Want to end it all

[PoppyC]

I didnt want to go out tonight, but later on, I decided to go out with my partner, first stopping off at his son's house before moving onto our friends house.
His son - 20 years old - was drunk and subjected me to a lot of personal abuse, and whilst my partner laughed along with him, I began to feel intimidated, bullied, and laughed at - all the things I grew up with. His son launched some nasty stuff at me, and I am proud that I stood up to the chav that he is, and gave as good as I got, and walked away proud of myself. At no point did my boyfriend reprimand his son.
We moved onto our friends. I was tearful and told them what had happened, whilst my boyfriend was out of the room, and even they seemed shocked.
At midnight, my boyfriend did not even kiss me, and was across the other side of the lounge. Never once did I get a kiss.
We got in the car - and I told him how I felt. His reply was that he loved me but if I felt the way I did then he would move out and would give me so much equity of the house. He has gone now to his sons.
I feel so unhappy. I walked my dog over the fields at gone 1am and cried my eyes out.
What hurts the most is that my partner of 4 years cannot even tell his son to shut up. My son would never behave like that.
I am now so scared of having to move out - what happens to my pets who I cannot manage without - My dog gets me out - without him I cannot get out.
where will I live???
I want to end it all. If this is 2011, for me, then forget it.
I try to be as nice as possible to people and yet people have always treated me like cr*p. Why??? Do I have some sign that is invisible to me that tells others to treat me and talk to me like cr*p
I seriously have had enough.

[Captain Caveman]

Hi poppyC. Sorry to hear about your CURRENT situation. I won't get involved with my thoughts about your boyfriend's behaviour etc, but please don't be thinking about doing anything drastic like your title says. One step at a time and you will be able to sort out these challenging times:)

[Going home]

Poppy I know its very emotional for you all of this, but on a practical level you could rent somewhere and still be with your animals, and if the house you're in now is owned by you and your partner then you would be entitled to half of the sale of it. I know that's maybe not what you want to hear right now but just trying to think of a way you can keep your sanity as well as your animals. If your life with this man and his family is very bad, do you stay with him because you are afraid of living alone? Love doesn't come into it to be honest...no man is worth taking your life for. You're a good person and deserve a better life.

Anna xxx

[tinycritter]

Poppy - please try to take a step back if you can and think of all the wonderful things in life that are important to you - they are so much more important than the pain you're feeling right now. I know that's easy for someone else to say when they aren't in your situation, but it's true never the less. However bad things are, they can and will get better. I understand that it can feel like an uphill struggle and sometimes it's hard to see the 'light at the end of the tunnel', but you can get through this. Please don't take any drastic steps. x

[mikewales]

Poppy, sorry to hear whats happened thats awful for you.

But on a practical level, first off dont panic ! sorting the house out will take a good while ( I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and if we were having to argue over equity in the house, it can drag on for a couple of years ! ) so you dont need to do anything straight away.

If your BF wants to leave, let him ( and tbh from the lack of respect he treated you with last night, it sounds like maybe its something he wants ! ) dont accept any offers of equity or pay offs from him, get all the house paperwork together and go and see a solicitor and find out exactly what you are entitled to before agreeing to anything.

If you jointly own the house, he wont be able to make you leave, or force you to sell it until any financial settlement is agreed, so you have plenty of time to sort things out.

Give it some time so you are over the shock and can see things clearly, then you can decide what you want to do when you are thinking straighter and know what your actual options are.
If it comes to it, the other options are always renting ( there are places will take pets ), or you can buy him out of his share of the house, and always get a lodger if you need to to help pay the mortgage.

[JaneC]

Poppy :hugs: I am so sorry. I hope things sort themselves out. Please ask yourself what your son and your animals would do without you. Consider calling the Samaritans or maybe Women's Aid if there is no-one else you can turn to. And please post again to let us know you are ok. Sending you love xxx

[PoppyC]

Hi all
Thank you for your messages of support.
I am sorry for saying I wanted to end it all...I did though last night, but this morning I don't want to. I can't leave behind my son and my dog and cats.
I woke up throughout the night with palpitations, - my heart rate was going really fast and then as soon as I got back to sleep, I would wake up again with it happening.
My now ex boyfriend, left the house last night, and still not returned. I have not heard anything from him.
I keep going over what happened, thinking if I over reacted, but still keep then realising that no I didnt over react. I honestly felt like I was being bullied and my ex's son was so nasty to me - I just dont understand why but the fact my ex laughed along with it all, just made me so upset. I always seem to end up with people who try to get a laugh at my expense constantly and who pick on me - sorry if that sounds childish.
Thank you for all your advice about the house, Mike. I don't have a clue about things like that, so I appreciate what you wrote.
I really appreciate you all being so caring.:hugs:

[ladybird64]

I have just read this Poppy and I'm sorry you felt so terrible but glad you are here this morning. :hugs:

It was an awful thing that happened but it is probably better that your (ex) boyfriend isn't with you this morning..you need some clear thinking space.

I agree with everything the others have written and hope today is a better day for you. xx

[Hazel B]

Firstly, a big hug:hugs:!

This time of year seems to bring out the best/worst in people and it seems you have been subject to some appalling behaviour. You did not deserve it and nobody with any decency treats other people like that.

Please look after yourself for the next couple of days, do you have friends or family nearby who can come and be with you? Don't make any decisions yet, just let time pass and let the hurt wash away first.

You've done nothing wrong, please take care and let us know how you get on.

Thinking of you.:bighug1:x

[mikewales]

Glad you are feeling a bit more positive this morning, dont rush anything and just take care of yourself for the next few days, then you can look at sorting out the practical stuff

[Del1970]

How awful for you PoppyC, I can only agree with what all the other posts say, Nobody should be humiliated like you was but unfortunately you get lads thinking they are big men after a drink and the saying usually goes 'A drunken man speaks a sober mind' Then to have your partner laugh along with him instead of finding a backbone to tell him off is disgracful (to me these type of people have a massive inferiority complex and take it out on others rather than be ridiculed themselves!) So glad your thoughts of ending it all have changed and really hope you can move on to better things in 2011.

You are worth a lot more and deserve better - Always think postive!
Take care
Adele
x

[suzy-sue]

Im so sorry you have been subjected to this Poppy :hugs:.I agree with what has been written here .I hope everything works out for the best foryou in 2011 You deserve to be treated much better than this ,While you put up with it nothing will ever change .Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away and call it a day .Good luck with everything and think of whats best for you in the long term .Luv and Hugs Sue xx:hugs:

[Nigel]

Hi Poppy,

What a horrid start to the year. I’m sorry :hugs:

“I am sorry for saying I wanted to end it all...I did though last night, but this morning I don't want to. I can't leave behind my son and my dog and cats.”

I’m so pleased to hear that. It’s a thought to always remember – and other people too – because being gripped by intense emotions like that makes it impossible to think clearly. It’s so easy to focus on one solution and one solution only, and forget about everything else... until it’s too late... :meh:

One step at a time. I’m sure the housing situation will sort itself out if it comes to that, and places like CAB are very good at helping with these things. But it might not come to that. Christmas/New Year seems to stress out lots of people, and you only said you had a bit of a disagreement and he stayed away last night. Things might still sort themselves out.

I think it might help to have a good talk to him about it. And try to keep the ‘you’ word out of it. You know... things like, “You said... You should... You shouldn’t...” When on the receiving end of comments like those it comes across as confrontational. The other person finds it hard not to throw something back, and the whole thing kicks off again.

What works best is to keep it all about yourself. How you perceived it, how it made you feel, what you wanted him to do about it. That makes it easier for him to take it on board because nothing is directed at him. Better still, what about writing him a letter? That way you can edit it to sound right, which cannot be done in a real conversation. It also allows him to reflect on your words in his own time, without having to immediately respond.

Hope things work out for you :)
Nigel

[football12345]

Poppy, I don't have any proper advice to give but it seems like you are a really nice person. Don't let other people get you down! Give as good as you get. :)

Take care,

Tom

[angels22165]

Hi Poppy, just read your post, you have got so much good advice just wanted to give you a hug :hugs:stay strong and positive. xx

[ditzygirl]

Poppy, what an awful time.

You hang on in there sweetie, we are here for you any time at all.

Your ex is a fool but that's his loss- something good will come of this, might take a while but everything happens for a reason.

Please don't be afraid to share with us or ask for help.

You are not alone hun - you are far too special to be wasted on such peoplexxx

[PoppyC]

Thank you everyone :hugs: I am still a bit confused over things but will see what happens.
Thank you for being there. :hugs:

[KK77]

Wish you well Poppy, whatever you decide to do. Sometimes we need to allow for a bit of time to reflect and perhaps see things more clearly.

[macc noodle]

:hugs:To you Poppy - keep your chin up and be strong - we are all behind you :yesyes::yesyes:

Macc Noodle
xx

[paula lynne]

Just seen this Poppy...sending you massive hugs and lots of love. MM is right, time is a good thing to help us reflect and make decisions. Hope you feel better very soon lovely girl xx:hugs:

[yvonne_uk_98]

Just seen this Poppy, sending you hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs: and I will keep you in my prayers.