What about love??

[hannah84]

Hello,

My name is Hannah and I have been on this site for over a year now and have anxiety and panic attacks for 15 years, I have been told that I am a nice person, funny, kind, lovable but I have never been in love, I have never had a boyfriend and I am scared I never will.

Because I first started having panic attacks when I was sixteen I didnt really think about boyfriends and dating and such, and I over time I have become scared of getting close to anyone because I think they might find me weird for having them, I mean how would I cope if I had a panic attack in front of him, how would he cope would he be embarassed by mean would he even know what a panic attack was?
I want to meet someone and fall head over heels in love but being a mixture of shyness and panic attacks seems to stop me from finding anyone or letting myself relax around anyone.

Sorry to rant on its just I wondered if everyone else had partners and how did you meet them while suffering anxiety/panic attacks, what should I do I know that everyone says what will be will be and that I'll meet someone when its the right time but im 26 now and worried I may never meet anyone.
Again sorry to go on but any advice or experiences would be so fantastic, Thank you
Hannah x

[Going home]

Hi Hannah and what a lovely honest post, if a bit sad for you. Can I just say that even though you get very embarrassed about panic attacks and having anxiety, these happen to almost everybody out there at some point. Most people have hang ups and phobias...including blokes as you can see on the forum, so please don't let it stop you from getting into a relationship with someone. If a chap cares enough about you he will understand and if he makes you feel bad about your panics and anxiety then he's not worth being with. When you read the threads and replies here, you'll always see alot of the women who are married and who have partners will talk about how their other halves understand and accept it. My own partner has seen me on my knees with fear and he never questions it, only supports me if I need it. He knows the preparation rituals I have to go through before driving, or in any situation that makes me panic, he knows what I go through and he understands and loves me despite it all. In fact, besides the members of this forum, he has helped me to find my way through all the cr*p to where I am now...almost normal :D

Your man is out there and you will find him and he'll accept you even with your anxieties, panic, warts and all. Don't give up on love ok?

Best wishes
Anna xxx

[lizzie29]

Hi Hannah

I'm 26 too and single! I started seeing someone recently and told them about my anxiety, which I thought they took well at first but then they stopped contacting me and ignored my texts - not sure if it was related to my anxiety but I think it may have been.

I too worry about never finding anyone who will understand and accept what I have and the fact that it doesn't mean I'm crazy, or any less of a good person. BUT, I cling to the hope that there ARE nice people out there, and hopefully I'll find one someday!

PM me if you want to keep in touch and chat about stuff :) x

[blueangel]

I've suffered from anxiety on and off throughout my life, and I've had variable problems with relationships as a result of it. My ex-husband was actually pretty good about it, as he was an "anxious type" as well. Two other partners just didn't really understand it and seemed to think that if you tell someone to snap out of it, they could magically change everything. My current partner is brilliant though; he's naturally a very optimistic person and not much given to being anxious, and he's a really good influence on me.

[trev1234]

im 43..male...and im loosing my relationship due to GAD....one things led to another...arguing drinking...its a real shit when it goes wrong...i may have to leave my home before xmas...it killing me slowly...seems like everone else all around you is just focused on xmas and having good times...sorry for the negative post ... :) for those that dont care about people with panics etc...SOD EM !

[hannah84]

Thank you so much for all your replies, Anna your message has given me hope and I really do hope that I can find someone like you have, I just find that sometimes people will see me differently if they know about my anxieties but I know that if I find a man that loves me hopefully he will love me no matter what!! x

[Wildmage]

I am 37 and am new to this forum, but I want to tell you I can relate to this so much.

I have suffered with anxiety for the past 16 years due to a very bad relationship, which I managed to walk away from when I was 21 (abusive). However, since then I stopped living, I stopped going out and meeting people and have only had two other relationships over the years, who both cheated on me in part due to my anxiety, they did not understand. This has now left me very wary and with very little trust in men. I am very shy, unsure and wary of men and have never been able to get close to anyone. I feel like if I met someone I liked, which has happened in the past, if they knew about my anxiety issues, they would run a mile....:blush:

If you read my introduction, you will see I am trying to move to Canada, but I am really anxious about leaving my parents, even though I am 37!! I guess I am scared of losing the only support I have, but I want to get my life back, and not let this anxiety and wariness of men stop me from living, which it has been doing.

I do not have a life here and do not have any friends here anymore (all married with kids and moved away) who could help me get out and meet people. I have friends in Canada who might/could. I feel like I have just been existing and not living for the past 5 years, since last relationship ended.

I want to know what it feels like to fall in love and have what everyone else has, someone to talk with, laugh with and feel comfortable with. I have never had this and I want this so much. I dream of meeting someone, almost every day

So I just wanted to say I completely understand and I am sure, as you are younger than me, that you can meet someone too just don't give up, keep trying

[Eggy]

I know how you feel, I am in my late 20's and feel that i won't be able to have a relationship again as a lot of women would probably not want to date someone with 'issues'.

Hopefully i will meet someone soon, I would really like to find myself a nice understanding woman.

[Vixxy]

I've had a few long term relationship whilst suffering with anxiety. In fact the last one married me! So it's not all doom and gloom. Love can happen and there are plenty of people out there that won't see your health as a problem.

[hannah84]

Thank you again for all the replies, The reason I wrote the first post is because I heard someone say that "a life without love is no life at all" and that really scared me I want to meet someone so much but as I dont go out that much at the moment because of my anxieties I just cant meet someone and I am just so scared that when they find out the real me I they wont like it.

But thank you so much Vixxy it is people like ypurself who make me feel better x

Wildmange I am so glad you posted as you understand exactly what I mean, I am sure that we will both meet someone that loves us just the way we are!!! x

[Vixxy]

I actually met my husband on-line. We were playing an on-line game and got to know each others personalities and eventually realised it was a bit more than friendship. Love can strike at any moment, so it will happen for you :)
When you find him, he will accept you for all your faults just as you will accept his. So please don't worry about him not liking the real you! As a teenager I was convinced noone would ever love or want me for me. I was wrong, and you will be too :)
Try to enjoy your singledom whilst you have it :D It's nice being able to watch whatever TV you want to watch, to eat what you fancy and to not have to clean up after another person lol.

[shoegal]

I just stumbled upon this thread and wanted to add to it. I have agoraphobia and panic attacks and it has never stopped me having relationships. I am 37 and have never been single for more than a few months. My relationships have all been long term, one lasted 11 years. I tell everybody who knows me that I suffer from anxiety and then if they accept me for who I am regardless of my issues then I know it's safe to progress onto a relationship (if that's on the cards). Basically my relationships always start off as friendships and so my anxiety has never been a barrier for me. My relationships have obviously all ended but I can safely say that my panic attacks had nothing to do with it. Don't give up hope. You will meet someone one day. :)

[harasgenster]

Hi Hannah,
I think everybody's pretty much said it all but I thought I'd chip in to just agree, really! I've suffered from MH issues since I was 12, now 24, and have never had trouble finding a boyfriend. Admittedly, many of them have had MH problems too, but a few have been totally happy, chirpy, optimistic types! Which was great, because if two people in a relationship both have problems, they can feed into each other, but if you're with someone who is happy then they rub off on you! :)

I have never had anyone leave me because of my anxiety, however, I ended up with social phobia for a few years because my friends all b*ggered off when I was at school and abandoned me. I assumed this was because my MH issues had become too much for them and they thought I was just too weird. Turns out, it was just because they didn't like my bf at the time! (Still not very nice of them to p*ss off for two years, though!) I still think some of it had to do with MH, because sometimes they seemed embarrassed about me.

But, to be honest, I've never had those kind of troubles in a relationship, and the time I was abandoned was when we were teenagers. The same people would not do the same thing now we are adults. It's quite difficult to hide my problems but no one has ever taken issue with that! Nice people don't turn away because of a panic attack. Maybe unpleasant people would. But you don't want to go out with an idiot anyway!

I am happy to wager all my money that you will find love :)

Also, my friend used to feel that she would never find love and I'll tell you what I said to her. It's sort of a joke, but it's sort of true...

The vast majority of people get married. That includes REALLY horrible people! Thus, the idea that you will not, especially not being a horrible person yourself, is immensely improbable! You would have to be exceptionally unlucky not to find someone and those kind of incredibly slim odds are simply not worth considering!

Seemed to cheer my friend up so I thought I'd say it here. The fear of not finding love, in my opinion, is irrational, thus just another symptom of anxiety :)

[oldtime]

My sister has had panic attacks since she was 12 and she did not have a relationship with a man until she was 35. She has since been married divorced after 7 years and now has regular dates with men. She still gets panic attacks when socialising but it no longer stop her from doing what she wants to do. One thing you could discuss with your doctor is the temporary use of Diazepam when you first date a man. This is what helped my sister finally get the courage to go on her first date. She still uses it now when starting a new relationship.

[SuziDusk]

Hi Hannah,
Your initial post is so endearing and honest, and you sound like I lovely person. As an oldie, all I can do is give you the benefit of my experience.

I am 51 and am for the first time in my life happily single. I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and one on the way. This is the first time in my life I have ever lived alone and at the moment it is the only thing I feel happy about in my life, as I only have myself to think about so I have time to heal and try and get over my problems.

I have learned in the last few years that in order to be able to find someone to love you you first have to learn to love yourself, and although its something I had heard in the past, I never really paid much heed to it, but now I feel for me particularly its very much true. I am in a pretty bad place emotionally and I dont particularly like myelf at the moment, and I wouldnt feel secure in a relationship with anyone really until I can get back to the feeling content in my own skin frame of mind. I know the way I am at the moment would not be good to start a relationship as I feel that dragging someone no matter how loving or special they were would not be fair on them.

Obviously we are miles apart in our lifes, but I think the basics are the same, get to grips with your panic attacks, learn coping mechanisms, so if you were to have one while out with someone you would be able to cope with it and possible even deal with it in a way that they didnt even know you were having one. You dont mention or didnt in ur first post say if u are on meds, or if you are having treatment at the moment, but I would say that initially you need to get these into place and then take it a step at a time.

You have a long time to find the person of your dreams, you are only young and as my Mom always said you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, so get yourself well, and then take things slowly. Enjoy your time with your friends, and who knows who you will meet. Its been said that u are most likely to find that person when you are not looking, so, just go with it and hopefully soon you will be in control of ur panic attacks and also have a wonderful partner too.

I hope this is of some help to you. I really should have left answering before I popped out, but typical me as I have agoraphobia I do try and find a good reason to prolong the enevitable and just seeing your post grabbed my attention so I just wanted to answer it while it was fresh in my head.

I will probably get back read it again and add a bit more lol!!! But I am sure you will be fine, look after yourself first and then I am sure the rest will come along in due course.

Hope to see you in the chat room perhaps.

Suzi xx

[evil monkey]

relationship/lack of is what caused my anx. (apart from 1 amazing live-in 10 month friendship).x