dictatorship
25-12-10, 12:43
i am having a hard time being myself. i don't know how. i never feel good. i have a hard time opening up and never really do it. i try though. recently i have been calling the crisis hotline and am able to open up with them because they don't see them, and they don't see me. total anonymity. and bc i try to hard to stay in "me" and not focus on them so much and wondering how they perceive me. with my therapist i feel good but don't purge much if that makes sense. i don't walk away feeling like i've opened up. i don't feel lighter. when i call the suicide hotline i have to constantly remind myself to be HONEST and open up and speak from the heart. Then i feel relief, a little. but not much.
my question is.....how should i operate? i don't FEEL like being me, and open up. yet i feel so good when i do? only a bit though, for a short period of time. seconds, really. should i do what i feel like doing.....or tell myself to open up??? how should i be me???
my question is.....how should i operate? i don't FEEL like being me, and open up. yet i feel so good when i do? only a bit though, for a short period of time. seconds, really. should i do what i feel like doing.....or tell myself to open up??? how should i be me???