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Hannahlou84
24-03-06, 00:24
I always do this when I am with people I don't know or am uncomfortable with. Why?

I act like an idiot, I keep talking, and I say things I would never normally say and I do it for a reaction.

I think I am so scared of people judging me negatively, and assume that they will that I feel I need to give them a reason that I am comfortable with to do so. So it's a safety behaviour- which like any such behaviour is counterproductive. So how do you stop it?

If I try consciously to just be "me" I sit there in silence. I'm not a "silent" person- I have lots to say about lots of things and it upsets me that I just can't do this in the way I feel I should be able too.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to combat this? Sometimes I am OK, I can do it, but when I've had a bad few days or am unwell I just can't stop it. I would be really grateful for any help!!

Hannah x

"I just wanna live my life sedated, cos I love driving myself away"

rois
24-03-06, 18:12
it's like looking at myself or listening to myself! I've got a lot to say but I don't say it, I become withdrawn when I'm with a group of people. Try and ease yourself into conversations, don't come on too strongly at first but always talk up for yourself. You have to remember a couple of things: if people disliked you for your opinions they are shallow there's nothing wrong with you, if we all had the same opinions the world would be a boring place and love yourself so others can love you too (a cliche I know but it's true)[8D] Best of luck, Rois

"Ther goes the fear, let it go. You turn around and life's passed you by, you look to those you love to justify...there goes the fear."

gypsy55
24-03-06, 22:59
I feel your pain. I have similiar feelings. I'm talking and can't figure out how to stop. I feel if I don't talk they will think I'm boring. I feel as though they can see right through me or they think I'm crazy or unstable.

I also turn a bright shade of red that eventually reachs hues of purple I get so bright. And the more people who notice it the worse it gets. AND it always happens in a meeting with all my other collegues.

I've gotten better over the years and I attribute it to self-confidence and only going to functions with people I feel comfortable with.

I've tried the silent approach and it worked better than talking because when you speak everyone's eyes are on you and for sure I'm gonna stammer or talk like I don't have any sense.

Also, if I have a bad day or don't feel well I just give myself permission to stay close and give myself time to get a grip and not force myself to be new people or those I don't want to be around.

Sorry this is so long... I fed off your situation and added my stuff... But it feels so good to read what other people say...

Good luck... and be good to yourself..

Marcy~~X

sal
24-03-06, 23:59
Hi Hannah

Dont we all at times try to hard to please and make a right hash of it.

Just remember who you are and that people will accept you for just being that person.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

Hannahlou84
25-03-06, 00:55
Thanks for the responses. I certainly feel less alone now.

It's just so hard to stop doing it. I am sure I've always behaved like this...

I am working on liking myself more, it's just taking a lot of time! [:I]

Thanks again, guys.

Hannah x

"I just wanna live my life sedated, cos I love driving myself away"

sal
25-03-06, 00:57
Hi hun

It does take time, but you are you and we all accept you for that and it is now time you accept yourself for how you are. Dont worry about what other people think, just care about what you think and those who love you and get to know you for being you will like the person you are.

Dont be so hard on yourself, be you and that is all that matters.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

andrew
26-03-06, 04:37
hi hannah,

i was terrible doing this when i was younger. im pretty sure i dont do it any more, altho i will go quiet if my head doesn't want to know. which im ok with.

i think your doing the right things to stop it, see it as a problem and something you wanna change, analyse and talk about it, see the patterns and triggers, and day by day work at changing it.

i do think learning to like yourself will greatly ease this situation for you. i did think that it had a lot more to do with not letting anyone get close rather than judging tho.

you take care .. andrew

desperate
26-03-06, 17:23
I think i do this too....almost like you don't know how to be so u overcompensate a bit?

I guess the answer is to try adn relax and be more like yourself...easier said than done though i know.

Take care and try not to worry too much : )

Sarah

Blue Child
27-03-06, 11:13
The most important thing in the world is you...don't ever worry too much about what other people think of you, as this can just turn into a vicious circle that you can't get out of. If they don't appreciate what a nice person you are then that is there problem. If it helps I'm just like you...you just wind me up and let me go and I can talk for hours. People think I'm friendly...noooo far from it....I hide behind that and talk to stop me feeling uneasy. Afterwards I kick myself and say ok so you did it again. You aren't alone....honestly. Don't worry about other people and be proud to be you...you are unique.
Best wishes, Blue Child

a-little-room-to-breathe
31-03-06, 17:11
dont worry about it hannah, i do exactly the same thing, cant stop talking, im louder than usual, all sorts. whenever you feel like you're over-acting, just tell yourself that you dont need to impress whoever you're with, because they will like you and respect you just the way you are.
good luck babe!!
luv katie xxx

uk guy
04-04-06, 19:10
im exactly the same.i say so many stupid things with people and then after i regret it so much.people might think im trying to 'shock' them but im not!i think its pretty normal anyway.