Dependancy on other people?

[Cat80]

I have depression and anxiety and since it's been bad I have relied on my Mum and my sister to be there for me, to support me, take me out places (don't go out much anywhere on my own) etc.

Me and my sister used to do everything together, day trips, shopping, going into town for coffee and clothes shopping etc. My depression got bad again about 8 months ago now and sister could see it happening and said right we are going to spend time together and do lots of things so it can't get out of hand again. We started going on day trips away from home to get me away from things etc and I was feeling a little better, then sister gets a boyfriend. She has now been with him 6 months and I barely see her. We both still live at home but am lucky if she is here one day a week (we used to spend our evenings together) as she's always at his (she's 29 he's 23 and both are each others first relationship). We have spent the last 6 months arguing about the fact I never get to see her anymore and her saying tough basically.

We've both had a rough year, me mentally and her physically. She was told she had stage 4 endometriosis about 7 months ago and has basically spent the year in pain every month, in and out of hospital etc.I have been there for her through it all, cooked all her meals, done the cleaning, been at the hospital with her, made cups of tea, bought painkillers etc because she's my sister and I cannot bare to see her in pain. She started on injections 5 months ago to stop her periods and since then I don't see her. I feel like it was ok for me to be there for her but not her to support me when I am going through hell myself and it's causing so many arguments and so much upset between us all :weep:

I know I have developed a dependancy on my sister because that's all it's been all our lives, just us. I know she needs her own life and I need to try and get one of my own but it's just so hard when you are so low and don't feel like life is worth living. I just need a little support from my sister but all I get is she appreciates how I looked after her but I had nothing to give up to do that and she would have something to give up if she helped me (why, can't she have a boyfriend and be a sister). She's 29 and I'm 30 and we should be able to get along but things have changed too much.

I have the Dr's again on 4th Jan, am going to ask to be referred to a psychiatrist to see if I can get some help as nothing has worked so far. Sorry for going on and boring you all, just felt I needed to let it all out.

[Captain Caveman]

Hi Cat. Hopefully you and your sister can have a chat and come to an arrangement. You of course have this website for support :) You could also perhaps find an in person support group too maybe. There are some good self help books out there too.


I have the Dr's again on 4th Jan, am going to ask to be referred to a psychiatrist

Perhaps you already knew this, but there is a differene between psychiatrists and psychologists. It would depend on your views about your condition and medication beliefs. If you are in to the biological side of things and medication, then a psychiatrist is an option. If you aren't in to that side of things, then I'd say a psychologist is more your bet.

THe following is from an ocd book by Bruce Hynman, but the general message applies to everyone: "Medical doctors specifically trained in the diagnosing and treating the biological basis of psychiatric and psychological problems are known as psychiatrists and are licensed to prescribe medications to alleviate OCD symtoms. On the other hand, psychotherapists are experts in the cognitive and behavioural influences impacting mental health problems..."

"You can assume that a psychiatrist will focus on medication, although you can and should ask about concrurrent CBT with a therapist experienced in treating OCD. If psychiatrist is not, at least, familiar with CBT for OCD, or disimisses it completely with a broad brush for all OCD patients, that should be a strong signal to move on. Or psychiatirst who tell you, "I can do that (CBT)!" are probably overestimating their skill level (few psychiatrists have training in CBT) or are too inexperienced with CBT to know that they don't know enough. "

[Cat80]

Thank you for your reply.

I think I want the psychiatrist first because I want to see if there is some undiagnosed problem other than anxiety and depression because how I react to some things and how clingy I am with my Mum and sister is ridiculous. I am 30 and should be making my own way in the world instead I depend on them fully to live which is why me and my sister are arguing so much now because she wants her own life but all I want to do is follow her everywhere and can't understand when she doesn't want me too (well I understand, I just don't like it which is making me more depressed).