Urination during sex (sorry!)

[harasgenster]

Ok, I know I have posted about this before so I am sorry both about that and the subject matter! I hope this isn't too disgusting!

Right, I'm female and 24. I haven't been able to enjoy sex properly since I was 21 as I began to experience what people usually call female ejaculation. Before I start, I'll say that I am well aware it is contested whether this is urine or secretions from the skene's gland. I've done as much research I can and have found most doctors saying it is urine and most girl's magazine's saying it's something else. I've decided it's urine and I'm not going to change my mind anyway!

The point is, that really shouldn't matter. I only dribble very slightly and this has only happened to me three times in my life (years ago now!) but it's making me feel really depressed because I just don't enjoy sex anymore. I'm currently getting over an overactive bladder (meds working impeccably!) which makes me feel a bit like I need the toilet during sex anyway, and this has just made the issue stronger with me.

I did have a high sex drive but now rarely want to do it. I dread sex, don't enjoy it (don't get pleasure from it anymore) and actively avoid orgasm.

This article http://www.embarrassingproblems.com/problem/urination-during-sex talks about irritable bladder as a cause, which I find comforting as I'm already on medication for that, but the fact there is a slight risk is making me feel too anxious to become aroused.

I think I'm more here to vent my frustration, to be honest. I've been told by boyfriends and friends that I'm massively overreacting to what is essentially a teaspoon of pee (or if you believe some articles, not even pee) and nobody else minds but me! It's really getting me down. I just want my life back! Sex used to be something I enjoyed! :(

[HarrogateChris]

nobody else minds but me!

I think the problem is there, as I said before it really would not bother me at all. I think the best way to help yourself is to work on why it bothers you so much rather than the actual physical symptom.

:hugs:

Chris x

[harasgenster]

Hi Chris
Thank you, I know you've told me before :) People keep saying the same thing to me and I couldn't work out what my problem was but I've tried a CBT technique to find out why and think I'm closer to the problem. From what I can work out it's because that's not perfect sex - if that happens, it's not perfect sex. Also it is not a controlled reaction and i don't like chaos - makes me anxious.

But then if I ask myself why I'm worried about most things it's because it's not perfect/controlled! Not sure how I get over it yet but I'm on a waiting list for therapy and maybe that will help.

Still relieved to see it's all part of the same problem and not just LOADS of different neuroses, like it sometimes seems!

Thanks for your reply

[HarrogateChris]

I'm worried about most things it's because it's not perfect/controlled!

That makes sense to me. I suffer from a similar desire to try and do things perfectly, for me it seems to be because I don't think I'm good enough and people won't like me unless I do things perfectly. That's something that stems from my upbringing.

What's helping me change those thought patterns is the use of self compassion techniques to encourage and take care of that lost little boy inside me who doesn't think he's good enough. He is.

Try being nice to you, you're wonderful :hugs:

Chris xx