candicemarie88
18-12-10, 17:33
i felt quite relaxed last night and was not worrying about my heart so watched some tv and had some weetabix to eat (thought this would be good for me). After about half an hour i had very bad reflux and felt as if someone was sitting on my chest and strangling me, i then noticed these weird loose and hollow feelings in my chest followed by fluttering and skipping sensations. I started panicking again and couldnt relax. I was up until 6am trying to calm down and was sat on my windowsil, head out the window for 2 hours trying to breathe in the fresh air. I still feel terrible, I've had a bath and a shower today, tried to read, helped put up christmas decorations to take my mind off it, but then i experince these awful sensations and am back to being extremely frightened. I have to go to bed and have a rest with the light out, because my vision is still very blurred. I can't live like this, I have no diazepam left and am freaking out because i REALLY need some.
I was going to go out earlier to boots to find some kalms or something to help take the edge off, but i can't go out, i hate myself, i look a mess and my skin has become all blotchy and spotty... i tried putting on some make up but i still looked really ill and couldnt face the big wide world. i'm meant to be going out tonight to meet friends and we're supposed to be dressing up and having some drinks.... i dont know what to do, i want to go, but i dont want to drink and dont know what to say!!!! my boyfriend will be there, and he is aware of my anxiety issues, but he doesnt understand and thinks im a big drama queen and attention seeker who always looks for problems so then i'll get some sympathy. I'm worried I might lose him if i dont get better soon because it is putting a massive strain on our relationship.... I'm really trying, I just want to get better and my life back on track.
I was going to go out earlier to boots to find some kalms or something to help take the edge off, but i can't go out, i hate myself, i look a mess and my skin has become all blotchy and spotty... i tried putting on some make up but i still looked really ill and couldnt face the big wide world. i'm meant to be going out tonight to meet friends and we're supposed to be dressing up and having some drinks.... i dont know what to do, i want to go, but i dont want to drink and dont know what to say!!!! my boyfriend will be there, and he is aware of my anxiety issues, but he doesnt understand and thinks im a big drama queen and attention seeker who always looks for problems so then i'll get some sympathy. I'm worried I might lose him if i dont get better soon because it is putting a massive strain on our relationship.... I'm really trying, I just want to get better and my life back on track.