help me!

[dictatorship]

i am having a hard time being myself. i don't know how. i never feel good. i have a hard time opening up and never really do it. i try though. recently i have been calling the crisis hotline and am able to open up with them because they don't see them, and they don't see me. total anonymity. and bc i try to hard to stay in "me" and not focus on them so much and wondering how they perceive me. with my therapist i feel good but don't purge much if that makes sense. i don't walk away feeling like i've opened up. i don't feel lighter. when i call the suicide hotline i have to constantly remind myself to be HONEST and open up and speak from the heart. Then i feel relief, a little. but not much.

my question is.....how should i operate? i don't FEEL like being me, and open up. yet i feel so good when i do? only a bit though, for a short period of time. seconds, really. should i do what i feel like doing.....or tell myself to open up??? how should i be me???

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi dictorshiip,

sorry to hear your not feeling great, hope you feel better soon.

Have you tried getting yourself a journal and writing down how you are feeling, putting every thought you have in a journal, writing in it every day. this can help. it's only a suggestion it's one way of releasing how your feeling.

sending you lots of hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Yvonne

[Captain Caveman]

Hi dictatorship. I think it's best to be honest with people and let them know how bad things are with you. People want to help, but they need to know how bad things are. Otherwise, you won't get the support you need. Having a good relationship with a therapist is super important. You want to be able to feel like you can splurt out anything. There's nothing to be ashamed off or anything about seeking help. We all need help/support through-out life. It's good that you are ringing help lines. Please keep doing that or speaking to others if you are ever struggling, particularly with thoughts of suicide. People like to help others, so let them know how bad things are with you. There is a light waiting at the end of the tunnel. So keep persisting.