am i refusing help(tv show)

[trevor]

hi guys,,

i have had alot of coversation with TVZOE from channal 4 who wants to make a programme on agarophobia ,,
she wanted to come and see me today to make a short film about me to take back with her, the dr who they are working with is one of the top docs in the country now surely anyone refuseing to see him must be CRAZY right,,

the thing is i have told no-one about my problem no family only 1-2 friends and they deserted me,,i dont think i could deal with the exposure EVERONE knowing,,,but am i silly cause at the end of the day if someone truly wants to get better they shouldnt care what people think right???????????????

i do truly and honestly want to get better but i have dealt with this on my own and feel i am making progress,,i know this dr is one of the best in the country but how can he claim to make you better in just a fortnight filming with you??

i have had this condition 8-10 years and cant imagine it going in just 1 fortnight,,

plaese could you give me some advice cause right now i feel pretty guity for not talking this oppertunity to help myself get better,,

i text her this morning saying i have changed my mind and didnt want to do it,,

thanks,

trevor,

better to fight for something than to live for nothing

[mandiemae]

Hi Trevor,

It says more about people when they desert you, than it does about you. You should try not to worry too much. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity you have been given and i can understand that you have reservations. Could you not ask for more detailed information as to what would actually happen in those 2 week before making a final decicion? on one mode of thought, this could be just what you need to help you and with it being a programme, they are going to ensure you get all the best treatment available to ensure the programme goes as planned, and if its the best person to halp then why not give it a try? You could eventually regret not giving it a go. Just think about yourself at this point and what would be best for you, who cares what people think if at the end of it it is going to benifit you?

Try to be brave trevor, chin up and im sure you will do what you can.

Tack care

Amanda XX

whats for you wont go by you

[Robertc160882]

Hi Trevor,

Firstly I will just like to say I admire your courage to even consider it I only wish I could even take steps towards something like this. I think what put me off is like you say is everyone knowing your business but I think if you have come this far you should think what the hell and go for it.

This is one of the top doctors out there, I work in the medical industry and I know from speaking to doctors I know that he is well known. That was something that put me off is the nature of my work, can you imagine dealing with doctors and they know you have a mental illness I feel I would lose there respect.

I really wish you the best of luck with what ever you do I don’t feel it is my place to try influencing your decision and only you can decide what is right for you and your family.

Best of Luck,


Robert

[henri]

Hi there,

I think you should really do what you feel is best for you, no guilt. Yes, this is a great opportunity, he is a top doctor etc. But being in a TV environment where you have a camera following you around and filming your every move - well, that might be quite tough going.

As Amanda says, I think it might be worth trying to find out a bit more about the whole process before you make a final decision.

Henri

[Spice]

Hi trevor

I too have had a lot of convos with TVZOE and found her really easy to talk to.
I have had to send her photos and she has also spoken to my partner at length but I have heard nothing yet so I presume someone else has got the place.
At first I was really happy at the thought of being treated by these very qualified people but after thinking it right through it is daunting and scarey and I too have thought about backing out even at this early stage.
The thought of getting the best treatment available and also being able to put the thoughts of us sufferers across makes me want to do it and of course the thought that I might be cured but if it comes to the crunch and I have to take the next step I am sure I will feel exactly the same as you.
Take some time and do whats right for you. Please don't not do it because you are worried about what others think about you.
We will all support you and understand whatever you decide.

Love
Spice
xxx

[Trev]

Hi Trevor.

Prof Paul Salvakis (or something like that!) I believe is the person you are talking about. I attended a couple of his lectures at the recent Anxiety Conference in London and I must say that I really liked his style and would think that it would be great to be treated by him.

One of the cruel difficulties with this condition is that it carries so much stigma with it. I have been fairly liberal with telling people myself. I don't shout it from the rooftops but if people ask then I will talk about it. It's also been amazing how many people come out of the closet once one person mentions the subject or once they realise the predicament you are in. The number of people that have opened up to me about past problems of panic, anxiety and depression has been staggering. And the most bizarre thing for me has been that it's often been thsoe people who seem so confident and to "have it all" so to speak. However, often they will also say "please don't mention this to anyone will you".

It would be a real shame to miss out on such a great opportunity but I can fully understand your reluctance to appear on TV. I have never been one who has any desire to be on TV regardless of the reason but to do so in these circumstance would make it that much more difficult for me.

Can you go a bit further down the path, maybe get to meet the Prof and discuss things and also retain a power of vito so that you could drop out later should you feel uncomfortable with it?

Whatever your decision, it's important not to feel guilty. There's no reason to. You can find cure outside of this.

Great opportunities often throw up difficult decisions and making decisions in an anxiety state is never easy as you chew it over a million times and change your mind every minute!! :D

Good luck whichever way you go.

Cheers,
Trev :D

[katyfitz]

Go for it trev, u will smake your self feel so much nbetter for getting out there and overcoming this fear, if he is a top doc than what other advice do you need when he sets you straight, i lost some friends thru this but u win some u loose some and ive won some on here xx

[andrew]

hi trevor,

if you dont think that it will help your situation, 'how can they make you better in a fortnight', then i would say you've made the right decission to pull out. because if you dont believe in the recovery, i doubt it would be successful.

there are different ways to look at the tv exposure - how many ppl might you inspire by watching your recovery. keeping your illness a secret is part of the problem that helps maintain it, and that doesnt mean shout it from the rooftops, i found a big part of my recovery was accepting me as the person i was.

anyway, very brave even contemplating it, good luck with the decission .. andrew

[honeybee3939]

Hi Trevor,

i too put my name forward to Zoe but at the last minute changed my mind after discussing it with my husband and family. My family thought it was a great idea, they just want to see me well and was in favour of me taking part, my husband on the other hand wasnt keen on the idea, he never tells his friends about my illness and i think it would embarress him. I myself have never been afraid to tell anyone that i suffer with Agoraphobia i havent lost any friends i think i have gained some, like Trev mentioned its amazing how many people have opened up to me about Anxiety/panic.

What ever you decision you must do what you think is right for you, i have suffered with Agrophobia like you for 8 to 10 years and if i am still like this in another 10 years i will be kicking my self for not taking such a good opportunity.

Good Luck


Andrea
xxx

[Paddington]

ooh it's a hard one isn't it?i've spoken to zoe and karen too.I enjoyed the talk but became unerved when i heard everything i was sayin was being typed!They wanted to speak to my other half but that was a big NO from him.When asked if i would go to london,i asked the question as an agoraphobic,HOW??It was like being offered the promised land ,being able to see it,but the huge spiky bridge is in the way!!i haven't heard anything since,which posed the question.are these folks wantin to help ME or do they want ME to help THEM?I cant say what you should do mate,follow your heart,and dont consider your famoly too much,it;s your life!or you could use this as an opportunity to 'come out'!!good luck with whatever you choose,we are here to support you.love mary-rose,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Spice]

Hi

I agree with you MaryRose about feeling that you are helping them instead of the other way round as I feel let down that I have shared lots of my feelings with them which are now to be discarded and I don't know if they realise how big a thing it is for folks like us to open up.

When I asked about how they hope to get agoraphobics to London they said that if chosen for the show therpists would start work before the filming at home to get participants confidence up to enable them to make the journey!! My concern about this is that its misleading to the programme watchers as they will be seeing the participants starting therapy in London and maybe not be aware that therapy would have been started weeks in advance!!

At the end of the day it is a once in a lifetime chance to work with those at the top of their profession and this is something that we should all have access to without having to go on tv to get it but life just doesn't work out that way!

Love
Spice
xxx

[Paddington]

hey spice!they never said that to me you know,when i asked how we would get to london??i am wondering if they wanted a 'specific' type or sum such??As you say,shouldn't have to bare our souls to complete strangers to get real help!It 's left me feelin even more cynical about such proggs!hey i think i'll stick to this forum for tellin all,at least we KNOWwe care bout one another.lol mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[Spice]

Hi again Mary Rose,

I am left feeling cynical about it too. You are right about them looking for a specific type ..... that's why they wanted pitures of us, so that then they would know that we fitted their criteria. I must have passed that part of their research as they then spoke at length to my partner and I feel sorry now that he had to spend over an hour on the phone going through my problems with them to no avail.
Hindsight is a great thing.

I am re-starting CBT soon so hoping that will help.

Love
Spice
xxx

[Paddington]

yo Spice that is way out of order!She asked 4 a pic of me because'you sound fab i'd love to see what you look like'wow how underhand is that???I sent one too and it had my daughter on it!!And they said it hadn't arrived although it sent back to me[you no when you have a photo e-mail send you the mail too]that is weird!Oh well that's life!I really hope your CBT does the trick Spice.Pm me any time youfancy a chat.olo mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[clickaway]

I'm sorry you folks feel aggreived about what has happened.

I don't think people should expect that the first volunteers to come forward are going to appear on the show, and you have to see it from their point of view. They have to get the mix of people that will make the programme work, which in turn will put the message about agoraphobia effectively to the public at large, who don't understand what we go through.

And they can't get the people without doing the personal and sensitive interviews.

I do appreciate the difficulty volunteers have found themselves in.

To get over anxiety, we so often have to be brave, and I suppose people's reluctance to do this is just a symptom of what we have.

I honestly don't know how I'd react if they wanted to do one on GAD....

Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[skye338]

Hi all

I too spoke to Zoe and like the rest of you I was concerned about how they are going to get people to London?? LOL Dont think they really understood the nature of what we are dealing with here so that did put me off abit.

Accept the things you cannot change and have courage to change the things you can.

[Spice]

Hi

I don't think we feel aggrieved just disappointed that a once in a life time opportunity is not going to happen for us.

Each one of us who applied saw that this just might be the cure that we have been waiting for and to realise that it isn't going to happen after all does leave you feeling despondent.
I also don't think that anyone believed that because they were one of the first volunteers they would get through .... I know I didn't.

Yes, they do have to get the right mix of people to make the programme work but I was told that they wanted people with supportive partners who would also be happy to appear .... I am lucky to be in this category but not everyone has support and the idea of the whole programme is to make others aware of the difficulties surrounding our situation. There are lots of people on their own struggling with this condition and surely they should be portrayed too?

Spice