such a mess, dont know what to do anymore

[candicemarie88]

i cant control myself i cant stop crying. i just dont know what to do anymore, i cant handle the fact that im alive. i cant stop worrying and im sleeping at least 12 hours a night, usually more, but im still so tired and have no energy. i feel breathless and on edge, i really think that im going to die and feel so alone. how am i going to overcome this... the diazepam isnt working as effectively now and i only have 3 left. im so so scared every single day. im not going out as much either because im scared i might drop down dead and would rather be at home if that were to happen. i cant sleep now im too wound up, i just want someone with me to help me, whats wrong with me.

[looking4answers]

You just have anxiety sweety..You will be ok. You just have to kind of keep going and try harder just a little everyday ..Things will get better and one day soon you will get up and make the decision to get out and get going with your life. I know things look bleak right now but Its short lived.Ever here the saying.."this too shall pass" it will.I Know it seems terrible right now but the best is just right around the corner.Just hang in there. Take care and feel better soon.Michael

[gaaron]

Hi candicemarie, looking4answers put into words what I couldn't...you'll be fine x

[blue moon]

:bighug1::bighug1:
Love Petra x

[candicemarie88]

Thankyou, I just hate being like this, I don't feel right anymore and am always feeling this sense of depersonalisation. I can't help but worry and sometimes I begin to panic for no apparent reason. I'm so worried that I won't get better for christmas and will ruin it for my family. I know it will get better, but I jut don't see how at the moment. Im seeing my doctor tomorrow, so hopefully he can advise me and prescribe me something.

Thankyou :)

[PokerFace]

Hey hun, did you ring the doctor? Maybe when you go, ask about CBT and until then you could buy a book based on it. Your not very old are you? In your 20s I think you said? You've got a LONG time before you have to start worrying about dying. Anxiety just makes you feel like you're about to die. Nobody's ever died from it! :)

Maybe you need to have a think about where this comes from. I only just figured out what my anxiety's all about because nobody in my family except me is anxious. I never grew up around anxious people and my parents are the least anxious people you'll meet! Figuring out the cause of my anxiety has helped me get my head round it a bit more so maybe doing some soul searching of your own will help you!

It does get better. xx

[candicemarie88]

hey. yeah i have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. I intend on asking about CBT and hopefully he will check out my heartbeat, because it's been really worrying me tonight, keeps feeling like its stopped and i can't breath or find a pulse for a few seconds :( :S. I bought a book on health anxiety about a month ago, which uses the cbt method and includes questionnaires and tasks to complete, thouygh i think i'd benefit much more seeing a therapist.

I'm 22 but i just worry that im one of those unlucky individuals who develops a disease and dies from it. I'm worried that because of my chronic anxiety that that's the reason my heart is playing up and maybe i might just drop down dead from stress... i was reading up on voodoo death and scaring myself silly.. so now that's stuck in my mind!!

i was always very shy at school and a bit of a loner back then, so had very low self-esteem. I was diagnosed with social anxiety 2 years ago, but it's since developed into a constant state of worry over everything. anxiety and mental health problems run in my family. My auntie is agraphobic and suffers from social anxiety... although i've never actuallty met her because she's suffered from it for 20 odd years.

I hope it gets better, because im beginning to lose hope, i can't stop worrying, and soemtimes i don't even know what im anxious about, just being alive i guess and the fact that im going to die and it could be sooner rather than later.

Thanks hun, hope you're okay :) x

[PokerFace]

Don't lose hope. You won't develop anything this quickly it's impossible and if you did (which you won't) you'd know 100% because it would probably be accompanied by black outs. You won't drop dead from stress at your age either! At 22 your heart is just a baby, very strong. Anxiety just makes it do all this horrible stuff that feels so awful it gets you thinking there has to be something wrong.

How long have you been worrying about your heart now? x

[candicemarie88]

thanks, i know you're right... it's just once i get something into my head it's very difficult to remove it!!

i've always been aware of my heartbeat and always worried if i experienced any chest or arm pain. I first went to A&E about it when I was 18, where i had an ECG and told things were totally normal and I was healthy and was sent away with 2 paracetamol... was very embarrasing. It never bothered me unless i had any pain, but these last few months i've been really stressed over it and my body just isn't used to constant anxiety. I've alway been prone to it though, it just used to come and go, but now i can't do the things i enjoy because im too distracted by my heart.

how long did it take for you to notice any improvements? are you recieveing cbt atm? x

[PokerFace]

No I've never had CBT, I've got a book on it but that's it. First few months of my anxiety were the worst, I was convinced this was never gonna go away. I kept expecting to wake up every morning and it would just have vanished but nope! After the first 3-5 months things started to look up and I felt normal for about a week or so, then after that it was just constant ups and downs.

I've only really started improving these last couple of weeks or so thanks to exercise and trying to change my thinking pattern. I'm far from cured, I still panic about chest pain, left arm pain, ectopic beats but they're just moments. Couple of months ago a chest pain or arm pain would have sent me on an anxiety spiral for weeks! x

[candicemarie88]

glad you're feeling better, though i know it's a long journey and one i need to begin! have you not asked about cbt? sorry, i cant remember if i asked you this.. are you on meds? my memory is terrible at the mo!!

Im really anxious about going to the drs tomorrow, i hate the whole experience.. and they are always in a rush because there are other patients to see.

can you not sleep, is that why yorue still up? my sleep pattern is a right mess, im beginning to become a bit sleepy now though.. think i should take a diazepam soon, i only have 3 left! not sure if i'll be prescribed more.. i hope so though, because i hate this!!

i sleep way too much, its so much better than being awake at this moment in time. im still constantly tired and lack so much energy. i know i should get some fresh air and not stay couped up inside all day long, but im so worried about collapsing that i cant go out alone!

x

[Jamie C]

Hi
I felt like this just a few days ago, since being on here its really opened my mind and made me feel not so alone, its also boosted my confidence and my motivation to "beat" anxiety. I to get the sence of depersonalisation and worry alot about things which doesn't help at all and it puts a big downer on everything, especially at this time of year at christmas which is sposed to be a time were the family can get together and have fun, your doctor will be able to give you some good advice and help calm you down abit and make you worry less.

I was also a loner at school and got reguarly bullied and i have a low self-esteem and i'm not confident so i guess you could say i have social anxiety too, but i want to beat HA first (one thing at a time :P) I don't want to have bad thoughts and feel that i'm dying, i'm only 18 and we have hardly lived so thinking about death is very upsetting, we all want to succeed and do well in life, and live a long healthy life, which you will.
Hope your feeling better soon, its nice to know your not alone when it comes to experiancing these things. Perhaps i should invest in a Book.

Cheers Jamie C

[PokerFace]

No I can't sleep either lol and no I never asked about CBT. I'm a bit funny when it comes to doctors, I hate going cuz it scares me. I'm on 30mg of propranolol daily for my anxiety.

My sleepin patterns a bit of a mess at the moment too but it's nothing that can't be sorted so don't worry yourself! You could get someone to come on little walks with you to build up the confidence you've lost. I was scared of going out too, still am a little bit! x