On The Outside
14-12-10, 20:41
I was wondering if there are people here who are in a similar state that I'm currently in or have been but found a way out of it. I'm feeling really lonely and depressed at the moment and seem to permanently procrastinating on how to go about changing my life but never getting anywhere due to fear and anxiety.
Basically, I've always been shy and, since I left school, have found it very difficult to make friends. I spent at least six years not knowing or talking to anyone outside of my family though for most of this time I didn't feel particularly lonely. Then it suddenly hit me at the age of 23 how much I wanted to have friends and meet someone special. I felt hopeless not knowing where to start or how to go about meeting anyone. I'd suffered severe OCD for a number of years and had to do many rituals before I could leave the house (until this got so bad that I didn't go out for days, then weeks). Eventually the combination of my feelings of loneliness, desire to find a girlfriend but being too shy to approach anyone and the OCD rituals culminated in me having a nervous breakdown. I didn't have to go into hospital but soon after started to see therapists and a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD.
The first option available to me for making new friends was through several courses I attended which were specifically for people with some mental health problems (both long term and short term). I met a number of people through there that I didn't really have anything in common with but made a really good friend of someone with Bipolar Disorder which gave me an insight into his illness. Sadly he died early in 2006 of an unexpected accident.
In the meantime, I've made other friends through various groups I've attended but they've usually been short lived friendships, sometimes because they've been difficult to get on with or have sensed I'm a soft touch and taken advantage of my kind nature. I've also known people I've liked a lot but they've not really had time for me and lost touch.
One of the most common things that has happened is that the few friends I've had (who have mostly been male) end up getting a girlfriend and then I stop hearing from them. This has hurt me for a variety of reasons and I've recently become very depressed about how it's made me feel. I hate the way they just decide not to bother with me anymore once they've found someone and it also hurts me because, no matter what I've done to try and find a girlfriend, it's never worked out. I've tried various dating sites but rarely get any messages and now find it very hard to approach women on such sites as I've often not had replies to the messages I've sent them. I struggle to make friends elsewhere online and used to be on a number of social networking sites and support sites before I gave up on them as it seemed nobody really wanted to know.
I do have one real life friend who I haven't officially fallen out with (he's the one exception who hasn't found anyone and doesn't get any interest from women!) but, despite us having some interests in common (mostly based around past music and TV), he's one of the most difficult, stubborn and insensitive people I've ever met. I can't count the number of times he's said things that have hurt me (usually personal remarks) and, over the last couple of years, I've discovered the more assertive (and, occasionally, justifiably angry with him) I've been with him, the more selfish and unpleasant he's become. He can be really overpowering and "in yer face" when he's wirh someone (with me anyway) but rarely phones me and expects all his friends to call him. So recently I've decided, as I have done before, to leave him to get in touch.
I wish I had some friends who could understand how I feel and maybe offer me some encouragement that I don't get from anyone. I've never had a lot of confidence but used to have more than I do now and greater self esteem.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to reply or PM me if you have any advice or ideas on what I should do.
Basically, I've always been shy and, since I left school, have found it very difficult to make friends. I spent at least six years not knowing or talking to anyone outside of my family though for most of this time I didn't feel particularly lonely. Then it suddenly hit me at the age of 23 how much I wanted to have friends and meet someone special. I felt hopeless not knowing where to start or how to go about meeting anyone. I'd suffered severe OCD for a number of years and had to do many rituals before I could leave the house (until this got so bad that I didn't go out for days, then weeks). Eventually the combination of my feelings of loneliness, desire to find a girlfriend but being too shy to approach anyone and the OCD rituals culminated in me having a nervous breakdown. I didn't have to go into hospital but soon after started to see therapists and a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD.
The first option available to me for making new friends was through several courses I attended which were specifically for people with some mental health problems (both long term and short term). I met a number of people through there that I didn't really have anything in common with but made a really good friend of someone with Bipolar Disorder which gave me an insight into his illness. Sadly he died early in 2006 of an unexpected accident.
In the meantime, I've made other friends through various groups I've attended but they've usually been short lived friendships, sometimes because they've been difficult to get on with or have sensed I'm a soft touch and taken advantage of my kind nature. I've also known people I've liked a lot but they've not really had time for me and lost touch.
One of the most common things that has happened is that the few friends I've had (who have mostly been male) end up getting a girlfriend and then I stop hearing from them. This has hurt me for a variety of reasons and I've recently become very depressed about how it's made me feel. I hate the way they just decide not to bother with me anymore once they've found someone and it also hurts me because, no matter what I've done to try and find a girlfriend, it's never worked out. I've tried various dating sites but rarely get any messages and now find it very hard to approach women on such sites as I've often not had replies to the messages I've sent them. I struggle to make friends elsewhere online and used to be on a number of social networking sites and support sites before I gave up on them as it seemed nobody really wanted to know.
I do have one real life friend who I haven't officially fallen out with (he's the one exception who hasn't found anyone and doesn't get any interest from women!) but, despite us having some interests in common (mostly based around past music and TV), he's one of the most difficult, stubborn and insensitive people I've ever met. I can't count the number of times he's said things that have hurt me (usually personal remarks) and, over the last couple of years, I've discovered the more assertive (and, occasionally, justifiably angry with him) I've been with him, the more selfish and unpleasant he's become. He can be really overpowering and "in yer face" when he's wirh someone (with me anyway) but rarely phones me and expects all his friends to call him. So recently I've decided, as I have done before, to leave him to get in touch.
I wish I had some friends who could understand how I feel and maybe offer me some encouragement that I don't get from anyone. I've never had a lot of confidence but used to have more than I do now and greater self esteem.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to reply or PM me if you have any advice or ideas on what I should do.