Gavin Adams
29-12-10, 12:55
Hi, my name's GAvin and I've suffered only a few panic attacks over the years, mostly because I've avoided situations where the subjects that cause me panic attacks (to this point) have come up. My history, prior to this was of a fairly intensive attack around the age of fifteen where I first confronted a fear of death, at other points as regards exams in high school and University. Each seem to be turning points in my life. I want to understand this intellectually and emotionally so I can deal with this.
I'm writing here, because I have had what seems to be a panic attack that has lasted since about Christmas day, or the day after. I believe it came about because of my overseas girlfriend's discussion of her visa to come over here, and her surety that the only way to be together would be to get a fiancee's visa. I believe I have worked myself up to a what might be a classic panic attack over the expectation (hers mostly, mine as well) that I Would ask her around christmas time, so that we could get married in mid-2011. I can't go through with it. WE were discussing things last night, and I was pretty much backed into a corner so I proposed....she said it would be like ripping the scab off of a wound, and I've tried to add that to my thoughts, but my heart's still racing as I type, and I can't seem to get this nervousness out of my thoughts, and I don't know why.
I want to be able to say I need time, but I@m afraid of losing her as well. She says she's tired of waiting for me, as it's been four years of cross-seas travel, and yet I'm stuck in a rut. I'm looking for help, and I don't know where to turn. I wish I could keep writing, as it helps keep the nerves away, if only for a while...I'm sorry if I sound somewhat desperate, and just in need of an excuse, I assure you I'm not.
THanks for reading.
I'm writing here, because I have had what seems to be a panic attack that has lasted since about Christmas day, or the day after. I believe it came about because of my overseas girlfriend's discussion of her visa to come over here, and her surety that the only way to be together would be to get a fiancee's visa. I believe I have worked myself up to a what might be a classic panic attack over the expectation (hers mostly, mine as well) that I Would ask her around christmas time, so that we could get married in mid-2011. I can't go through with it. WE were discussing things last night, and I was pretty much backed into a corner so I proposed....she said it would be like ripping the scab off of a wound, and I've tried to add that to my thoughts, but my heart's still racing as I type, and I can't seem to get this nervousness out of my thoughts, and I don't know why.
I want to be able to say I need time, but I@m afraid of losing her as well. She says she's tired of waiting for me, as it's been four years of cross-seas travel, and yet I'm stuck in a rut. I'm looking for help, and I don't know where to turn. I wish I could keep writing, as it helps keep the nerves away, if only for a while...I'm sorry if I sound somewhat desperate, and just in need of an excuse, I assure you I'm not.
THanks for reading.