I am terrified

[Mogwog]

Some of you may have read my post about a small gland in my collarbone about 0.5cm in size.

Had it checked by 3 docs and told its fine which I believed. Well I can feel something much bigger near the small one. Went to docs on Tues and broke down telling her I thought I had cancer now this other one has come up, she had a feel and said she does't know what it is - she thought she could feel similar on my other collarbone but not as pronounced. She said it could be swollen tissue, but to me (and I know i'm not a dr:blush:)it feels like a very very soft gland but its really big:weep:.
If you have ever had a gland here and googled you will have read all the scary stuff that comes up (glands here usually only really swell as a result of cancer)

She said she can't refer me yet for a scan or anything as it hasnt been there for 6 weeks yet. I have a double appt with her on Tues evening next week to talk about my anxeity and so she can check lump again.

I had started to feel good as my other lump was fine and then I find this damn thing too.

I am now so so scared that I can barely function. I wake every morning hysterical telling my husband i don't want to die yet, I look at my 5 year old boy and cry because I don't want to leave him - he is so vunerable, he is disabled - i'm his main carer.

I am terrified this lump won't go. I have been told not to poke it , in the hope it will go away, but I am scared that if I don't touch it and keep an eye on it that it will be massive by the time I check it next (sorry that hardly makes sense)

I truly believe that this is it for me now, that my time is up :weep:

If you have got this far thank you for reading

L.xxxxx

[LisaLisa]

Oh MoG wog!!

Please see that there are huge errors in your thinking about this I promise. Your dr , and any dr for that matter, are very good at feeling for glands and would not mistake a gland for something else....you got to try and see that your very high adrenaline levels and anxiety is causing your brain to zone in to the scary option that it thinks you need protecting from. But its an illusion i promise. The adrenaline is altering your thoughts..FACT!

The dr would not wait six months for a scan of anything that they beleieved to be remotely suggestive of a cancer or other serious conditions.. they are simply not allowed to. There are very strict NHS guidelines of how and when to refer for all types of condition.....trust me i found them on the net!!

She has been trained and has to have had anywhere between a lot and loads of experience to actually be a GP in the first place...Did you know that they are the most influential people in a community!?!? Thats a little Lisa fact for the day LOL!! true though!

You know we simply have no comprehension of all the knowledge and information and symtoms and signs that a dr deals with and thinks about when they are in a consulation with us.....its really foolish of us to think we know better really. What ever it is in your collar area is clearly in no way suggestive to your dr of anything to worry about....trust her. She knows a lot more about all the benign and boring things that Dr goole doesnt even mention and beleive me there are loads!!!

Mogwog I really feel for you becase we are soooo similar. Im battling with tingling and numbness today in hands and feet and coming up yet again with HIV...hhhhmmmmmmm nothing changes it seems.

Pm me hun if you need to #

Lisa
xxxx:hugs::hugs:

[Mogwog]

Thank you Lisa

I am just so so sad and terrified.

I had a complete breakdown on Tues and had to call my mum out of work to come and look after me - i'm 28!:blush:

My family are being so so supportive - I couldn't ask for more.

I just can't see past this lump. I have images flash into my head of my husband and son trying to get on with life without me.

My Dr has put me on Fluxotine, i'm only on day 3.

In all of my health scares this is by far the worst.:scared15:

Again, thank you so much for reading and replying.

xxxxxxxxxxx

[LisaLisa]

I know luv its so draining isnt it. two years ago I had a total break down as well. I couldnt function either and my family has todo so much to help me. I saw a phychologist for about six months and it was a real turning point for me. I started sertraline ( similar to what your on)and it had a really good effect and started me functioning almost normally again.

Things will get better soon. Before long you will be thinking how much better you are and things will slowly but surely fall into place again and you will be able to see why you dont need to worry like this.

Hang in there dear , your not alone and all this is normal for anxiety

Lisa
xxxxxx

[countrygirl]

Lou you are in such a state could you not ask your Dr to send you for the scan earlier just for your sake - she obviously does not think you need it physically but mentally you need it. Can you afford to pay for a scan as you could get one in a few days if you could????? I'm not saying this because I think you need a scan at all but I feel that the only way you will get past this absolute terror is to have a scan that will put your mind at rest about cancer. The trouble is that we get like this with all of our health fears - I have had endless tests and it seems in no time at all that I then get another different symptom that could be caused by something terminal and I am off again - worrying and panicking until I have had the next test - example is that 18months ago I had large ovarian cyst ( routine ultrasound picked it up) they were sure it was just a cyst but had a mri and bloods to confirm. Nearly a year ago I had 6 weeks of low grade ache on side of cyst and eventually had another ultrsound which showed the cyst had gone the ache was obviousy it going -I had had no symptoms when I had the cyst intitially. I was so happy it had gone but its not nearly a year since my last ultrasound and although I have no symptoms I am worrying that I have another one or womb cancer and this is just due to the time lag- only another scan will stop me worrying:mad:

[Mogwog]

Hi Countrygirl.

I can't go private as I still need a referal :weep: and she said she won't refer me until its been there 6 weeks.

Because she said it might be swollen tissue I am doing everything I can to make it go away - not poking it as I know it will make anythnig worse. I am putting ice compress on it, taking anti inflammatries.

I'm just so scared its not going to go and I dont know what i'll do if it doesn't.

I actually just cannot cope anymore - this has really done me in

xxxxx

[LisaLisa]

I know for me having tests when they arent needed keeps the anxiety going and the focus on health. Its like trying to get 100% certainty when it doesnt actually exist for anything and we dont usually need it unless we are suuuuuper anxious with HA and even then its reassurance seeking and not at all helpfull.

But i guess evryone is different

Lisa
xxxxx