin up and be strong Paula... dont let the idiots wear you down :hugs::hugs:x x x
I think the problem is Paula because we suffer from anxiety and depression we are more likely to be affected by the sad things going on in the world.
I often wonder why people get so wrapped up in trivial things, all i think is, its not going to make things any better. But i would honestly rather be like them and not have a care in the world other than wondering whos going to win the x factor.
As for the people that have upset you.....stuff them, dont allow them to make you feel like this, i know i keep saying this to everybody but people can only make you feel bad if you let them.
Write their names on a piece of paper, screw them up and chuck them in the bin, it will feel good. If they want to appologize to you and you want to accept it then thats fine, but you be in control as you did nothing wrong.
Going home
09-12-10, 14:34
Its not easy to walk away but sometimes we have to, and if its affecting your health then it might be the only way. Thing is though, even if you cut all physical ties with her she can carry on being nasty to you on facebook, so can you not change it so that she's no longer on your friends list? then she can't hurt you through that again. It must've been awful growing up with all that tension and aggro Paula.
Take care
Anna xx :flowers:
paula lynne
09-12-10, 15:39
Thanks all, Ive managed a snooze on the sofa, and although my head feels like its in a vice, the palps have stopped.
I read something very interesting, and I think Im going to take this onboard.........
"SOMETIMES, ITS BETTER TO LEAVE SOMETHING BROKEN, THAN TO HURT YOURSELF OVER AND OVER TRYING TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN"
Its going to cause me heartache to cut her out, but I have to. I wont be going back this time. I have my family,...wonderful hubby, 2 kids and a gorgeous Grand-daughter.
I think you are right Baileys, anxious people can be very sensative to hurt and pain in the world. I need to be around people who genuinely care about me for my own mental health now. Thats you lot! Thanks guys x
Oh Paula, that sounds so awful of her. Glad you're feeling a bit better now, you really don't deserve to be treated like that, you do a lot of good and go out your way to help other people.
Oh! And I've never seen you moan ONCE! :) xx
paula lynne
09-12-10, 15:51
Haha Pokerface, I do have a moan but try to help 99% of the time.
Onwards and upwards friends, onwards and upwards! x
Oh Paula... :hugs:
Maybe she’s grieving too? Perhaps there’s some sort of resentment going back to childhood? She does seem to have rather an attitude problem though.
I done a lot of being angry earlier in the year. Got into a real slanging match with a couple of people on another forum, and at the time could’ve quite happily kicked the living daylights out of them had they been standing here. And I’m a wimp who’s never been in a fight – not even at school. Much of it was anger at myself for things I felt I could’ve done better, but I couldn’t beat myself up for it. So it became directed at all other people I felt were to blame in some way.
There’s something about comments that really hurt us, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I can see it in myself too and don’t like it when I think about it. The ones that really hurt are the ones that deep down we believe to be true about ourselves. They probably aren’t true, but we believe them and hate that part of ourselves. Then it’s like the other person has seen through all our defences and it feels terrible.
If I were to call you a slimy green three headed Martian you’d probably laugh because it’s such an absurd thing to say. No way could you identify with it. But if I said things like your sister did it would be extremely hurtful and I doubt we’d still be friends. What’s the difference between the two...
Anyway Paula, you have millions of friends here :hugs:
Is she really worth any more of you valuable time?
Take care,
Nigel
Hi Paula,
I think Nigel makes a good point, she is hurting too at the moment but I do think there is a long seated resentment towards you and I see no reason why you should be the one to make all the concessions.
She will not be a great loss in your life; perhaps write a little note to your dad in his christmas card to him, i,e: that you and your sis have had a falling out, you don't expect him to take sides, perhaps the two of you could do lunch?
By taking the higher path, he will know you aren't expecting him to choose between his daughters because you are his daughter if not in blood but definately in his heart.
There is something about the internet that sometimes makes people more spiteful and less thoughtful, I have often seen juevenile comments that they might not have said otherwise if it was face to face. They get caught up in it and forget that there is a real person at the other end of the conversation.
We often get really nasty e-mails from customers at work, when we phone them to sort out the problem they are nice as pie lol
Sending you a :bighug1::bighug1:
Lynnann:flowers:
Paula. I am not vey good at giving advice, but i will say this to you.Get on with your own life. Put yourself first.Don't let others get you down even if they are relatives,and do not feel guilty about it.You deserve better!
Oh Paula... :hugs:
Maybe she’s grieving too? Perhaps there’s some sort of resentment going back to childhood? She does seem to have rather an attitude problem though.
I done a lot of being angry earlier in the year. Got into a real slanging match with a couple of people on another forum, and at the time could’ve quite happily kicked the living daylights out of them had they been standing here. And I’m a wimp who’s never been in a fight – not even at school. Much of it was anger at myself for things I felt I could’ve done better, but I couldn’t beat myself up for it. So it became directed at all other people I felt were to blame in some way.
There’s something about comments that really hurt us, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I can see it in myself too and don’t like it when I think about it. The ones that really hurt are the ones that deep down we believe to be true about ourselves. They probably aren’t true, but we believe them and hate that part of ourselves. Then it’s like the other person has seen through all our defences and it feels terrible.
If I were to call you a slimy green three headed Martian you’d probably laugh because it’s such an absurd thing to say. No way could you identify with it. But if I said things like your sister did it would be extremely hurtful and I doubt we’d still be friends. What’s the difference between the two...
Anyway Paula, you have millions of friends here :hugs:
Is she really worth any more of you valuable time?
Take care,
Nigel
That is so true Nigel, somebody can say something so absurd about me but it will not hurt me at all but if somebody says something about me, that i believe to be true about myself, however trivial it is, it will affect me so much.
This is something im working on.
Paula, not been on for a few days and just found this - I agree with everyone else - you just need to look out for yourself and your family - you are such a good person and please don't lose that :hugs:
Lesley x
Paula - what a horrid situation.
I think your "sister" is jealose of you. Yes you suffer anxiety and yes you are sensitive.
Being sensitive is a quality that makes u an incredibly lovely person to be around. I bet your warm, friendly and make others feel special.
So what if u suffer anxiety - it can effect anyone at anytime, no-one is immune!!!!
Your sister and her friends must be very very bitter about something to behave is such a disgraceful manner. but it is their problem not yours.
Would your dad listen if you tried to explain how you feel, you want to be in his life and care about him and are grateful for al he has done for u ?
Your dad is in a horrid situation too - he possibly feels he has to be loyal to her but is possibly too scared to tell her she is out of order.
Paula please don't change who you are. You are entitled to your feelings, your opinions and being who you are!!!!!!!
Sadly you can't choose your family - but you can choose how to deal with them. Maybe suggest to her that you make contact by phone or face to face only. Txt and facebook cause so much trouble and in my book are a great tool for bullies. Maybe ask her if you can have a relationship based on mutual respect on both parts - otherwise your dad ends up hurt too and no one has the right to cause so much pain.
Make sure u suggest this infront of you dad so that he can see you are trying to ease the situation. If she doesn't agree you have to make your choice and that's your right. If someone can't meet you half way and respect who you are then they are not Worth worrying about.
Sounds like i have all the answers doesn't it - i don`t hun im trying to navigate my way through the mess of step kids who are controlled by a mother who is not my cup of tea. I have been hurt so badly i want to walk away and I might have too.
It's all such a mess so I understand your pain completely.
Hang on in there sweetie- we are here for you anytime and please don't stop being u. U always give great advise and make me feel specialxxx
gypsywomen
10-12-10, 12:17
your so right ,, people we give our love,do hurt us the most i feel for you my dear friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x
Paula, you do not deserve this, you have built up your own loving family unit for love and support, so I would advise avoiding this "toxic" influence. Your sister is draining you and constantly negative, you can do without it. Try to rise above, hold your head up high and carry on without conatct for a while, you have to look after yourself.
You're entitled to have opinions without being bullied or criticised, it's OK to disagree but not have such a barrage of poor behaviour.
I know it's not easy, but please concentrate on yourself.:hugs:x
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