Insanity from Disease (2nd post)

[Starlet_24]

Ok, I posted onh another forum but think I should've posted here.

This is really hard to write but here it goes:

If anyone has read my posts, insanity is one of the scariest for me.
Anywhoooo, mom and I were sitting having coffee and she was telling me to go get tested for STD's since I had some odd symptoms (not going into that). anyways, since I am afraid to do to the doc, I have let the concern go away. But deep down, I know I must get tested. Well anyways, I felt myself getting anxious the more she talked but then she brought up a show that had a man who killed someone and went nuts but didn't know he had syphilis. During our convo, I was thinking oh my, what if that's me? What if I think God tells me to kill mom......it's HORRIFIC. I was getting panicked during our convo and said"JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!" She didn't know why I was so irritable but these horrid thoughts kept coming and I felt maybe I should go away so she is safe from me. What if I lose complete control and kill? Oh my is it terrifying. ALong with this thought is intense anxiety inside and the fear that syphilis is in my bloodstream and will cause me to go completely insane and out of control. My heavens! What is wrong? I mean, I love my mom so much it hurts me that I have this horrid thought.:( I mean, I know I am not going to do anything but the fear is terrible. Is this classic OCD? Do u think I am suffering with syphilis?


Please help.

Starlet
:(

[mum2four]

I have had a fear of hurting people since I was young and it caused me to wich I was never born right up till had kid of my own. I was scared of everything all my life and even my own mum as well. The best ting you can do is get tested and that's easy to say but remind your self of why you are going to the get tested and it may help you motive your self to in sure you go threw with it. I found it hard to see my dr specially when I was trying to go talk to him about my anxiety and OCD symptom's. I use to try to my head soem time telling my self I was just going to the shops then once I got to the shops I'd say well I'm hear now I reall close may as well see the Dr it took about 6 mth to finaly force my self to stay and see the Dr and now thay I finaly did I know I was scared for no reason cause I'm on med's and feeling better and when my fear of staying on med trys to seep into my head I tell it to get lost cause I'm not giving up my great sucsess I have achived so far i refuse to let my self go backward in recovery again I did it 2 time before and I each time my syptoms stay away for short time and then got stronger each year I refused to seek help again.

If you have write it down so you remember what you went there fore but I found I had to basicly play mind games with self lol. Or as it reall called'baby steps' focus on something smaller more manage but also something that will put you in a postion to talk if you can finaly talk about it. Maybe going to the Dr about something small might help. I often start talking about small issues and throw the big one in at the end before I'm about walk out the door again lol cause help start the converstation off if I try to talk about something big I would never get any thing to come out of mouth. I hope I have helped

[Southern_Belle]

Starlet,

I'm no expert, but have been diagnosed with ocd (cleaning obsession). I do think you need to go get tested to ease your mind if nothing else. If you have had no other symptoms of ocd (they are listed in the front of this forum) then I think it was anxiety taking over.

Bel