Please help me, please please please!

[harasgenster]

I'm sorry, I wouldn't normally pester, but please could you do a quick scan of the posts here? http://nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=87132

I'm REALLY panicking! I need to know if I went mad. If I went mad I need to know what to do about it. Everything on the post happened around 18 months-two years ago and I'm nothing like I was then now.

But I can't go mad. How do I stop myself from going mad? If I've been mad once I'm I still mad? Do I need to get myself locked up? I don't want to be dangerous or do things that upset anyone else. That would be awful. You'll realise what I'm talking about when you look at the post but my Mam had a stalker and it was horrible. It was terrifying. I can't be like him. I want to be locked up if you think I might turn out like him.

WHAT DO I DO?!

[tinycritter]

Hi harasgenster,
I'm not a psychiatrist or a therapist, but for what it's worth, I don't think you are going mad. You're obviously very upset and scared right now and I totally understand how that feels. This is just my opinion but I think the best thing you can do is to talk over how you feel with someone, whether it's your GP or therapist or just a trusted friend, because it might help you to iron out some of your worries in a more calm way. Because the more scared we get the more panicky we get, which makes us more scared, and so it goes on. I know it sounds stupid but take a deep breath and try to relax if you can, it might help you see things more clearly if you're less anxious. I hope you feel better soon x

[ladybird64]

Hi hun :hugs:

You sound so upset..try and calm down if you can..you are not mad nor are you going mad.

I have had a look at the posts you mentioned and I have to be honest that I am a little confused,,have you actually done something to yourself or someone else?

The person abroad that you have fixated on..this has obviously got you terribly wound up but I don't think you are a stalker, you just cannot see a way to deal with whatever is troubling you.

Some people picture all kinds of scenarios to get them away from daily life, maybe yours is just a bit extreme.

If your therapist is not taking your fears seriously (I'm not really sure exactly of what you are frightened that you might do?) then you need to see someone else.

Can you go to your GP and get a referral? Or are you under a Mental Health Team? I honestly don't think you want to be sectioned in hospital hun, they are not the nicest places to be and I'm sure with the right help, you can begin to get this sorted out.

Most important thing is try and stay focused, you know that you need to see someone who takes your fears seriously and you are entitled to that.

Good luck :flowers:

[andrew]

Hiya Harasgenster,

Ive read your posts today, I really dont think you are mad or are likely to go that way either. I hope you dont mind me trying to be direct.

I do think that you are in an obsessive, addictive space (call it what you want) about analysing all of this. Step back, look how your anxiety has escalated the more youve been thinking and posting today. Look how long and detailed and often your posts have been today. Step back - ask yourself if you are being obsessive. Be careful not to go into shame about it. One of your posts asked how do you stop it. The first step is to actually be able to see it happening. Sometimes thats enough for somebody as bright and strong as yourself.

Try and be busy doing something else today. I hope your ok, you take care.

[Katie6]

Hi every has already given good advice, but i would just like to add Mad people are not aware that they are going mad, it just happens x

[harasgenster]

Thank you everybody, you've been absolutely wonderful.

I'm sorry about all that. I do get hysterical and my thoughts just get wound up and I start getting confused.

For the person that asked what I was afraid of. I was afraid of the possibility that if I had won that bursary and taken the placement I would have become a stalker. I can't deal with the possibility that that might have happened and I believe that it could have happened. Maybe not in the ordinary way of feeling in love with someone and believing that they love you etc. but I was so desperate I was seeking help and I would have pretty much done anything to get out of my life. I didn't want to die, I just wanted a new life and I fixated on this man as an imaginary opportunity to do so.

It's REALLY difficult to explain. I don't think I would have become a stalker exactly, I think I would have started acting like one if I'd gone over there and been on my own and got more desperate, what if I'd tried to contact him?

These were the thoughts that were going through my mind. When it comes to what I did - what I did was made plans to live in the same city as him and I don't understand why. I didn't go looking for the opportunity, I was looking for a course, but when the opportunity landed in my lap I took it and I can't decide what my motives were - I'm not sure there were any, I might just have been desperate.

This was a couple of years ago and I don't see that psychotherapist anymore. I'm on the waiting list for CBT instead.

My boyfriend got back and helped me just after I'd written the post and I've calmed down. I didn't tell him the whole story I just told him I thought I might have gone mad in the past and he just said "who cares? It's the past" which made me feel better.

I'm sorry again for getting so hysterical. I've had a really bad week, nothing's set it off, I just feel like I'm having some kind of episode that's escalating!

Thank you all for being so patient with me. I'm sure once I see a therapist I'll be able to get everything sorted out. I was going to go off my mood stabilisers - maybe not yet!

[PanchoGoz]

And I would like to add that the mind shape of an anxious person is completely different to the mind shape of someone who is mad. You cannot be both.

[harasgenster]

Hey Harasgenster - I don't think the way you were thinking was a sign that you would turn into a stalker. I suspect it had more to do with the way you were feeling about yourself at the time - maybe low self-esteem, wishing there were people to take care of your needs, perhaps feeling lonely and isolated? In fact, the man had nothing to do with it - it was a construct of a person you built in your mind who could give you what you needed, not him per se.

Yes! This is exactly what I wanted to explain :)


I went through a very down period a couple of years ago, and (I can't believe I am admitting this), at night when I couldn't sleep for anxiety and crying, I used to take myself to a 'safe place' in my mind, which consisted of me in my garden, with my cat and the local owl (that I hear hooting at night). And the owl was giving me advice to keep me ok (because they are wise lol). Sounds bonkers, huh? But it got me through for a short time.

Dahlia

I pretend I'm walking through a forest :D

Thank you, Dahlia. This was a great response.

I've calmed down now :) I seem to snap and get hysterical sometimes but once it's out of my system it's out of my system. :)