Boyfriend broke up with me..after 5 years..

[Liliana83]

Hey everyone..I haven't been on this forum for a very long time because things were looking up for me..but now I am at a crossroads. My now ex bf who is in a different state..whom which I was going to relocate with..has dumped me. We had it all mapped out..he'd been wanting to move back to his hometown and I was all for it. I wanted to experience something new and exciting. He moved there first while I stayed with my parents to save up money to go there..he left Nov. 20th and has been there since.
These weeks apart made him realize he never wants to get married in the near future nor want kids..which is a huge shock considering that he knows that I want both. We had never discussed how he didn't..and to make matters worse he told me all this in a very long email. To me it's a slap in my face..5 years together and this is how he tells me?? Not even face to face..my sadness is turning to anger...this is not the kind of closure I wanted.
To make matters worse he emails me again today that he needs a couple days to make sure he is making the right decision. I am feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I don't understand his behavior...I thought we were a solid couple...guessed wrong. Help! I need thoughts/advice..thanks in advance.

[allergyphobia]

hi lili, welcome back :hugs:

i am sorry to hear about the circumstances that have made you return... it sounds like you are having a rough time of it at the moment..

did you reply to your boyfriends email? it sounds as though the distance has made him a little confused, but he has no right to do this to you just over email, especially after 5 years.

have you seen him since you moved away? can you not speak to him on the phone?

He has not been there very long, and these are some big decisions that he has made, he shouldn't be messing you around like this.

take care hun,
Amber x

[Liliana83]

We talked on the phone right after he sent it..I don't know what to think of all of this. We were so compatible..we NEVER really fought..we had great chemistry. Not only did I lose a great guy..but also a best friend. He knows how upset I am by all of this..especially since he did this to me a thousand miles away! I told him I need closure..that I want him to fly down to console me. I kind of regret saying that..but is that too much to ask for..? I was with him for 5 years..through thick and thin. He says he needs a couple days to see if he made the right decision..but what for? I don't except him to change his mind..because he broke my heart. Thank goodness I have my family & friends support. I feel absolutely devastated..so sad and confused.

[Liliana83]

No, haven't seen him since Nov 20th..and I agree and don't understand his thoughts after only a few weeks apart..I just don't understand this..

[blueangel]

That's such a cowardly way to end a relationship - I think he owes it to you to see you face to face to explain himself, at least, particularly as you were together for 5 years. Is there any possibility that he is just in some sort of anxiety state himself and doesn't know what he wants at the moment?

[Geoff2301]

God.... he's a cheeky unfeeling bxxxxrd!!....... and a right coward as well...... and he wants a couple more days to make sure he's made the right decision..... unbelievable!! He'd better do some serious grovelling if he deserves a second chance....... I'd have been furious!!

[allergyphobia]

i agree with Geoff... he doesn't deserve you, even if we was confused, he should've talked it through with you, rather than hurt you like this

:hugs:

stay speaking on here and to your friends and family, you will get through this and be STRONGER with or without that guy....

xx

[Liliana83]

Oh trust me..I called him a coward for it..he says he's so sorry and that he still loves me. He isn't making any sense right now..maybe he is just confused and overwhelmed? I don't know. I agree..he owes it to me..to talk to me in person. I'm so depressed..I don't even know how I am functioning right now..

[Liliana83]

I was doing a little better yesterday..but today I feel worse..I didn't sleep well last night..even though I took some sleeping pills. I woke up looking horrid..mom says my eyes were puffy..I looked in the mirror and they are..and now have dark circles under my eyes. I'm going out with my best girl friend this evening..I really hope it keeps my mind off of him..of us. I just feel numb right now..very numb..

[allergyphobia]

Awhh Lili, well done on trying to get some sleep, and also seeing your friends. course your eyes will be puffy from being tired and upset... pull some nice cool water or a cold flannel on them and lots of moisturiser :)

it's going to take you a while to stop feeling numb... though if i were you tbh hun i would be feeling angry and want some answers. have you spoken to him since?

take care
amber xx

[Liliana83]

No, haven't spoken to him since day before last..since he told me he needs time to think about his decision..

Yeah, I'm trying to keep myself busy..hope it helps..thanks for your kind words.

[allergyphobia]

just take it an hour at a time, you're seeing your friend tonight, tomorrow plan something too. lots of things, even if it just washing your hair or painting your nails or watching a television programme, hour by hour you will get through the days x x

[Liliana83]

Yeah, I kept pretty busy this weekend..I haven't spoken or heard from him in two days. I haven't even broke down since Friday..I'm not going to go out of my way to get a hold of him..done making the first move..if he wants to talk..we can..I am not hanging onto hope..I don't think he will change his mind.

[Liliana83]

Ok, so I guess I got the closure I wanted, yesterday. We talked for a good half hour..and he just can't commit to more than marriage. He says (which is true)has seen too much divorce and splits in his immediate family and friends. He said he loves me and doesn't want that to happen between us. He also doesn't think he's mentally ready and wants to be alone right now. We both cried and know we still care for each other. He just wants to be honest with himself. I'm doing okay..glad we talked about it. I know it will take time to get over this heart break..but I know in the long run I will be fine. Thanks everyone for their support.

[allergyphobia]

Glad to hear you are okay Lili. You sound very very strong and wise. Take care :hugs:

[Liliana83]

^Thanks so much! :hugs: