P.T.S.D. how long can you suffer????...

[eternally optimistic]

Hi, thats probably the most positive thing I can say today LOL

I am feeling really low, not panicky but end of the road....

I feel slightly emotional, which is rather a rarity...

My story started 22 years ago when I was 20, out with a friend and then my boyfriend one Saturday afternoon.

I was due home in my car and didnt make it... the story sort of starts and ends here, Im sad to say.

I was the fortunate one, at least I can say that. The other occupants of the other car ALL died, all younger than me....

The story goes on and on in my mind, my boyfriend was due to pick me up at home and the first he knew about it all was seeing my car with its roof peeled back on the back of a tow truck, my brother was out on boys night out and was told I had died and my parents were asked if they thought I had anyone in the car as they needed to confirm if any of the or some of the bodies were from my vehicle.

My physical symptoms were all repairable, even though I was off work for 5 months, but my physchological symptoms, I feel now, were irrepairable. Ive never been diagnosed with ptsd as I havent ever pursued this as I know what I am...

My personality changed and it changed me for good....

I have posted recently I never cry but I am finding moments when I am rethinking it all, not the actual accident as I cant remember a thing of that.. but, the reality of what has happended, three young people DEAD and I was involved. It cuts me to the core...........

I am removed from all of this in some way but attached in so many other ways.

The realisation of this tragic incident is just far too much to handle, I think.

I'm not deliberately dwelling on this whole thing it is just like a bad dream.
I know if someone elSe told me the whole scenario, I would wonder how they coped and I am expecting myself to do just that.

I AM SORRY, IF THIS WRONG TO POST BUT I WANT TO CRY CRY CRY CRY. I am crying, I cant get it all out.

I am not sure if my anxiety creates this all or the accident creates the anxiety.

The situation didnt get better, you have a coroners verdict, my name cleared and then you get this letter telling you you wont be charged with their deaths..... What can I say....

Although I writing this and it seems like a horror story for someone else, it happened to me and I expect myself to be normal.

I know loads and loads of people manage to get on with life following something terrible, but I am not one of them.

If you have read all of this, I have not writtten this to shock or scare I have done it because I hurt and hurt and I know NMP is somwhere I can share these thoughts, my silent friend as I like to refer to it as.

I feel quite lonely and really want someone to know how I feel. I think that would be someone in a similar situation as my other half can relate to the what went on (he was the boyfriend) he doesnt feel my PAIN.

Thank you NMP for allowing me to post something like this.

[elainey70]

Jackie,

Your post has moved me to tears, i really don't know what to say to you. Have you ever had any counselling. My heart goes out to you to have this on your mind everyday, i wish i could find the right words.

[eternally optimistic]

Thank you for reply, I was wondering if everyone was gonna think me a crack pot...

I had counselling about three years ago due to me actually realising I was suffering anxiety, dont think the Doctor knows even now the full extent..

I had counselling following a planned holiday abroad not happening, I couldnt get on the plane... OMG... it gets worse. I think I just dont like being shut in.. Suppose being cut out of my car, that is what it could be.

Thanks again for the reply, I was worried (yes, again) that it may offend or upset.

With regards to thinking about it, you sort of cope, or not as the case may be and I was a worrier as a young adult and just sort of taught myself to shut off to some things (I was rather proud of that) but ironically it all came back to bite me on the bum as shutting it all away hasnt done me any favours.

Your reply sort of makes me feel "normal".

Cheers

[elainey70]

Jackie,

Nobody on here will think your a crack pot. I don't know anybody who would not be effected by something like that happening to them. The shutting off to some things is not a good idea (as you've found out) you should really let the doctor know the true extent, i know you had counselling 3 years ago, but as you say you shut off, maybe attending counselling again but this time not shutting off and being truly open. If you every want to talk send me a message. And remember you are NOT a crack pot. Take care x

[Horse]

I don't know much, but one thing I do know is that we can never change the past!

You are quite normal the way you are behaving/suffering and by that in itself you have proven to be a person with a caring and very sensitve nature.

Let's be very honest and admit that no amount of counselling (although possibly extremely helpful and beneficial) will undo what's happened. Neither will medication of course. There will always be thoughts in your head regarding things like 'What ifs and If only/s'.

Although it was 22 years ago, in your head it happens again everytime you think of it. Naturally, you feel lonely because it keeps coming back to you and no one can realise how only you feel!

I feel that perhaps if you were to look into some other form of counselling or Psychotherapy, this may be of some benefit considering some 22 years has now passed.

[eternally optimistic]

Yes, your right, thanks Horse.

I dont think I have ever really got my emotions out and it is all bottled away.

[Nigel H]

Jay Ann .... I feel for where you are at just now and wanted to let you know that it is totally possible to overcome that old problem, that you have lived with for far too long already.

I know it's possible because not only do I work with people to do such things, but I have also been through a road accident and had my own PTSD dealt with, using the techniques I use with other people.

I have an offer on the Panic page to work with some deserving people on a 1-2-1 basis with no fee currently - and I offer this to you now.

Naturally you will have many questions and I simply hope that you take me up on this offer - because I know what it's like when you are still 'in the middle' of things, after the event - even after all this time has elapsed.

PM me and we can discuss if that's something you may find useful.

Regards

Nigel

[mcclan]

hi jay ann i cant say how long it can go on for but as im going through it my self im getting really good help with it at the moment so lets hope you can get the same help to help you through it as well. Maybe talking about what we can do on here to help you in the best way we can. pm me if you need to and iltry and answer the best way i can to help you regards dave

[Hazel B]

Jay ann, please take up that offer from Nigel, you have nothing to lose and peace of mind to gain!

I had PTSD after an event 3 years ago, I bottled it all up, didn't cry, put on a brave face and made sure all my family were OK. Well, my body gave up on me earlier this year, cutting a long story short after help from my GP and 12 weeks of counselling I'm on the road to recovery. I thought I was protecting myself by keeping things inside, but it was slowly poisoning me. My sleep was rubbish, had nightmares and played one day over and over again in my mind, wishing I could change what happened.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace one day.:hugs:

[Tish]

Thank you for sharing your story Jay Ann. I too suffer from PTSD after a heartbreaking incident 5yrs ago. When it happened, I just wanted to scream and scream but of course, in our culture, you don't. I still feel like i have that scream trapped inside me. After a major traumatic event, you want to talk about it but instead, people won't mention it for fear of upsetting you, they act like it never happened but, to you, it's all you ever think about. Problems often manifest themselves years later so you try counselling.. but by this time the counsellor thinks you should be 'over it' by now. Are they really trained to believe that grief only lasts 2 years, then it dissappears by magic?
Very best wishes x

[Nigel H]

Tish - there are 'some' that believe time cures all ..... and the length of time has nothing to do with it .... it's what you DO within the time, rather than simply the passage of time itself.

I had PTSD following a road accident some 3 1/2 years back. I lost 70% of the use of my arm, after 3 subsequent operations failed.

What I am HAPPY to report though, is that there is a very good way to have the issue dealt with. I have done so and it's a very real thing. I got the old me back again, despite the state of my arm.

I really want people to realise that it's possible to deal with these things - I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for the methods I had previously learned - and knowing where to turn to have my issues resolved.

The use of Time Line Therapy® is a major contributor to the effectiveness of the process I use and had used with me.

The organisation I trained through now work with one of Prince Charles' charities involved in The Warrior Programme - to enable ex service men & women to resolve their PTSD and Anxiety issues following active service. There is further info on this programme via this link.

http://www.warriorprogramme.org.uk/Programme

The process I use is very similar, allowing for the fact that they do a group thing for ex military, within that charity - whereas I work 1 to 1.

My trainer has also recently run some programs within the Prison service to treat inmates.

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A quote from the website of Tad James, who originated TLT in it's current form:-

Time Line Therapy® is so highly regarded, in fact, that the Council of Psychotherapy in Croatia asked to be trained by “The James” in “Time Line Therapy” so they could help many of the victims of the war suffering from “post traumatic stress disorder”.
The specific collection of techniques called Time Line Therapy® produces long-lasting transformation very quickly and easily. The process is faster than what is currently called Brief Therapy. These powerful Time Line Therapy™ techniques are becoming the method of choice to make fast, effective, long-term changes in behavior.

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If you want any further advice or have questions, then please do PM me or email me

>> nigelhorwood@yahoo.com

Regards

Nigel

[Tish]

Thanks for that Nigel. I'm going away now for a few days but will look into this when I return x

[ljd]

Hi I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and still are, you can overcome this and get through it with support so i urge you seek proffesional support if you can and take care of yourself, dont be hard on you accidents happen unfortunately. It sounds awful and your living with it all so last thing you need is to beat yourelf up about it. tc

[eternally optimistic]

Thank you guys for all your replies....

I was due in to work today and didnt make it, too much adrenaline pumping. I went to see the Doc who was brilliant and understanding.

I am continuing with meds and maybe upping the dosage if necessary in a couple of weeks.

She is also contacting some counselling service for me too.

I have had a good old cry on my mums shoulder and we talked about things related to the accident...

Nigel, thank you very much for your offer, but I will put in hold for the time being - no offence meant by that.

Jackie

[CJ77]

Hi Jackie,

I really hope things work out for you. I've been in a similar postion since my mate had a brain haemorage when we were travelling as kids and due to not doing anything about it, I've suffered bouts of depression for the past twelve years and been self medicating with alcohol. This has only made things worse and just recently started counselling after the drink got way out of hand. It' been liek a pressure valve being released. I feel like I have some real confidence back in me which I haven't had for a long time. Problems have been out in the open and the help I've received has been phenomenal. Thi help has come not just from the counelling servive I've been using but my family and army of fiends who want their old friend and son back. The drink was never the way to go and whilst I wasn't a full on alcoholic, I had been hiding and bottling things up and they were ready to explode. Up and at them now. I just hope my friends and family are ready because I've missed out on quite a lot and need to make up for lost time!

Bottom line is that your story has really touched me and I wish you all the best with everything. Please don't think I'm trivialising things because I hope everything works out and keep us posted. I'll keep my out on this thread.

All the best,

CJ

[eternally optimistic]

Thanks CJ77, hope you progess well.

Keep posting.

[texel]

hi Jackie,tragic state of events is an understatement.
there is a route out of the guilt and fear,just i'm not quite there yet.but i will post my events when i'm feeling a bit mentally stronger.take care pet.tex

[JUSTICE4THE96]

Jay Ann

I'm in the same boat as you - I've had PTSD for 22 years as well. Life is not easy, it can be a struggle. For me some days are worse than others - anniversary of the incident, being reminded of it, nightmares recurring. But talking to others helps, especially with people who have been in a similar situation to you. If ever you want to talk, send me a private message and I'll get back to you. I honestly do know what you are going through. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you today.

YNWA

Chris

[marie1974]

hiya Jackie, that bought a tear to my eye, so just wanted to send you some very big hugs xxxx

[eternally optimistic]

hi jackie,tragic state of events is an understatement.
There is a route out of the guilt and fear,just i'm not quite there yet.but i will post my events when i'm feeling a bit mentally stronger.take care pet.tex

keep posting, always like an update

[eternally optimistic]

Jay Ann

I'm in the same boat as you - I've had PTSD for 22 years as well. Life is not easy, it can be a struggle. For me some days are worse than others - anniversary of the incident, being reminded of it, nightmares recurring. But talking to others helps, especially with people who have been in a similar situation to you. If ever you want to talk, send me a private message and I'll get back to you. I honestly do know what you are going through. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you today.

YNWA

Chris

Hi Chris

Thanks for the reply.

I have read your posts on here and I can see why you you suffer with PTSD.

Take care.

[annette1]

The first thing to understand about PTSD is that there is no cure, it is a life long psychological disorder but that does not mean you are mentally ill, having said that I just wanted to reassure you all that recovery from the extreme symptoms is possible.

Today I am in recovery & have been for many months. My anxiety is mostly under control through relaxation, meditation & positive thinking & i feel my trauma has healed as far as possible, its still there when I have a trigger but day to day i can rationalize it as a memory now both physically & psychologically.

Five years ago, following many years of emotional & physical abuse from my ex husband I left & divorced him. Two years later I had moved into a new house & things seemed to be going well, except of course that i had been running for 22 hrs a day, eventually i burnt myself out & was a mess, both mentally & physically ill. I was off work for 18mths & could see no way of going back, it seemed to me that life wasn't worth living.

Too ill to wait a year for nhs therapy my GP, who has been so understanding & supportive, advised me to go to a private psychologist who diagnosed me with CPTSD, I have had regular therapy with her for two years & now just return for a 'top up' when i feel the need. The road to recovery is very long, therapy was tougher than i could ever have imagined but extremely rewarding. I know & understand myself far better than i have for the last 50yrs. Through EMDR & many other talk & exposure therapies I have had the opportunity to explore & understand my childhood traumas & how they added to my trauma later in life. My depression is much improved through positive thought & support from Citalopram, I hate having to take it but try to see it as another tool that is keeping me well.

In the words of my psych, 'keep going & stay strong, you will get through this' how i disbelieved her at first, feeling that this was how my life was to be forever. I also thought she was just being mean when she pushed me through my barriers, but I realise now that without her help, support & advice I wouldn't have got through this, the biggest impact was her telling me that i had to get myself through this, she would guide me but it was down to me working hard with my thoughts & being open & honest with her. I will always be grateful to her for that, i know i've had to pay for my treatment but i dont regret it one bit.

As she has explained to me, you never fully recover because ptsd changes the way you think & view the world & people around you. My life because of my experiences is quite different now. I've stopped waiting for my old self to return, that person was scared, timid & felt they had to please everyone for them to like her. Now my health comes first, if i know a situation will take me out of my comfort zone I have the tools to manage it or I am brave enough to say 'no' & mean it. I still have some symptoms to work through such as trusting others to treat me well, but I'm hoping that will improve with time.

Life is feeling good again. I know my symptoms can become troublesome again at anytime but for now I'm enjoying the freedom!

Life feels good again, I hope it will for you too.

[annette1]

PS sorry if i rattled on there, just wanted to give you all some hope!

A x bighug1:

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Annette

Thank you for your lovelly reply, it all makes sense.

I think you are living relatively close to me and wondered if you mind suggesting how you got hold of your EMDR consultant.

I have been to see a really help GP over the last 4 months and he suggested this therapy for the ptsd.

With thanks again.

[Alicat]

Just wanted to give you this :hugs: