View Full Version : medication advice
Hi I would like a bit of advice of taking Citalopram. I used it last just over two years ago but came off it as I was feeling alot better and I've been well since until Christmas eve when I had an anxiety attack in work.
I've put myself back on 20mg of citalpram which I take first thing the morning. I am also taking diazapan one in the morning to.. Trouble is I feel like I'm getting worse and the panic is hightening. Slept all of two hours last night.. as soon as I'm falling of I'm jolting up. Do you think in your experience it is better to take the medication before bed as opposed to first thing in the morning. My morning seems to be my worse time.
I'd be so grateful for any advice
Helen
nomorepanic
26-12-10, 09:44
Hi HVC
We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.
Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.
Hi and welcome
My advice would be to go see your GP rather than self dosing. I rather suspect you would have been better starting on 10mg and increasing as and when. Others with more experience of Cit may be able to ofer better/different advice but that’s my thoughts. :)
When I was on citalopram I switched to taking it in the morning as if I took it at night I got the jolts you are talking about.
First night I took them I didn't get to sleep until I was in A+E! It's going to be a couple of weeks until your body gets used to the citalopram again. And going straight back up to 20mg is probably a bit of a shock to the system.
I've never taken diazapan, when I started in citolpram I took propanolol for the first week to control the palpitations...
Does your doctor know you've started taking the tablets again?
thanks for the advice, no unfortunately I did not get to see my GP as my panics started on Christmas Eve in work, I will be ringing them tomorrow to make an appointment, although it will probably be difficult to get an early appointment. When I first went on them I did what you said and took 10mg for the first week then upped it to 20mg but the last time I was on them the doctor told me I could go straight onto 20mg ?? I will have to seek her advice again.
thank you again
Hi,
In my own personal experience with citalopram, I always found it best to start on 10mg and then build up to 20mg as it then helped with the side effects. You are probably feeling more anxiety as this is what it does when you first start taking it. I would of personally spoke to my GP before starting again....but again thats just my opinion.
If you can manage to wether the storm and as you are already taking diazepam this should help with the added anxiety you should feel better ina couple pof weeks time but unfortunately srri's can cause increase anxiety when you first start taking them.
I hope you feel better soon.
Take care.
Jo.xx
yes you are right.. I'm making an appointment to see my GP and today I've only take 10 mg and stayed off the diazapan.. I'll see how the day pans out and if I'm still feeling increased anxiety and panic through the day I'll take the diazapan later but hopefully won't need to. Its, as has been mentioned, weathering the storm. I know their going to get me back to my normal self soon enough its just getting through the next couple of weeks.
I'm not back in work until the 4th of Jan so I can have plenty of time to sort things out.
thanks all for your advice
I share your experience somewhat. I have started on 10 after being off 20 for 3 years. the side effects are present but no where near as bad as the first time. Worry is my particular weak spot. When you went up to 20 from 10 were the side effects as bad?
It's my forth day on 10. doing my best to get through the day by regular short walks, eating often, getting out of bed strait away to stop worry taking hold, and I'm armed with a worsdsearch, su-doku, radio tv and family to distract me! When I feel the panic I just feel it go through my body. I try to separate it from any thoughts so I'm dealing with one thing at a time. I tell my self it will pass and if needed breathe deeply in and out for the count of four. That last bit works well actually. I don't think there is anything wrong with going on 20 strait away if you can cope with the side-effects. Obviously you'll feel better sooner.
I forgot you mentioned sleep. Before the meds I was so anxious that I was doing the felling asleep jolting awake thing, I even called the doc at 5 in the morning because i couldn't sleep at all. Now I'm on the meds, taken in the morning,i sleep really well at night.
Thanks Cathy, I only took 20 on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, took only 10 today and actually feel a bit better and I've not need to take the dizapan today as an extra, which I'm chuffed about. Getting up straight away is the answer, as my panic is worse first thing in the morning, I seem to get better as the day goes on. I'm like you and try and do as much to distract myself, so did a load of ironing and hit the shops this afternoon which helped and I feel relaxed for the first time in days tonight.
Tomorrow is another day and you have to take the good with the bad, what I've learnt is take each day at a time, if I don't get such a good day tomorrow not to be disheartened just go with the flow. Its the dread and fear of these bouts of extreme anxiety and panic that feed them and let them get a hold of us and stay with us.
My first panic attack was at 13, then I had another bad spell at 21 and was free for the next 20 years !!? the bad bout I had two years ago came on when I was on holiday in Portugal. I have always had a phobia of being away from home and it just hit me. Its only that time that I actually took medication, I was always scarred to in the past but now I think what the heck, if I was diabetic or suffered with my blood pressure I would'nt think twice about it !! and wants it gets past the two week period I know I'll feel "Normal" again !
Hi HVC
Glad you felt a bit better. It's great that you didn't need dizapan that day! I'm glad it's christmas as there's so much going on it's slightly easier to be distracted!
You're right about taking it a day at a time, I have to remind myself of that alot! I share you're opinion about it being the same as a diabetic taking meds too. I suffered for 10 years after first having and extreem bout of anxiety, I was living my life but it could have been better. It wasn't until I had a second serious bout 5 years ago that I took the meds I was so scared of. I was much better after a few weeks, and I'm hoping the same will happen this time. I'm on day 6 now, so nearly a week done! I've got to go back to college around when you go back to work so I'm hoping to be better enough to make it. I have a phobia of being away from a safe place, but that depends on my general anxiety levels. I usually find if I go for it I'm better than I think.
Good Luck, I hope you let us know how you're getting on.
Yes Cathy, I am positive it will work for the both of us your on day 6 and I'm on day 4, we're getting there.
Didn't feel as good today as yesterday but then I didn't have so much to distract me and that always helps a great deal. I'm like you I can feel the panic going through me but I've learnt over the years to let the feeling pass and just go with it, not that its a very pleasant but its temporary and we will be free in no time.. !!
I've been for a nice walk this evening as I didn't sleep to well last night. I'm going to try some horlicks and a hot bath later as I don't like taking sleeping pills. In my experience they made me feel really groggy the next day which only adds to me feeling low and edgy.
Keep in touch.
Helen x
HarrogateChris
28-12-10, 20:04
Welcome to the forum :D
It can take a couple of weeks for your body to adjust to Cit, so you may be in for a little bit of a ride. That's OK though, it's definitely worth it in the long run and it's much easier to cope with when you know it's the side effects and they will soon pass.
Chris
yes you're right Chris, I know I will feel better in a little while and two weeks in the scheme of things isn't too long (although at the moment every day seems like an eternity!!) mornings are the worse for my panicks but it seems to wear of by the night, although I remain somewhat anxious
Helen
familymatters
28-12-10, 20:24
Hi Helen, glad youre doin OK. day 1 on 20mg has gone ok so far for me. Hope you have a goo day tomorrow x
thanks familymatters, I'm so pleased you've had a good day, and these will become more frequent and the bad ones less and less in no time at all.
Hope you have a good day tomorrow to .. keep in touch
Helen x
Hi Helen
How did you sleep last night? Did the nice routine work? Walking round the block even just for 10 mins really helps me alot. It's probably the thing that lifts me the most. Especially if I'm listening to radio or music too.
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
Yes went for a lovely walk in the fresh air then a hot bath and a horlicks.. woke on and off through the night but not panicky. My husband got up for work about 6 and I managed to get back to sleep for a couple of hours, woke up and lay there for about half an hour before kicking my butt out of bed and going to the gym.
I'm not there yet but feel I'm getting closer.. still feel grogy and slightly anxious but I can put that down to the meds.
How are you feeling today ?? x
Thanks for asking Helen, I've had quite a good day. Groggy from the meds like you, if I don't move about for a while I get all sleepy but don't actually sleep. I went to the shops this afternoon and wasn't anxious as I thought I'd be, just a bit woozy but could carry on as normal. I wasn't there long as hubby was waiting in the car, but I enjoyed the buzz of rushing about which I think might be my problem in life - addicted to the buzz off adrenaline and stress, then I crash!!! Do you have this?
Hope you sleep well tonight.
Cathy
Yes Cathy that sounds so familiar to me.. when I have experienced real issues to worry about in my life... my divorce.. the death of my father .. I seemed to cope ok and kept going.. its when I stop and things are too quiet (like holiday periods when I'm not working) Suppose thats the time I dwell on how I'm feeling and analyzise things too much ??
I've been really tired today, yawning constantly.. but kept going ...
I went shopping to, but instead of going into my own town I travelled a bit further and went into a busy area.. to challenge me a bit. I to did ok, I love looking around Home Sense and it really distracted me, so all in all a good day:yesyes:
Hubby home at 6:30 so it will be nice to have someone to talk to.. and then another cup of Horlicks and hopefully a good sleep.. I will let you know x hope you have a relaxing evening Cathy
Helen xx
Hi
Well done for challenging yourself!
I can't stop yawning too!
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
Have you uppped to the 20mg yet ? How have you been feeling ?
Helen x
Hi Helen
I haven't upped yet no, have you?
Today I've been feeling really lazy, haven't done much at all. Hope I feel a bit more active next week. Getting bored with wordsearch and su-doku! Couldn't be bothered to excercise either! Think I feel better for the rest.
I've been thinking about why I got like this again. Are you just accepting it as part of life? I'm not sure how to proceed; more self help or get on with other things in life and try to forget it all. If I do the self help I think of it more and get worse - I think I just answered my own question!
You okay?
Cathy
hi, i was on citalopram for several years and found insomnia a problem which i solved by using cannabis! (not to be recommended)
i have recently switched to mirtazapine which does make you drowsy in the evenings (although atm my anxiety is not helping it work), so that is an option if you can't get along with citalopram
hope this helps
Hi Cathy,
Sometimes its good to give your body the rest.. although I did manage the gym yesterday, my plans to clean by sons bedroom went out the window in the afternoon and I just lazed and watched a film. My husband came home about 6:30 so I got on with making a nice meal.
I to have tried to analize as to why this has come on me this year like this... possibly seeing my mother have a panic before Christmas started me off, maybe because I hadn't been to the gym since Nov and was eating a load of rubbish.. who knows. What I have learnt over the years that dwelling on things can bring it back, it could be just a memory of it..and thats why after this bout I'm just going to get on with it..
The only thing I have ahead of me is getting over my fear of going on holiday again. I haven't been back abroad since my bad panic attack out in Portugal in 2008 and don't know how best to tackle this one... its not like riding a bike or facing other phobias as its going to be a blinking expensive one if I fly out and have to fly right back !! maybe I will seek help on this one but who ?? I did fly out to Scotland in Feb 2008 though to get married, I was on Cit at the time, and had no concerns about being away from home that time, so being on the meds may just do it for me, fingers crossed.
Feeling a little anxious this morning.. just keep thinking.. its the meds and I'm going to get better. My plans are to clean the car this morning (the gym is shut). Not such a good sleep last night woke with a nightmare, it didn't help my mum phoned at about 10:30 when we were falling off to sleep asking if she could stay with me tomorrow night. My husband a police officer and is working tonight, my son is still in his dads so I was planning an evening on my own, I want to help her but don't really want an evening of talking about THIS !!
I intend to up the dose on Sunday.. I'm just going to go for it... and except it will still be a week or more before I'm feeling OK. I've had a headache for the last 3 days and aching shoulders its probably all the tension.
How are you feeling today ? xx
Thanks for the advice Raven, I have taken Cit before and it proved to be a success at that time.. whats happening now is I'm only now getting it back into my system, and like so many people I am having a bit of a bumpy ride during the first couple of weeks. It happened last time (which was the first time I took it) so I'm no so worried and worked up about it this time around as I know it will do the trick soon enough and get me back to my old self again .
thanks
Helen
Hi Helen
I got married in Scotland too! Aviemore, 11 years ago. It's lovely in Scotland isn't it. Were you on 20 when you went there? The last time I went on holiday was August, we visited Mum & Dad who live in France. Unfortunatly the flight made me feel sick and my youngest son got really bad asthma and allergies while there so it was stressfull! Consequently I was terrified on te flight home and wonder if I can ever enjoy a holiday there again! (Something bad has happened nearly every time we've been there! - but that's just unfortunate circumstances.) The best holiday I've had in years was camping in Wales actually. Anglesey (we have family there too). I started off anxious but told myself I just needed time to adjust from the preparation and drive (from sussex) and the change of surroundings. I got on with relaxing and visiting all the wonderfull places there and soon found myself relaxed and enjoying myself. It's the only holiday in years that I felt I could have stayed longer. I wonder what made you panic in Portugal (I have family there too! I know - the coincidences are getting freaky!!) I think you'll be fine on holiday if it's somewhere you really want to be, you can properly relax and take time to get used to the new surroundings. And I'm certain if you're on meds you'll defnately be fine.
You're really keeping busy well done. Interesting about your Mum, sounds like she's having trouble too. I can understand that you don't want to talk about this if you're trying to get on with things and forget about it! I hope you can find a way of enjoying each others time in another way.
I had a terrible headache for 2 days early on, but paracetamol worked okay.
I'm still in the mood of wanting to 'fix' myself. I'm having a hard time accepting you just have to roll with the punches. People keep telling me my mind works overtime, that makes me exhausted, I'm not aware of the build-up, then after lots of things happen and then go quiet I crash. My question to myself is - Can I stop my mind working overtime or am I just like this? From what you've said you have a similar thing. What job do you do?
Also, weirdly I feel if there is no worry or anxiety, life will be a bit dull, what do I replace it with. I have to get used to it I know.
Sorry for going on! Just nice to think aloud!
Hope you enjoy your Mums visit, and get a better nights sleep tonight.
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
We are so alike. I know excactly we you are coming from with regards to your thought process, my mind is always on overdrive. I work in Local Authority Administration and love organisation ..both in work and out... like everything to be in the right place ! I don't have a stressful job (but don't sit around drinking tea all day as some would have you believe!! lol) .. I enjoy my job but most importantly the company, they are a group of people I've worked with for years (been there 22 years now) and we have a laugh. I think having a laugh is so important and when I'm not "as I am now" I love taking mic and teasing people. I worry less than I use to... especially since loosing two very close people in the last few years(my dad and my aunt, who was like a mum to me) and realising some things are totally out of our control anyway!
I was married to my first husband for 14 years (before he had an affair 4 years ago) and his family lived out in Spain. The majority of our hols were taken visiting the family and I guess I built up my confidence visiting there.. although we did go to other places. With my agrophoiba is helped that my ex always use to hire a car, so in my mind I knew I would never be far from the airport should I need to come home.. Portugal was different, it was with my new husband and son, totally new circumstances, ..its difficult to explain but I felt like I was inbetween them (even though they get on great) trying to keep them both happy.
I was on 20mg when we went to Scotland. We got married in Drumen which is close by to Loch Lomand it was beautiful and the people were very warm and friendly. My husband (new husband) and I were engaged over 20 years ago (when I was 21) but we broke up, we were too immature (well him more than me being a man!), went our seperate ways, both married other people, he had two boys and I had one, he divorced 2006 and me in 2007 and we bumped into eachother in our local COOP and arranged a date.. the rest as they say is history.
I've gone on a bit Cathy.. but it is good for us to talk and will help us in our healing process x
speak soon, have a good night and Happy New Year in advance of tomorrow xx
Hi Helen
I'm quite jealous of your long standing job and collegues. I sometimes wish I had carried on work (insurance claims) after maternity leave 11 years ago. It seems to have had a very positive effect on many women I know to keep their hand in.
Thanks for sharing a bit about your life, it's really interesting - a nice love story!
My husband & I met about 15 years ago in a club, had an on and off time for a year and then committed ourselves to getting a flat together which sealed our relationship. Two years later we had a son, followed by our second two and a half years after that.
Happy New Year! Have a good evening.
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
How was your new year and how are you feeling?
I'm upping to 20mg tomorrow, biting the bullet... have had a rubbish day today... I've got a heavy cold so I'm thinking that is just adding to my current anxiety and groggy feeling... don't know where the anxiety ends and the cold begins if you know what I mean.. just generally feeling sorry for myself :-((
I must admit I'm glad of my job (although currently worrying about going back and whether I'll be OK.. one of those days !) When I had my son I had no choice but to go back full time as my husband at the time was inbetween jobs... so it was our only security.. by the time he settled in a job my son was in school anyway so I just carried on.. It is a distraction I must admit, don't think I could be home..even if I won the lottery !!!
So going to get my head down soon ready for another day..
take care
Helen x
paula lynne
01-01-11, 23:26
Sending lots of hugs to you Helen, Im sure things will improve soon. keep going girl!! Love Paula x
Thank you so much Paula.. feeling the roughest I have felt in all of this episode today... didn't help I had only about 3 hrs sleep last night.. just couldnt' switch off... I've taken my 20mg today but felt the need to take a diaz to just to see me though today.. going to get myself out now, take my son to Tesco to spend some of his Christmas money...
thanks again for your encouragement it really helps me xxx
Hi Helen
Sorry you've got a cold, what a bummer! Well done for going up to 20. I admire your positive - get on with it - attitude. It's nice that you're taking your son out even though you don't feel well.
Try not to worry about work, you might feel different in a couple of days, and if you need more time, then so be it. It won't be long before you're feelng like your old self anyway.
I'm not having a great day, I'm really tired from staying up on New Years Eve and I'm trying not to ruminate! But I just think tomorrow I'll feel better.
How do you feel on diaz, I've never taken it?
Cathy
Hi again Helen, I forgot to say thanks for asking, New Years Eve went well. It was a quiet one at home watching films, I fell asleep at 9.30 for half an hour but was then able to stay up till midnight which I wanted to do because the boys were up for it. I got a bit overexcited in the end watching Jules Holland and then the fireworks on BBC!
What did you do, and did your Mum come in the end? If so how was that?
Cathy
Hi Cathy, yes New Year OK mum went came over but she was tired so she went to bed early anyway.. so I popped over a neighbours until 11 ish then my hubby came home which was nice.
I've only taken one Diaz this morn so not sure of the effects have worn off with that but feel really bad today... went to Tesco but it was a struggle and wasn't able to do a "BIG" shop ...just got some bits and pieces. went for a lay down at 3 to try and get some kip but woke up 1/2 hr later really panicky.. hope this is normal.. I'm feeling so awful and totally out of it as if I'm not quite here.. keep telling myself its the meds... god I hope this eases up soon...... if I could just sleep off the worse of it but its not letting me
take care
Helen xxxx
Hello
It is the medication that's making you feel like that, all normal, but probably the cold is making it worse. If you're like me you'll feel better in the evenings. It's just a bad day.
Take care, make life easy in whatever way you can to get through the next few days.
Good Luck
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
Yes definitely better on an evening...almost normal.. but not quite !!
Just hoping I get a good nights sleep tonight this sleep deprevation is not helping the anxiety .. its a vicious circle unfortunately. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster but hopefully the end of the ride is in sight... because I want to get the hell off !!
Anyway how have you been feeling ??
Helen xxx
Hi Helen
I know how you feel! I've had a setback this afternoon. I was having a good day but the thought of going back to college tomorrow and dealing with all the work I have to do has got me all anxious and feeling like I won't cope with it. Do I really want to do a degree?! What am I doing it for again?! Almost everything I have to do at college in the next few weeks is anxiety provoking - a presentation, an essay I don't understand and trips to exhibitions, London even. I won't be able to go there I'm sure of it. What a negative attitude! I don't believe myself totally, but enough to be very scared!!!
Were you supposed to be at work today or tomorrow? How are you dealing with it? How do you feel? Okay I hope. Hope you got a decent sleep.
Cathy X
I know what you mean about going back to college I have the same anxiety with work.. I was due back on Wednesday but I am going to take an extra day off as my son isn't back in school until Thursday..
The normal every day things we usually cope with seem such a battle don't they and impossible.. but they're not.. its just our negative mind frame at the moment. I've been the same.. one minute thinking yes I'll be fine in work then this panic sweeps over me and thinks how the hell am I going to make it through the whole day... but we will.
I've had a really good day today, the last two have been horrific, probably the worse during this episode but today has been really good. What I can put that down to I really don't know, but feeling positive and much more relaxed. Did get more sleep last night.. still woke at 6am and didn't go back to sleep. Got myself out of bed and went to the gym with hubby at 11ish.. felt really groggy getting there but much better after and for the rest of the day.
Regarding college don't look too far ahead.. trips to London etc because you could so easily be feeling great by then... I know its difficult and I'm sorry you've had a rough day but try and just take each day at a time and don't prempt whats going to happen... its just wasting energy we really haven't got at the moment.. but isn't that typical of us.. trying to analize everything... if we were'nt like that we wouldn't have this problem !!
Hope you are feeling better tomorrow xxx:bighug1:
Hiya Helen
Thanks, your support really cheered me up! I've got some good news - I was all ready to stay home but my friend called and knowing she was going to college too gave me the motivation to at least try to meet her in the car park, then get to class. Once there I discovered everyone felt the same about getting back to work and not having done much! I sailed though the rest of the morning although feeling very tired. A few pesky negative thoughts I'm trying to batt away, but really glad I did it or I'd be sitting here worrying about not having gone and when I'd go ect!
You're so right about taking each day at a time, each hour sometimes! I've waisted so much energy worrying as you said, but this is my main problem.
I'm so glad you had a good day yesterday. I think it's good that you've given yourself an extra day at home too. It's one thing faffing around at college for a few hours and another to put in a full days work.
How was today?
Cathy X:D
Oh Cathy I'm so pleased for you.. well done you.. you should be very proud of yourself.. it isn't easy but you've done it !! and it will get easier from here on in until we are good as new again.
You may get the odd day here and there until we are fully recovered. I've not had such a great day.. not panicky (apart from the odd negative thought) but just really groggy and tired again. But saying that I had a really good sleep last night, watched the Untoucables, not normally my kind of thing but got really absorbed and enjoyed.
Probably at the back of my mind is going back to work on Thursday and the usual dread.. will I be ok?.. can I make it though the day?.....but you've spurred me on..so I'm going to give it my best shot. As you say.. not doing it and then staying at home with the feeling of failure is alot worse that not giving it a try... I know getting back to work and normality will be the best thing to get me back to feeling my old self again and it will be the same for you.. Its just those first few steps...
I'm impatient as usual and just want to be well .. but I haven't even been on the meds for two weeks yet so I need to give it and myself some breathing space ! it will come.....
well done again
Helen xxx
Hi Helen
Thanks again for all your positive support! :yesyes:
I'm really glad you had a decent sleep at last. How are you feeling today? I'm having a weird up and down day. I feel tired from yesterday's efforts, one moment I feel happy and almost normal and then I get a depressing thought and I dwell on it incase it means something. I'm really trying to accept and ignore these thoughts but then I let myself think it might mean something and I get anxious.
I must be positive; this is a temporary state we're in. We're doing what we can to help ourselves. The medication will soon be working to give us a hand. (I'm dreading going up to 20 incase I get side effects again! what do you think about this?) We will soon be enjoying life again! Thats right!! It doesn't always feel like that but it's true. Everything in life changes. There I think I've given myself a good pep talk!
Hope you had a good day.
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
Sorry I haven't been on here couple of days but I am alive and kicking and feeling (dare we say it!!) normal again. I needed to keep my distance from the forum for a day or so to try and stop myself dwelling too much on things...
I went back to work on Thursday... the night before I woke several times but managed to get back to sleep.. got up at about 7:00 and got myself ready for work, I was sweating pints really anxious but I knew I couldn't turn back and bit the bullet.... got into work about 8:30, went in to see my boss and explained I'd had an anxiety attack over Xmas and he was great, told me if I needed to go home at any time not too worry. Anyway.. managed to stick it out.. bit ropey in the morning with waves of panic sweeping over me and the usual negative thoughts but kept going.. by lunch time I was my old self again.. can't believe it !!! so chuffed.
No problem what so ever going in today... just feel 100%. If you are feeling better I wouldn't worry about stepping up to 20mg because I truly believe the worse has passed for you anyway and your on the way up again and you won't be affected. so go for it.. when I started on the 20mg I was still really in the middle of it all... I was told by the doctor to stick with these now for the next 6 months. She said that in her experience those people who come back to her in a few months or even a year or so did not take the medication for the suggested 6mth period and felt that this contributed to the relapse. So I'm definitely going to carry on with the 20mg until the summer.
How are you feeling today ?? xxxx
Hi Helen
I completely understand your need to distance yourself to stop dwelling, I have to limit myself how often I look on here! I'm glad you've posted again as I was wondering how you're getting on. Now I know your feeling good, FANTASTIC! I won't expect you to post here much anymore as life gets back to normal.
It so great to hear of your achievement getting through your 1st day back at work! You've got a great boss! I has a similar thing happen last night meeting family for a get together, the journey there and first hour was pretty ropey and I feared I'd give up and go home, but soon I felt like my old self again, isn't that a wonderfull feeling! I was able to enjoy myself and came home all happy!
I did have a tough couple of days, I think because I'm quite anxious about all the college work I have to do and trying to do some, and I've been feeling wiped out tired from about mid morning to early afternoon, which I'm pretty sure is the medication still. I did a relaxation excercise yesterday which helped loads and if I accept the tiredness and rest I don't get so anxious about it. So I take on board what you say about going up to 20, and feel much happier doing so if you didn't have the same side effects as when first starting. I will talk to the doc about it soon. I'm a bit of a scaredy cat, not brave like you've been with knowing what's best for yourself and going for it.
Well done and congratulations for getting through. Here's to a bright future!
Have a great weekend!
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
Yes I've had a great weekend and feeling great.. the feelings of the last couple of weeks seem such a distance memory now... its weird when your ill you can't remember what it feels like to be normal.. but when you recover you can't remember how bad it was...
Its a strange old illness.... it just starts off as a thought and escalates until your constantly dwelling and concentrating on yourself. Its so great just going to bed now and feeling totally relaxed and tired from a busy day at work as opposed to feeling worn out though worry and anxiety.
How are things with you ?
Helen xx
Hi Helen
Wow you've done really well!
I'm having trouble because of the presentation at college. I'm not sure if it has set me back, or if my brain isn't ready to deal with it. It's tomorrow and I'm not quite prepaired or sure if I'm going to do it. I went into college today and felt so exhausted I came home after an hour. I'm very confused about if I should rest or push myself. I also know I'm overthinking still. I bet the doctor wll put me up to 20mg and then I'll be worrying about what affect that's having on me for the next 3 weeks!! AHHHHH! I'm feddup with this!
I wish I could have something really positive to say like you! I will soon I'm sure.
Cathy X
Hi Cathy, Don't be hard on yourself I would be exactly like you if I had to do a presentation :scared15: !! Even if I was feeling 100% !
I would agree that you probably need to up to 20 to have the best results, however, I would not panic about it being three weeks of hell. You have already got your body use to 10mg, I was only one week with effects from upping and then I was as good as new... and you've been even longer taking the 10mg than me, so your body is even more use to the medication already. So I really believe it won't be that bad for you, you may not even have any effects from it at all !! Go for it I think you will be surprised that its not that bad ... and if it is you can blame me ! lol x
Let me know how you get on xxxx :bighug1:
Hi Helen
I did the presentation! Yay! It wasn't as bad as I expected once I planned what I would say properly. It did make me feel better that everyone felt the same. It's such an achievement for me considering how I was feeling just yesterday afternoon.
I'll see the doctor within the week and talk about the medication. I feel better about it again on your advice.
Hope you have another good weekend!
Cathy :hugs:
Hi Cathy,
Yes another good weekend thanks. Hubby working all weekend by went to the Cinema with my son and his friend and a bit of window shopping. How are you feeling ? Bet you're feeling alot better now the presentation is over.. well done to you !
I would definitely go and see the doc this week if I were you and up to 20 you watch how better you'll feel.
Let me know how you get on XXX
HI Helen
Great you had a good weekend. Thanks, yes I'm very glad the presentation is over, I can't quite believe I did it now!
Okay, so I'm going to see the doc later and will almost definately go up to 20 from tomorrow. I'm scared! Which is probably proof I need to go up! I've been fretting about it all morning! I don't want to go backwards, but maybe I won't! It won't be for long and I can get my life back like you.
Gotta bite the bullet! Have a good week. Are you still feeling fine?
Cathy X
Hi!
I didn't do 20!:blush: I have to see my councillor (free at college) today. I didn't want to feel all sleepy while driving. I'm being a scaredy cat! Will do it tomorrow!
Cathy X
Went on 20 this morning. Trying not to worry and concentrate on getting through the day as normal. The doc suggested I Take 20 and 10 alternately for a week.
Let me know how you get on Cathy xxx
Hi Helen
Still on the 10/20 alternate days. Had an essay to do this week which has taken my mind off things. Now it's finnished I'm twiddling my thumbs again wondering what to do with myself! How do you fill your spare time? Do you have any hobbies? I've always had a problem with this!
Glad you still seem to be well. Are you doing anything special to keep well?
Cathy X
Well work fills my week to be honest, by the time I get home sort tea out for everyone I'll probably just sit down and watch telly or go on the computer.
On the weekend I usually catch up with the cleaning or ironing (although must admit haven't done much of either this weekend) I go to the gym and usually take my son to see a film (he's a film addict). I don't have any hobbies as such, I love doing things to the house, decorating and shopping for ideas. When the weather gets a bit better my husband and I love to go for long walks through the country lanes.
I'm really concentrating on getting fit again, both my husband and I have given up drinking since Christmas. I went on the tablets anyway so wanted to stay off the drink, we were'nt huge drinkers but certainly got into the habit of having wine during the week, as well as the weekends and finally decided enough is enough !!
I find that as I feel so relaxed at the moment I enjoy just sitting down and chilling, something I can't do when I'm having an anxiety bout !
Hope you have a good week
xx:hugs:
Greenman50
23-01-11, 22:56
Well done ladies :yesyes:
Hi Helen
Sounds like you're doing great, I'm really pleased for you, it sounds like you have a cosy life! I can relax more easily now too. I want to be able to take the kids swimming, but I'm not quite there yet, although I am finding the things I do are a lot easier now. I have a cold and I still went into college today and did what I needed to, so things are improving at the moment. I am going to be on 20mg from now on so after 2 or 3 weeks I should be good as new! I can see things more clearly now and realise how I forget about myself and basically do, and worry, too much and drive myself to exhaustion. I need to address this. But the other thing is to accept some anxiety because everyone has some, and I over react when I get anxious that I'm bad again when really it's just a blip that I can get over. I don't know really, maybe I'm just thinking too much again! Sorry if it's boring!
cathy X
buster_uk1967
26-01-11, 13:14
Well done ladies. I take great comfort from reading this.
Its not boring Cathy because I know exactly how you feel. I have had a blip today to be honest, you know I've been fine up until now but I started feeling edgy yesterday and didn't sleep much at all last night. So I had the day off and have slept most of the day on and off. Feeling very grogy. I know think that things may be linked to my hormones. I had my period a couple of days ago and wasn't feeling the best, and then I think I started dwelling on it, thinking I wasn't feeling well again and bam !!! Its just us dwelling on things so I know where your coming from.. I'm going to push myself to meet the my friends for a meal tonight although I dont feel like eating so I've already made my excuses and just going to go down for an hour or so for a chat.
I'm going to try and get into work tomorrow to it helped me alot last time.. so wish me luck x
Good Luck Helen!
It's brilliant that you are doing what you can instead of nothing. It's the best way forward isn't it.
Yes periods can throw things out a bit, if I look back I'm more likely to be anxious then too.
I read a book called 'Depressive illness the curse of the strong' recently, even though anxiety is my main issue it is very positive about medication and has a nice little graph on it that I keep reminding myself of, it shows the recovery of mood over time of someone on the medication, it has a line going up and down alot but generally going up all the time, and never goes down as far as in the begining. (Does that make sense? - It would be so much easier to draw!) We all know we get blips but it's easy to panic and think we're getting bad again isn't it. In my experiance of having 2 major anxiety episodes, it's never as bad as the time before because you learn so much each time that you cope much better. You probably know all this but it helps me to think aloud and cement it in my brain!!!
Also Helen has it been 6 weeks yet since starting the meds because that's when things really start to improve isn't it?
The dwelling is the enemy! It's tough I know. Things just trigger you sometimes don't they. You're doing the right thing going out and getting back to work, as this has been proven to help you before. I think it was good that you took the day out as well, we all need to recuperate sometimes. You've done well to get back to work as soon as you did after Christmas considering how nervous you felt about it.
I'm feeling pretty good. You can tell by me being a chatter box! And I'm feeling like being more sociable and wanting to go shopping!
Let me know how your evening went.
Take care of yourself, treat yourself nicely.
Cathy X
Hi Buster!
Glad you feel that way!
Cathy :winks:
Hi Cathy,
Its lovely to hear you chattering away, I'm exactly the same when I'm feeling good.. I can't stop.. great feeling isn't it ! lol Its good to talk aloud that works for me to in that you are not just helping me (which you are) but helping yourself to undersstand it more, which is the key to calming ourselves down about these feelings and thoughts we have been getting.
I know exactly where your coming from with the graph ... of course we will have blips but as you rightly say you learn from your past experiences. When I feel well I can look back and know its a fine line between the anxiety and being OK... its just a thought process that starts it all off ! Its not a big deal but we make more of it and escalate it, we're our own worst enemies in all this !!
I started the medication of Xmas Eve so its been just over a month really. I'm really hoping that if I manage to get back into work tomorrow I'll be back to normal jogging again !
My mother rang the doctor today for me and told her how I was feeling. She said that I could be causing the anxiety because I'm not feeling 100% physically and that can happen to alot of people with our anxiety problem. She's sending me for a blood test, as a couple of months ago they refused to take my blood (blood donation session) and tested it and informed me at that time I was boarder line anemic. I'm 44 now and my mother had the menapouse at my age..so I'm going to be tested for the possibility that I may be on the change !! oh the joys of being a woman. I will let you know on that one.
Apart from the edgy feeling today its been the grogy and tired feeling that has got me down... but which one came first ?!? on that I can't be sure.. I think my period made me feel under the weather and tired and then that started the old grey matter off again !! what are we like ? lol
Anyway its lovely keeping in touch and let me know how your getting on to
Helen x
Online hug for you :hugs:!
Sounds like you have a few things to deal with at the moment. I hope having the tests will put your mind at rest and you can do something about it if you need to. No wonder you feel tired. Poor thing!
It makes me happy that you are laughing about it! Makes it easier to deal with!
When I feel tired and I don't know why or I feel groggy, I hate it and usually start worrying. When the winter came and I started having that hibernation feeling probably most people get, I really started worrying about SAD. If I had just accepted I get tired earlier in the evening I might have been okay. I find it hard to stop worrying, I don't even realise I'm doing it most of the time, but the cit really helps with it.
Good luck tomorrow, I'll look forward to your next post.
Did you go out tonight?
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
No I didn't make it out with the girls, I was absolutely shattered and had to give it a miss. I've had such little sleep these last few nights. Took Wed and Thur of sick, the anxiety wasn't as bad as its been but just shear tiredness. I had about two hours sleep Wed night and five last night although I managed to get into work today and was OK.
Feel really groggy tonight though, and like you sit here and worry why I'm feeling like this ! what are we like !! :shrug: Lack of sleep and anxiety it's a vicious circle isn't it.. I need to get some better sleep so I can see things more clearly and stop analising all these different feelings (tiredness, grogginess etc...)
Forgot to tell you that my doctor told my mother that I should go on 40mg. Well you can imagine my panic about that so I've phoned her today.. really needed her reassurance that it would have an effect on me. She told me I should just take 40 for a couple of weeks because of this blip (which is common, especially in the early days of meds) and then reduce back down to 20 when I'm feeling better. She said upping wouldn't have a bad affect as my body has now got use to the meds. So I'm going to go for it ! Whether the blood test results show I'm anemic or having the onset of menapause shouldn't make a difference, I'm always looking for reasons and answers and sometimes there aren't any...just acceptance of the situation and concentrate on just getting back to normal. Thats were the meds will help us to stop this constant awareness of the feelings and sensations our bodys are experiencing and just accept, and in time not even notice or care !!!
It's worse when your feeling shattered and groggy isn't it because I haven't had the energy to go to the gym or even clean the house, and keep busy which takes my minds of things !
Anyway enough about me, although talking aloud like this through really helps doesn't it ? How are you feeling ??
Helen xxx:bighug1:
Hi Helen
I know what you mean about worrying why you feel like you do. I have a very bad habbit of doing that most of the time, it might even be what keeps me anxious. The trouble is, we think we're solving it; I think- if I can figure out why I feel like this I can fix it and stop feeling this way. Many people tell me just accept how you feel don't try to change it. And when I have done that it does go away quite qickly, but I'm not aware I'm doing it alot of the time, so stay in a loop.
I don't think you'll have any effects going up to 40 if that's what you want to do. I wish you some good nights sleep!
I was going to ask (nosily) you what is going on in your life that might be keeping the anxiety going, but then I realised that it doesn't matter. If you are doing everything you can to be relaxed, healthy and happy then in time you will get better, and as you say, dwelling on the cause keeps us stuck. You hit the nail on the head.
I'm really glad that you can write on here and get it all out, it does help.
As for me, I'm okay, but I've lost my confidence. I get a bit agoraphobic and have started asking hubby to go out with me (he's not working right now) so I'm worried I'm becoming dependant on him. Especially as I'm still getting used to 20mg (5th day)and I imagine all different things happening to me if I go out alone and there's nobody to look after me. It sounds stupid as I write it but I still take the safe option!
Here's a bit of hope - I remember a couple of years ago, in the summer I think, I would walk to the school for the children, alone, with no mobile or bottle of water - nothing (I'm big on safety props!!), just the keys to the house. This was a big deal for me, I'd been struggling on and off for years. Yet there I was without a care. I think I was on 10mg of cit as I was starting to come off them. Here's how I achieved it - I was talking to a therapist at the time who said walking to the school twice a day (feeling extreemly anxious) wasn't enough exposure to the feared situation. I was to go several times throughout the day and at weekends. And I was to expect and welcome the fear/anxiety/worry/panic. So I took on the attitude - I'm going to feel the fear, I will make myself do things that frighten me on purpose because then I won't be frightened anymore, and it worked. When I expected to feel frightened - I didn't.
I was successfully living without anxiety until Mum & Dad moved to France later that year and I took on lots of the packing and house clearing. I think I just got worn out and sensitised, and I was reminded of how I was, so walking to school one day I felt scared again, and because I was too tired to take it on I withdrew. That was a big mistake. I can't remember the last time I walked to the school alone.
We need lots of courage to get through this don't we. What are you afraid of? Tell me one of your success stories.
I can't believe how much I've written, sorry!
I want to be that person again, not the scaredy cat who has to hold someones hand to walk out the door.
Better stop going on!!
I really hope you did sleep well this weekend, and had a pleasant time.
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
Gosh we are so alike, I love reading your posts as I can so relate to your feelings and thoughts.
My biggest fear,apart from the thought of going on holiday again, is the fear of feeling like this for ever ! stupid I know but its like there's a constant battle going on with myself to analise how I'm feeling. Which I know is happening to you to. During the moments I feel OK during the day, its like I bring the anxiety back with my thoughts "Oh do I feel OK? where's the anxiety gone? will it come back etc etc.
My biggest success I guess is when I think back over the years I've come along way with it and it hasn't beaten me. As a teenager I suffered with agrophobia and wouldn't leave the house... I'd panic at my panic attacks.. now its different, I'll get in the car and go off on my tod, I feel the panic but just shrug them off and don't let it worry me half as much as I used to. I do feel I've taken a backward step though with my fear of going on holiday, although always anxious going, I'd never actually experienced a panic attack while away until 2 years ago. The trouble with this phobia I can hardly expose myself (which they say is the answer) daily, its a blinking expensive trail if I don't make it and have to take a flight back !! LOL.
My life at the moment is a very happy one and thats the strange thing. Its almost that during these times when I have nothing to worry about I dwell on this more. Do you know what I mean ? I've had some not nice things happen to me over the last few years, lost my auntie (who was moer like a mother to me), then my dad, my husband left me (looking back that was a good thing not that I felt it at that time!) and after my dad died I found out at the tender age of 42 that he wasn't my real dad. bit of a shocker I can tell you. We were very close him and I and as he's passed away I feel like I'll never get the chance to say thank you.
Something dawned on me today to, I notice your doing an Art Degree, I am very into drawing and design myself (when I get the chance), my mother always use to say that Artistic people are more prone to this type of thing as we have such vivid imaginations. When our imaginations work with us its great.. but it can also work against us as is the case at this moment in time !
We will be those people we use to be.. you will walk again to school with your children (minus the props) and not take a second thought about it.. and I will go on holiday again and enjoy !! Time will sort it out, we will work it out.. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment Cathy, I haven't seen anyone during this time but I've been reading about CBT on this site and don't know whether to give it a go ??
Take care and speak soon... Helen x ... oh and yes I slept last night... lovely !! x
Hiya
I'm really glad you slept well, I notice your posts are much more cheery when you say you're sleeping okay!
There is a lot of similarities in our condition. I admire you for getting to the stage you're at after that agoraphobic time as a teenager. Both times I went on cit was after school holidays started and all the stresses I'd had beforehand had actually stopped! Weird! And annoying!
I have spoken to a cbt guy over the phone as he was too far away to go to, and then I found someone near by who I saw for a while last year. I suppose they did help a bit but were expensive.The thing is, I'm still having a relapse so they didn't cure me. Maybe they weren't that good I don't know. I'm seeing a counsellor at the college now and with her I'm trying to get to the root of things and work out how to stay well.
I'll carry on tomorow I'm really tired!
Cathy X
Back again!
I went to college today even though I was worried about it!
Back to your post;
It was touching to read about your Dad, these things can affect you for years. I wish you could find a way of making peace with your issue of wanting to say thank you. Have you read about doing things like writing a letter to him or imagining your talking to him? This might not be your thing but I just wondered if it would help. Sounds like you need closure - to use an American term!
What I did recently was imagine what I'd do, as the adult I am now, with the scared 17 year old girl I once was when I left home. It made me realise that I wasn't that person anymore, I m a responsible, trustworthy, strong mother. It's helped me feel less vulnerable and be kinder to myself.
I've thought the same as you about the vivid imaginations and artistic temperament! Even my son made a comment about himself realising he was good at making up stories because he had a good imagination, but the downside was he imagines monsters are about in the dark!!
Right now I do feel like I will walk to the school alone soon! And you'll go on holiday. I've no doubt about it.
Hope you have a good week at work.
Cathy X
Hi Cathy,
Its been a while, I've managed to get back to work and apart from some ropey moments it wasn't too bad. Not felt so great today, but its been windy and rainy all day and that doesn't help !
Been one week on 40mg and having some good times and some not so good times but nowhere as bad as I was. I'm going to ring around tomorrow some CBT therapists in my area and start having some sessions with them.
How have things been with you ?
Helen xx
Hi
I'm getting on okay thanks. I've been on 20 for just over a couple of weeks and they still make me feel dopey and tired! But I can still manage to do what I need to. On 10 it took into the third week for the side effects to go off.
The family were round tonight wanting to arrange a holiday this summer to see our parents in France. The last ime I went, last August, my youngest had bad allergies and I was worried and I had a terrible flight back. So although I want to go (my son does too even with the allergies) I'm apprehensive, I know you understand! I'll have to grit my teeth and bear it. I'm sure it won't be so bad with the medication to help. If I considered taking diazapam how does it make you feel? Just one more week of college and I can rest up for half term!
Good luck with the CBT people.
Hope you have a good week.
Cathy:)
I forgot to say that I was reading the article on this website about the symptoms, and since then I've been telling myself I need to rest my nervous system, that all the symptoms I have are just my oversensitised nevous system and then I don't worry about it. It seems to work for now. Also do you find that you memory isn't so good on these meds? I find I forget what I was just going to say or do. And I put weight on last time did you?
Hi Helen
I was wondering if you were doing well since you haven't posted for a while. I had a set back this week after a deadline at college and my third cold in two months!
Cathy
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