told you are too quiet

[wane]

i got told this by my geology teacher and also i tried going to lunch at uni with classmates (and i wasnt very well then with sa i.e. not on medication) and one guy who had ADHD so as you can imagine was quite loud had a mentor, a guy about 35. This mentor would make a point of being sarcastic, saying out loud that he couldnt get a word in edgeways what with me talking all the time. This just makes you feel worse. I stayed away from this guy after that.I was just wondering if other people had been told this before.

[haziefantasie]

Hi wane

I have been told many times that I am too quiet, and have also faced jokes about not getting a word in edgeways when I am around. I donk know why they say it, whether they feel uncomfortable with me being like this and think itll help or what, but it just makes me withdraw even further into myself. I often worry what people think of me, whether they think im rude or stuck up for not talking or if I think the conversation is not worth being involved in. This couldnt be further from the truth, I usually want to be involved but just dont know what to say! Normally I just make sure I laugh in the right places so they know im listening, but what people think of this I dont know lol x

[Lion King]

Hi there,

I am admittedly a quiet person, I have tried being loud and brash but I always revert back to the old me. I tend to be quiet when I am unfamiliar with a group of people, if I speak up I am afraid of being badly judged or having the mickey taken and feeling ridiculed. This whole feeling leads to being withdrawn, social outcast and self loathing as I don't measure up to people around me.

When I was at my worst last year my nerves were shot and I wass crippled with tension, I felt so weak! I had come out of my comfort zone of being quiet, I had put myself in a position of management and I had just moved into a new area so the stresses were quite overwhelming. During my time away fom work I refocused by doing CBT for social anxiety, in my sessions I discovered I had a fear of failure and a massive amount of self doubt which compounded my low self esteem which in effect battered my self confidence. I targetted my fearful situations and I hit each one until I felt comfortable in myself, each target achieved helped build up my self confidence. I did activities such as joining in with local teams, engaging in polite chit chat with strangers, making a point of talking in small groups to larger groups. Each situation requires that you switch off to your inner fears and focus outwardly, eventually with time you start to feel much better.

Hope you both start to feel better.

Merry Xmas

Lion King

[eternally optimistic]

Hi there,

I am admittedly a quiet person, I have tried being loud and brash but I always revert back to the old me. I tend to be quiet when I am unfamiliar with a group of people, if I speak up I am afraid of being badly judged or having the mickey taken and feeling ridiculed. This whole feeling leads to being withdrawn, social outcast and self loathing as I don't measure up to people around me.

When I was at my worst last year my nerves were shot and I wass crippled with tension, I felt so weak! I had come out of my comfort zone of being quiet, I had put myself in a position of management and I had just moved into a new area so the stresses were quite overwhelming. During my time away fom work I refocused by doing CBT for social anxiety, in my sessions I discovered I had a fear of failure and a massive amount of self doubt which compounded my low self esteem which in effect battered my self confidence. I targetted my fearful situations and I hit each one until I felt comfortable in myself, each target achieved helped build up my self confidence. I did activities such as joining in with local teams, engaging in polite chit chat with strangers, making a point of talking in small groups to larger groups. Each situation requires that you switch off to your inner fears and focus outwardly, eventually with time you start to feel much better.

Hope you both start to feel better.

Merry Xmas

Lion King

Hi Lion King,

The only thing that I will say to you is that being quiet is N O T a crime and that is you....

NEVER, EVER, change who you are to please other people.

I am sorry you feel the way you do and that others may have felt you uncomfortable.

You will find your way in life being just YOU.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Lion King]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet, obviously this is my perspective on the matter from my own experience in similar situations. I felt like I missed out on a hell of alot thru my life as I put myself in the background and played the quiet man role.

If you choose to be quiet do not take offence!

All the best

LK

[katiebean]

Hi!
I had the same when I was younger, and still do in certain social situations. People really shouldn't try to change who we are! There is nothing wrong with being quiet. It's interesting, i am a teacher myself and I make a concerted effort to not make students feel uncomfortable, if they want to be quiet, that's fine. We are all entitled to be. Try and brush off comments that make you tense like that, people are often ignorant of others emotions. xx

[Anxious_gal]

I guess the thing is are you being quite because thats who you are or are you being quite because your insecure!
it's more about being comfortable with yourself whether your quite or loud :-).