Think everyone thinks I'm weird :(

[harasgenster]

Hi
I've been trying to socialise over Christmas but have found it absolutely horrible. I went out with my boyfriend and his friends for Christmas Eve.

I felt like everything had gone wrong over a few events I can see are quite small and subjective things and I cried all night. Despite my boyfriend saying nothing went wrong and knowing I'm overreacting I'm still too terrified to do it again and have pulled out of all other socialising events over the holidays.

The thing is, I just think everyone's going to think I'm weird. I'm a bit eccentric (but in a nice way, I think), which means my friends find me funny but people who maybe aren't used to people with my sense of humour say things like "that was a really odd thing to say" or "what a weird thing to say" or "you're weird" after I speak. I mean, to my face and quite often!

Compounding this is that I get so anxious I actually do say weird things! I stumble over my words and end up saying something I didn't mean to say. Often it comes out so jumbled it doesn't make sense!

ALSO! It's got worse because I sometimes see people from home (where I grew up) who knew me when I was at school when I was very ill. I've worked very hard to become more stable, it's meant a lot of willpower and I'm extremely proud of myself but it's all kind of taken away but people saying TO MY FACE "Oh, so you're not nuts anymore", or "I used to think you were crazy but you're actually ok" or "Glad to see your not a mental anymore". Theses are all things people have said to me!

Sorry, I mostly wanted to rant, but does anyone else get called weird or feel like everyone's going to think that? I really want to socialise for the sake of my boyfriend if nothing else. I know he really wants me to get to know his friends and family. I just can't get over this!

Thank you!

[paula lynne]

I like being a bit eccentric! The world would be so boring if we were all the same hun. I dont think youre weird at all, a nice eloquent post, generally upbeat, trying to be pro-active about your illness.......cant see that as weird at all. Never mind what others think, as long as you like you, why worry....can I suggest maybe reading up on how you can improve your self-esteem. You sound like a great person, learn to like yourself a little more xxxxx

[JaneC]

You have every right to be proud of yourself :hugs: and shouldn't let ignorant people take that away from you. It took me a long time to work out that just because I was different from a lot of the people in the town where I grew up, there wasn't actually anything wrong with me as a person (even if I do have mental health issues). Paula's right, you probably could do with working on your self-esteem and confidence. It will help you a lot of you can get past worrying what people think of you so much and develop an attitude that they should accept you as you are. I've found CBT pretty useful for that if it's something you felt you might want to explore. It's hard, but avoidance only ever makes things worse. Hope you find a way to cope better soon xx

[pd]

In my experience, I've found that people really don't pay that much attention to eachother. I've done 'weird' things in front of people and obsessed about it for weeks, only to find that they didn't even remember what I'd done, much less judged me for it.

People are actually pretty innattentive, so unless you're getting up on tables and doing chicken impressions, or something equally... memorable, you probably don't need to worry!

[harasgenster]

Thanks everybody, that does make me feel better.

I've always been eccentric (my parents fondly remember me as being "a weird kid" :) ) but I used to be very confident with it and really believed up until I was 16 that it didn't matter what anybody thought of me so long as I knew I was a good person. I think it's really been the influence of other things in my life that have caused me to see it another way and I'm going to try and get back to that belief because there's still a big part of me that believes in it - I just don't buy into it wholeheartedly anymore.

By the way, Paula Lynne, that's the best signature ever!

:D