Bladder problems - beware, graphic and also includes sex

[harasgenster]

Ok, here goes. This one's a bit embarrassing! And I'm sorry but there's a lot to say so it's going to be a long post!

I've recently been diagnosed with overactive bladder (after eight months of torture!), which is when your bladder sort of goes into spasm and just starts contracting for no reason. It's sort of like having cystitis and period pain at the same time constantly.

I'm on medication for it and it's really helping a lot but I still have a lot of worries.

I've always been a bit scared of the idea of incontinence and from what I've read my condition normally causes incontinence, although it didn't in me - which I'm glad of because it would have completely broken me! But I'm still a bit anxious about it.

I mostly blame the condition on a coil (IUD) that I got when I was 18 (I'm now 24). When I first started feeling unwell they did an ultrasound and found it had fallen out of place. When they removed it my symptoms got dramatically better (but stuck around to a lesser extent which is why I've been diagnosed with OAB).

There's several things I'm now worried about. The most embarrassing one is to do with sex. With my last boyfriend, I guess I was about 21, I began to have orgasms for the first time on my back. I'd always been too anxious to have them with boyfriends and on my own I had to be on my front because I couldn't relax on my back for some reason. Anyway, I taught myself to relax and all seemed to be going well. However, a couple of times when I was relaxed a bit of something would come out. I just thought it was female ejaculation because I'd heard about that on TV. But when it happened once when I was on my own I got scared and looked it up. It seems most doctors agree that female ejaculation is actually stress incontinence. Since then I have been too scared to orgasm and do not enjoy sex anywhere near as much.

I've talked about it with my current boyfriend (and when it first happened I actually spoke about it with my ex). Neither of them see the problem. They both said that if it's only a dribble it doesn't count and it doesn't put them off anyway (though I don't know how it doesn't disgust them!) I asked my boyfriend if he had known any other girls that dribbled and he said one of his exes had. He hadn't really thought about what it might be and didn't really care about it one way or another. Again, everything is fine. I then told my friend who said sex is a bit earthy anyway and, again, if it's only a little bit and there's no need to change the sheets or anything it really doesn't matter.

But I can't get over it, no matter what anyone says, the idea just disgusts me and makes me feel dirty and humiliated, which is why I can't orgasm.

This OAB has made everything a hundred times worse. It's like my body just went - what's her greatest fear? I know...

The condition has made it so that I can't feel pleasure during sex - anything up there just makes me need feel like I need the toilet - so obviously that's intensifying all my fears. I'm also worried that because I went to the toilet like every fifteen minutes for eight months I will have weakened my pelvic floor.

So, I decided to try Kegel exercises. I looked it up on the internet to find out how to do it and gave it a try. But I don't seem to be doing it right and I'm scared there's something wrong with me! It says you're supposed to insert one finger and lift the muscles. You're supposed to feel them lift on your finger and for the vagina to squeeze round the finger but I feel no movement on my finger at all!

I'm terrified I'm completely broken and I'm never going to be the same again, nevermind teaching me how to enjoy sex again, what if the physcial problems with sex (no pleasure at the moment) go on for the rest of my life! I'm worried maybe the coil has damaged me permanently?

And if I can't lift my pelvic floor like you're supposed to be able to, what happens if it gets worse? What if I end up completely incontinent in my mid twenties?

It all sounds stupid since I'm getting better, I know. But I can't stop worrying! I just wondered if anyone had suffered with anything similar or had any advice?

Thanks

[Ambers]

Hi,

I am just bumping this up for you....but all sounds normal to me. Hope you get some good advice on here x

[Anxious_gal]

ok the fluid that comes out is NOT urine! it's actually produced by glands inside your vagina.
even men "leak" fluid/lubrication, it's 100% normal.
it's normal and natural, your supposed to get damp, the more excited you are the more fluid your body produces.
yes women can ejaculate..... try watching some porn lol, they say it happens when the G spot is stimulated and if you look it up you'll see the fluid has been tested and it is not urine.
it's not disgusting it's perfectly natural and healthy, it all depends on how you view it, maybe try and figure out why you feel it's gross.

when you do the exercise you just squeeze like you do to stop peeing mid flow,
maybe try it with two fingers as every one is different.

[debs71]

Hi Harasgenster,

Well I can certainly relate in part to the overractive bladder symptoms. I'm on my third bout of cystitis/UTI this year and going crazy with rushing to the loo every 5 mins and I also have no capacity to 'hold it in' as it were when I need the loo which for me is the worst symptom. I have been trying to treat it conventionally at home, but will now have to resort to a trip to my GP again tomorrow I hope...oh the joys!

I can only imagine what it must be like for you to have an OAB....madddening.

To be honest with you hun, it does sound very much like you have got yourself into a bit of a tizz my focusing on all the things you mention too much so they have become so much bigger to you than they really should be.

Firstly, the sex thing. Trust me when I say that most guys will not have the slightest clue or issue with your female ejaculations as frankly they are too interested in their own! ( well most of them at least...no offence guys!)Even your ex and current boyfriend have said it isn't a problem, and I suspect that the amount of fluid that is coming out is really not as large amount as you may have built up in your own head to be, but the sheer fact it is happening at all has become a problem for you. Please don't worry. It is common, it is natural and not at all dirty. Also, during sex, our natural lubricants increase through stimulation and arousal so it could well be partly that involved as well as the actual ejaculation thing going on. Again, this is very normal and nothing to feel ashamed of.

And at the end of it all, of course you won't orgasm because you are focusing on that and can't relax enough to do so, but then again, I do feel that the fact you have before is encouraging enough as the vast percentage of us don't through straightforward sex without clitoral stimulation, so lucky you hun! If you are at all able to just make this issue about the fluid smaller in your mind the orgasm will doubtless return.

As far as the Kegel exercises go, I wouldn't even bother with the finger thing, as again I think you have made this a big issue because you think your body isn't responding in the right way and you are linking that to your OAB. I am sure that everything is just fine, it is just that your body needs time to recover and the meds will continue to help you with that.

A trick to pelvic floor upkeep is just to stop and start your urine flow by squeezing upwards as you wee, and then you can completely ditch the finger thing! Just do that each time you wee instead.

Please, please just try if you can to stop dwelling on the what if's, and just focus on the here and now, as more often than not, these things sort themselves out, and the fact you KNOW there is a cause for you continence issues and it is being treated is the main thing that you should feel comforted by.

I hope this helps and take care.xxxx:hugs:

[HarrogateChris]

Neither of them see the problem. They both said that if it's only a dribble it doesn't count and it doesn't put them off anyway ... didn't really care about it one way or another. ... sex is a bit earthy anyway ... it really doesn't matter.

But I can't get over it, no matter what anyone says, the idea just disgusts me and makes me feel dirty and humiliated, which is why I can't orgasm.


Excuse the selective quoting, but what they said! I really couldn't care less, it would not bother me at all. As a bloke sex is all about squirting bodily fluids, in the general mess of the activity it's nothing. I think the issue is one you need to deal with in your own mind. Your own disgust towards yourself isn't warranted and you should show yourself a little compassion. You are not disgusting, dirty or anything negative. You're a beautiful human being. These things are just part of who we are.

It beats farting.

Chris

[debs71]

I agree with Chris...sex is a natural thing and a bit of mess is always involved when any of us indulge, so please don't see it as anything other than the norm hun.

...and I also agree it does beat farting Chris, lol.....:D

[Hazel B]

I can only add that anxiety plays tricks on our minds and we can get fixated on one area and every sensation is amplified.

Try to distract yourself to concentrate on other things, I know it's not easy as I had a long UTI this year, I played computer Scrabble and tried to block it from my mind, not easy but it helps.

You're not stupid, very brave to post this, I hope you feel better soon.

[HarrogateChris]

very brave to post this

Yes, really brave. Well done for talking about it, a good first step on beating the lie that it's something to be ashamed of. :hugs:

[85634]

ok the fluid that comes out is NOT urine! it's actually produced by glands inside your vagina.
even men "leak" fluid/lubrication, it's 100% normal.
it's normal and natural, your supposed to get damp, the more excited you are the more fluid your body produces.
yes women can ejaculate..... try watching some porn lol, they say it happens when the G spot is stimulated and if you look it up you'll see the fluid has been tested and it is not urine.
it's not disgusting it's perfectly natural and healthy, it all depends on how you view it, maybe try and figure out why you feel it's gross.

Yeah, I have some fluid come out too and I'm sure it's not urine, maybe you want to try to orgasm alone and see what happens. The fluid that comes out is more watery then what's there prior to organsm. At least that's my experience. And besides, I know men who love a girl who can ejaculate, though I'm not entirely convinced it's possible. I just know that for me it's normal for fluid to come out. Maybe you can go to the bathroom before sex to reassure yourself you won't urinate?

[Rachel W]

As above. Some people produce more lubrication than others. Putting a soft towel on the sheet can also help to make it feel cleaner.

[harasgenster]

Hi
Thank you to everyone who has replied and helped me with this. It does make me feel better to see that no one was disgusted and everybody thought it was normal.

I think I've really wound myself up because they didn't know what was wrong with me at first and at one point they thought it was worse than it is so I got sent to hospital, so I was really, really anxious and exhausted with it all for a while!

I guess that's translated to me getting very nervous about anything surrounding that area of my body. I was already worried about the sex thing but the anxiety was nowhere near as bad as it is now I'm ill.

I'll try to take everything you've said into account. Someone pointed out earlier on that it was an achievement to have been able to get over my inability to relax during sex the first time round and realising that has really helped me to have hope that I'll be able to get over this too.

It was also really useful to see some women here tell me they had experienced a similar thing, because now I know it's natural and common.

Also, many thanks to Chris for his good advice and for making me laugh!

Thanks everybody :)

[Hazel B]

Hey, sex is squirty and messy! What's important is that you start to be confident in your health, it may take time but these worries will pass and become smaller in your head.

Best wishes. :hugs: