Feel like I am going mad.

[mothermac]

Don't know what is wrong with me-everything I guess,have suffered with depression and some form of anxiety all my life so know that what I am suffering is a mental thing.Lately I have felt so disssatisfied with EVERY aspect of my life,my house I live in,the town,the country,my job,my husband even.I feel so negative about things and feel constantly angry and harrassed.I have a part time job in a supermarket and sometimes feel as though I could punch one of the customers,it must show on my face and someone is going to notice before long.I feel annoyed with my husband for no reason and came in off my shift tonight and was horrible to him so he went to bed and now I am spending new yrs eve downstairs on my own-all my fault I know as he has gone to bed ALONE.I have tried to let him know how I feel but it comes out wrong but I do feel unhappy in the marriage,I can't do anything about it though as we have a daughter who dotes on him and I couldn't break up the home anyway,we owe too much money and the house wouldn't give us enough to start again on our own anyway.I look at other men at work and think what it would be like to have a different partner and I feel terrible inside as I never thought I would look at another man never mind fancy him,my husband was everything,omg what have I done.I have just got a new boss at work who is very handsome and I have found myself staring at him wondering what it would be like to kiss him,Jesus Christ if my husband knew that would be terrible.I feel so sad all the time and don't want to get up in the mornings,every day is the same,my husband is taking voluntary redundancy in the new yr and even though he is getting quite a bit of money I feel scared,lonely and terrified of what next yr is going to bring,I feel resentment that I have to go and do a manual job that knackers me in the shop,lifting,stacking,serving customers and he hasn't fought for his job and will be at home when I am grafting,he says he has hated his job for some time and when the redundancy was announced it was an ample opportunity for him to get out,the admin side of it was stressful he said but my job is bloody stressful and I feel under pressure but he has a family to support and he has just walked away,I feel like crying now and it makes it worse as I feel a moaner but I don't want to sound like that but that is just how I feel,I am not sleeping and I had a terrible panic attack in the night a few days ago but got through it alone,I hate letting him know as he doesn't understand anyway.Sorry to go on but I feel as though I will never be happy again and I miss my dad as well who died when I was 11,it is just all crap.

[ChrisK]

You have perfectly described my daily mood, and my mother died when I was 9. I wish I knew what to answer though.....

[suzy-sue]

Im so sorry you seem so unhappy M/Mac ..:hugs:Looking at your problems like that seems like a hell of a lot to contend with .No wonder you feel like you do .Everything can be changed in life ,maybe not like you would wish them to be ,but enough to make a difference .Relationships get stagnant if you dont spend time nurturing them .Then resentment steps in .You really need to tell your husband how you feel ,try to find an evening where you can sit down and really talk and be honest with each other ..Jobs although times are hard and difficult to find can also be changed ,Maybe not right away but in the future .Theres nothing so bad as going to work and hating every minute of it .Perhaps you could completely change direction ,and even do a course at college ? Do you have time where you spend time with friends doing something you enjoy ? If not get out and join a a new club or develop some new interest ,it will get you out of the house in the evening and make you feel like a person again .Women seem to get very housbound and its all work and no play .Do you get any excercise ? this is good for your general mood and also good for your health .It will also give you stamina .Could you join an excercise or dance class somewhere ? You would meet new people and get a different perspective on life .These things arent drastic but they would help you .Theres always high expectations at Christmas and the New Year for happiness and great things ,the truth is ..its rarely like that for any of us .All we can do is make the best of what we have and try to adapt and change things .Nothing stays the same forever .But you can make a difference in small ways to begin with .Im sure there are things in your life you are happy with ,perhaps you can write them down ,you may suprise yourself what you find out .Life can be hard and sometimes frustrating .But its worth putting everything into it to make it as good as it can be .It doesnt get better if you dont make that first step ..I hope you manage to make your life a happier one than you have at the moment .Ive been where you are and I do understand .Tommorow is the start of a new year ,I hope its the start of a better one for you I really do .All thebest luv Sue xx:hugs:

[blue moon]

Sending some big hugs M/mac:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Love Petra xx:flowers: