I feel like I'm making no progress atall

[Mackie]

Hey,

For the last two years, I have suffered from high stress levels, depression and anxiety. I have worried about nearly every disease out there and even was under the impression that I was being followed by a ghost and one day may be possesed and turn crazy. You name it, it's probably taken my imagination for a spin.

For those who have read my previous threads, my Dad is trying his hardest to re-build his marriage but progress always seems to come to a halt after my Mam has had one too many glasses of wine. My health is still a major concern when an unexplained pain or feeling occurs and I've spent most of my time alone (usualy in the university bar with a pint of lager for company).

And to put the cherry on top, theres a really nice girl I like but her ex boyfriend has a thing for domestic violence and it seems that whenever I text or ring her, he gets angry and either strangles her or hits her. I feel as though I cant properly defend her and I feel I've just ruined every hope of being with her. I'm afraid to even text her now incase he's there and I just provoke his next attack.

I just dont know what to do about everything, any advice would be great.

Thanks

[paula lynne]

Hi Mackie, well all those things that you thought would kill you havent, and you havent been possessed by a ghost have you...goes to show how our health anxiety can really mess our thinking up eh. Try reading books specifically on the subject.

I hope your parent sort things out, but worrying about that wont affect any desicions they make unfortunately. Im sorry about the girl you like, that man who abuses her sounds like a right idiot. Maybe she could get in touch with an organisation who can help her. And change her mobile so he cant get in touch with her etc, has she contacted the police?

I read that 99.6% of things we worry about never happen....sounds like an awful lot of wasted time worrying doesnt it.........hope you find some peace from all these anxieties soon. Best wishes, Paula x

[Mackie]

Thanks Paula,

I havnt even met Jen's ex boyfriend and I already hate him. She hasnt gone to the police atall and her parents think she's making it all up, mainly because her ex puts on a different persona when he's around them (so much for parenting eh) I'm not sure how the situation is going to pan out really.

I'm still having a lot of sexual health worries too, I've started to think logicaly if something unusual occurs but my imagination still runs wild on the subject. Most people would suggest seeing a GP or sexual health advisor but to be honest (and I know how pathetic this sounds) I'm afraid of going, could be because I dont want my fears to be confirmed, possibly the thought of having something serious or just because I dont want to go it alone, I'm not sure.

x

[happycamper]

Hi Mackie,

Sorry you're having a tough time of it.

Have you looked into such things as self help books? I bought a book 'Overcoming Health Anxiety' from Amazon which I'd read about somewhere and it's great for dipping in and out of. Somehow helps readjust my mind to more healthy thinking, for a time at least!

Also hate going to GP's with a passion, but things got far too much for me and went to a GP I'd never met before in desperation, since then, partly due to admission of my anxiety and taking citalopram (6 months now) I've put my efforts into understanding why I might have been feeling the way I did and ways to overcome it rather than energy going into unhealthy thoughts. Not at all easy but it's going the right way. Food for thought for you there, what's the worse that could happen...?

You may have to consider not taking on other peoples problems to concentrate on your own mental health needs, something I've had to learn to do, even as close as parents. It is tough I know, but they are grown adults and have to make their own decisions, the girl you like also, especially if the ex is still on the scene.

Do I sound too harsh....?

Keep us posted chuck. X

[Mackie]

Hey Chuck,

Nah I wouldnt say you sound harsh atall :)
I have access to a few E-Books on my university blackboard site which I must try and find and read through.

For a while I gave up on recieving medical help, it started about 2 years ago when my anxiety developed. My GP diagnosed me as depressed and offered either councelling or anti-depressants. I chose the counciling route but they didnt get back to me until 5 months after seeing them. By that point, I was feeling a bit better and decided not to fill out the forms (for all they know, I could've got worse and hurt myself within that time) so after that experience, I lost a bit of faith in councellers and GPs. I have an appointment with a university councellor in the new year but I'm guessing all she's gonna do is tell me what I've already analysed myself.

I know I shouldnt worry about the situation with my parents and everything but when everything else in life seems to weigh me down, these other situations become contributing factors to the problem.

[happycamper]

Hey Mackie,

Like so many things, in depression/anxiety it is often the person going through it that has to do most of the work to help themselves unfortunately. In fact a lot of it as I've gained to realise is almost a change of way of life, or at least way of thinking....

But you need the initial guidance and tools to do this, a lot of background homework is what I had to do, starting on meds helped me see things clearer and without the anxiety being in the forefront, but moved to the back of my mind. I personally couldn't have got to where I am now without the meds and I've still a way to go before saying I'm completely 'cured', if that is possible - I doubt it, but 3/4 of the way there will be fine!

Things like relaxation etc which previously I poo pooed, now realise it's a big part to play in mental health.

Maybe try and have faith in yourself before that of counsellors, especially as they could be a while coming.

Clare X

[HarrogateChris]

starting on meds helped me see things clearer and without the anxiety being in the forefront, but moved to the back of my mind. I personally couldn't have got to where I am now without the meds
...
Things like relaxation etc which previously I poo pooed, now realise it's a big part to play in mental health.

Absolutely agree :D

[Mackie]

Thanks Clare.

I know that the only way to progress is to get myself out of this cycle.

To be honest, the thought of meds scares me a little. My dad was on anti-depressants not so long back and he said he hated the effects of the pills, he was constantly bursting into tears and shaking a lot. It was pretty big considering I've never seen him cry until he took the pills. I guess life just scares the crap out of me.

Trying to relax is another issue, its hard to shake off an unwated image or thought and I've tried most things and had minimal results. I've found that drawing and writing helps a bit.

[HarrogateChris]

My dad was on anti-depressants not so long back and he said he hated the effects of the pills, he was constantly bursting into tears and shaking a lot.

That sounds like his dose may not have been right. Some pills, like Citalopram that I am taking, make you worse for a couple of weeks before they make things better. Also, because your body takes time to adjust to them you are started on a low starter dose rather than an effective therapeutic dose.

In my case I was shaky and cried a lot on my starter dose(20mg), but now I seem more settled on my therapeutic dose (40mg) I'm now feeling great and really stable emotionally.

Read as much as you can about the medicines you are prescribed, the information and experiences and support here are excellent. Knowing what to expect really helps and the drugs can work really well. :)

Chris

[ditzygirl]

And from my experience, just because one drug doesn't work for you doesn't mean another one won't.

Citalopram didn't work for me at all but Sertraline has.

Mackie, I have wasted most of this year burying my head in the sand and thinking I could cope. What a silly girl I have been, the last 3 months have been so much better with the help of meds and a good GP life is not perfect but a huge improvement.

I still have some really big stuff in my life to deal with, but don't waste another second- get to your GP and get some help. You will start to see things differently and you owe it to yourself to get better.

Please don't think I am having a go at you , but I have come to the conclusion life is for living, your time on this earth is very short!!!!!

We are here to support you sweetiexxx

[HarrogateChris]

What a silly girl I have been, the last 3 months have been so much better with the help of meds

Me too, well apart from the girl bit. Should have got help a long time ago instead of battling on and making myself worse. Plus, I would have been off work in the summer rather than in this rubbish weather! :D

Chris

[Mackie]

Thanks for the advice and everything.

I just dont think that meds would help me out. I've heard that many stories about people feeling worse and going down this long road that they never come back from, and being a hypochondriac, that also scares me. Say if I'd start shaking, I'd probably mistake that for a heart attack or some kind of seizure. They might just make me feel a lot worse about myself and I'm afraid of risking my current stability on it :(

[ditzygirl]

Mackie,

I understand your worries - honest I do, I didn't deal with Citalopram very well so didn't bother to get more help. I thought I was coping just like you, but anxiety and depression are an illness, the meds correct the chemical imbalance that is causing a lot of your problems. I promise you with the right drugs you will feel stronger to deal with the hypochondia. The shakes may also be worse while the drugs take effect.
I wonder how many bad stories there are compared to the successful ones.
Please don't think I am having a go at you sweetie, it just breaks my heart that you are feeling like this.
Have you discussed this with a GP ? At least talk to someone, I promise eventually with the right help you will feel better.

Keep your chin up - things will get betterxx

[Mackie]

Thanks, I'll see how things go. I've got a few mates that I talk to about this kind of stuff.