Being overwhelmed

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello out there.:)

I'm not new to NMP but this is my first post in a long time!

I'm trying to pick myself up after going through another period of depression.

I suppose my low mood is related to my anxieties and fears about leaving the security of my flat, amongst other things.

I've got no immediate family or friends I could bring myself to confide in.

I'm struggling and it's painful. I seem to make some progress with my levels of confidence and self-esteem but this all seems to vanish when I hit rock bottom and I find it really hard to like almost anything about myself.

Sometimes, it may be a relatively small thing, but because I don't assert myself or stand up for my rights when dealing with shop assistants, for example, I come away from the situation mentally kicking myself for being so weak.

I take medication for my anxiety and depression and this makes me feel sluggish and impairs my mental functioning. It's so frustrating!:mad:

Thanks for reading this. Please feel free to answer. Any words of support or encouragement would be most welcome.

Best wishes

[Anxious_gal]

you need support, to actually change your behaviors and negative thinking.
you may not realize it but when your depressed you tend to over look any thing good and focus on the bad stuff.
but trying to motivate your self too is hard, but you do have the power within you, you just need to know you deserve to get help and to help your self.
depression is very lonely, unbearably so.
some times you may wish some one would come along and save you and then feel sad when you realize the reality of having to do it all alone.
I would try helplines, theres nearly always ones for depression, definitely seek out a therapist, i think CBT would be a good start to help you make you changes.
look for some support groups in your area.
talk to more people, you may feel like hiding away but believe me you need to keep interacting with people, smiling always makes you more approachable, even a chat with cashier is a good thing.
the worst is the lies depression makes you think and feel, you need to fight this, look at old happy photos believe me it will trigger off good memories.
your brain remembers things based on how you feel, so if your sad your only able to recall sad memories, that why depressed people say things such as EVERY one dislikes me, Things ALWAYS go wrong.

[ladybird64]

Hello Quiet-Lift

It's nice to see you but I'm sorry that you are finding things a struggle again.

You are a resilient person though, more so than you may realise because you always try and get some practical support for yourself..that shows someone who hasn't given up on themselves. :hugs:

I had a look back through your posts of earlier this year (I couldn't remember exact details), has your situation changed at all in regard to support from the Mental Health Team or is it still as chaotic as it was then?

What exactly are the anxieties and fears you have? As Mishel mentioned maybe they could be helped by the use of CBT and maybe that could help with self-esteem issues as well.

I wonder if you cut yourself off from people when you are very low and this might possibly exacerbating your sense of isolation. It is all too easy to think that communicating with others when we are depressed is the last thing that we want to do..it is often the one thing that we actually NEED to do.

Isolation brings solitude and quiet but rarely peace of mind as all we have to focus on is ourselves and how we feel, the thoughts can be constant and spiralling with no escape from them.

This is why it is so important to have the company of others, even if it is online. It is a form of release and more importantly another means of chipping away at the depression while venting how we feel.

In day to day life small steps build confidence. You may have a stroppy assisstant one day and not be able to deal with it, another day you may feel stronger..it takes practice.

Try not to feel too bad, I honestly think you can make the small changes you need to feel better about yourself.

Keep posting :winks: :flowers:



We just need to be brave enough to dip our toes in the water and try it. :)

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello Mishel and Ladybird

Thankyou for taking the trouble to reply. I'm sorry about the delay in responding.

I'm having difficulty concentrating today. Please forgive any incoherence or bad grammer.

With regard to my Mental Heath Support team. The original building where it was located has now closed and it has moved to a location which is much closer to the Mental Health Unit of my local hospital.
This is a bit scary because I don't want to become so ill that I end up as an in-patient. I've managed to stay out of hospital for the past 30 years despite recurring bouts of depression.

I have been given a new consultant. I've only seen him a few times and he doesn't fill me with much confidence. He's always typing out a letter to my GP whilst I'm talking to him, so he obviously doesn't give me his full attention.

Because the CMHT in my borough has been split in two and several people whom I knew have left, I feel as though I've been cut adrift without any familiar contacts.

It's the agoraphobia which is so frustrating. What I managed to do yesterday seems impossible today. I realise that I'm making it harder on myself by imagining worst-case scenario's, but it's become a habit which I can't change overnight.

Sorry for being so negative. I don't like moaning and whining but at least I managed to reply.

Hope you are both well.

Best wishes.

[paula lynne]

Hi, I dont know you (yet) but just wanted to welcome you back to the forum. I hope you feel better soon. Most of the things we feel can be overcome in a short space of time, so please keep us posted on how youre doing. Ive had agoraphobia for 10 years so understand your frustrations.
Next time you see your consultant, ask him/her if they would be so kind as to not write/type while youre talking as it makes you feel they arent listening. I have Susan Jeffers Feel the fear on tape (ancient now), its been a life saver, maybe it could help you too x

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello Paula,

Thanks for your advice regarding my Consultant. I have a feeling he's probably struggling with a heavy workload, hence the time-saving, yet unhelpful (to me) habit of typing whilst I'm trying to work out what to say to him.:wacko:

I have 'Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway' in book form, but I didn't realise there was a taped version. Has it helped you? If so, how?

I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me what has helped you to cope with your Agoraphobia. Especially on those days when you're too frightened to go out.

Ladybird: I do cut myself off from from other people when I'm low. I can understand, intellectually, that it's the wrong thing to do. But emotionally, I feel so wretched, and my view of the world can become so distorted, that I prefer the misery of solitude rather than taking the risk of finding myself in a situation where someone else may take cruel advantage of me, or criticise me.

I used to think I knew what depression was, but I'm wrong. There are uncharted depths which I may only dare to glance upon occasionally. Then I realise I have to try and pick myself up because the consequences of letting myself slide can seem too terrifying.

I know this may all be a bit too intense and that I need to lighten up. Please excuse this. I'm just trying to be as honest as possible.

All the best

[ladybird64]

I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me what has helped you to cope with your Agoraphobia. Especially on those days when you're too frightened to go out.

I know you addressed this query to our Paula but wondered if I may send you a post that helped me with my agoraphobia. I have had a recurrence of symptoms recently but have been under a heck of a lot of pressure, the good thing is I know I will get back on form sooner or later. Let me know if you want me to send it. :)

Ladybird: I do cut myself off from from other people when I'm low. I can understand, intellectually, that it's the wrong thing to do. But emotionally, I feel so wretched, and my view of the world can become so distorted, that I prefer the misery of solitude rather than taking the risk of finding myself in a situation where someone else may take cruel advantage of me, or criticise me.

Then we do exactly the same thing. Intellect doesn't come into it, distortion and warped thinking is the name of the game..I know, I have been there my friend. This is my point re solitude, I too am convinced I have to stay away from people as they cannot be trusted, let me down..all manner of awful things which I won't go into here but which I'm sure you can take a guess at.
At these times or rather after them I have come to realise that I am emotionally unstable and need to have the company of those I can trust, who have nothing to gain from my emotional state but have comcern for my welfare.

I used to think I knew what depression was, but I'm wrong. There are uncharted depths which I may only dare to glance upon occasionally. Then I realise I have to try and pick myself up because the consequences of letting myself slide can seem too terrifying.

And you have succeeded every time, although it may not seem that way. Don't analyse it, ask for the support that you need whether on the forum here or by PM (I'll be glad to answer if you need some help, I'm usually around daily. Can't work miracles but won't let you slide into the abyss. :)

I know this may all be a bit too intense and that I need to lighten up. Please excuse this. I'm just trying to be as honest as possible.

All the best

It's not too intense in the slightest, it's honest, not self-pitying and you are telling us how you feel. I won't tell you to lighten up (akin only to the infamous "pull yourself together!":mad:) but would suggest that you have a look around the forum and maybe try contributing on some of the other threads.
If you can't you can't but it is a good start..you could always try the "complaints thread" in Miscellaneous which has been a lifesaver for many of us..it chips away at the low mood, just the physical act of trying to compose a reply often works wonders. :)

Whatever you decide to do, try and keep posting or send a PM.

Take care :flowers:



PS. I have tried to send this message 3 times...aaarrrggghhh :lac:

[paula lynne]

Hi, sorry for delay, just saw this.
Well, I got a copy of Susan Jeffers about 10 years ago, its her voice you hear on the tape. (Its also available on CD now I believe). There are far too many things to go into here, but I can honestly say, about 80% of what she talks about could be written for me. She talks about coping mechanisms, and the "Grand" fear, (what lies behind ALL our fears)...and life choices, how its impossible to make a "wrong" decision....the list goes on and on. She sounds a bit like The House Doctor,( Ann Maurice, remember her?!)Her voice is very calming actually, and I find myself listening to the tape even if Im not really listening, it helps me drift off. I find the tape version actually far more helpful than the books. I listen at night, after my bath, alone in the quiet of my room. Somehow, it really sinks in like this, far more than reading for me.

When I feel the panic build, I can hear her voice, and easily remember the phrases regarding thought process and coping. Im sure youll find it helpful too.x

As far as the rest of it goes, I guess Id been stuck in a rut for 3 years with agoraphobia. This evil lot on here kicked my butt basically, and challenged me, taughtme to believe in myself again. Id post something like.."Right, Im braving the shop. Its 10 minutes away, I feel really dizzy and my heart is pounding...etc..etc"
Within 20 mins I had lots of replies, so much encouragement, and they all said they were waiting for me to get back to see how it went. So, off I trundled, panic, vertigo, anxiety, and all........and found myself sharing when I returned about how I felt, and again, always had so much encouragement. I STARTED TO FEEL PROUD OF MY LITTLE ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!! The support was fantastic, (something sadly lacking in my family)....and its gone from there.

Ive bored the forum with posts of supermarkets, shopping malls, and eventually a camping holiday!! My little achievements suddenly MEANT SOMETHING to others, and thats given me a change of attitude. Sure, sometimes I absolutely CANT go out (Week before period), and then I dont beat myself up. I accept it. But when I feel OK, I TRY.......IM DAMDED IF IM SITTING IN THIS CHAIR ANYMORE!!!! Its up and down, but so much better. After all, I remember a time when going out didnt bother me, and why should it........it was the fear of a panic attack underneath it all. I accept now that IM PREPARED TO TAKE THE RISK, even if panic surfaces, which is definately more bareable now. Please keep in touch, and PM me ANYTIME, if I can help. Never give up on wellness. Love, P x

Take care Allan, get in touch anytime, but keep posting whatever you do, we are all here for you x

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello Paula:)

Thankyou for your reply. You've gone to a lot of trouble and I appreciate it.

Regarding the post which helped you with your Agoraphobia - Please send it.

I shall, no doubt, be in touch.

Bye for now:flowers:

[paula lynne]

I will let Ladybird know that youd like the post Allan, just in case she misses this. P x