harasgenster
17-12-10, 15:53
Hi
I wasn't sure where to post this so I hope general anxiety is ok!
I just wondered if anyone had any advice on being assertive and dealing with arguments, or if they knew of any online courses I could try? (I'm not one for group therapy/classes etc).
I back down in arguments and just want everything to better again so I apologise if it's not actually my fault and then just continue feeling really miserable and angry about the original issue because I haven't been apologised to and I feel like I've been hard done by.
This happened last night. Me and boyfriend have a bit of a project together, I don't want to go too much into it because I'm paranoid someone who vaguely knows me will come on here and identify me! But it's a creative thing that I write and he helps out with on the more practical side and then it gets published.
I'm really proud of this thing I do and I brought my boyfriend into it because he's much better at the job he's doing and I didn't have time for it. The thing is, I write everything down for him and then he leaves it to the last minute (we have deadlines) and then he doesn't follow my instructions properly and leaves bits out/does something I didn't want him to etc. I don't mind him putting things in that I haven't thought of because he's really good at it. But he just doesn't read the instructions properly and forgets loads of things I've asked him to do.
I feel really gutted when an idea I've had that I thought was good doesn't go into print because he's forgotten about it and I always keep on top of him to try and help him manage his time. If I talk to him about it he always tells me I'm just stressing him out and goes off in a sulk. I told him off a bit last night because we had a deadline and he left it too late (again!) and then he missed out some bits I really, really liked.
I'm absolutely gutted that it hasn't come out as it should have because, like I say, I'm really proud of my work. But he went off in such a sulk and has been so weird with me that I apologised. He hasn't apologised to me for not following my instructions and is instead acting as if this is all my fault! He's just moaning that I seem to want him to work more than he should have to, even though I've told him he can drop out anytime!
Sorry for the long post. I just don't know how to deal with these situations. I get so angry and I can't show him how angry I am because of the consequences (him not talking to me or getting sulky or being angry with me). I don't think he's ever going to apologise anyway. I asked him to put in the things he missed tonight and I'll ask if I can make changes with the publication. But I don't think he's going to do it. I think he's just going to blame me for making his work too complicated, which will take him longer to do.
We get on in every other way except for this. We never argue, except for over this. I don't think he wants to drop out because he enjoys it really. He keeps saying that he wants to do it. But I need to find a way I can show him that I feel angry and be able to deal with him being sulky for a little while!
I wasn't sure where to post this so I hope general anxiety is ok!
I just wondered if anyone had any advice on being assertive and dealing with arguments, or if they knew of any online courses I could try? (I'm not one for group therapy/classes etc).
I back down in arguments and just want everything to better again so I apologise if it's not actually my fault and then just continue feeling really miserable and angry about the original issue because I haven't been apologised to and I feel like I've been hard done by.
This happened last night. Me and boyfriend have a bit of a project together, I don't want to go too much into it because I'm paranoid someone who vaguely knows me will come on here and identify me! But it's a creative thing that I write and he helps out with on the more practical side and then it gets published.
I'm really proud of this thing I do and I brought my boyfriend into it because he's much better at the job he's doing and I didn't have time for it. The thing is, I write everything down for him and then he leaves it to the last minute (we have deadlines) and then he doesn't follow my instructions properly and leaves bits out/does something I didn't want him to etc. I don't mind him putting things in that I haven't thought of because he's really good at it. But he just doesn't read the instructions properly and forgets loads of things I've asked him to do.
I feel really gutted when an idea I've had that I thought was good doesn't go into print because he's forgotten about it and I always keep on top of him to try and help him manage his time. If I talk to him about it he always tells me I'm just stressing him out and goes off in a sulk. I told him off a bit last night because we had a deadline and he left it too late (again!) and then he missed out some bits I really, really liked.
I'm absolutely gutted that it hasn't come out as it should have because, like I say, I'm really proud of my work. But he went off in such a sulk and has been so weird with me that I apologised. He hasn't apologised to me for not following my instructions and is instead acting as if this is all my fault! He's just moaning that I seem to want him to work more than he should have to, even though I've told him he can drop out anytime!
Sorry for the long post. I just don't know how to deal with these situations. I get so angry and I can't show him how angry I am because of the consequences (him not talking to me or getting sulky or being angry with me). I don't think he's ever going to apologise anyway. I asked him to put in the things he missed tonight and I'll ask if I can make changes with the publication. But I don't think he's going to do it. I think he's just going to blame me for making his work too complicated, which will take him longer to do.
We get on in every other way except for this. We never argue, except for over this. I don't think he wants to drop out because he enjoys it really. He keeps saying that he wants to do it. But I need to find a way I can show him that I feel angry and be able to deal with him being sulky for a little while!