Always Miserable :(

[candicemarie88]

i've suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember. Recently my symptoms have become increasingly worse to the point that I can't get out of bed all day and I also sleep for hours on end, sometimes up to 16 hours at a time.

I find that I am always very negative about everything and feel very low all the time. I complain about things and find faults in everything, such as conversations, people, parties... everything really... if that makes sense?

I constantly worry about the people i care about and fear that my boyfriend will leave me and become very jealous if he talks to other women, even those on his college course. We talk about this a lot, and i fear im pushing him away... he reassures me that he loves me and he always seems very caring and affectionate towards me, but i just can't stop being like this.

I get annoyed with people all the time and get very stressed and think to myself 'just leave me alone'. I hate social situations too, I always want to run out of the room or the ground to swallow me up. I suffer from social anxiety and I hate talking to people... I'd rather be alone or with my boyfriend or close friends.

I only have three friends and am at university in my first year and i dont really speak to anyone and havent made any new friends since being there. This makes me feel very low, because i am comvinced that people take one look at me and hate me.

I hate my appearance too and am obsessed with the idea of cosmetic surgery to remove my freckles... i have tried all creams, bio oil and once rubbed lemon juice into my face, which i had an allergic reaction to and had red blotchy patches on my skin for two weeks!

I'm 22 but i look about 16, people always assume im a kid and it makes me very paranoid. I don't get into clubs and bars much because my id is often refused, thinking it's someone elses, like my big sister.

I hate my life, I also worry about death all the time and my heart. i don't know what to do anymore. I have just started taking 20mg citalopram and hope this can help sort me out. I just can't stop crying and feeling awful.

Sorry if this is badly written, I'm a complete mess tonight and can't think straight :(

[andrew]

Hi Candicemarie88,

Sounds like you are really struggling at the moment and I wanted to wish you some support. Hopefully you felt a little better just getting all this out. Maybe the medication has heightened your feelings at the moment and you will settle down soon. Are you getting any counselling support, it might help.

Most of the nicer people Ive met are a lot more interested in who a person is, rather than how they look. Try and come to terms with your appearance, if your not ok with yourself surely everything else will be more difficult. You can change the rest of it.

Its a brave post and not badly written, keep on sharing. Happy Xmas. You take care x

[dictatorship]

i've suffered from anxiety for as long as i can remember. Recently my symptoms have become increasingly worse to the point that I can't get out of bed all day and I also sleep for hours on end, sometimes up to 16 hours at a time.


I get annoyed with people all the time and get very stressed and think to myself 'just leave me alone'. I hate social situations too, I always want to run out of the room or the ground to swallow me up. I suffer from social anxiety and I hate talking to people... I'd rather be alone or with my boyfriend or close friends.

Sorry if this is badly written, I'm a complete mess tonight and can't think straight :(


Candice, I totally feel you. i'm having a hard time too. i sleep at least 12 hours a day and usually cna't go to bed until 4:30 AM because i've slept all day!!!

I've also dealt with anxiety (social and generalized....i also have OCD, an anxiety disorder.....i'm a mess). i've also dealt with depression as long as i can remember. when is this gonna end!!!!??????????

i have mixed feelings about people. on one hand i have a lot of problems with them when i'm myself, and on the other hand i want to hang out with people and be normal. i find i am very defensive and am having a hard time being myself? i really hate myself. i try so hard though..... it's not working.

i get very little joy from being around them though. i am usually wanting to get away but of course i stuff those feelings and dont' really feel them unless i "dig" in. i have a hard time with that though....being real. i wish i could dammit.

my dad said today: "if you be nice to me, i'll be nice to you." thanks dad. i love you too. thanks for unconditionally loving me!!!! i hate him. i know it's hard to love someone who's a total bitch at times (when i can allow myself to be "real") but i want love too!!! and it's not my fault that i've had a tortured life.

i just feel so bad about everything.....life sucks.

[candicemarie88]

hey, thanks very much for your reply :)

i know, when i'm alone i long to be with a group of people and constantly visulise myself having fun and enjoying their company, being totally at ease.. i even practice talking to myself in front of the mirror,ha ha. However, real life social situations are never as i imagine them to be. People seem to dislike me and not want to bother with me, at least that's the impression i get. I often wonder whether it is me and that maybe my shyness sends out the wrong message - that people think im up myself or too good for them and they must think that's the reason why i don't get involved or make conversation. But that is so far from the truth. I DON'T feel good enough for them, so i sit alone and make no effort to communicate with people. I expect others to appraoch me and think, 'if they like me, they will speak to me first, surely they can tell i'm shy', but this rarely happens.

I'm currently in my first year of university and have hardly made any freinds, about 3, one who i already knew before moving away and she is shy too, so at least i can relax around her. But even in her company i usually want to be alone and think: 'just go away' or 'i don't like you', when i do really like her. when I'm in the communal area of my student flat, I hate having to speak to anyone, so usually stand in my room by the door listening out for when no one is in the kitchen! I find eye contact and speaking to people far too intimate, i just can't do it and my mind goes blank, plus im useless at small talk or elaborating on anything.... I also replay events over and over, thinking 'i should have said this... or that'. When I practice these situations, i sound fairly intelligent and possibly slightly funny, but like i said before, the real-life encounter is never as i'd like it to be :(

It's not like i don't have the opportunity to speak to people, I just refuse to because of past experiences when at school and the worries i have about such situations... i imagine good conversations and bad.. i quite often dream about making a fool of myself, so i fear this very much and therefore avoid it. I have also missed a lot of lectures because i was supposed to present information alone infront of 50 people, which is one of my greatest fears, so i didnt bother doing the work. I am falling behind with my studies and this SA is preventing me from achieving, it sucks!

I am not at all normal and suffer quite badly from feelings of depersonalisation and general anxiety. I also think i'm depressed, since life seems pointless and no fun :(

I don't know how to get over this and i live in fear of dying. I hate myself and am too obsessed with everything, i think that eveyones sees me as boring and ugly. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and have tried speaking to him about this, he tried to reassure me, but i was not at all convinced. I worry about losing him and losing all the people i care about. I'm so freightened of being alone. I want to be a child again, protected by my parents, i hate being an adult, i hate having to be responsible, because i am not. I still feel that I am growing up and finding myself.

I hate being told i look like a child, but i know it's true, and maybe thats one of the reasons i feel anxious around people and worry about what they think of me... i'd be happy lookiing 18, but no younger!!

sorry to be negative, but you are so right, life does suck.

[mercer88]

I was going to type some immense diatribe about how I feel so messed up too and how our life experiences shape what we are now and how we can all get through it.

But forget it. Whether happy or sad I can only offer, literally, one word of advice.


Live.