View Full Version : So I have Health Anxiety..... what now? am I going to die!?!?
to answer the question.... yes, I am going to die. we all are. nothing to stop that, its only natural. I just gotta keep telling myself that. I won't let anxiety kill the days of life I do have!!
because I know this is going to be a lot of reading for anyone willing to do so, I have inserted a (SHORTCUT) on the page, please scroll to that to skip my personal story, and jump right to what I plan to do next.
:welcome:
Hello to anyone reading this. I will apologize now for the fact that this is going to be a bit long winded. I found this forum yesterday (googling, of course, but this time keyword "health anxiety") and read over many of your posts. I am hoping that others who find this forum in the same way I have, or that those of you who return often posting and reading posts, will read this and that it might bring some positivity, peace, and hope to you.
My story begins, the best that I can remember, sometime in August of 2010. I honestly cannot recall being so worried and anxious prior to that time. Though, rational thinking tells me that I must be prone to worrying in order to find myself here and feeling this way. And the feeling..... how I despise it!! Lately my thoughts are, "this isn't me" "I don't want to be this person" "I cannot handle feeling this way anymore" "I must be going crazy!!"
I think this may have been a good place for me to have landed. After all, to recognize that you might be going crazy, or worse, making yourself go crazy, may in fact be the first step in breaking a very negative cycle. I have heard it said that "true crazy people are the people who are crazy but believe they are sane." It's a rather simple and silly thought to have bring so much peace at this time, but I will take what I can get. If the best thing going for me right now is that fact that in all this irrationality I am still somehow rational about being irrational, well then.... I'll take it and run with that!
To be clear about anything I have said so far, I feel I should make two points before I go on;
1. I am NOT a medical professional in mental health of any other health. anything I say can be used against me in a court of law..... wait wait no.....that's not right......
anything I say is solely opinion and serious soul searching based. I can promise you that I am intelligent and more importantly, I believe my life has gifted me many experiences (both positive and negative) enough to have a bit of wisdom too. That being said, I am just another person suffering panic, worry, and fears that are above and beyond the norm. They are certainly affecting my day to day peace and happiness.
2. the second point I want to stress is that I give no guarantees to having any answers or solutions, just that I have devised a plan of action and that I hope that sharing it might help others. When I speak of desperation I would like to elaborate some to be understood that I (do not/have not) found myself with thoughts of ending it all by inflicting any kind of self harm. To date, I am quite the opposite, consumed with the fear or possibility of something being so wrong with me (health wise) that might take my life. I have already promised myself that if at any point those types of dark thoughts begin to creep into the mix of negative thoughts, then it is ABSOLUTELY time for professional intervention. I can completely imagine how this type, or any type of anxiety for prolonged periods of time, could lead one to begin thinking that it might just be easier to make it all go quiet. THIS IS NEVER AN ANSWER NOT TO ANY PROBLEM IF YOU ARE THINKING THESE THOUGHTS PLEASE REACH OUT TO SOMEONE FOR HELP!!
Around the first week of August I began with an overwhelming panic about whether or not my daughter, who had about 5-10 mosquito bites, might be falling ill to a bite transferred illness, equine encephalitis. I began to feel great fear. Fear that I could feel physically. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't eat. I couldn't be happy. I couldn't distract myself. I was constantly distracted by horrible thoughts of "what if ?" Those fears turned into a fear that she perhaps had infection developing in one of those bites. Which is easily treated and non-life threatening, but we were on a family camping trip far from home and far from civilization.
Now looking back that next fear that consumed me in this 5 day stretch concerned myself. I realize now, BUT COULD NOT AT THE TIME, that it was likely my anxiety that brought on the symptoms I began to have.
I was dizzy, I couldn't eat, my bowel movements began to be abnormal. (I won't go into detail on this last symptom, but I am sure most of you can relate) These symptoms set off new fears. "What's wrong with me? Do I have colon cancer?" "Could I have a rare bacterial infection?" "might I be dying of something and not even know it!?!?!"
These are horrible, horrible thoughts to be sure. Unsettling, and completely consuming. As I already mentioned, we were on a vacation. Something we do not often (like never) get to do as a family, and something I had been looking forward to with such excitement and anticipation. This sudden onset of fear and anxiety took more than half of the days I should have been enjoying with my family and had me in emotional turmoil.
I had mentioned in passing to other family members, very light heartedly, some of the things I was thinking. However, and again I guess some of you can relate, they dealt with it like rational level people. Brushed it off with a, "nah, she's fine."
I never told anyone about thinking I might be dying as well. I think that is partly because I knew I was worrying myself to death. I knew it was anxiety. I knew all this, but it was not enough to find any peace of mind to convince myself that it in turn meant I was NOT actually sick.
Finally, on the 5th day of feeling all of this I got alone with my husband, and I began to talk. I began to talk out of desperation, out of the need to not feel alone in all this despair. In an attempt to alleviate some of the boiling pressure that was so full, ..... I thought at moments my head just might "POP"!
I told him how anxious I was feeling. I didn't go into too much detail about all the thoughts. Just that I knew something wasn't right, that I was fearful, and that I was to the point where I was beginning to have anxiety about my anxiety. He listened. He was compassionate. He was however, completely stumped as to what might be causing these feelings in me or anyway to stop them.
All the while there is always, particularly in the moments of heightened anxiety, a voice that echoes somewhere in the deep, dark, sad places of my mind. "maybe all this anxiety, and fear, maybe it is a sign. Maybe it is instinct, maybe, possibly, there is SOMETHING seriously wrong."
Well that voice says there is something wrong with my health. That voice beckons me to consider the next impending doom. That voice.... damn that voice. It is only recently (like in the last couple of days) I have begun to come to terms with the idea, the rational, that the SOMETHING that could be wrong is most likely...... HEALTH ANXIETY.
After my vacation in August the anxiety seemed, for the most part, to have passed. Looking back now I can see that I was still distressed mildly with some health issues, either of my childrens' or myself. I know that I have used google too many times to count, and that without fail, any peace of mind doing that might give me in the moment quickly subsides and leads to yet more googling.
I took my children to the doctor for a skin strep test. Granted, there really were recurring rashes. I wasn't imagining that. Trying to find the answer myself I found a particular rash, strep based, mostly afflicted children. Ii will say the symptoms matched exactly. I will also say that the photos I could find were the final bit of evidence I needed. I was absolutely certain that the tests would prove me (and google) correct.
I suppose I do not have to tell you this, but I will, they didn't and don't have a strep rash. In fact the doc suggested I try something new to try to treat and prevent the rash. Something with a high Zinc percentage. I did.
It worked.
We haven't had rash outbreaks since. On either child.
I was so so so so certain. I even had my husband convinced.
Now this particular example I did not recognize as anxiety, but more me being a responsible parent trying to take the best care of her children. Sometime in the time that passed between August and now, and in between the strep tests on the kids, and other dark thoughts here and there, I also ended up in my first ambulance ride to the ER. It was for heart concerns. It turned out my heart is great. The doc suggested that I may have a strained muscle in my chest. The chest pains were very real. It hurt to breathe. I was light headed, my arms went tingling and my hands numb. I couldn't breathe. I think now, I was likely having a mild panic attack. Yes, I have little doubt that I had injured a muscle as well. I had been moving large furniture the day before. But what I believe now, looking back, one symptom led to my panicking about another, and maybe creating another through the panic. I began to google. Which only heightened my anxiety. I remember distinctly feeling like a fool while in the ER. I wanted to hear that everything was ok and it was nothing, but I didn't want to hear it was nothing because I couldn't except that it was all in my head. I felt silly, embarrassed, confused.
In the end, chest pains are no joke and if you just don't know, you should probably seek help. I am only bringing this up to map out my trip into the wonderful land that is the voice of HEALTH ANXIETY.
After this, and other, here and there scattered examples...... things have been calm. I have been fairly calm.
Recently, things have changed.
The past two weeks have been hell.
So far in the past two weeks I have suspected that I have oral cancer (which I took a trip to a walk in after looking in my throat with a flashlight and discovering nothing looked how I had anticipated. It just looked wrong. bumpy, unhealthy. the doc took a look and said, "good news, looks just like most everyone's mouth/throat."
The next day, I discovered a spot on my back. I have skin cancer. I began googling, calling numbers. Trying to find places where I could get a skin cancer screening.
Panic, panic, panic.
The sense of urgency. The sense of, "if I don't do something about it right now, RIGHT NOW, I will surely miss the chance to save my life and my children will grow up without their mother." I have such a fear of them not having me in their lives. That no one could read their bedtime stories the way I do with the silly voices, that the youngest would wander the house saying "mama mama mama" until the day she forgets I existed.
Dark, terrifying, paralyzing fears/thoughts. They fill my head. Fill my day. I can hardly think of anything else. Thoughts that I know I shouldn't focus on, thoughts that I do not want to focus on.
For some reason for me, the mornings seem the worst.
Day 3: I notice a mole on my daughter's back. A mole that I know has been there as long as I can remember, BUT because of all my googling and self diagnosing I saw many pictures of skin cancer. I read all the warnings..... this mole fit some of those guidelines. So the whole day I panicked about the notion that she could have skin cancer.
Next day, I feared, the skin cancer still but now I am starting to worry about weight loss. After I had my last child I remained about 40lbs overweight after her first birthday. Around August I began to pay more attention to what I was eating and being more active. I have been quite proud of the fact that in August I weighed in at 178, I now 5 months later, weight about 165. That's 13 pounds!! and my clothes are getting lose, and I can see a difference in how I look. Other people have noticed too and complimented me. I have been so proud myself..............
BUT NOW
now that this next wave of extreme anxiety has hit I am now thinking, "what if the weight loss, and how easy it seemed to come off, is actually another symptom!!??" that's right, and I am sure I do not have to tell you, that weight loss is a symptom of C A N C E R.
So all that work I did to lose weight, to feel better, to look better, now has been used by my anxiety ridden mind to be used against me. Add this to the other (most likely anxiety induced symptoms) dizziness, sleeping troubles, lack of appetite, tiredness, irritability, a cramp here, a sore muscle there...... I could just go on. And with each symptom, my brain does go on, the voices of HEALTH ANXIETY run crazy with it all. It's like there's a HEALTH ANXIETY party happening in my head. A week long par-tay.
* sighs* Maybe I should call the cops and complain about all the noise.
I cycled through, cancers, early menopause, vitamin deficiency, and other possible ailments.
Anyhow, yesterday I starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, anxiety is the first and most important symptom. I used google again, and hopefully for the last time to self diagnose, and searched "anxiety" I went from there. Changing search phrases as I went, and discovering health anxiety. I ended up here, at this forum.
I may just have, for the first time, actually found a correct diagnosis. SHHHH don't let google hear, or the voices in my head, because if I have, it's all just a fluke. Google DOES NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS!! not when it comes to matters of diagnostics.
(SHORT CUT TO HERE)
So what now? Well, I have a plan. I will lay that out in the rest of this post. I hope that others are inspired to try to find something that might work for them, and maybe some of these ideas might work for you. I am sure hoping that they work for me, because I cannot live my life this way. Let's just say for the moment that I am about to die of something unforeseen. A car accident, a cancer, a heart attack. Who knows, but if I did would I want my last days consumed with this horribly distracting, negative, happiness draining, and otherwise yucky feeling? Of course not. So it must be stopped. And it must be stopped before it gets any worse.
Today I woke up with a pain on my tongue. It might be in my throat, I am not sure, but if I fold up my tongue a certain way into the roof of my mouth, it hurts. I am remembering something my mother used to say to me as a child, "if it hurts when you touch that, do that, push there, then don't do it anymore!" HA. HAHAHA
But, those voices, those fears, this anxiety is here and it is saying, you guessed it..... "you might have throat cancer!"
NO I FRIGGIN DO NOT!!!
I have a sore throat. Could be from the cold weather, could be from the heat being on. Could be a virus, could be any number of things that are way more likely than another cancer I might be dying from.
So this is STEP 1.
step 1 when these thoughts come and I find myself over examining myself, noticing every little ping, pain, lump, bump, dot or whatever. I will tell those negative voices that there is a far more rational explanation. I will run through all the more likely, non-life threatening causes, and I will BREATHE.
step 2 I will resist the urge to google, or use medical dictionaries to self diagnose. Instead I will do the reasonable wait approach. If whatever symptom is still there after 2 weeks, then I will allow myself to (maybe not freak out) but be concerned. I will make an appt. and visit my doctor.
Now, of course, this plan of action here, the wait and see one, will only apply to reasonable ailments. If say, I am bleeding from some orifice that shouldn't be bleeding, or have blacked out, or running an extremely high fever, broken bone, or some other completely obvious and undeniable symptom that needs immediate intervention, then I will get the medical attention I need.
The fact is, rationally, any cancer or disease of the life threatening type, that may present symptoms first of a mild nature, will most certainly increase in time and become more so. The odds I will die in 2 weeks time while I wait to see if these symptoms increase, or a spot grows bigger, or whatever, is pretty much not a risk. Death is not a risk on a two week time slot, not for mild symptoms, no, not normally. SO, patience, time, and watching. Watching in a way where I check in every couple of days. I cannot allow myself to obsess, check hour to hour, google, and wait in a quiet state for the next little body ping to rear it's head. I am convinced now that all these previous habits of mine are actually magnifying my symptoms, and worse, leading to new ones.
step 3 BREATHE> Each time in a day when those thoughts begin to creep in. When my body starts to feel that feeling of, "RUN, PANIC, AHHHHH"
I will stop, I will take 3 breaths in through my nose and out through my nose. If you do try this one, do only like 3 breathes cause I am finding more than that makes you dizzy, and if you are like me, you might pass out and come to ready to call 911 because you think you are dying again.
step 4 this might be the most important step, even though it finds itself somewhat down the list. Each morning, as soon as I can find the time to be alone and quiet I will be thankful. I am not much of a religious person, but I would consider myself spiritual. I do not pray in the ritual sense and I often wonder about (if there is a God listening) if he ever gets tired of all the stuff people ask for. Anyhow, I will do what some might call prayer, or grace, or you can just call it affirmation. The process is one I am adding to my list because I think it is important that I begin to change my focus from negative to positive. I want to believe that (to some degree) we can choose how we want to feel. During this time of affirmation I will run through in my head, or out loud, all the things that are right. All the things I am thankful for. Each and every little thing I can think of.
If you are thinking you might try this process, PLEASE do not spend your time praying or wishing to not be sick. That is still feeding the beast of negative thoughts. It is very important I believe to fill this time with only thanks and graces to all the things in your life that are positive.
step 5 be aware of triggers. It is only now becoming clear to me that stress may have triggered or opened a door to let this negative thought pattern and anxiety in. In August I was stressed about a long trip, taking young children to the woods, money, would the weather be good ?, being so far from home, etc. This time, Christmas is just around the corner. Money is most certainly a stress. While I almost never have found myself consumed with anxiety about money, it's always about health, it occurs to me now these previously unacknowledged stresses are possibly a very real cause and trigger for the anxiety.
Another trigger I am having to become aware of is the "power of suggestion". MEDIA how I want to choke you!! google, health articles, news stories. All of it add to this pattern. The stories and information plant little seeds that grow into swarming, tangling, thorny, strangler vines that grab hold of my peace of mind and try to choke it out.
I will not be using google anymore. At least, I intend very real to try. I will be patient with myself, and forgive and stumbles, but I will get right back up and try again. And again, until I have broken the habit. The same goes for reading health articles.
It occurred to me yesterday, that last week when all the cancer fears popped up that the news story all about Jon Edwards wife dying of cancer had been plastered everywhere. A sad story indeed. She left behind her family and young children. It was troubling to think about. I didn't want to think about it.
I think all this thinking about it , and not wanting to think about it, also became a trigger for my anxiety.
So the plan? media detox. I will, especially while this anxiety has set in like a cloud of doom over my usual warm and sunny days, just avoid the news, and related things online or the radio. I will fill that space with music, and uplifting types of entertainment.
step 6 distraction. when these thoughts begin to take over I will change the venue. Go outside walk, play the guitar, read a book, jump around, clean the house, call a friend (to talk about something other than my anxiety or health). Whatever you can think of, and if it doesn't work, if reading a book isn't enough of a distraction, try another one. And do so while revisiting steps 1 and 3.
step 7 this is directly led into from step 6. Exercise. Moving gets blood flowing, oxygen flowing, relieves stress, and ups good hormones and chemicals that we need to feel good. I promise you on this one, not one of us will feel worse for moving our bodies more. Even if its just stretching, or shaking out your limbs. Whatever you can manage. It will help.
step 8 this will be the final part of my plan. I am now trying to use this anxiety to make something good happen. I am a smoker, but for you maybe there will be something else you can think of. I am slowly weening myself off of cigs. Allowing myself so many in a day for a week, and depleting that by one for the following week, and so on. I am using my consuming fear of death and cancer to make a very real change in my health. I am harnessing this anxiety while I can to propel me forward in this mission. I have not ever really had the desire, nor drive/willpower, to attempt to quit smoking before. Somehow, today anyway, it feels different. Fear can be a powerful thing. If I am going to have HEALTH ANXIETY, then damn it, I am going to try to make it work for me, until I can get rid of it altogether. (or at the least bring it to manageable levels)
I also am taking a daily vitamin, and walking 30 mins 3 times a week. Whether I feel like it or not, I will walk. It occurs to me this moment, that sleep is important too. Well, ok, we all know sleep is important, but it occurs to me that I could probably use more of it. I should be more conscience of how much sleep I am allowing myself. (adding to list...step 9 sleep more than 5-6 hours a night)
Is there anything that you could change about your day to day diet or habits that would improve your health? If there is, then make your anxiety work for you!! use that fear for the power of good.
Ok, well...... I warned you this was all going to be really long winded. I was right about that, lets hope for my sake, I am right about some of my other conclusions. I do want to feel like myself again. My old self, my healthy, happy self. I cannot let this take over my life. I refuse.
I know this is all going to be a day to day thing. I have no illusions about it being easy, or a quick fix. I am sure I will falter along the way. I will stick with my steps, I will get back on the horse, if you will.
If in 6 months time if there is no improvement in my anxiety levels, stress levels, or my compulsions over HEALTH ANXIETY, then I may have to seek outside help. I was considering going to the doc this Friday to have blood work done. Look for nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, etc. But I think for now, I need to avoid the cycle of "chasing the white rabbit" and getting myself stuck into a endless spin of diagnostics. Tests that might only bring me emotional relief in the moment, but the real issue of the anxiety will only come again, with a new symptom, new ailment, and a new fear of yet another life threatening cause.
Aside of an increasing, steady, warranted symptom that lasts more than 2 weeks, I am going to try to do everything I can each day on my list. If in 6 months, no change, I will then get that blood work done........ maybe.
Good luck to all of you. I hope that this might help just one person. (even if that one person is me) but maybe there will be others who find this post, and read it, and find something familiar, something that rings true and tells you that you are not alone. Something to think positive about, and maybe even some tools that might improve your day to day life.
I will come back in time to report on how it has worked out for me.
As of today?........ well...... I might have throat cancer, I still have a spot on my back, I feel nauseous, I am forcing myself to eat, I sleep about 6 hours a night, I keep touching my child's head to check for fever, and I am ENTIRELY AWARE it is all a bit obsessive and irrational. That awareness alone, does not make it go away, but........
Hopefully this is the best place to start to make a change!
jessicalittler79
14-12-10, 17:37
hun this sounds just like me ive been dealing with this for 4 months now everyday and its no fun ,sorry u had to go threw this,thank u for posting this hun tc
hello jess, thank u for taking the time to read it and the extra time to reply.
it has really opened my eyes to be reading so many of the posts here. how similar the thought patterns of health anxiety are between sufferers.
nice to know I am not a lone freak of mind lol
not that I am calling anyone freaks :D
I hope anyone else who reads this, or you, or anyone with any other tools I haven't thought of here might post them...... especially if it is something that has worked for u! I need all the help I can get right now.
so, I made it through to the evening.
I am still a little anxious feeling. The breathing really seems to help.
Distraction helps the most. My house is very very clean.
My throat is still a funny sore feeling in the back of tongue.
I WILL NOT GOOGLE I WILL NOT GOOGLE I WILL NOT GOOGLE
*sighs*
Yes, please don't Google! I'm gonna have a read through of your thread now, didn't get the chance to earlier! x
thanks poker. I am just to the point of realizing that I am probably not stricken with some form of cancer, or heart issue, or anything life threatening. I am just coming to the realization that what I have is HEALTH ANXIETY.
It seems to be increasing, which is good in the sense that it is harder to deny how irrational my mind can be. It is worse in the sense that I have honestly been considering checking myself in somewhere, or going outside and screaming in the streets, "someone help me!!!" like a crazed lunatic.
Last night I found this forum and it confirmed for me, because others' stories are so similar, that I in fact have an anxiety disorder.
I am as frightened of being on daily medication as I am cancer or whatever. So I am trying desperately to process this all in a mindful manner, and devise some type of "plan of action" to combat it all.
I read (after my original post) the information in the main page about health anxiety. I was pleased with myself to find that many of the things I think might be helpful are in fact listed on that article. yay me.
though, as of now, it is little comfort. I am hoping with time and patience that is going to change.
I can not live like this. I know it will begin to affect my family, my husband, my children. I am starting to think that the stress from the anxiety is going to make me sick, or cause stress to my heart. Like I said in the post, "I have anxiety about my anxiety". Which makes those I say that to, laugh cause I suppose it is kind of comical, but not so much in that when you have health anxiety, well you know very well the snowball effect is anything but funny. My parents already think I am a nutcase. I think they just feel it's an easy "shut it off" type answer.
But any of us with this knows, it is NOT that easy.
today has been better though. Much better.
writing about it seems to help to.
Wow! Lovely eye opening post, you seem very clued up on how to recover from this, I think more of us should read it.
I loved the part where you said "I want to believe that (to some degree) we can choose how we want to feel." cuz I truly do beleive that too! I'd ran out of my Propranolol I take cuz I can't handle the nasty heart symptoms of anxiety, so I'd been winding myself up badly for 2 days and I felt seriously AWFUL. My doctor finally rang me and put my presciption through and it was like an instant change in me, in the space of about...literally 10 minutes I felt perfectly fine again. Also when I'm feeling paticularly anxious and scared I put on a happy song and tell myself I feel ok and I end up feeling fine again!
There's loads of great information in that post that I'm sure if people took the time to read it, it would help many so thank you for taking the time out to write that, I found it very helpful. Oh, don't worry about your parents thinking your crazy, mine do too lol! People without anxiety really don't understand. x
Thank you so much for reading it!! Like I said writing it was helpful to me. It made my day go a little better, I really think so.
I want to say a touch more on the subject of choosing how we feel.
I do believe in most ways this is true. Though it writes a whole lot easier on paper than it does into life, especially when the anxiety takes over.
That is why I thought about the taking time to think through and list all the things that are right in my life. All the things I am thankful for.
Because I was hoping that while I cannot always control my emotions, and sometimes it feels like my emotions are more spontaneous than chosen, I thought the exercise of changing my focus intentionally would be helpful.
If I take time to focus everyday on the positive, maybe the rest of me will follow. Even if in the beginning it is just those 10 mins focused on positive and the next ten hours on negative. Kind of a "fake it till you make it thing"
that I could start to try to consciously trick my mind, the way it seems like it keeps trying to trick me.
I hope it works. Something has to work.
I don't want to be this person, this anxiety, fear, thinking I am about to die, scared to death, sick enough to throw up, me.
This is not the real me. It is the anxiety. The real me is happy, and kind, and I have a sense of humor, and I am smart, and I am insightful, and creative and so many positive things.......
when the anxiety hits........ I am nothing but that.
sometimes being smart and insightful, analytical, is a trap too, because I over think and over analyze. I go round and round. This is another reason for my coming up with a list of strategies. To make it more, this and that and cut and dry and all spelled out, so I can't go back and keep over thinking it.
You have encouraged me to think I am heading in the right direction. Thank you.:hugs:
Yep I can tell you have a sense of humor, some parts of the original post made me giggle a bit :D
You're definatley heading in the right direction cuz a lot, if not all, of what you said makes perfect sense. It really is an amazing plan of action, you'll have to keep us updated on how it works out for you! :) xx
I give you my word that I will.
michellebelle
15-12-10, 09:48
this thread is excellent. I can relate to so much of this its unreal. my fears started in august just as yours but looking back over my life its clear to me i am a huge worrier and i think leaving work and having more time on my hands has led to my worries spinning out of control. I used t get a pain in my body and say 'oh well' now if i get a pain its an indicator of a life threatening illness and a sure way of stealing me from my 7 year old little girl. Im a single mum and now feel the pressure to 'stay alive' greatly where as before my death never crossed my mind. more recently my little girl who usually does not stop eating has pretty much stopped and said that eating makes her feel sick. the old me would have said itss nerves for here christmas play and excitement over christmas itself, the new me says she has something terrible and im going to lose her. its awful, i want to be me again. i used to laugh all the time and be fun to be around, now i feel as though people are actively avoiding me. i want my life back and by god i mean to take it back.
Hi Michelle,
thank you for reading my post and responding. I can, in turn, relate to everything you have written. You know, now that you say it, the being home more thing is very possibly a cause of my heightened anxiety. I have 3 children and the littlest one and I are home everyday together. It is hard not having conversations with someone who can engage you, or give feedback. LOL Though she seems to love any talk that has anything to do with peek-a-boo, ABCs, and the like. over and over and over again.
When my anxiety sets in, like these last two weeks, I find that my patience for her and her needs is so depleted. I just know I am not up to par with my normal mommy self. I have little doubt she can tell, because she seems to be more cranky and whiny herself. Oh the whining, when my anxiety is on, the whining is about enough to make me want to climb the walls.
I can also relate to your comments about your daughter. My 5 year old says normal kid things to me like, "my tummy hurts" and I find myself in a mental frenzy about what could be wrong. Not the obvious, most likely causes, but HUGE SCARY causes.
All of these things in a day just fuel the anxiety and cause that snowball effect I keep mentioning. (that's the best way I can think of to describe it)
It can be even more intense with the youngest, because she doesn't talk yet and I cannot ask her 1 million questions like, "dose this hurt?" "are you dizzy" "do you feel this way?" etc.
I think being home more, with less interaction with adults, leaves me with a lot more time in my own head. When the anxiety is strong, my own head IS NOT a safe place.
I appreciate you explaining how you feel you used to be before all the anxiety. I felt kinda like an ego-hound when I listed all the things about me that are positive. I wanted to illustrate for anyone reading it, that I am not someone with super low self esteem. (though I used to be when I was much younger, I am 34 now) I wanted to show that I can be incredibly rational and aware, but that rational and awareness seems to do little on its own to combat the anxiety and fear.
Anyhow, after I wrote it and read it again I started worrying (go figure) a little that I may have come across as totally full of myself. And shoot maybe I am and don't know it, but I don't think so.
:blush:
About your daughter, I don't know if this can help you at all, but I think you might be on to something there with the rational thought process of it being near the holidays, and nerves and anxiousness/excitement over that. Also, I notice in my children that they go in cycles of being ravenous or peckish. Seems to ebb and flow. I assume that the ravenous stage is during a growth spurt.
Hope that helps.
As far as my updates to how this is working out for me. I am happy to report that this morning has been the best morning by far in these two weeks. Go figure, my tongue/throat thing feels better, and it's a great example to myself that the "two week wait" plan is a good one. It was conscious work (and I mean WORK) yesterday to keep the voices at bay over whether I had a tumor on my tongue or something. I also have to be honest with you, that I poked and prodded it, and looked with a flashlight. This kinda breaks the "wait it out" rule, but I didn't allow myself to get as worked up as I have felt early in the week, or last week. Had my tongue felt like this last week, I probably would have gone straight to the clinic...... or WORSE google!
I am happy to report that the last thing I googled was "anxiety". I HAVE NOT googled anything since. Not even about my tongue.
I have been doing my morning affirmations and distraction plans. They seem to have helped. Writing here is helping too, as well (and maybe more so) hearing from others like me.
thank you again!!
End of another day, and I am happy to report that the anxiety is dropping drastically.
Granted, I am still worrying, and there are still voices that tell me that myself, my children, my husband, one of us...... is probably really afflicted with something horrible and don't know it.
It isn't helping that my husband has come down with some kind of a bug.
Fever last night, indigestion that won't let him lay down. He says he feels bloated and bound up. Feels chills, then sweating. Body aches all over. Keep telling myself, "he just has the flu"
The rash is back on one of the children. She says it doesn't itch or hurt. I noticed it just after the bath, so the warm water may have made it look more red then it would before the bath. I applied the zinc cream that we were using before. I will check it tomorrow, if I still see it Monday she's going back to the doctor. I just don't know what it can be, and the doc doesn't seem too concerned. It isn't strep cause I made them test for that. I dunno. Trying not to worry about it.
Remembering the "wait it out" and "breathe" also did my affirmations, "what is right in my life" twice today, trying to make the positive thoughts stick.
I do not mean to offend anyone when I say this, but being new around here (and maybe my opinion or observations don't mean much cause I am new) but, when I read a lot of the posts I wonder how many of us who post in this forum are really, I mean REALLY trying to be more positive.
Negative thoughts are going to rob us of the happiness day to day, of however many days anyone of us might have left.
I am starting to think to get well from health anxiety, top of the list has got to be to really, truly, not want to feel to yucky, stressed out, and worried sick all the time.
I want to be more positive. I want more positive thoughts in one day than negative ones. I wanna fight the good fight in my brain. I want to be well.
Another note, I have not googled anything else. Not my husband's symptoms, nor the rash.
One more day down...... I will begin another day tomorrow.
shaggyowen
16-12-10, 02:25
good plan i will keep them in mind =]
Well, it has been a few days now. I gave my word that I would check in from time to time here and keep updated on how things are working out for me. I wrote a couple days back on a different post, fell off the wagon a bit, if you will.
Other than then (that day) all and all I have been feeling much better.
Sticking too my plan of action, remembering the breathing, walking more, distraction techniques, and of course daily affirmations. I am trying so very hard to switch my focus from negative to postive, and take control, decide each day-throughout the day, how I want to feel.
As I said, it hasn't been perfect, but I wasn't expecting an overnight fix. I will say that considering the holidays so close, money is tight, and everyone in my household coming down with some kind of flu (other than me) I am amazeed at how in control of my feelings/focus I have been. I am pretty happy with myself.:)
I am still a little concerned about the spot on my back (I made a seperate post about that early last week) it still isn't looking quite right. Almost lilke there is a small patch of dry or wrinkled skin, that I can feel the texture when I touch it. Anyhow, the responses I got to that post have helped greatly!! so thank you if you did. I am reassured that whatever it is it can probably wait a while to be checked (until after the holidays) and likely if it is anything it can be dealt with in pretty short order. I haven't noticed any change or growth, and with the reassurance of some around here, that has been enough to put me at ease.
I really think this plan is going to workout for me in the long run. :D
I may have some more days of feeling the anxiety (in fact I know I will) but I am just gonna keep doing what I can, everything I can. I do not like living my life feeling the way I was before my plan.
To date, I have not googled anything other than christmas shopping, a health inquiry about my dog (also a bad idea) and have managed to stay away from any sort of self diagnosis. My medical dictionaries are officially collecting dust!!!
Lovely to hear, really is! I've been having a rough time of it the past couple of days but having a re-read of this thread has inspired me to keep going and ignoring!
Keep up the good work, you're doing amazingly well. :) x
Thank you so much Pokerface!!
Your encouragement and kindness means a lot, truely!!
I do feel like, so far so good, and I know I am not out of the woods yet (remember to think positive) but I am still a little anxious about when the anxiety returns. Horrible, my anxiety has anxiety. lol
Trying to think positive, but be reasonable with myself too. This way (hopefully) I won't get too easily discouraged.
:bighug1:thank you HUGE
julieannboo
06-01-11, 17:04
just reading through your post - i am gonna try some of your tips too.
i had 11 days off over christmas - so i didn't go to work. My Health anxiety is back with a vengence.
to say i hate it is an understatement - these thoughts are ruining my life.
thats all they are though - thoughts.
nomorepanic
06-01-11, 17:53
I have made this thread sticky as I think it is very good for HA sufferers
Just wanted to say Thank you for this thread - i did not skip to the shortcut of your original post i read the whole thing over and then again, i have very similar symptoms to you , they started since the birth of my baby i would say 10 months ago but gradualy and i only realised it was so bad about 2months ago when i was worrying so much that i cant even count the amount of doctors,herbalists,chiropracters and the like that i went to. I needed to seek help it got to a point where i coudnt function properly i lost a lot of weight and coudnt look after my baby - im in the process of hopefully ending this dark period but its not over - yes i can function throught the day and look after my baby on my own and cook suppers but i still worry excessively about every new symptom,ache,spot or anything of the like. Your post was really comforting to know that im the only one thats not crazy - not that i wish anyone else should be going thru what i went thru - but at least i know its got a name and thats called health anxiety. its funny how you can tell yourself its anxiety yet still worry about a symptom that its something dangerous - at the same time! anyways hope all of you out there are getting better
and thanks again
Thank you so much for posting this, I'm going to try your steps and really try to stick to it. Reading this has really helped my anxiety a lot, knowing that I am not alone with my crazy health anxiety. :)
I LOVE this thread. :yesyes: I really want to print it and post it on my refrigerator or something but I cannot as my boyfriend does not know that I suffer from this anxiety. He is starting to notice small things but I don't think he realizes the extent of my anxiety regarding my health. I will definitely use those suggestions!
I love this thread too. I wonder how she's doing? ;s xx
i love this post thank you so much for posting it when i was having such a hard day.
Im a googler, i physically go and look for fatal ailments and check the symptoms to make sure myself or my family dont have it, which is just stupid. I have GAD, it sucks, so what? Im still me and always will be and anxiety or no anxiety i will never loose myself.
My family have been so so supportive of me, and know what im going through did you know that 90% of us will go through this at some point in our lives?
We can beat this
OMG! I could not believe your post! My mouth honestly dropped to the floor! (Slight exaggeration, but really..) Mine just started almost exactly the same as yours and i never thought it was possible for anyone to go through what i did. I started in August stressing about spots / bites on my daughters skin and the road went exactly as you have described!!!!! I was totally obsessed. I suspected scabies but was turned away but doctors for 3 months! In the end i treated her (obsessively) and eventually it cleared. I am now in a place where i have experienced all the horrors of anxiety symptoms and worry its something sinister, mind you i have been through many bouts of breakdown in the past (different reasons each time, but always health anxiety) I too called an ambulance for the first time ever due to numbness and pins and needles in my hand / wrist!
Honestly the similarities are huge, it blew my mind. Thankyou for sharing your story, as you know reading things you can relate to are a massive help.
I wish you well,
Kelley :)
KelHumphreys
25-03-11, 15:45
I'm going to print this off and read it whenever I think something is wrong with me. Honestly, this is the perfect thing to read when you have yet another pain and ailment! Thanks so much and there is hope for us all! xxx
pepperutchie
24-04-11, 11:52
hi,nice post you have there,i think everybody can relate to that,as for me i think after 6 years of anxiety i had all thesymptoms written headache...(brain tumor),chestpain(heart attack) lightheadeed,dizzyness,unbalanced,blurring(high blood pressure,which leads to stroke)all of those i feared and worry..but lately after having spoken to a cuz with breast ca,i am fearful and worrying about itand eventually had some pains in my breast...so everyday i worry,check,fear...worry,check,fear this leads to greater fear worry and symptoms more symptoms...feel like ihave it:(
krankonamarley
20-05-11, 13:41
loved it...... hope u are well
I can identify with all of the above having suffered from HA for many years now.
I've been through all of these stages and I wish I could say I've found the solution.
What I can say is that the sting in the scorpion's tail has become weaker. In other words I don't react with as much panic and to every little symptom the way I used to.
I look on this as a phobia. How do you deal with a phobia? You desensitize. Which isn't a problem when you have one phobia like spiders or rats. But there are so many hundreds of thousands of diseases to suffer from, one can't suffer through each and every one before coming to terms with one's fear.
Still, in the last 18 odd years I've managed to get through a good few of the more common ailments so that I can almost relax when I have colds and flu, IBS, migraines. I still "over-react" and imagine that a cold could be something far more important...... but I can reason with myself now.
I've been through the stage of going to the doctor just for reassurance and now I'm in a stage of denial; where I don't want to go just in case they do find something or even suspect something which will send me into a spiral of panic and anxiety. I won't even have my blood pressure taken in case it's not normal because that will cause more panic.
And the panic over all these years has caused its own set of health issues. I go through stages of dizziness and feeling like my head is full and swollen. At first I imagined "brain tumor" but after a few years I realised it should have surely killed me by now.
I've also gone the route of making an effort to be as healthy as I possibly can - eating right, taking supplements, exercising, getting enough sleep. That gives me some reassurance.
But at the end of the day I've realised that everyone has some sort of twinge, ache or pain almost every day. Normally one wouldn't even notice it. Someone with HA will exaggerate it and make it into an "illness".
Life isn't much fun skipping from one disease to another. I just wish I had the answers.
Thank you for this post, I read it multiple times a week, it sounds exactly like what I am going through as my anxiety was acute and this is my first bout, which after a month has improved tremendously. I have also quit smoking (over a month so far) and can honestly say I will never smoke again, and mean it!
I'm also eating better and working out and focusing my energy on the solution and not the problem.
Would love to hear how you are doing to date! Hope all is well!
SS
Thanks for taking the time to type your story and share your tips. I've read most (if not all) of those from books and other self-help materials but somehow, reading them again from another person's post helps me remember them.
I hope we all conquer our panic and anxiety soon!
-Nikki
nikki.simbulan@gmail.com
You can e-mail me anytime...
i have just come on this site too and i have never read about so many people that have the same problem as me..
my anxiety seems to be around my mouth, i used to worry about the rest of my body but for some reason, the anxiety i get with my mouth has taken this away..
i do wonder is it the anxiety i am more scared of? is it the fact of finding a focus ie in my mouth and knowing i will get anxoius.. so im scared of being anxious if you get what i mean...
Hi I worry
I read your first post - sorry not read everything else
I cant believe how much your anxiety is like mine - we worry about the same things - along with many other people
I have tried outside help - but still I worry - so my most recent find is mindfulness meditation - its early days yet - but so far so good :)
panictomuch
16-07-11, 10:08
I don't have a clue whe or my anxiety could have started. Well I had a baby over a year ago and the night after I had her the room was spinnin and heart pounding and ever since then I've been docotrs hospital everythin and test hae come back normal. I don't like really going out by myself incase somethin happens and my baby is left alone. Along with all other things. I'm only just gwttin to the point where I will leave her with someone else and even then I'm textin askin about her and if I don't get one back within a second I panic. However I think it ma have all started worryin about my palpitations then it worried I was ill then I started worryin what if somethin happened when I'm alone in the house and my baby was lwft alone again and no one found her all day etc. Then I started gettin headaches (probably becase I was worryin) then I thought why is this headache not goin?? Cancer? Disease?? Then it just got worse and worse. Iwas only diagnosed the other day with anxiety and depression. I still though can't get my head into thinkin that all my symptoms are down to that!! I do remember a few times thinkin I feel quite down today but I didn't see why?? But I brushed it off and it all has seemed to escalated. Lightheaded, dizzy, hot, cold, headache, loss of concentration, just switchin off, I feel like I'm in a dream, like I'm not here kinda thing. My eyes have gone all funny. Fuzzy. And now I panic about all my symptoms. Worry I will never see my baby again and on and on and on
Thank you so much for this post. The last couple of weeks have been crazy for me. It started with pain in my chest and problems breathing, Dr Google ;) of course told me I was having a heart attack, or maybe pneumonia. After a trip to urgent care, a quick EKG told them I had a slight abnormality in my EKG, so a rush to the ER it was. The ER came back with nothing, I was fine, go home, you are not going to die. I followed up with my doctor, and she told me I probably have GERD (not life threatening), and anxiety. I started citrolopram (sp?) yesterday. Today I have tingling in my jaw, Dr Google brought me here. Honestly, it is the best thing that could have happened. As I read through Health Anxiety I don't feel crazy, I feel better. The tingling in my jaw is going away. I am finally realizing this is what I have been dealing with since I had a pulmonary embolism 7 years ago. The reasons I had a PE are now managed, and I very likely will not have one again, but the fear is strong. And now I am not the only person that feels this way.:)
Thankyou Soooooo much I worry 2 , for that long, informative and inspirational thread. I am new to this forum and some of the things you said in youre thread was exactly how i was, and still am ! I went through I really traumatic time 3 years ago losing both my parents due to Diabetice(my dad) and Lung cancer(my mum) who I cared for at home. The effects of which left me with panick attacks and ultimately ! Heath anxiety (I have been to the doctors and hospitals on numerous occassions thinking there is something wrong) ! Anyway thankyou once again, its good to know im not on my own with these feelings and Im not going crazy!! I will implement some of the steps you have suggested.xx Thankyou x
duke246810
10-08-11, 12:54
Thankyou SO much for this!
You are truly an inspireing person, this has helped me so so much and i can't thankyou enough.
My recent HUGE panic attack has lead me to believe that this NEEDS to be taken under control now, I am only 16 years old and i have a wonderful loving family, my whole life ahead of me, and i need to get this sorted before it takes over the rest of my life. I have been a nervous wreck for about 4 years now, firstly it was the fear for my families welfare, then it went on to my families welfare and my welfare. There have been times where it has been going well, and other times where it would go completely down hill again. I don't want this to happen anymore. I believe this has already taken over mine and my families lives, and i want that to change.
I am currently recieving CBT therapy which i am finding isnt going to well, but i am still going with an open-mind and trying my best to make it work. But i need more, this isnt enough to help me get through this. I need my family to understand and be there for me. Ive had numourous blood tests, ECGS, urines samples, Stool samples and they havn't found anything....... So i guess its just my anxiety?
But anyway i will keep you posted on how its going and i just wanted to say thankyou again for sharing your journey with us.
Take care, many thanks xx
Hello, That explains me to a tee!! It was just last night I came across this site and it was only because i have just started to feel like this again.. after 6 months on anti depressants I decided to come off and tr for a new baby :\ ill explain how i think mine started and a few things that make me feel scared! if it relates to anyone then it will sort of make me feel better ..
Mine started about eight months ago after i found out on facebook a lad from school (17 years ago) had died from swine flu, then i found out it was a blood clot in his leg, But then after a month or so of trying to find out the cause of his death I found out he had been in an accident and had surgery on his leg that caused the clot and the swine flu .. well i dont even think he had it! ... its funny how I HAD to find out the cause of his death!! I hadnt seen this guy in 17 years ... I wondered WHY i was affecting me this way, Anyways since then if I hear of a death, some ones ill or anything health wise I feel I must find out why it happened or why its happening... My head feels like its goin to explode!! I feel like if it was due to a heart attack its going to happen to me, Or if it was a stroke its going to happen to me, I have pains in my arms and chest! (that i know are phantom) I cant bare to watch the news, read magazines and 2012 is freaking me out big time! O.o a few weeks back i seen in a magazine "im pregnant and dying" on the front page!! like oh my god do you not realize you stupid magazine I don't want to know!! My mam gave me some take a breaks and wow i couldn't sleep for days thinking what if any of this happens to me!
last night I found my self crying as my son was finding it hard to sleep, I automatically thought the worst, i could me meningitis!!! I had to move his pillow from under his because i was scared he would suffocate ... So I went outside and took some deep breaths .. Its amazing how nice it is in the evening .. made me relax a little! Some times i just sit and look at my children and instantly feel scared! They cant loose me, and i certainly dont want to loose them!
Id love to start thinking more positive about things but its hard! Im hoping my stay here will help its actually nice to read about other peoples fears etc it makes me feel like im not on my own! Anyways im going to leave this now, im terrible at explaining feelings and not the best at putting words together lol. Hope you (who evers taking time to read) are well and take care xx
Thank you so much for this post. It is great, I did read all of it! You have obvioulsy thought long and hard about this and come up with a positive, determined outlook. It helped lift me and want to join you in your action plan. And you have a great way of writing and made me laugh a bit too! Keep us posted on how it's going xxx
P.S. The few mins a day thinking positively about what we have to be thankful for - this is really good, I will aim to do this more too :-) Also what I find helps is to resolve to think of others more. Anxiety can be such a wrapped-up, introspective state, I just think about myself far too much! It helps me to focus on other people as a distraction and a positive thing to do, and to ground you more and link you back to the real world.
This was like reading about myself. I suffered with this about 5 years ago because of a minor surgery I was having. I was for sure i wouldn't wake up from surgery. Anxiety kicked in in the way of chest pains, i was sure i was going to have a heart attack. After the surgery I was fine again, with the help of Zoloft for a few months. I had been in "remission" from my health anxiety until this July when my son was having some strange vision problems, i googled, and of course brain tumor came up. He ended up with glasses because of an astigmatism in each eye. This cleared up his vision problem. My anxiety however did not clear up. Now I have a swollen lymph node on my neck, diagnosed by the doctor. I have an actual symptom so i googled, and of course, cancer. My doctor did tell me that my lymph node was soft and very movable and cancerous ones tend to be hard and fixed. Also he said my allergies could be causing it to flare. I go back in a month to check it and he will biopsy it if it's not gone. So for someone like me who suffers from Health Anxiety I am living in a nightmare. I only keep it together for my two kids sake, age 7 and 3. I have tried hard to stop googling, and did better today. I am a 35 year old wife and mother, I am otherwise a normal person but feel like I am going crazy. And please,please no one tell me of someone they knew who had a lump, and had lymphnoma, please! That could send me in a downward spiral!
I didnt know I had health anxiety, even though I dont fully fit the criteria.
But I didnt know until one day when my shifts at work got changed for two weeks to office hours 9am to 5:30pm I was feeling very anxious and why? because I couldnt make an appt with my gp if I had to. What a stupid thing to be worrying about I thought. In that time well probably month I had a flu like symptoms coming on and I would worry that I would feel worse the next day andhad to work on that and if I needed the doctor or not or even go to the emergency room. Anyway the next day I felt alright it didnt come to anything the following week I had the symptoms again and then again it didnt come to anything I was feeling confused.
I got the flu jab becaus it had a protection of swine flu it was so then I didnt have to carry so much hand sanitiser in my hand bag when I went out to public places. That was a big hit it eased my mind so much.
At work we had a sick leave policy change you had to dinf your own cover unless you are in hospital that threw me big time. I was having full panic attacks I was riddled with anxiety and I couldnt calm down from it I wanted to leave so I could be safe.
I came to my mum crying because I had a small lump on my ear lobe she said it was nothing to worry about I wasnt convinced and went to my gp and she said it was just a cyst and nothing serious I felt better.
I worry about everything to the point where I become obsessed not obsessed like a celebrity crush obsessed in a negative way which I cant stop thinking about it.
I think I have health anxiety even though I trust my gp like she is my mum and I find her very reassuring and lovely, I always take her word for things and I feel better after a visit to her. But I still worry about things I get and havent had checked.
ginastockman
28-11-11, 22:47
Just joined this —*ironically came across this forum while Googling my latest symptom. My boyfriend and I will sometimes joke that I am a "bit of a hypocondriac" but privately I sometimes think it is more serious than I allow others to see. (or am i just worrying about THIS now too?)
I live in the US and have no health insurance, which really compounds a lot of my fears —*I can;t go in and talk to a doctor for reassurance, so when something worries me, I often get worried that is an early sign of something serious and that by not going to the doctor, it will become serious to the point that it cannot be treated. (SIGH)
I have always been a "worrier" and in the past have struggled with depression and self-harm. Only over the last 4 or 5 years has my anxiety about health become a bigger issue. I've diagnosed myself with had skin cancer (turned out to be a benign mole), throat cancer (actually post nasal drip), vulva cancer (a normal skin variance), and there are at least 2 "symptoms" I am obsessing over currently —*which is how I happened upon this forum.
Not even sure why I am posting here, but maybe just knowing I am not the only person who takes things overboard will make me feel a little better.
This truly is a brilliant thread!
The bit about leaving your children without a mother is the bit that hits home for me. I was never this anxious and fearful before I had children and it has got even worse since I became a single parent. I have already phoned NHS Direct and googled for about 2 hours today because I'm so convinced my itchy rash which I have left for 2 months, not 2 weeks, is skin cancer so too late for me today. But tomorrow is another day...am really really going to try not to google - that will be the hardest thing. But how will I manage for a week (Doctor's appointment)?! Have I got enough books to last me til then?! Thanks - it was great and reassuring to read - you should start a blog - diary of a hypochondriac!!
Lottie
Absolutely brilliant, has made me feel better already.
takeachillpill
24-02-12, 14:57
I'm with you all x
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:41 ----------
There is so much comfort in knowing we are not alone. Anxiety of any kind robs us of rational thinking and is so hard to control. I definately had a trigger point to my 'Health Anxiety'. After my daughter was born in 2007, I started having panic attacks after having a migraine which I was sure was a brain tumour! Since then, I have anxiety over every and any niggle, twinge, pain etc. and it is such a horrible thing! On a daily basis our body naturally has many of these things going on simply because there actually is ALOT going on in there! I think everyone on here seems to say the same things so I was just going to offer some more areas of how it affects me in the hope that maybe someone reading this may actually thing they are OK (kind of ;)) and actually may find they suffer from Health Anxiety and are not going mad!
Things like:
I am in awe of anyone who can chat about a pain or a symptom etc and then literally change the conversation without a flip out! I have to stop myself from getting worried on their behalf!!
I am in awe of anyone who can watch Casualty or ER etc. Just watch and not have palpitations!
I am in awe of any health professionals. How do they daily deal with sick people and not suffer Health Anxiety?
I can't look in the mirror much for fear of finding things.
I hate and love Dr Google all at the same time!
I am really good at masking my fears with casual chats about it rather than heart to hearts about it. This actually is really bad...as for fear of being thought of as a 'freak' you totally alienate yourself and therefore your anxiety really does consume you alone!
The doctors surgery brings me out in a cold sweat.
The list could probably go on. Having found this forum and recently being diagnosed with this (HA) by my GP I actually feel much better. When you read about yourself in the 3rd person (ie the very first fabulous post in this thread) the relief you get is immense. I am disfuntioning not malfunctioning! I can do something about it!!
We all can.
Please keep posting and sharing
xxx
mumtotwogirls
16-03-12, 19:56
I thought I had just plain old anxiety or depression or something, but many of these posts describe the way I feel - I never knew there was such a thing as health anxiety. I worry myself sick about myself (purely that I might leave my girls without a Mum) and then about both of my girls, I turn every small thing into something major and cancer is always at the back of my mind, in fact I think thats my problem. I am sitting here in tears at the minute, I think it's a relief to know that it's not just me. x
What an inspirational post Good luck on your journey of beating this beast. I myself will take some of the things you say on board but i also have CBT which is slightly helping . Cancer is my worst fear and i managed to read up about it the other day on an actual cancer research website which made my anxiety level increase ten fold so i understand your not to google i will try my best. Thanks again for such an in depth informative post
x
Thanks for that it's a really good post, i do like reading other peoples experiaences it makes me feel not so alone. Reading through your 'plan of action' i realise that i do already do most of them i mean i could probably improve my diet and excercise more but i deliberately dont watch the news and try and stay away from newspapers because i cant handle all the bad stuff, peaople just think im iggnorant about worldy stuff but i actually cry at the news then fret about it, not even just health stuff just bad stuff in general so i stay away from it. I try to tell myself that i have good things an that i deserve to be happy and well, most of the time i dont buy it but i try, i think it just helps knowing that Health anxiet is actually a thing, i've only just realised i have it too and it makes me feel a bit better just knowing that it's a thing and im not on my own.
Thanks you for taking the time to share your story :)
That was the best post I've red on here yet and I'm trying this process out for myself starting tomoz thank u so much xxx
I can't believe they is other people who have Health Anxiety its ruining my life. I am too scared to go to the doctors even though I know I should. I am pleased that I am not alone with Health Anxiety. But the thought of going to the doctors fills me with absolute fear. I am currently having CBT but I don't think it is working.
Scaredstiff
27-08-12, 21:33
The one thing I keep noticing is that an awful lot of people with anxiety health issues are the same as me.
I have a terrible fear of taking tablets. I have not told anyone that. Not my doctor or any of my family or friends.
I thought I was the only one with this problem.
Thanks people for sharing
relief just came over me..i cried ..lol. I know i have loads of support from family but no amount can help as much as real life stories of others suffering the same. I have been on here time and time again. only when i feel bad and i have to admit..i come on to post and hope someone will help. i have replied to post etc but never really read a lot. WHAT A MISTAKE!!! I dont feel so alone anymore. Everyone struggling to work out this horrible feeling should read this and similar. helps to know other people feel your pain! xxxx
MusicAfrica
15-12-12, 14:30
Hi there
I hope this thread is still going. Thanks for the words of encouragement and the best advice anyone can give which is "D O N O T G O O G L E". I have resolved never to google anything again, except how to find information on why Goering lost the Battle of Britain and how I can get a review on a new video game.
I am 51 years old and recently found something I posted nearly 2 years ago with the same sort of symptoms I get now. Guess what... I am still here... the symptoms went away and then they came back.
Thanks again
Mark
I've had HA for over twenty years now and one of the most helpful things is hearing other people's stories, it makes me feel so less alone in this craziness. I also like the fact that we can laugh at ourselves and each other.
I have found the following things helpful:
Completely cutting out sugar and alcohol from my diet made quite a big difference (yes completely cutting out sugar... it's tough)
Keeping busy. I now have a full time job as a teacher which oddly enough seems to have helped because it's so full on, it totally keeps my mind off my mind! And interestingly I find that I get my worst HA attacks during the holidays when there is less activity for my mind.
Breathing exercises and meditation are mildly helpful.
Finally, in my case, understanding that my parent's emotional unpredictability and unavailability when I was a child has led to patterns of being someone who is constantly scanning for invisible danger and trying to predict when something bad is going to happen without any logical cues. It's not an uncommon pattern.
Hello to anyone reading this. I will apologize now for the fact that this is going to be a bit long winded. I found this forum yesterday (googling, of course, but this time keyword "health anxiety") and read over many of your posts. I am hoping that others who find this forum in the same way I have, or that those of you who return often posting and reading posts, will read this and that it might bring some positivity, peace, and hope to you.
My story begins, the best that I can remember, sometime in August of 2010. I honestly cannot recall being so worried and anxious prior to that time. Though, rational thinking tells me that I must be prone to worrying in order to find myself here and feeling this way. And the feeling..... how I despise it!! Lately my thoughts are, "this isn't me" "I don't want to be this person" "I cannot handle feeling this way anymore" "I must be going crazy!!"
I think this may have been a good place for me to have landed. After all, to recognize that you might be going crazy, or worse, making yourself go crazy, may in fact be the first step in breaking a very negative cycle. I have heard it said that "true crazy people are the people who are crazy but believe they are sane." It's a rather simple and silly thought to have bring so much peace at this time, but I will take what I can get. If the best thing going for me right now is that fact that in all this irrationality I am still somehow rational about being irrational, well then.... I'll take it and run with.
lrachael95
22-01-13, 01:34
Oh my goodness,everything in this post is me! I have been fighting this awful cycle and just want it to end. So glad im not alone.
Distortion
12-02-13, 02:07
Your post was so well written and describes my life almost verbatim. I struggle every day. Thank you for writing. I hope to meet people to converse with because it seems we are all very like minded. I used to take so much pride in who I was. The ability to analyze and almost seemed to have a better grasp of reality than most. Now it seems to be a curse. I over think everything into a deadly disease. Your plan is a wonderful one - I would love to hear how u are doing with it on a daily basis.
Boingboingboing
12-02-13, 21:19
A great post really made me smile, I can relate to everything you describe.Your very good at explaining and putting it altogether, looking forward to your next post :winks:
Angela
Great words very well explained!
I'm a newbie here and this original post summed up my last few years so well. Thank you for posting it and i hope two years down the line you feel you have made progress. I have a couple of non life threatening conditions like IBS and non-ulcer dyspepsia but every time I get a flare up with or without other symptoms I seem to be brilliant at obsessing them into something fatal. After a few false starts I am really determined to tackle my health anxiety this time. Thank you for giving me some real inspiration!
unsure_about_this
13-03-13, 13:19
I know we are all have to die. I did a placement at a funeral directors 10 years ago for my IT qualification.
I have NF and foolish google it last year, even though I go to have any lumps I get looked at by doctors. My Granddad (even not blood relative) had a minor heart attack a few years ago, he is fine. A couple of years ago I witness someone having an epileptic fit/seizure.
Before my big fears of cancer, disease, failure, diabetes etc. It used to be just how my teeth look and everytime I visited the dentist I dreaded how much work I needed, luckly I only had a couple of fillings, one root canal and one tooth removed (difficult mouth to clean) now I got a fantastic dentist who says don't be embrassed as you doing a good job keeping them clean as you can.
This thread is amazing! It sums up the way I feel 100% The positive attitude and out look here really reached out to me and I will try to do the same. Positivity and being thankful helped me before but I managed to let it slip away and now have anxiety worse than ever before. I am waiting for my doctor to arrange counselling and am temporarily on beta blockers to help with the symptoms. Reading this has really opened my eyes, I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop letting this ruin my life! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
What a nice post... I can't write to much atm as I'm going through a very bad patch of anxiety atm and I can't bring myself to spend ages typing feel far to jittery and upset ... Just wanted u to know I totally emphasise with ur post I'm a mother of a little girl and its absolutely horrendous to feel like this... Some says are very difficult to get through. Iv been suffering for 5 yrs an its got worse and worse through me I know have OCD tendencys from it all ( my own fault really allowing it to escalate) anyway just wanted to say hang in there.. U sound like a very strong, lovely lady x
---------- Post added at 04:02 ---------- Previous post was at 04:01 ----------
Sorry just read that message back my spelling has gone to pot ! An some of my sentences don't make sense lol... Damn anxiety x
alwaysworried1483
18-07-13, 18:14
You are not alone, I have suffered from health anxiety as well. My father suffered a heart attack at the age of 35 and needed triple bypass surgery. He is still alive thank God but he was a smoker but he had quit 6 months prior. And then 6 months after that my grandmother (dad's mom) suffered from a heart attack as well, she was also a smoker. I understand that smoking has a huge affect and up until 1 year ago I smoked as well. The point that i am trying to make is that I am constantly worried that I am next, I follow strongly on my father's side. I have two beautiful little girls that I am afraid that I may not see grow up. I understand completely what you are going through because every time I feel a panic attack, I am off to the hospital to be sure that it's not anything more. Good luck with your plan, I really hope it works out for you.
to answer the question.... yes, I am going to
die. we all are. nothing to stop that, its only natural. I just gotta keep telling myself that. I won't let anxiety kill the days of life I do have!!
because I know this is going to be a lot of reading for anyone willing to do so, I have inserted a (SHORTCUT) on the page, please scroll to that to skip my personal story, and jump right to what I plan to do next.
:welcome:
Hello to anyone reading this. I will apologize now for the fact that this is going to be a bit long winded. I found this forum yesterday (googling, of course, but this time keyword "health anxiety") and read over many of your posts. I am hoping that others who find this forum in the same way I have, or that those of you who return often posting and reading posts, will read this and that it might bring some positivity, peace, and hope to you.
My story begins, the best that I can remember, sometime in August of 2010. I honestly cannot recall being so worried and anxious prior to that time. Though, rational thinking tells me that I must be prone to worrying in order to find myself here and feeling this way. And the feeling..... how I despise it!! Lately my thoughts are, "this isn't me" "I don't want to be this person" "I cannot handle feeling this way anymore" "I must be going crazy!!"
I think this may have been a good place for me to have landed. After all, to recognize that you might be going crazy, or worse, making yourself go crazy, may in fact be the first step in breaking a very negative cycle. I have heard it said that "true crazy people are the people who are crazy but believe they are sane." It's a rather simple and silly thought to have bring so much peace at this time, but I will take what I can get. If the best thing going for me right now is that fact that in all this irrationality I am still somehow rational about being irrational, well then.... I'll take it and run with that!
To be clear about anything I have said so far, I feel I should make two points before I go on;
1. I am NOT a medical professional in mental health of any other health. anything I say can be used against me in a court of law..... wait wait no.....that's not right......
anything I say is solely opinion and serious soul searching based. I can promise you that I am intelligent and more importantly, I believe my life has gifted me many experiences (both positive and negative) enough to have a bit of wisdom too. That being said, I am just another person suffering panic, worry, and fears that are above and beyond the norm. They are certainly affecting my day to day peace and happiness.
2. the second point I want to stress is that I give no guarantees to having any answers or solutions, just that I have devised a plan of action and that I hope that sharing it might help others. When I speak of desperation I would like to elaborate some to be understood that I (do not/have not) found myself with thoughts of ending it all by inflicting any kind of self harm. To date, I am quite the opposite, consumed with the fear or possibility of something being so wrong with me (health wise) that might take my life. I have already promised myself that if at any point those types of dark thoughts begin to creep into the mix of negative thoughts, then it is ABSOLUTELY time for professional intervention. I can completely imagine how this type, or any type of anxiety for prolonged periods of time, could lead one to begin thinking that it might just be easier to make it all go quiet. THIS IS NEVER AN ANSWER NOT TO ANY PROBLEM IF YOU ARE THINKING THESE THOUGHTS PLEASE REACH OUT TO SOMEONE FOR HELP!!
Around the first week of August I began with an overwhelming panic about whether or not my daughter, who had about 5-10 mosquito bites, might be falling ill to a bite transferred illness, equine encephalitis. I began to feel great fear. Fear that I could feel physically. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't eat. I couldn't be happy. I couldn't distract myself. I was constantly distracted by horrible thoughts of "what if ?" Those fears turned into a fear that she perhaps had infection developing in one of those bites. Which is easily treated and non-life threatening, but we were on a family camping trip far from home and far from civilization.
Now looking back that next fear that consumed me in this 5 day stretch concerned myself. I realize now, BUT COULD NOT AT THE TIME, that it was likely my anxiety that brought on the symptoms I began to have.
I was dizzy, I couldn't eat, my bowel movements began to be abnormal. (I won't go into detail on this last symptom, but I am sure most of you can relate) These symptoms set off new fears. "What's wrong with me? Do I have colon cancer?" "Could I have a rare bacterial infection?" "might I be dying of something and not even know it!?!?!"
These are horrible, horrible thoughts to be sure. Unsettling, and completely consuming. As I already mentioned, we were on a vacation. Something we do not often (like never) get to do as a family, and something I had been looking forward to with such excitement and anticipation. This sudden onset of fear and anxiety took more than half of the days I should have been enjoying with my family and had me in emotional turmoil.
I had mentioned in passing to other family members, very light heartedly, some of the things I was thinking. However, and again I guess some of you can relate, they dealt with it like rational level people. Brushed it off with a, "nah, she's fine."
I never told anyone about thinking I might be dying as well. I think that is partly because I knew I was worrying myself to death. I knew it was anxiety. I knew all this, but it was not enough to find any peace of mind to convince myself that it in turn meant I was NOT actually sick.
Finally, on the 5th day of feeling all of this I got alone with my husband, and I began to talk. I began to talk out of desperation, out of the need to not feel alone in all this despair. In an attempt to alleviate some of the boiling pressure that was so full, ..... I thought at moments my head just might "POP"!
I told him how anxious I was feeling. I didn't go into too much detail about all the thoughts. Just that I knew something wasn't right, that I was fearful, and that I was to the point where I was beginning to have anxiety about my anxiety. He listened. He was compassionate. He was however, completely stumped as to what might be causing these feelings in me or anyway to stop them.
All the while there is always, particularly in the moments of heightened anxiety, a voice that echoes somewhere in the deep, dark, sad places of my mind. "maybe all this anxiety, and fear, maybe it is a sign. Maybe it is instinct, maybe, possibly, there is SOMETHING seriously wrong."
Well that voice says there is something wrong with my health. That voice beckons me to consider the next impending doom. That voice.... damn that voice. It is only recently (like in the last couple of days) I have begun to come to terms with the idea, the rational, that the SOMETHING that could be wrong is most likely...... HEALTH ANXIETY.
After my vacation in August the anxiety seemed, for the most part, to have passed. Looking back now I can see that I was still distressed mildly with some health issues, either of my childrens' or myself. I know that I have used google too many times to count, and that without fail, any peace of mind doing that might give me in the moment quickly subsides and leads to yet more googling.
I took my children to the doctor for a skin strep test. Granted, there really were recurring rashes. I wasn't imagining that. Trying to find the answer myself I found a particular rash, strep based, mostly afflicted children. Ii will say the symptoms matched exactly. I will also say that the photos I could find were the final bit of evidence I needed. I was absolutely certain that the tests would prove me (and google) correct.
I suppose I do not have to tell you this, but I will, they didn't and don't have a strep rash. In fact the doc suggested I try something new to try to treat and prevent the rash. Something with a high Zinc percentage. I did.
It worked.
We haven't had rash outbreaks since. On either child.
I was so so so so certain. I even had my husband convinced.
Now this particular example I did not recognize as anxiety, but more me being a responsible parent trying to take the best care of her children. Sometime in the time that passed between August and now, and in between the strep tests on the kids, and other dark thoughts here and there, I also ended up in my first ambulance ride to the ER. It was for heart concerns. It turned out my heart is great. The doc suggested that I may have a strained muscle in my chest. The chest pains were very real. It hurt to breathe. I was light headed, my arms went tingling and my hands numb. I couldn't breathe. I think now, I was likely having a mild panic attack. Yes, I have little doubt that I had injured a muscle as well. I had been moving large furniture the day before. But what I believe now, looking back, one symptom led to my panicking about another, and maybe creating another through the panic. I began to google. Which only heightened my anxiety. I remember distinctly feeling like a fool while in the ER. I wanted to hear that everything was ok and it was nothing, but I didn't want to hear it was nothing because I couldn't except that it was all in my head. I felt silly, embarrassed, confused.
In the end, chest pains are no joke and if you just don't know, you should probably seek help. I am only bringing this up to map out my trip into the wonderful land that is the voice of HEALTH ANXIETY.
After this, and other, here and there scattered examples...... things have been calm. I have been fairly calm.
Recently, things have changed.
The past two weeks have been hell.
So far in the past two weeks I have suspected that I have oral cancer (which I took a trip to a walk in after looking in my throat with a flashlight and discovering nothing looked how I had anticipated. It just looked wrong. bumpy, unhealthy. the doc took a look and said, "good news, looks just like most everyone's mouth/throat."
The next day, I discovered a spot on my back. I have skin cancer. I began googling, calling numbers. Trying to find places where I could get a skin cancer screening.
Panic, panic, panic.
The sense of urgency. The sense of, "if I don't do something about it right now, RIGHT NOW, I will surely miss the chance to save my life and my children will grow up without their mother." I have such a fear of them not having me in their lives. That no one could read their bedtime stories the way I do with the silly voices, that the youngest would wander the house saying "mama mama mama" until the day she forgets I existed.
Dark, terrifying, paralyzing fears/thoughts. They fill my head. Fill my day. I can hardly think of anything else. Thoughts that I know I shouldn't focus on, thoughts that I do not want to focus on.
For some reason for me, the mornings seem the worst.
Day 3: I notice a mole on my daughter's back. A mole that I know has been there as long as I can remember, BUT because of all my googling and self diagnosing I saw many pictures of skin cancer. I read all the warnings..... this mole fit some of those guidelines. So the whole day I panicked about the notion that she could have skin cancer.
Next day, I feared, the skin cancer still but now I am starting to worry about weight loss. After I had my last child I remained about 40lbs overweight after her first birthday. Around August I began to pay more attention to what I was eating and being more active. I have been quite proud of the fact that in August I weighed in at 178, I now 5 months later, weight about 165. That's 13 pounds!! and my clothes are getting lose, and I can see a difference in how I look. Other people have noticed too and complimented me. I have been so proud myself..............
BUT NOW
now that this next wave of extreme anxiety has hit I am now thinking, "what if the weight loss, and how easy it seemed to come off, is actually another symptom!!??" that's right, and I am sure I do not have to tell you, that weight loss is a symptom of C A N C E R.
So all that work I did to lose weight, to feel better, to look better, now has been used by my anxiety ridden mind to be used against me. Add this to the other (most likely anxiety induced symptoms) dizziness, sleeping troubles, lack of appetite, tiredness, irritability, a cramp here, a sore muscle there...... I could just go on. And with each symptom, my brain does go on, the voices of HEALTH ANXIETY run crazy with it all. It's like there's a HEALTH ANXIETY party happening in my head. A week long par-tay.
* sighs* Maybe I should call the cops and complain about all the noise.
I cycled through, cancers, early menopause, vitamin deficiency, and other possible ailments.
Anyhow, yesterday I starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, anxiety is the first and most important symptom. I used google again, and hopefully for the last time to self diagnose, and searched "anxiety" I went from there. Changing search phrases as I went, and discovering health anxiety. I ended up here, at this forum.
I may just have, for the first time, actually found a correct diagnosis. SHHHH don't let google hear, or the voices in my head, because if I have, it's all just a fluke. Google DOES NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS!! not when it comes to matters of diagnostics.
(SHORT CUT TO HERE)
So what now? Well, I have a plan. I will lay that out in the rest of this post. I hope that others are inspired to try to find something that might work for them, and maybe some of these ideas might work for you. I am sure hoping that they work for me, because I cannot live my life this way. Let's just say for the moment that I am about to die of something unforeseen. A car accident, a cancer, a heart attack. Who knows, but if I did would I want my last days consumed with this horribly distracting, negative, happiness draining, and otherwise yucky feeling? Of course not. So it must be stopped. And it must be stopped before it gets any worse.
Today I woke up with a pain on my tongue. It might be in my throat, I am not sure, but if I fold up my tongue a certain way into the roof of my mouth, it hurts. I am remembering something my mother used to say to me as a child, "if it hurts when you touch that, do that, push there, then don't do it anymore!" HA. HAHAHA
But, those voices, those fears, this anxiety is here and it is saying, you guessed it..... "you might have throat cancer!"
NO I FRIGGIN DO NOT!!!
I have a sore throat. Could be from the cold weather, could be from the heat being on. Could be a virus, could be any number of things that are way more likely than another cancer I might be dying from.
So this is STEP 1.
step 1 when these thoughts come and I find myself over examining myself, noticing every little ping, pain, lump, bump, dot or whatever. I will tell those negative voices that there is a far more rational explanation. I will run through all the more likely, non-life threatening causes, and I will BREATHE.
step 2 I will resist the urge to google, or use medical dictionaries to self diagnose. Instead I will do the reasonable wait approach. If whatever symptom is still there after 2 weeks, then I will allow myself to (maybe not freak out) but be concerned. I will make an appt. and visit my doctor.
Now, of course, this plan of action here, the wait and see one, will only apply to reasonable ailments. If say, I am bleeding from some orifice that shouldn't be bleeding, or have blacked out, or running an extremely high fever, broken bone, or some other completely obvious and undeniable symptom that needs immediate intervention, then I will get the medical attention I need.
The fact is, rationally, any cancer or disease of the life threatening type, that may present symptoms first of a mild nature, will most certainly increase in time and become more so. The odds I will die in 2 weeks time while I wait to see if these symptoms increase, or a spot grows bigger, or whatever, is pretty much not a risk. Death is not a risk on a two week time slot, not for mild symptoms, no, not normally. SO, patience, time, and watching. Watching in a way where I check in every couple of days. I cannot allow myself to obsess, check hour to hour, google, and wait in a quiet state for the next little body ping to rear it's head. I am convinced now that all these previous habits of mine are actually magnifying my symptoms, and worse, leading to new ones.
step 3 BREATHE> Each time in a day when those thoughts begin to creep in. When my body starts to feel that feeling of, "RUN, PANIC, AHHHHH"
I will stop, I will take 3 breaths in through my nose and out through my nose. If you do try this one, do only like 3 breathes cause I am finding more than that makes you dizzy, and if you are like me, you might pass out and come to ready to call 911 because you think you are dying again.
step 4 this might be the most important step, even though it finds itself somewhat down the list. Each morning, as soon as I can find the time to be alone and quiet I will be thankful. I am not much of a religious person, but I would consider myself spiritual. I do not pray in the ritual sense and I often wonder about (if there is a God listening) if he ever gets tired of all the stuff people ask for. Anyhow, I will do what some might call prayer, or grace, or you can just call it affirmation. The process is one I am adding to my list because I think it is important that I begin to change my focus from negative to positive. I want to believe that (to some degree) we can choose how we want to feel. During this time of affirmation I will run through in my head, or out loud, all the things that are right. All the things I am thankful for. Each and every little thing I can think of.
If you are thinking you might try this process, PLEASE do not spend your time praying or wishing to not be sick. That is still feeding the beast of negative thoughts. It is very important I believe to fill this time with only thanks and graces to all the things in your life that are positive.
step 5 be aware of triggers. It is only now becoming clear to me that stress may have triggered or opened a door to let this negative thought pattern and anxiety in. In August I was stressed about a long trip, taking young children to the woods, money, would the weather be good ?, being so far from home, etc. This time, Christmas is just around the corner. Money is most certainly a stress. While I almost never have found myself consumed with anxiety about money, it's always about health, it occurs to me now these previously unacknowledged stresses are possibly a very real cause and trigger for the anxiety.
Another trigger I am having to become aware of is the "power of suggestion". MEDIA how I want to choke you!! google, health articles, news stories. All of it add to this pattern. The stories and information plant little seeds that grow into swarming, tangling, thorny, strangler vines that grab hold of my peace of mind and try to choke it out.
I will not be using google anymore. At least, I intend very real to try. I will be patient with myself, and forgive and stumbles, but I will get right back up and try again. And again, until I have broken the habit. The same goes for reading health articles.
It occurred to me yesterday, that last week when all the cancer fears popped up that the news story all about Jon Edwards wife dying of cancer had been plastered everywhere. A sad story indeed. She left behind her family and young children. It was troubling to think about. I didn't want to think about it.
I think all this thinking about it , and not wanting to think about it, also became a trigger for my anxiety.
So the plan? media detox. I will, especially while this anxiety has set in like a cloud of doom over my usual warm and sunny days, just avoid the news, and related things online or the radio. I will fill that space with music, and uplifting types of entertainment.
step 6 distraction. when these thoughts begin to take over I will change the venue. Go outside walk, play the guitar, read a book, jump around, clean the house, call a friend (to talk about something other than my anxiety or health). Whatever you can think of, and if it doesn't work, if reading a book isn't enough of a distraction, try another one. And do so while revisiting steps 1 and 3.
step 7 this is directly led into from step 6. Exercise. Moving gets blood flowing, oxygen flowing, relieves stress, and ups good hormones and chemicals that we need to feel good. I promise you on this one, not one of us will feel worse for moving our bodies more. Even if its just stretching, or shaking out your limbs. Whatever you can manage. It will help.
step 8 this will be the final part of my plan. I am now trying to use this anxiety to make something good happen. I am a smoker, but for you maybe there will be something else you can think of. I am slowly weening myself off of cigs. Allowing myself so many in a day for a week, and depleting that by one for the following week, and so on. I am using my consuming fear of death and cancer to make a very real change in my health. I am harnessing this anxiety while I can to propel me forward in this mission. I have not ever really had the desire, nor drive/willpower, to attempt to quit smoking before. Somehow, today anyway, it feels different. Fear can be a powerful thing. If I am going to have HEALTH ANXIETY, then damn it, I am going to try to make it work for me, until I can get rid of it altogether. (or at the least bring it to manageable levels)
I also am taking a daily vitamin, and walking 30 mins 3 times a week. Whether I feel like it or not, I will walk. It occurs to me this moment, that sleep is important too. Well, ok, we all know sleep is important, but it occurs to me that I could probably use more of it. I should be more conscience of how much sleep I am allowing myself. (adding to list...step 9 sleep more than 5-6 hours a night)
Is there anything that you could change about your day to day diet or habits that would improve your health? If there is, then make your anxiety work for you!! use that fear for the power of good.
Ok, well...... I warned you this was all going to be really long winded. I was right about that, lets hope for my sake, I am right about some of my other conclusions. I do want to feel like myself again. My old self, my healthy, happy self. I cannot let this take over my life. I refuse.
I know this is all going to be a day to day thing. I have no illusions about it being easy, or a quick fix. I am sure I will falter along the way. I will stick with my steps, I will get back on the horse, if you will.
If in 6 months time if there is no improvement in my anxiety levels, stress levels, or my compulsions over HEALTH ANXIETY, then I may have to seek outside help. I was considering going to the doc this Friday to have blood work done. Look for nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, etc. But I think for now, I need to avoid the cycle of "chasing the white rabbit" and getting myself stuck into a endless spin of diagnostics. Tests that might only bring me emotional relief in the moment, but the real issue of the anxiety will only come again, with a new symptom, new ailment, and a new fear of yet another life threatening cause.
Aside of an increasing, steady, warranted symptom that lasts more than 2 weeks, I am going to try to do everything I can each day on my list. If in 6 months, no change, I will then get that blood work done........ maybe.
Good luck to all of you. I hope that this might help just one person. (even if that one person is me) but maybe there will be others who find this post, and read it, and find something familiar, something that rings true and tells you that you are not alone. Something to think positive about, and maybe even some tools that might improve your day to day life.
I will come back in time to report on how it has worked out for me.
As of today?........ well...... I might have throat cancer, I still have a spot on my back, I feel nauseous, I am forcing myself to eat, I sleep about 6 hours a night, I keep touching my child's head to check for fever, and I am ENTIRELY AWARE it is all a bit obsessive and irrational. That awareness alone, does not make it go away, but........
Hopefully this is the best place to start to make a change!
alwaysworried1483
18-07-13, 18:15
You are not alone, I have suffered from health anxiety as well. My father suffered a heart attack at the age of 35 and needed triple bypass surgery. He is still alive thank God but he was a smoker but he had quit 6 months prior. And then 6 months after that my grandmother (dad's mom) suffered from a heart attack as well, she was also a smoker. I understand that smoking has a huge affect and up until 1 year ago I smoked as well. The point that i am trying to make is that I am constantly worried that I am next, I follow strongly on my father's side. I have two beautiful little girls that I am afraid that I may not see grow up. I understand completely what you are going through because every time I feel a panic attack, I am off to the hospital to be sure that it's not anything more. Good luck with your plan, I really hope it works out for you.
to answer the question.... yes, I am going to
die. we all are. nothing to stop that, its only natural. I just gotta keep telling myself that. I won't let anxiety kill the days of life I do have!!
because I know this is going to be a lot of reading for anyone willing to do so, I have inserted a (SHORTCUT) on the page, please scroll to that to skip my personal story, and jump right to what I plan to do next.
:welcome:
Hello to anyone reading this. I will apologize now for the fact that this is going to be a bit long winded. I found this forum yesterday (googling, of course, but this time keyword "health anxiety") and read over many of your posts. I am hoping that others who find this forum in the same way I have, or that those of you who return often posting and reading posts, will read this and that it might bring some positivity, peace, and hope to you.
My story begins, the best that I can remember, sometime in August of 2010. I honestly cannot recall being so worried and anxious prior to that time. Though, rational thinking tells me that I must be prone to worrying in order to find myself here and feeling this way. And the feeling..... how I despise it!! Lately my thoughts are, "this isn't me" "I don't want to be this person" "I cannot handle feeling this way anymore" "I must be going crazy!!"
I think this may have been a good place for me to have landed. After all, to recognize that you might be going crazy, or worse, making yourself go crazy, may in fact be the first step in breaking a very negative cycle. I have heard it said that "true crazy people are the people who are crazy but believe they are sane." It's a rather simple and silly thought to have bring so much peace at this time, but I will take what I can get. If the best thing going for me right now is that fact that in all this irrationality I am still somehow rational about being irrational, well then.... I'll take it and run with that!
To be clear about anything I have said so far, I feel I should make two points before I go on;
1. I am NOT a medical professional in mental health of any other health. anything I say can be used against me in a court of law..... wait wait no.....that's not right......
anything I say is solely opinion and serious soul searching based. I can promise you that I am intelligent and more importantly, I believe my life has gifted me many experiences (both positive and negative) enough to have a bit of wisdom too. That being said, I am just another person suffering panic, worry, and fears that are above and beyond the norm. They are certainly affecting my day to day peace and happiness.
2. the second point I want to stress is that I give no guarantees to having any answers or solutions, just that I have devised a plan of action and that I hope that sharing it might help others. When I speak of desperation I would like to elaborate some to be understood that I (do not/have not) found myself with thoughts of ending it all by inflicting any kind of self harm. To date, I am quite the opposite, consumed with the fear or possibility of something being so wrong with me (health wise) that might take my life. I have already promised myself that if at any point those types of dark thoughts begin to creep into the mix of negative thoughts, then it is ABSOLUTELY time for professional intervention. I can completely imagine how this type, or any type of anxiety for prolonged periods of time, could lead one to begin thinking that it might just be easier to make it all go quiet. THIS IS NEVER AN ANSWER NOT TO ANY PROBLEM IF YOU ARE THINKING THESE THOUGHTS PLEASE REACH OUT TO SOMEONE FOR HELP!!
Around the first week of August I began with an overwhelming panic about whether or not my daughter, who had about 5-10 mosquito bites, might be falling ill to a bite transferred illness, equine encephalitis. I began to feel great fear. Fear that I could feel physically. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't eat. I couldn't be happy. I couldn't distract myself. I was constantly distracted by horrible thoughts of "what if ?" Those fears turned into a fear that she perhaps had infection developing in one of those bites. Which is easily treated and non-life threatening, but we were on a family camping trip far from home and far from civilization.
Now looking back that next fear that consumed me in this 5 day stretch concerned myself. I realize now, BUT COULD NOT AT THE TIME, that it was likely my anxiety that brought on the symptoms I began to have.
I was dizzy, I couldn't eat, my bowel movements began to be abnormal. (I won't go into detail on this last symptom, but I am sure most of you can relate) These symptoms set off new fears. "What's wrong with me? Do I have colon cancer?" "Could I have a rare bacterial infection?" "might I be dying of something and not even know it!?!?!"
These are horrible, horrible thoughts to be sure. Unsettling, and completely consuming. As I already mentioned, we were on a vacation. Something we do not often (like never) get to do as a family, and something I had been looking forward to with such excitement and anticipation. This sudden onset of fear and anxiety took more than half of the days I should have been enjoying with my family and had me in emotional turmoil.
I had mentioned in passing to other family members, very light heartedly, some of the things I was thinking. However, and again I guess some of you can relate, they dealt with it like rational level people. Brushed it off with a, "nah, she's fine."
I never told anyone about thinking I might be dying as well. I think that is partly because I knew I was worrying myself to death. I knew it was anxiety. I knew all this, but it was not enough to find any peace of mind to convince myself that it in turn meant I was NOT actually sick.
Finally, on the 5th day of feeling all of this I got alone with my husband, and I began to talk. I began to talk out of desperation, out of the need to not feel alone in all this despair. In an attempt to alleviate some of the boiling pressure that was so full, ..... I thought at moments my head just might "POP"!
I told him how anxious I was feeling. I didn't go into too much detail about all the thoughts. Just that I knew something wasn't right, that I was fearful, and that I was to the point where I was beginning to have anxiety about my anxiety. He listened. He was compassionate. He was however, completely stumped as to what might be causing these feelings in me or anyway to stop them.
All the while there is always, particularly in the moments of heightened anxiety, a voice that echoes somewhere in the deep, dark, sad places of my mind. "maybe all this anxiety, and fear, maybe it is a sign. Maybe it is instinct, maybe, possibly, there is SOMETHING seriously wrong."
Well that voice says there is something wrong with my health. That voice beckons me to consider the next impending doom. That voice.... damn that voice. It is only recently (like in the last couple of days) I have begun to come to terms with the idea, the rational, that the SOMETHING that could be wrong is most likely...... HEALTH ANXIETY.
After my vacation in August the anxiety seemed, for the most part, to have passed. Looking back now I can see that I was still distressed mildly with some health issues, either of my childrens' or myself. I know that I have used google too many times to count, and that without fail, any peace of mind doing that might give me in the moment quickly subsides and leads to yet more googling.
I took my children to the doctor for a skin strep test. Granted, there really were recurring rashes. I wasn't imagining that. Trying to find the answer myself I found a particular rash, strep based, mostly afflicted children. Ii will say the symptoms matched exactly. I will also say that the photos I could find were the final bit of evidence I needed. I was absolutely certain that the tests would prove me (and google) correct.
I suppose I do not have to tell you this, but I will, they didn't and don't have a strep rash. In fact the doc suggested I try something new to try to treat and prevent the rash. Something with a high Zinc percentage. I did.
It worked.
We haven't had rash outbreaks since. On either child.
I was so so so so certain. I even had my husband convinced.
Now this particular example I did not recognize as anxiety, but more me being a responsible parent trying to take the best care of her children. Sometime in the time that passed between August and now, and in between the strep tests on the kids, and other dark thoughts here and there, I also ended up in my first ambulance ride to the ER. It was for heart concerns. It turned out my heart is great. The doc suggested that I may have a strained muscle in my chest. The chest pains were very real. It hurt to breathe. I was light headed, my arms went tingling and my hands numb. I couldn't breathe. I think now, I was likely having a mild panic attack. Yes, I have little doubt that I had injured a muscle as well. I had been moving large furniture the day before. But what I believe now, looking back, one symptom led to my panicking about another, and maybe creating another through the panic. I began to google. Which only heightened my anxiety. I remember distinctly feeling like a fool while in the ER. I wanted to hear that everything was ok and it was nothing, but I didn't want to hear it was nothing because I couldn't except that it was all in my head. I felt silly, embarrassed, confused.
In the end, chest pains are no joke and if you just don't know, you should probably seek help. I am only bringing this up to map out my trip into the wonderful land that is the voice of HEALTH ANXIETY.
After this, and other, here and there scattered examples...... things have been calm. I have been fairly calm.
Recently, things have changed.
The past two weeks have been hell.
So far in the past two weeks I have suspected that I have oral cancer (which I took a trip to a walk in after looking in my throat with a flashlight and discovering nothing looked how I had anticipated. It just looked wrong. bumpy, unhealthy. the doc took a look and said, "good news, looks just like most everyone's mouth/throat."
The next day, I discovered a spot on my back. I have skin cancer. I began googling, calling numbers. Trying to find places where I could get a skin cancer screening.
Panic, panic, panic.
The sense of urgency. The sense of, "if I don't do something about it right now, RIGHT NOW, I will surely miss the chance to save my life and my children will grow up without their mother." I have such a fear of them not having me in their lives. That no one could read their bedtime stories the way I do with the silly voices, that the youngest would wander the house saying "mama mama mama" until the day she forgets I existed.
Dark, terrifying, paralyzing fears/thoughts. They fill my head. Fill my day. I can hardly think of anything else. Thoughts that I know I shouldn't focus on, thoughts that I do not want to focus on.
For some reason for me, the mornings seem the worst.
Day 3: I notice a mole on my daughter's back. A mole that I know has been there as long as I can remember, BUT because of all my googling and self diagnosing I saw many pictures of skin cancer. I read all the warnings..... this mole fit some of those guidelines. So the whole day I panicked about the notion that she could have skin cancer.
Next day, I feared, the skin cancer still but now I am starting to worry about weight loss. After I had my last child I remained about 40lbs overweight after her first birthday. Around August I began to pay more attention to what I was eating and being more active. I have been quite proud of the fact that in August I weighed in at 178, I now 5 months later, weight about 165. That's 13 pounds!! and my clothes are getting lose, and I can see a difference in how I look. Other people have noticed too and complimented me. I have been so proud myself..............
BUT NOW
now that this next wave of extreme anxiety has hit I am now thinking, "what if the weight loss, and how easy it seemed to come off, is actually another symptom!!??" that's right, and I am sure I do not have to tell you, that weight loss is a symptom of C A N C E R.
So all that work I did to lose weight, to feel better, to look better, now has been used by my anxiety ridden mind to be used against me. Add this to the other (most likely anxiety induced symptoms) dizziness, sleeping troubles, lack of appetite, tiredness, irritability, a cramp here, a sore muscle there...... I could just go on. And with each symptom, my brain does go on, the voices of HEALTH ANXIETY run crazy with it all. It's like there's a HEALTH ANXIETY party happening in my head. A week long par-tay.
* sighs* Maybe I should call the cops and complain about all the noise.
I cycled through, cancers, early menopause, vitamin deficiency, and other possible ailments.
Anyhow, yesterday I starting thinking that maybe, just maybe, anxiety is the first and most important symptom. I used google again, and hopefully for the last time to self diagnose, and searched "anxiety" I went from there. Changing search phrases as I went, and discovering health anxiety. I ended up here, at this forum.
I may just have, for the first time, actually found a correct diagnosis. SHHHH don't let google hear, or the voices in my head, because if I have, it's all just a fluke. Google DOES NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS!! not when it comes to matters of diagnostics.
(SHORT CUT TO HERE)
So what now? Well, I have a plan. I will lay that out in the rest of this post. I hope that others are inspired to try to find something that might work for them, and maybe some of these ideas might work for you. I am sure hoping that they work for me, because I cannot live my life this way. Let's just say for the moment that I am about to die of something unforeseen. A car accident, a cancer, a heart attack. Who knows, but if I did would I want my last days consumed with this horribly distracting, negative, happiness draining, and otherwise yucky feeling? Of course not. So it must be stopped. And it must be stopped before it gets any worse.
Today I woke up with a pain on my tongue. It might be in my throat, I am not sure, but if I fold up my tongue a certain way into the roof of my mouth, it hurts. I am remembering something my mother used to say to me as a child, "if it hurts when you touch that, do that, push there, then don't do it anymore!" HA. HAHAHA
But, those voices, those fears, this anxiety is here and it is saying, you guessed it..... "you might have throat cancer!"
NO I FRIGGIN DO NOT!!!
I have a sore throat. Could be from the cold weather, could be from the heat being on. Could be a virus, could be any number of things that are way more likely than another cancer I might be dying from.
So this is STEP 1.
step 1 when these thoughts come and I find myself over examining myself, noticing every little ping, pain, lump, bump, dot or whatever. I will tell those negative voices that there is a far more rational explanation. I will run through all the more likely, non-life threatening causes, and I will BREATHE.
step 2 I will resist the urge to google, or use medical dictionaries to self diagnose. Instead I will do the reasonable wait approach. If whatever symptom is still there after 2 weeks, then I will allow myself to (maybe not freak out) but be concerned. I will make an appt. and visit my doctor.
Now, of course, this plan of action here, the wait and see one, will only apply to reasonable ailments. If say, I am bleeding from some orifice that shouldn't be bleeding, or have blacked out, or running an extremely high fever, broken bone, or some other completely obvious and undeniable symptom that needs immediate intervention, then I will get the medical attention I need.
The fact is, rationally, any cancer or disease of the life threatening type, that may present symptoms first of a mild nature, will most certainly increase in time and become more so. The odds I will die in 2 weeks time while I wait to see if these symptoms increase, or a spot grows bigger, or whatever, is pretty much not a risk. Death is not a risk on a two week time slot, not for mild symptoms, no, not normally. SO, patience, time, and watching. Watching in a way where I check in every couple of days. I cannot allow myself to obsess, check hour to hour, google, and wait in a quiet state for the next little body ping to rear it's head. I am convinced now that all these previous habits of mine are actually magnifying my symptoms, and worse, leading to new ones.
step 3 BREATHE> Each time in a day when those thoughts begin to creep in. When my body starts to feel that feeling of, "RUN, PANIC, AHHHHH"
I will stop, I will take 3 breaths in through my nose and out through my nose. If you do try this one, do only like 3 breathes cause I am finding more than that makes you dizzy, and if you are like me, you might pass out and come to ready to call 911 because you think you are dying again.
step 4 this might be the most important step, even though it finds itself somewhat down the list. Each morning, as soon as I can find the time to be alone and quiet I will be thankful. I am not much of a religious person, but I would consider myself spiritual. I do not pray in the ritual sense and I often wonder about (if there is a God listening) if he ever gets tired of all the stuff people ask for. Anyhow, I will do what some might call prayer, or grace, or you can just call it affirmation. The process is one I am adding to my list because I think it is important that I begin to change my focus from negative to positive. I want to believe that (to some degree) we can choose how we want to feel. During this time of affirmation I will run through in my head, or out loud, all the things that are right. All the things I am thankful for. Each and every little thing I can think of.
If you are thinking you might try this process, PLEASE do not spend your time praying or wishing to not be sick. That is still feeding the beast of negative thoughts. It is very important I believe to fill this time with only thanks and graces to all the things in your life that are positive.
step 5 be aware of triggers. It is only now becoming clear to me that stress may have triggered or opened a door to let this negative thought pattern and anxiety in. In August I was stressed about a long trip, taking young children to the woods, money, would the weather be good ?, being so far from home, etc. This time, Christmas is just around the corner. Money is most certainly a stress. While I almost never have found myself consumed with anxiety about money, it's always about health, it occurs to me now these previously unacknowledged stresses are possibly a very real cause and trigger for the anxiety.
Another trigger I am having to become aware of is the "power of suggestion". MEDIA how I want to choke you!! google, health articles, news stories. All of it add to this pattern. The stories and information plant little seeds that grow into swarming, tangling, thorny, strangler vines that grab hold of my peace of mind and try to choke it out.
I will not be using google anymore. At least, I intend very real to try. I will be patient with myself, and forgive and stumbles, but I will get right back up and try again. And again, until I have broken the habit. The same goes for reading health articles.
It occurred to me yesterday, that last week when all the cancer fears popped up that the news story all about Jon Edwards wife dying of cancer had been plastered everywhere. A sad story indeed. She left behind her family and young children. It was troubling to think about. I didn't want to think about it.
I think all this thinking about it , and not wanting to think about it, also became a trigger for my anxiety.
So the plan? media detox. I will, especially while this anxiety has set in like a cloud of doom over my usual warm and sunny days, just avoid the news, and related things online or the radio. I will fill that space with music, and uplifting types of entertainment.
step 6 distraction. when these thoughts begin to take over I will change the venue. Go outside walk, play the guitar, read a book, jump around, clean the house, call a friend (to talk about something other than my anxiety or health). Whatever you can think of, and if it doesn't work, if reading a book isn't enough of a distraction, try another one. And do so while revisiting steps 1 and 3.
step 7 this is directly led into from step 6. Exercise. Moving gets blood flowing, oxygen flowing, relieves stress, and ups good hormones and chemicals that we need to feel good. I promise you on this one, not one of us will feel worse for moving our bodies more. Even if its just stretching, or shaking out your limbs. Whatever you can manage. It will help.
step 8 this will be the final part of my plan. I am now trying to use this anxiety to make something good happen. I am a smoker, but for you maybe there will be something else you can think of. I am slowly weening myself off of cigs. Allowing myself so many in a day for a week, and depleting that by one for the following week, and so on. I am using my consuming fear of death and cancer to make a very real change in my health. I am harnessing this anxiety while I can to propel me forward in this mission. I have not ever really had the desire, nor drive/willpower, to attempt to quit smoking before. Somehow, today anyway, it feels different. Fear can be a powerful thing. If I am going to have HEALTH ANXIETY, then damn it, I am going to try to make it work for me, until I can get rid of it altogether. (or at the least bring it to manageable levels)
I also am taking a daily vitamin, and walking 30 mins 3 times a week. Whether I feel like it or not, I will walk. It occurs to me this moment, that sleep is important too. Well, ok, we all know sleep is important, but it occurs to me that I could probably use more of it. I should be more conscience of how much sleep I am allowing myself. (adding to list...step 9 sleep more than 5-6 hours a night)
Is there anything that you could change about your day to day diet or habits that would improve your health? If there is, then make your anxiety work for you!! use that fear for the power of good.
Ok, well...... I warned you this was all going to be really long winded. I was right about that, lets hope for my sake, I am right about some of my other conclusions. I do want to feel like myself again. My old self, my healthy, happy self. I cannot let this take over my life. I refuse.
I know this is all going to be a day to day thing. I have no illusions about it being easy, or a quick fix. I am sure I will falter along the way. I will stick with my steps, I will get back on the horse, if you will.
If in 6 months time if there is no improvement in my anxiety levels, stress levels, or my compulsions over HEALTH ANXIETY, then I may have to seek outside help. I was considering going to the doc this Friday to have blood work done. Look for nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, etc. But I think for now, I need to avoid the cycle of "chasing the white rabbit" and getting myself stuck into a endless spin of diagnostics. Tests that might only bring me emotional relief in the moment, but the real issue of the anxiety will only come again, with a new symptom, new ailment, and a new fear of yet another life threatening cause.
Aside of an increasing, steady, warranted symptom that lasts more than 2 weeks, I am going to try to do everything I can each day on my list. If in 6 months, no change, I will then get that blood work done........ maybe.
Good luck to all of you. I hope that this might help just one person. (even if that one person is me) but maybe there will be others who find this post, and read it, and find something familiar, something that rings true and tells you that you are not alone. Something to think positive about, and maybe even some tools that might improve your day to day life.
I will come back in time to report on how it has worked out for me.
As of today?........ well...... I might have throat cancer, I still have a spot on my back, I feel nauseous, I am forcing myself to eat, I sleep about 6 hours a night, I keep touching my child's head to check for fever, and I am ENTIRELY AWARE it is all a bit obsessive and irrational. That awareness alone, does not make it go away, but........
Hopefully this is the best place to start to make a change!
Beabaker1983
21-07-13, 14:57
I cried when I read this post... I couldn't agree with it more! I am gong to follow your steps u have set out and really try to rationalise and not fight the symptoms just let them come and know they cannot hurt me... Thank you for such an honest, inspirational and uplifting thread... As soon as I read this he churning stopped, I know it will come back again but knowing I am not the only one who has it offers great relief in a horrible kind of way because I would hate to see others suffer as I have but it is a huge relief to know I'm not alone no matter how bad it gets x
Just Some Guy
12-08-13, 15:38
Brilliant post I_worry_2! :yesyes: I think we can all benefit from consciously remembering this set of steps more often. I'll be saving this so I can refer to it in those moments when I feel myself slipping back into the "I'll just check Google" routine.
spacedoutplace
20-08-13, 19:58
cyberchondria can be a terrible thing. but i was having tyerribly symptoms and the doctors never told me what they were and i had to find out on the internet that they were carpopedal spasms from respiratory alkalosis. which was never explained to me either.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this forum I worry 2. I have struggled with health anxiety for a year now. I am going through a bad period at the moment so it made me feel so much better to read that I am not the only one going through this as my story is very much alike to yours. Thank you and I hope you feel much better soon as I hope myself and anyone else struggling with this do to.
Hi Demm, I am in the same boat as you at the moment and came home from the doctors yesterday crying my eyes out because I'm convinced I have something serious. I have had health anxiety for around 6 years now although prior to that I was always anxious, having panic attacks since I was 11, I'm 32 now. I hope you can find some sort of comfort in some of the posts as I have done. Sometimes it allows you to see things from a different perspective. Just make sure you get as much help as you can until you overcome this. I'm just waiting on a psychology appointment now. Have you tried that too?:hugs:
:)Hi, I know that this is a late reply to your post of 2010!!! But I am a new member and have only just read it. It is like reading a mirror-image of myself and it really helped me to see things more clearly.
Thank you and I hope you are still recovering from your HA
Worriedwellornot
03-12-13, 19:07
Wow. I really identify with everything you have said. It could have been my post. In fact I found myself here after constantly googling my health fears. This year I've diagnosed myself with 2 different cancers and currently convinced of the 3rd. Dr sending me for bloods again so convinced again that he must be concerned otherwise he wouldn't be sending me. I have had this terrible fear ever since my children were born, worrying constantly about them and now they have left home I've transferred 100% of my fears to myself. My husband and family can't deal with my 'obsession'. I really want to get better but each time I find myself saying what if this is really is it. Both of my parents are 80 plus and there is longevity in family but like you, I feel each time i am convinced I am ill it is my bodies way of warning me about a hidden illness. Hope you can follow your own advice. Take care
Hello there, anxiety will not kill you, you have health anxiety because you fear the symptoms you experience and have created a symptom known as health anxiety. because in anxiety disorders, no real threat exists, so you naturally start to look inside and you then find your "symptoms", the racing heart, sweatiness, dizziness, churning stomach, false chest pain etc.
Becuase the subconscious mind cannot tell between reality and fiction so it believes your anxiety symptoms are a threat, this creates more anxiety and activates the anxiety responses which creates all the thoughts and symptoms you currently experience.
I hope I've been some help to you, I'm very passionate about helping people with anxiety because I used to suffer from it.
Hello there, anxiety will not kill you, you have health anxiety because you fear the symptoms you experience and have created a symptom known as health anxiety. because in anxiety disorders, no real threat exists, so you naturally start to look inside and you then find your "symptoms", the racing heart, sweatiness, dizziness, churning stomach, false chest pain etc.
Becuase the subconscious mind cannot tell between reality and fiction so it believes your anxiety symptoms are a threat, this creates more anxiety and activates the anxiety responses which creates all the thoughts and symptoms you currently experience.
I hope I've been some help to you, I'm very passionate about helping people with anxiety because I used to suffer from it.
This isn't my health anxiety. I don't actually have symptoms, I fear things that have no symptoms, I know that the racing heart is part of the anxiety. My heart isn't my worry and the things like the dizziness and churning stomach, well I know that's not going to kill me. I fear some deadly underlying disease, something that's undetected, completely irrational :)
It's only the thoughts of anxiety disorder, just remember if you didn't have anxiety, you wouldn't be worrying about some "underlying illness", I used to feel the same, "what if i have that" What If I am dying from an undetected disease, basically it's just your creativity fueling your anxiety response. If there was a "real" anxiety provoking scenario, like a man with a gun, or a bear chasing you, you would either flee from the threat or fight it, but because in anxiety disorders, no real threat exists, so you automatically start to look inside and use your creativity, the what if thoughts and the fight or flight response work together... but now as i don't suffer from anxiety anymore, I can tell you that the thoughts and feelings don't exist :)
GlassPinata
16-02-14, 20:42
I can so relate to this!
I spent a week last summer in tears, thinking my baby was going to die of west Nile virus because he got a few mosquito bites.
The horrible thing is, symptoms of this virus can take weeks to show up, so it was a long time before I could put that fear to rest.
Sadly, several children in my city did contract west Nile virus from mosquito bites that year, and one actually died. Reading the news reports brought on my anxiety.
Awful experience.
Hi, a very inspiring and honest story. I absolutely relate to everything and my biggest fear also is cancer. This started after my dad was diagnosed and then passed away from lung cancer all within about 3 months. My friend was then diagnosed with breast cancer but thankfully still with us but still having treatment after 7years. I then experienced an abnormal smear, received treatment and 4 years on all clear. This really was what tipped me over the edge. my experiences with HA exactly like yours. It is such a relief just knowing that im not alone and not crazy.
I am going to try your action plans too.
I truly hope you are already feeling the benefit.
X
unsure_about_this
26-02-14, 17:20
I am still having health anxiety and it is getting worst, I am scared I have the big c word, even though when I thought I had bowel cancer, I had all the scans, MRI, CT scan, ultrasound, and the big nuclear scan. At first there the specialist thought I had a small pouch on the small bowel, nothing was found.
My anxiety started when my Dad had to do his poop test for his age back in 2012 (bowel screening) his test result came back clear, but than I silly enough read symptoms.
I think I have had every cancer, including those only which female can get which is pretty scary. I cant stop checking myself, exam myself every 10 minutes etc.
I have had CBT and which had just ended, but trying another course.
spaceexplorer
27-02-14, 14:31
It's adrenaline. The reason that adrenaline causes so many problems for you is because you worry all the time. And your constant worry means your body never relaxes - not even for a second. Being so full of worry and stress causes adrenaline to be released constantly, and it's more than your body can get rid of.
The answer is to do something to get your excess adrenaline levels back to normal, and the way to do this is to use what I call "Anxiety Timeouts."
An anxiety timeout is simply a period of a few minutes where you get your anxiety to stop or decrease. If you can create enough of these short anxiety timeouts during the day your body can relax long enough that your adrenaline levels will begin to fall and your health anxiety will become less severe.
The good news is, anything can be used as an anxiety timeout. If it helps you relax for even one or two minutes then it's working. Some anxiety timeouts you could use are:
Yoga
Meditation
Taking a bath
Taking a walk
Listening to music
Stressed32
18-05-14, 23:16
I worry 2.... Sincerely, thank you. You have helped me so much. Your post is exactly how I feel. I swear, I could have written those words myself.
ALiarsPromise
02-06-14, 01:10
Thank you! I could just cry. This is my life!
LittleMissMadge
18-07-14, 13:28
Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou.That is me and my life.I intend to change as of now.I am young,healthy,happy and a mummy to 3 gorgeous children.I have a lot to be thankful for and I am going to start living my life.I am going to save this page and read it when the dark cloud appears,no more googling symptoms for me.Thankyou again xxxxxxxxxxx
Hi,
I also feel the same way 5 months ago but I was able to fix it. I just talk to my friends and family if I am experiencing this anxiety or panic attacks. They are always there for you and support you. Think positive thoughts and everything will be fine.
Kris:)
Hi im new to this forum, ive been suffering from anxiety it went away but recently its come back more worse this time, ive lost weight with worry had stiff neck and back and back pain shaking and sweating alot has anyone else experience this im always worried im also feeling weak in my arms and legs?
Hi ive had anxiety for a while now and I saw someone about it and got better, but it has come back worse ive lost weight have numbness and tingling I also got a backache and sleep problems and excessive dry mouth when I wake up and through the day I worry it something more can anyone help? Has anyone else had this??
I'm waking up a lot feeling rubbish! Like you describe, groggy, aching, stuffed up nostril. Worry all day, headaches. (Prob caused by anxiety n constantly wondering if I have a headache) it's dreadful, you/we got throough it before we can do it again :)
Do you get the tremors and shaking too and what about the back ache?
if you are on anti depressants, it causes dry mouth.i had that for the 1st few months of being on anti depressants. back pain is because your muscles are constantly tense, and can also cause sever stomach pains. I thought my appendix burst, I even had blood drawn and went for scans but nothing. it ended up being anxiety, just because I am scared of dying of my appendix bursting. or even having a heart attack. im scared to be alone, even when I take a shower because im scared I have a heart attack and no one can help me.
anneyauster
02-09-14, 12:57
So many reason are there on anxiety, such as hormonal, physical changes, stress depression etc..
jackanory84
01-10-14, 15:01
Quick question for the ladies on here....does anyone's monthly cycle make their symptoms worse? I swear I feel worse, pain in left arm appears, then the chest pain then the panic and anxiety.....all during and just before it.
Junglechicken
28-11-14, 01:33
Yes, this could me writing what you have written - totally identify with the health anxiety illness.
Have had these fears since I was a child, however they lessened during happier times - interesting huh?
WOW! :yesyes:
So glad I found this site - like most of you I was googling my symptoms! I've had anxiety for the last four years but for the past 2 months I havent been feeling as bad as I would normally. I had all the symptoms of heart attacks, strokes you name it. I so thought I was going to die many times, I hated the doctors I was going there almost once a week just to get the same answers but I felt they just didnt care, I still think they dont give 2 shits!! Anyway I tried everything to exercising daily walks, therapy, hot baths, drinking herbal tea's, going to the chiroprators and I started feeling good but I dont know which one of these were helping me? Until today I was working at my desk just nomally then I felt pain in my left arm, then I started to feel a little anxious, then I started feeling pain in my upper back then I thought OMG! So I get my fone go for a walk down stairs to try calm down but instead I google my symptoms and what do I get heart attack!!! FLIPEN HECK that totally freaked out so I packed up my things and took a drive to my momz place only because I didnt want to go home cause no one would be there. I get to my momz I lay down and relax for abit to try and calm down but im still googling thats when I found this site - funny because I started to feel better after reading these comments, I just want to know why that pain just came out of no where - I have felt this before and told myself its anxiety it'll pass but today I was really scared probably because I havent felt bad for the last 2 months then all of a sudden boom!!!
Jackanory84 - Yes when i'v got my monthly I feel way worse! I also have servere heart burn but Im on meds for that which helps Lansoprazole, but i've noticed a day before my monthly and during I start to feel pain in my left breast really bad. I just totally feel bad during my monthly!
I'm really feeling you guys!:weep:
Hi all
I have just joined the site and am so relieved that I am not alone with these feelings. I worry about my health all the time and google everything (I know I MUST stop this)
I am always ill with something either real or unreal and it is wearing me down. I have just given up my job because I could not keep letting them down. I am feeling down and desperate and I am sure this is making all the symptoms worse.
How do I stop the spiral?
Thanks for your help
Arpan uddin
27-02-15, 19:21
Health anxiety is very boring task.It reduce health capability.If any one pace it it causes hamper ones body .It is very disgusting.So every one should try to keep happy at any cost it keep everyone happy and relax.
Thank you for your long and detailed post (no, really-the details made it).i could have written this and I really needed to hear that I was on the right track. Thanks.
Thank you for your brilliant post. I am very new to health anxiety (started around 5 weeks ago, although looking back, I realise it's always been there but the rational side of my brain was able to win before) and it is really helpful to not feel alone.
I also get all the symptoms and fears that you have and it started with my health anxiety. I am on 40mg of citalopram and 30 mg of diazepam. Now though it seems to have switched to my children and I have got the fear that something is going to happen to them and it is crippling me to the extent im signed off work and im afraid to send them to school xx
Oh my, and there was me thinking I was the only one, I too am currently experiencing extreme anxiety, in the last 2 years my brother died suddenly, my sister suffered a near fatal stroke and my other sister diagnosed with cancer. Now every little thing to do with my children and hubby (and me) I think it is terminal, I Google all the time and it is always the Big C that stands out never anything else, My son is old enough now to visit night clubs, when he goes out and that is not that often I am wreck, I do not sleep I have constant thoughts he is lying drunk in the gutter after being mugged, the next day I am completely washed out with lack of sleep, it is ruining my life and I know I am not being rational but events over the last few years have made me like this, my son has lump which the doctor says is nothing to worry about but he will go for a ultra sound to check it out, I am convinced he has something terrible and am constantly looking at him, is he pale, has he lost weight, if he is a bit quiet I am convinced he is feeling unwell and is worried about himself... I know it is ridiculous, I cannot talk to my husband as I feel so stupid.... I am not taking anything as I don't feel I am actually depressed, I just have this anxiety that is destroying my life...... just talking about it helps and knowing other people also feel like this is I'm sorry to say something of a comfort. I just don't want to feel like this any more I want my life back and to start feeling positive. I just don't know what to do to wipe my mind of these negative thoughts..... I hope you all get to feel better soon, just knowing we are all in the same boat I am hoping may be of some comfort to you as well..
This post was very helpfull for me. Today is my first day here, my english isnīt very good. I am dealing with those kind of thoughs, and i will do the same steps that you did. Thank you so much, i am feeling better already, only reading your experience.
I can identify with all you've posted I too have health anxiety
I never worried about my health before if I had a headache it didn't bother me but now I freak out thinking the worst oh I have a tumour etc going though a bit of that today woke up this morning and have a pain in abdomen just over right rib that of course started me panicking (gallbladder liver etc) and I have used google the day should get a slap on the wrist for that as I know that makes things worse which it did as things came up about heart attack etc
Trying to tell myself it's not what I think and can be something simple ie a pulled muscle brains not taking that on
wow this has been amazing to read, finally to relate.
thank you x
Anxious Pete
06-01-16, 15:37
One thing I'd recommend people do is get a pendulum and use it to ask personal health questions. I've found mine to be very accurate and a source of relief as I'm still here and in one piece after many years of health anxiety. You need to be open minded about spirit of course.
One thing I'd recommend people do is get a pendulum and use it to ask personal health questions. I've found mine to be very accurate and a source of relief as I'm still here and in one piece after many years of health anxiety. You need to be open minded about spirit of course.
What is a pendulum Pete?
Anxious Pete
07-01-16, 13:20
What is a pendulum Pete?
http://www.holisticshop.co.uk/articles/guide-pendulum-dowsing
A good description here. I'm not sure it would work for everybody and it doesn't pick lottery numbers, beleive me I've tried, but on personal issues it's been mostly accurate. If you ask it 'Do I have [name disease] and it spins anti clockwise it means no. Helps put the mind at rest, for me anyway, but you need to be open minded about things like spirit guides etc.. because that is the source.
Bigbadmouse
16-02-16, 13:30
Thank you for sharing this. I relate to so much of what you've said and it's no fun at all suddenly finding yourself in this state. I'm sorry that other people are experiencing this but it is comforting to hear that it's not just me!
Doctoraday
23-03-16, 22:27
I need to learn not to google. I always tell myself not to but when I can't sleep, I convince myself that it will make me feel better (silly girl) as it always makes me feel worse!! I try to tell myself I am being irrational, but that doesn't help either. I can't get out of my own head!!!
Yeah googling has costed me $4000 and almost 3 months of anxiety so far. I quit googling almost a month ago.
I know I suffer from health anxiety as I always think of the worst case scenario. And I always Google things which I know is the worst thing to do, I've had bad boots of anxiety before and when suffering I've thought how can this be down to anxiety. However at the minute I am having a bad time and constantly worrying 24/7 about possible brain tumour...I always remember being a headache person, but lately I have had different headaches some around one eye, and now some at the back of my head. My neck is also very tight and aching and I feel dizzy like a rocking sensation, if I put my head up after having it down for a while everything is slow and dizzyish. I have had these symptoms
Headaches, one sided normally sometimes both, and back of neck/head
Increased floaters in eyes worse in right, only in bright light or outside
Mixing up words sometimes
Dizziness
Eye lid twitch
Spaced out feeling detached,
Struggle concentrating even reading sometimes and writing things down
Eyes are sensitive to light seeing lots of glare
This all started around January just after I was very anxious about a mole I had removed which turned out fine
So around 3 months now, I feel better when I go home on a night and relax with my family and normally feel ok when I wake up, however as soon as I go out or see another family member or especially when I go to work it all starts.
I fixate on things like if I mix a word up I automatically think it's linked, any little thing
Can all of these things be from anxiety?
I had eye test just before floaters etc started, i am going to see neurologist in may as I have pushed my doc tor and I keep trying to fast track as may seems to far off, and I am getting a septoplasty surgery on my nose
Any thought would be appreciated
Thanks
Beckybecks
01-04-16, 10:53
What a relief to read this post. Like applying a soothing salve to an angry wound. It brought me so much relief. I share all her anxieties and can relate to all her fears. Well done to her for making a huge effort to recover from this nightmare condition. I wonder where she is in her life now, and whether she made it down the long road to recovery. I would love to see a post from her now and hear that she's survived and overcome her fears.
A reminder to all of us that recovery is possible.
Hi , I have suffered now with this health Anxiety for 2 years now all happened just because one operation had complications .. now I just think every single ache in my body is something that's going to kill me .. today was one of them days where I was checking my pulse was good all day :(
I'm completely the same guys I had a scare about 4 years ago I thought I either had cervical cancer or ovarian I did not have neither of which but now at the moment because I've had a few symptoms that I've brushed off I've convinced myself now that I shouldn't have left them and thus will be told i have an in curable neurological disease, I'm hoping I wont but in my mind at the moment until I see a neurologist who can give me some answers I can't get those horrible thoughts of 'im sure its something bad' out if my head ��
I thought I was the only one doing this!!
It does relieve my anxiety!
unsure_about_this
04-05-16, 09:30
I had a bit of a relapse about my health worries, and now worrying about testicular and skin cancer
Cannot stop examing my skin and testicles, worried about my freckles and any changes, scared I have skin cancer
As part of my medical condition of NF which I have to have blood tests done, urine samples, which came back fine the blood test was done because the day I did my urine sample I was busy in and out the house
I have worried if I sweating too much at night, whether I am tired meaning bad, yawning sometimes, hodgkins, prostate. it is none stop. I worry about every twinge, pain etc. that is means cancer
Thank you for sharing your story and all the nice advice; This story is like I was reading my story with HA; I started with Panic attacks a year and 3 month a good and this site had been a great help and support. I haven't been on lately because I doing much better since Nov15 no panic attack since then but lately I haven't sleep that much because stress with teenage son and a couple of day ago I had a paper cut and so far I was doing good on not Google but this morning I went to Dr. goggle (all bad things came up like sepsis etc) and my HA went all times high even having a small panic attack:weep: but right away I went to this site and just reading your post calming so much that I'm not freaking out no more:)
THANKS WORRY 2
I found this post so comforting. Thanks
unsure_about_this
27-08-16, 21:19
I have still having bad HA going to see the GP next month because I am still worry I have TC even though from the scan results I got told in the letter it was just cysts. I know I should believe these results but worry about my cysts have grown and could miss a possible tumour
I am so scared of ever ache and pain, worry sick I got testicular cancer and make them feel worst/sore and my poor tubes
I have got worry about my nights sweats and saw some sense that some nights you sweat more than others and depending how much clothing you sleep in affects this .
unsure_about_this
28-08-16, 11:59
I worried about my legs pains could be something to do with a cancer, maybe it because cross my leg
Also now on the prostate cancer worries at 32 whether i am getting pains for examinating my testicles too much, and worry about hips and abdominal pain, my wee flow has not changed and I dont have to get up to often in the night, or rush to the toilet.
unsure_about_this
20-10-16, 08:07
Now I think it oral cancer but seeing the dentist, white thing on gum, must be cancer, even though it likely a millliion of other things, i had a root canal done in 2006 and abcess in 2015
I serious think everything is cancer or something serious until it it being proof it is not serious by number of trips of GP and dentist
Dont read newspaper online because there is always an article about person x got or was mis
Has anyone found a medication that helps with HA? My Gp has offered a couple of SSRi's but because the main side effect when starting out for me has been increased anxiety I've never stuck with them.
Worrier1967
08-01-18, 02:51
Hi, thanks so much for your story. I can definitely relate. I struggle almost daily from ailment to ailment...Google this what if that etc. Driving myself crazy. I like your steps and honestly have heard most of them before...but never actually did them. It's time! Thanks again
unsure_about_this
04-04-18, 19:04
I found this article
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/27/health-anxiety-on-the-increase
unsure_about_this
05-04-18, 14:55
I also worried about my testicle, urine whether I saw blood this was my first wee of the day, never happened again but I am worried, I got a lot of things to talk about my anxiety and worries to the doctor, I think everything is the big c, I meant to be an uncle in October but .
ThroatGoat
08-05-18, 00:37
My biggest worry right now, aside from my swollen tonsils and terrible breath, is chills and hot/cold flashes, but even these could be caused anxiety apparently.
unsure_about_this
27-05-18, 18:21
I worried about every symptom I get now.
I want to thank you for this post, sounds like me to a tee, even the work I am putting in to loose weight and then nasty voice creeping in what if it's cancer. I worry about heart issues, diabetes, cancer, blood clots , if I cut or hurt myself to where is caused blood will it stop, to tingling in arms and hands yeah Google is not the answer but yet we keep going to google and freaking ourselves out more
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