lisey123
18-12-10, 17:50
Hi - Im new to this site but know I've found it at just the right time. Ive experienced panic attacks and episodes of severe anxiety mainly around my health since I was 17. I am now 35 and am going through another episode of constant worry about my health. In the last 17 years Ive imagined brain tumors, loads of different cancers, blood clots, strokes, allergic reactions and fears of HIV ( which caused terrible anxiety and depression during my first pregnancy). My latest obsession is cancer of the ovaries/ kidney cancer/failure and I feel like the most selfish person in the whole world as I'm totally obsessing about it. The slightest thing thats wrong me with manifests itself into a terminal illness. I go straight from A to Z in the blink of an eye. This extends to the health of my children ( although I hide it from them). I also have terrible panic attacks if they are even 1 minute late home when they are in the car, or walking to a friends house. I worry about them when they are at school and when they are asleep I still check them ( they are 13 and 9) like you check on a new born baby. I fall to sleep at night and imagine that the next morning I will crash my car or that my heart will go into failure. Im so scared of everything these days, and I know I must sound very,very weak but everytime I think my anxiety has gone away it comes back again. I do have breaks usually during the summer months when I forget about all of this and just live, but right now Im awake in the early hours wondering if I will wake in the morning and what terrible problems I might have to face.