View Full Version : Being left behind
Because I'm not as ill as I was 6 months ago, and I am slowly getting some independance again. [8D]
I'm convinced people are starting to forget how ill I am.
Yes, okay am I not a totally sofa loving panic monster, but I still have times when I'm full of panic and need my sofa and a valium.[xx(]
I feel everyone is returning to life and moving on and I am being left behind. :( I'm wondering if everyone is forgetting that I find it hard to concentrate for long periods of time, that I have a brain like murky water and so I can't always think clearly and talk in a way that make sense or that I am de-personalized for long periods of time. That I'm still scared to go to bed with the light off and that I still wake up with a stress'ometre that reads 2 or 3 before I have even got dressed for the day.
I am feeling more like my old self, and it is great to "come back" again, smile and joke. But I just don't want to feel left behind and forgotten about.
Does anyone else have these feelings of being excluded while everyone gets on with life?
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric
Hi Liz
Maybe people are just realising that you are able to cope for longer periods and are happy for you to do that? The good sign there is that you are not as ill as you were - otherwise you would have no respite periods.
If people understood you when you were more incapacitated, let them know that you have periods when you are not too well now - they will understand again and help you when it is needed.
Really great that you are feeling more your old self again - it does tend to hit us every now and again, but Liz - you seem to be doing really well - don't kick yourself for having 'dips'! Well done!
Red
x
Liz
Just like ALL the time
Particularly when mates jet off abroad on holiday. And occassionally I don't get invited out cos my mates know I won't/cant' go, so I don't even get asked.
I used to get quite upset about it, till one day Janet said how she doesn't ask me out as much with her cos it upsets her when I say no. We had a big heart to heart, and I explained it wasn't anything personal - I just find it hard to push myself sometimes.
Now she asks me out more and I force myself more! Equal two happier friends!
Don't worry about it though Liz, just keep battling on, and you will find that you start to slip back into old routines and habits sometimes without realising it!
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hi all,
Ok on this subject let me throw this one in. This is something i would never tell my mates as they will think i am a total nutter because its so hard too explain.
Does anyone ever feel that life is like a play or a film that you have a role in but feel you cannot commit? A bit like you are standing in the wings while everyone plays there part and fully enjoys life but does not realize that they are just playing a part.
Sometimes i wish i could just throw myself into life and forget everything i know and feel and become totally absorbed in this 'play'.
The easiest way to describe these feelings is too relate them to that film what Jim carrey was in called 'The Truman Show' but in reverse....i am the only one who knows life isn't real and everyone else is deluded.
Does this make sense to anyone or am i just mad?
Jonny
Jonny.
I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...
Hey All
Makes total sense to me everything that has been said.
Im constantly thinking im not living 'in the real world' and its kind of spinning around without me.
I, like you charlie, see all my mates going on hols or going out etc and smile and look at their pics when all I want to do is scratch their eyes out with jealousy. Mad innit?
I ve been a bit reclusive and a completely naff mate this last month or so...not called or seen my mates and because I didnt bother with them they havent bothered with me (Ive since found out they were letting me be as they thought I was having 'one of my phases'). I went to a birthday party on saturday in a noisy pub and went round my mates yesterday for a girly night in and realised what gossip and laughs I had been missing. Hence a promise to myself to make more of an effort before my mates forget me altogether...lol
love Sarah
xx
I know
Mad isn't it Sarah
But you'd still not get me on that plane to Spain!!! Janet and Mima are going next month and keep asking me to go! Fat chance. I don't even feel comfortable stopping at a friends house a mile up the road!
I really am getting fed up of being like this though - like Jonny I also feel like I'm in some sort of play, but I'm also very aware that life is passing me by.
I keep getting premenitions about being some mad spinster aunt, still on the shelf at 60, cos nobody can come with my madness. I'll have lots of cats and all my friends kids will visit me, cos we get on, and they don't care if I can't get a taxi to a nightclub thirty miles away!
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
12-03-04, 21:33
Liz
I read your post and thought "wow". I can so relate to that.
When I was really bad, I was so angry at people who were off ill and there was I slogging away at work and feeling absolutely crap! I kept wanting to shout out - "I am not better you know and if you lot went through what I am"
I got very angry and resentful about it and still am in some ways.
There was this girl at work (years ago - when I was suffering really badly) and she decided that she had ME. God you should have seen all the sympathy she got and time off work. I was there struggling in every day, sat panicking most days, crying in the loos etc etc and yet no-one seemed to care about me. Cos I was at work they all decided that I must be ok but I was at work cos I was trying to fight back! She just took the time off and was off for months. I was so angry at everyone for not noticing that I was suffering more than her and I was still working.
I still feel this anger now - we have a guy off work and he has just been signed off for another 6 weeks cos he has his leg in plaster following a knee injury. I got pulled up for having 13 days off sick since July last year and he will have knocked up 47 days by the time he comes back. Makes me fume!! Cos I am off with anxiety related stuff - like a reaction to some medication then it is not acceptable but he can take 8 weeks off work and no-one bats an eye-lid.
I am getting very stressed at work cos I am doing all his stuff and the other guy I work with just wants to surf all day.
So like you I want to say "hang on you lot I am not fully better yet". They don't care, have no sympathy and just say "Oh nicola is off sick again", except I am sometimes dialled in from home to work anyway.
So yes I can see what you are saying. People see you getting better and then forget that just cos you feel a bit better then you aren't cured and you are still working hard at conquering it.
Sorry for the rant but this post touched a nerve with me!
Nicola
Nic,
I agree wholeheartedly.
I also have struggled through work for the last few years, some days not so bad as others.
At the moment we have 2 women off on long term sick, with bad backs.
Others will come into work moaning about their headaches, their colds etc and get everyones sympathy.
No one ever asks how I am unless I have been off sick for any reason.
As you say, we go into work so this equals getting better and not still suffering.
Well, I got one thing to say! We struggle but we don't give in!!!
Kate x
Just a strange thought...
Maybe this panic lark makes us stronger and better/more determined people??
love Sarah
xx
At moment I am struggling at work. My concentration is very low, and I have to make a double effort, and check everything. Because of this my management have decided I am hungover. This is not true as you know, but a sympton of stress. I have an awful lot on my mind and should not take it to work with me, but hey we are human and have feelings.
To be fair to management they have moved me to another department, which I enjoy working in, and am making so much effort there cos I could be kept on permanantly.
I have only made silly mistakes, like dating something wrong, nothing life threatening so quite pleased with myself, but they are monitoring my every move and picking me up on everything, which is adding to the stress.
Have got through worse I suppose, and have a mate at work who is appalled at the treatment I get and is a shoulder for me.
Dont get me wrong am not a doormat, and stand up for myself, but sometimes you can get worn down
Millie,
It is real hard to carry on as normal whilst at work and we can't just leave the problems at home all of the time.
I hope you put them right regarding their assumption that you are hungover.
People jump to all sorts of conclusions when we are anxious.
I've been dead stressed this last week and people keep saying I'm being horrible, but never stop to ask why this might be.
Have you told them at work that you have a lot on your mind and that this will pass but for them just to be a bit more understanding?
Monitoring your every move must add greatly to your stress, could you be able to explain this to them?
Easier said than done, I know, and yes it does all wear you down.
But if you had cancer or a broken leg you would get sympathy.
Why should anxiety sufferers be treated any differently?
Hang in there, Mil, but do not allow yourself to be treated unfairly at work.
Take care mate
Kate x
Hi everyone,
I believe that people who have never suffered with anxiety or panic attacks, just dont know how stressful it can be and the affects it has on a persons life.
Johnny - Im trying to understand what you mean about life being part of a film of a play...I have never thought of life like that. I do however, feel like I am a bystander to life...watching everyone else get on with life an me been stuck in mine...a bit like groundhog day!!
Anyway, I have only told one person at work about my anxiety simply because I realised one day at work that she was having a panic attack. No-one else noticed but I think I could just tell through her body language etc.. She has since left my work so no-one else knows about my anxiety. I feel too embarassed to tell anyone else at work in case they judge me and think that Im not up to my job which I am.
I do think that society needs to be more understanding of anxiety sufferers. We should not be treated like we have serious mental health problems. I remember reading somewhere that everyone will suffer some form of 'mental health' problems at some point in their life. With that in mind then a liitle more compassion to all sufferers would be beneficial.
Sorry for going on a bit!!
sadie
nomorepanic
13-03-04, 19:36
quote:Originally posted by sadie
Anyway, I have only told one person at work about my anxiety simply because I realised one day at work that she was having a panic attack. No-one else noticed but I think I could just tell through her body language etc.. She has since left my work so no-one else knows about my anxiety. I feel too embarassed to tell anyone else at work in case they judge me and think that Im not up to my job which I am.
Sadie - I had to tell them because of various things like ...
I was filming the TV programme I did at the time I joined Britannia so they wanted to know what it was cos I needed a few days holiday to do it.
I can't go in the car with anyone so I had to explain that one too!
I can't do trains so I couldn't go to a site we have in London.
Not sure they understand atall and see my illness as a burden!
I get no sympathy atall and they just take the mickey most of the time but I just shrug it off :(
Nicola
quote:Originally posted by kate_r
But if you had cancer or a broken leg you would get sympathy.
Why should anxiety sufferers be treated any differently?
Why? Mainly because mental illness is still a taboo subject and people just don't know how to treat you. They cannot understand why you just can't pull yourself together and get over it. It is made especially hard to believe because of the lack of visable symtoms.
Stuff 'em..thats what i say. I will explain myself to those that need to know and i don't feel any shame or embarresment for it.
To be honest employers seem to be getting better at dealing with mental health issues its just a shame that many people are starting to abuse the 'Stress' excuse to the cost of those genuine sufferers.
Jonny.
I used to be extremely indecisive but now I am not so sure...
I know just what you mean about "The Truman Show in reverse".
It's like everyone's life is real, but you feel in some way that you are not real or not part of what everyone else is doing.
We have Gay Pride Day, No Smoking Day, Grandparents Day, Red Nose Day, Isn't it about time someone invented a no-panic day?
Many employers are recognising panic and stress issues, mainly because so many people take time off with them, and that is what doctors are writing on sick notes.
However, if the did something to relieve or combat stress in the work place and stopped problems before they started it would be much better. The problem is too many people are embarrassed or afraid they will be sacked if they suffer with mental illness, and I think that just isn't fair. Many people put up and shut up and then end up a nervous wreck because they are too afraid to get help before the problem progresses.
Then again, if people are playing the "stress card" without genuine reason, then that is harming the case for genuine sufferers.
I'm sure we should be given cards from our doctor or CPN, as back up to show we are not just doing it for an easy ride.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric
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