Starlet_24
24-03-06, 03:34
Ok, I posted onh another forum but think I should've posted here.
This is really hard to write but here it goes:
If anyone has read my posts, insanity is one of the scariest for me.
Anywhoooo, mom and I were sitting having coffee and she was telling me to go get tested for STD's since I had some odd symptoms (not going into that). anyways, since I am afraid to do to the doc, I have let the concern go away. But deep down, I know I must get tested. Well anyways, I felt myself getting anxious the more she talked but then she brought up a show that had a man who killed someone and went nuts but didn't know he had syphilis. During our convo, I was thinking oh my, what if that's me? What if I think God tells me to kill mom......it's HORRIFIC. I was getting panicked during our convo and said"JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!" She didn't know why I was so irritable but these horrid thoughts kept coming and I felt maybe I should go away so she is safe from me. What if I lose complete control and kill? Oh my is it terrifying. ALong with this thought is intense anxiety inside and the fear that syphilis is in my bloodstream and will cause me to go completely insane and out of control. My heavens! What is wrong? I mean, I love my mom so much it hurts me that I have this horrid thought.:( I mean, I know I am not going to do anything but the fear is terrible. Is this classic OCD? Do u think I am suffering with syphilis?
Please help.
Starlet
:(
This is really hard to write but here it goes:
If anyone has read my posts, insanity is one of the scariest for me.
Anywhoooo, mom and I were sitting having coffee and she was telling me to go get tested for STD's since I had some odd symptoms (not going into that). anyways, since I am afraid to do to the doc, I have let the concern go away. But deep down, I know I must get tested. Well anyways, I felt myself getting anxious the more she talked but then she brought up a show that had a man who killed someone and went nuts but didn't know he had syphilis. During our convo, I was thinking oh my, what if that's me? What if I think God tells me to kill mom......it's HORRIFIC. I was getting panicked during our convo and said"JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!" She didn't know why I was so irritable but these horrid thoughts kept coming and I felt maybe I should go away so she is safe from me. What if I lose complete control and kill? Oh my is it terrifying. ALong with this thought is intense anxiety inside and the fear that syphilis is in my bloodstream and will cause me to go completely insane and out of control. My heavens! What is wrong? I mean, I love my mom so much it hurts me that I have this horrid thought.:( I mean, I know I am not going to do anything but the fear is terrible. Is this classic OCD? Do u think I am suffering with syphilis?
Please help.
Starlet
:(