Absolutely dreading the xmas work do

[phoebe]

Hi :)

I've got my xmas works do next Thursday and am dreading it. A tiny little part of me really wants to go but a much bigger part of me is already trying to think up an excuse not to.

I've tried to think that it won't be as bad when I get there but going on previous experience it might be. At one point on a previous xmas do I went to I was actually sat on my own, admittedly there weren't alot of people on the do but thats not the point, I was still sat on my own whilst the blokes played pool and the one other girl that was out was talking to her friend that she'd met up with. I felt sooooo embarrased, weird and such a loser.:weep:

Another xmas do I went to I actually made my excuses and left early but i remember as I got up to leave it felt like everyone went deadly quiet and I felt like they were thinking "oh the weirdo that sits there and says nothing is off now". I felt really low after that.

So based on these past experiences and the fact that I can't seem to hold a conversation like normal people I am absolutely dreading next Thursday, I'm scared I might be left sat on my own again, (although there are alot more people going to this do) or I'm just going to be sat amoungst a group of 15 people and not say a word and believe me unless I'm spoken to I won't say a thing, not through choice, just stupid social anxiety won't let me.

So I really don't know what to do, I'm already getting myself into a state about it, I really don't want to make an excuse such as I'm ill or something I'd rather be honest and say I don't fancy it but not sure how that would go down with colleagues, they'd probably think "miserable cow" but where as most people might say it won't be as bad when you get there I know it will be.

Thanks for reading, any advice would really be much appreciated.
Phoebe

[looking4answers]

No I don't think anyone would think anything bad.Just say you don't fancy it and maybe next year or go and just relax..Don't worry about what anyone is thinking..They don't have a mind meld that will affect you.I grew up being talked about and criticized more than most people and it used to really affect me..Then I stop letting it bother me and I was all the better for it. I also learned to say no to people when they ask me to go to their events and didn't worry about what they said.As a matter of fact when we just moved back to where I grew up and had a series of friends that have ask us on a regular basis to do this and that. .and frankly I didn't want to so I just said perhaps another time.They have quit asking so much and Im glad because im just not one to go to things like that or to socialize a lot so when asked just say no ,they can't bite you. I can definitely identify with what you are going through and its a royal pain.Good luck to you and hope you feel better soon.Michael

[Kell]

Hi Phoebe,

I can sort of relate to how you're feeling. I've got my Xmas Do tonight. I guess I'm lucky in that I work with my boyfriend and 2 of my good friends so I don't have the same worries as you but I am feeling anxiety nonetheless.
Sometimes I think we can worry about what other people think too much. We have people who don't come to the Xmas Do simply because they don't fancy it. It's not everyone's thing so don't worry about what people may think if you don't go. If you decide not to go, you don't have to go into detail, you can just say that something has come up & you can no longer make it.
My problem is that I get anxious about feeling anxious. I had been feeling ok until this morning & those horrible familiar feelings have come back. It doesn't help that I'm out for a friends birthday tomorrow night aswell so I think I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and under pressure.

Kel
x

[Nigel]

Hi Phoebe,

Sounds like me too...
It always felt a bit daunting, especially as it was probably the first social event I’d attended since the previous year’s work’s Christmas Dinner! One good thing was that it was a small firm and I’d been there for ages, so everyone knew me and what I was like, so at least I didn’t have to try to pretend.

Yes, I hated that ‘conversation’ thing too. At work it was OK because much of the conversation was work related, plus we were supposed to working not chatting! But at a do like that everyone else always talked about 'normal' things – things they’d done and experiences they’d had – and there was nothing I could add because I’d never been anywhere or done anything. It was almost as if they were speaking a different language.

Another xmas do I went to I actually made my excuses and left early but i remember as I got up to leave it felt like everyone went deadly quiet and I felt like they were thinking "oh the weirdo that sits there and says nothing is off now".

Aww don’t say that Phoebe :hugs:
Only one person thought that, and you know who that was :winks:

I often think other people are like emotional mirrors. We radiate out all our own thoughts and feelings and emotions, and it’s our own thoughts and feelings and emotions we feel coming back from those other people, not theirs. When a person has negative thoughts they feel that everyone is thinking negatively of them. When they think positively about themselves they feel that other people are thinking positively about them.

Watch what other people do, then try it yourself.

“A tiny little part of me really wants to go but a much bigger part of me is already trying to think up an excuse not to.”

I used to feel like that too. I can’t tell you what is right for you but I can say how I felt. The times when I made an excuse and didn’t go, the next day when there was no longer anything to fear, and when the others were talking about the evening before, I always regretted not going. And the times I did go, once there it was always much better than I expected and I was glad I made the effort.

And if nothing else, it was a free meal at the boss’s expense :winks:

Best of luck for whatever you decide :)
Nigel

[hopeful1]

Hi there, after suffering from panic for many years I have decided to be honest and tell people why I can't go to anything, funny enough now I've said it, the pressure is off and amazingly I have had loads of support, I don't feel like the nutter who always skulks off at the first opportunity! People are more understanding than you think.

[Anxious_gal]

lol not my family :blush:
we are having a party a few days after christmas with 60 people! :ohmy:
it's good because I can hide out and not be missed if I get anxious.
just Christmas is stressing me out and the parties right after, theres all the decorations, making invitations ect......
I'm trying not to over think it and just stick to what I've been asked to do and not worry about what everyone else is doing.