help

[jon82]

Hi im new to this site and in need of some opinions. I fear im suffering from anxiety but not really sure. I have been having disturbing thoughts for a while now. I am a straight male n in a very happy relationship but all of a sudden it pops into my head "what if im gay" i've never been attracted to men n madly inlove with my girlfriend but work my self into a state worrying about it. Then i read a book bout a murderer n then it pops into my head "what if i kill my girlfriend, i would never harm her ever or any1 for that matter because i am against violence but i find myself worrying about it all day! i wake up in the middle of the night n work myself up thinking and worrying about it. I try hard to stop these thoughts but they just get worse. I stress again i would never do anything like that but i get so worried i sweat n get a very dry throat! could someone help me figure out what my problem is thanks.

[uk23]

Although I am not a doctor that really does sound like OCD to me. I am the same and have a diagnosis of OCD.

[jon82]

Thanks for the reply. I tell myself that the thoughts are stupid but just cant stop worrying and thinking about them even tho i know i will never act on them! another time i got it into my head i had caught hiv even tho there was no way i could have caught it and again i just couldnt stop thinkin and worrying about, like i say i know the thoughts are stupid but just wish i could forget them as soon as they pop into my head!

[Captain Caveman]

Howdy. It's always a bit tricky going off a single post compared to a therapist who would have more time to ask questions etc.. Depending on what literature you read, you'll find that it's estimated 80-100% of the population experience silly/wonky/weird/ what ever you want to call them type thoughts. Most people are able to dismiss such thoughts and move on. However, others begin to obsess about them and try in vein to stop thinking about them. So I guess it depends on how you feel and what exactly you are doing when you get such thoughts to decide what course of action to take.

Obsessive compulisve behaviour can involve either observable compulsions or non-observable compulsions. Avoidance and reassurance seeking can become a major part of behaviour. Compulsions are performed to try and relieve the accompanying destressing symptoms and/or prevent a feared event from occurring. The panic that comes from such fears makes the persons feel compelled to perform rituals.

If it was determined that you were performing in an obsessive and compulsive manner, the folllowing would be suggested:

Here are some things that WONT help with ocd:

Coping strategies to AVOID: "behavioural distraction, rationalization, reassuring yourself or seeking reassurance from others, replacing the obsession with a positve thought, saying "stop", relaxation, self questioning, self punishment, analyzing the thought, or engaging in a mental or behavioural compulsion."

That info is from the book "Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts" ( Purdon & Clark)


Here is an overview of "pure o" ocd as it's known: http://www.ocdla.com/obsessionalOCD.html

Here is an article about fears of being gay: http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php

Here is one for the violence:
http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/Violent_Obsessions.html

And finally, the best article out there in my opinion for explaining "pure o" ocd: http://www.ocdonline.com/Rethinkingtheunthinkable.php

[jon82]

Thanks for taking time to reply it has been very helpful to me.

[Captain Caveman]

It's all cool. Have a good read of those articles and see if it relates to you. I know from past experience how scary and difficult it can be, so happy to try and help.

[Anxious_gal]

they are lots of topics here http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=10 about disturbing thoughts.

[trish1955]

i no how you feel i rember when my daughter was 3yrs old i had a thought what if i armed her i loved her dearly and was so afraid of this thought that i was not letting go of it i became afraid to stay home alone with her it was heartbrakeing but remberd i ahd had these kinda thoyughts before and like you i waould break out in a sweat my heart would raice i ave learned since i was over anxiouse at the time i ave sufferd anxiety for many years along with panic attacks that stemed from fearfull thought like i am going to die i am now agraphobic mine was way bk in early 7os and there was no were near as much known about all this as there is today you maybe over stressed and a tired mind works over time its just learning to let the thought go easier said than done i no but as i said my daughter was only 3 then she is alive and kiking she is now in her 30s i once told her how i fear these thought she went on to tell me people who dont have my prob can have a split second thought but let it go were as over anxiouse people hold on to it hope this helps you alittle take care lv trish

[Dsaundo2010]

Hi,
I too am in a straight relationship and love my partner very much, I also have the what if im gay thought and this is all a sham! I just put it down to an over active imigination due to stress/anxiety. Just hang in there and get help is gets better with time.

[sarah_85]

i agree completely. These thoughts are very typical of an over tired mind and sensitised nervous system. These intrusive thougths are just that, thoughts! Try and tell yourself that thoughts are not facts. When I get really bad, I end up fixating on "what if i go made and kill myself?" and in no way am i suicidal and would never hurt myself but these thoughts pop up due to the over worked mind. The more you fixate on them, the worse they become so it's a horrible cycle and it's so unsettling all you can do is focus on them and worry! Claire Weekes in her book, advises to let these thoughts "float" into your mind, don't fight them, and just allow them to float back out again. Try not to be scared as this fuels the flame.
Hope this helps and this really helped me. xxx

[Captain Caveman]

Yeah Sarah I too like a lot of what Claire Weekes wrote. She writes in a personal sort of way.

Try and tell yourself that thoughts are not facts.
I would have to disagree with this approach though. When people try and reassure themselves with such statements, the mind can just hit back with "but what if they are?" You can't then repeat 'thoughts are not facts', because you will again say "but what if they are?" and the cycle continues. That's why reassurance is counter-productive. You just end up making things worse and worse. Prior to reading that ocdonline.com website, I used to do just that and it was a nightmare. That's why myself and many others have issues with the "Brainlock" book method of telling yourself "It's not me, it's my ocd". The brain just responds with "but what if it's not ocd and I really am what I fear?" Rather than seeking reassurance and certainty,allowing for possibility and ambiguity is the outlet. As you said, don't fight the thoughts.

[jon82]

Thanks every1 for ur replies they have really helped me and i've taken ur advice sarah of just letting them float in and out and not become fixated on them and it has really helped me stop feelin so bad. Now i know that it is not just me it makes me feel alot better! :)