Have you ever felt like shouting at everyone to just leave you alone for 10 minutes!!

[fairyclairy]

I cant take it anymore - i really cant!

I feel like i cant escape everyone.. all i want is a night to myself, to chill, relax and do whatever i can do calm down but iv got everyone on my case!!

Its made worse due to xmas and new year etc because theres been so much going on - i was working all over xmas too so i pushed myself really hard to get into work and attend the social events we had planned - birthdays, wedding reception, new years eve, big family tea etc and now i just want to tell everyone to just p*ss off and leave me be..... i know it sounds rude and i would never say that to anyone but is it so much to ask just for one night to myself.

If its not my mum walking into my room and taking to me, its my phone going off or my bf pushing me to do things...!

My boyfriend doesnt understand... he thinks i can be just as relaxed at his house than i can at mine (wrong!!! my house is my safe zone.. hes just moved into his new house and its gona take a while to make that my safe zone too)
We've both booked this week off work and he thinks that means we have to do everything, go everywhere, see everyone, me stay at his house everynight etc and i just dont want too!! But when i mention my anxieties, he just gets pissed off and says 'why cant we be a normal couple and go out' .... whos 'normal' anyway?!

He's on at me to stay tonight and we can go out tomorrow for the day and i just want to say no but i cant - i feel well and truly trapped!!
All i want is a relaxing(ish) night and a good nights sleep to get over all the panic iv had in the last week or so.... but i cant, because itl cause anothr argument and il feel guilty once again!!

I dont sleep at his house at all - i feel anxious, panicked and im up all night, which makes me feel worse in the mornings and if i then know i have to go out for the day... i dont think i can cope!

He doesnt understand that i sometimes need a couple of days to get over such an anxious time... he thinks once the anxious day has happened then its over - but for me its not, i feel utterly drained and it takes me a couple of days to feel myself again!

Im also feelings ill - got this cold thats going around! And my anxiety is making me feel ill so its making the situation a whole lot worse because i have health anxiety and a phobia of vomitting too...

I just dont know what to do - i dont want to lie to him and make some excuse but at the same time, i know how il feel if i go and i just dont think i have the energy to feel like that :unsure: xx

[paula lynne]

Tell your mum you need some privacy, and turn your phone off. Tell your b/f you are feeling under the weather and need some rest. I think you need to be really frank with your b/f when you feel up to it, he needs to accept you for who you are, anxiety and all. You do sound shattered with it all. Remember, its more important to start pleasing yourself than constantly try to please others, which will eventually wear you out mentally and physically. Get some rest .x

[Dizz]

Just what Paula Lynne says x x x

Getting all worked up about everyone mithering you wont be helping things.

Tell them all you really appreciate that they are trying to be nice etc but you are tired, you've got a cold and feel naff (that's not lying cos it's true)...tell them you would really appreciate being left alone for a little while so you can relax and chill out for a while cos you've been working so hard etc.

You are more polite than me though if my lot get to the stage where they are getting on my nerves with their demands and taking over all my time then sooner or later I eventually snap and bellow 'SOD OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE... I'M KNACKERED.. and you are all doing my head in'. Ooops :blush:

[fairyclairy]

Thank you for your replies - iv just texted him saying i felt poorly so was gona stay in tonight - it didnt go well and iv had a horrible message back saying to forget about our plans tomorrow etc because he cant be arsed waiting around for me to then tell me im not going and he told me not to txt bak jusifying its just because im feelin ill cos he's heard it all before...

Hasnt helped in the slightest - never felt so down!

He used to understand, its just got to the point now where im scared to tell him if im anxious cos itl cause an argument, but it makes me panic more knowing im 'not allowed' to panic whilst im round him..

[Stav_98]

Wotcha FairlClairy

I know pretty much how you feel. We have a 4 week old that everybody wants a piece of; folk just keep turning up. It's nice in a way but a royal pain at the same time. With babies comes very little sleep which is often the trigger for my panic/anxiety. In fact I was fine until the baby arrived, things got "iffy" since.

My wife also suffers from anxiety but takes medication which balances her out 100%. However, I can't take medication so just have to live with whatever is throw at me. Music for me is my therapy. I tinker with guitar, listen to music, read about music...anything. However, with all the comings and goings that has also gone on hold.

Now people wonder why I'm (on occasions) a little short with my temper.

Just got to grin and deal with it though!

[Stav_98]

PS. I'd suggest being truthful with folk; honesty is the only way. Just tell your B/F flat out "no" explaining the reasons why. If he doesn't listen then that's his problem. Making excuses will always fall back to you and wont help with an easy life :)

Chin up though eh! You'll be having a quiet evening tonight :)

[Dizz]

Thank you for your replies - iv just texted him saying i felt poorly so was gona stay in tonight - it didnt go well and iv had a horrible message back saying to forget about our plans tomorrow etc because he cant be arsed waiting around for me to then tell me im not going and he told me not to txt bak jusifying its just because im feelin ill cos he's heard it all before...

Hasnt helped in the slightest - never felt so down!

He used to understand, its just got to the point now where im scared to tell him if im anxious cos itl cause an argument, but it makes me panic more knowing im 'not allowed' to panic whilst im round him..

Ohhh how horrid of him. Saying that my other half and my family did find it hard to cope with me when I was up and down all the time just as I found it hard to cope with them. They felt useless as no matter how hard they tried they couldn't help and of course as they had never felt like I was feeling they couldn't really understand it not could they understand why silly little things that I had coped with fine for my whole life were suddenly freaking me out or making me feel ill. I felt useless AND guilty for being the way I was but didn't seem to be able to stop it.

To people who have never suffered with anxiety, panic or the likes they think you just have to 'pull yourself together' and it;s as simple as that... if only it was that easy eh.

I never went out with them, or did things with them infact I couldnt even give my son his usual lifts to school etc so they just resigned themselves to the fact that 'mum' was 'ill'.

I know I keep mentioning in my posts on here about the fantastic book I read by Dr Claire Weekes all about Self Help for nerves, panic, anxiety and associated illnesses etc but it was the turning point for me (you can buy it from NMP or Amazon)

Get yourself a copy AND MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND READ IT TOO.... it's a real eye opener and makes you understand what is happpening to you, why it happens and what you can do about it to make it all go.

It will also make your boyfriend realise that the way he is being is actually making your symptoms worse cos HE is fueling your bodys excess adrenaline and it's nerve over-sensitisation just as you are fueling it by worrying about it aall nd what he's thinking

Taker care and hope you feel happier and better soon :hugs:

[fairyclairy]

Thank you for your reply - it escalated last night and we had another huge argument.. he said he cant be the guy who puts up with it anymore. He was so nasty and blaming me for everything - the fact is he is no angel!! He makes me ten times worse, hes not supportive, he drinks way too much which makes him nasty, he expects me to be perfect all the time..... i dont know if we'll survive this and in all honesty, i dont think i want too... i cant do it anymore.

What makes me more angry is the fact I broke up with him in May last year saying i didnt want to drag him down with it all etc and gave him the opportunity to walk away.... he said he can handle it and we can get through anything together etc etc....... i guess that has changed! I just wish he had been honest and we could have gone our seperate ways instead of trying to make things work because i cant change who i am and if he cant accept it then we're never gona work!

We're meant to be sitting down to talk but itl just turn into an argument again which i just cant handle xx

[Dizz]

Hiya again Fairyclairy..

Not sounding good eh :hugs:

If he is being nasty to you all the time, unsupportive of you, blaming you for everything.. not to mention the fact that you say he makes you 10 times worse then I think you have answered your own question there about what you should do.

I obviously don't know either of you but from what you are saying I think you would be a lot be better off without him if he's causing you so much extra anxiety, anguish, upset and stress.

Sorry if that sounds really harsh, but you have to think what is best for YOU now and long term, and of course him I suppose (I only said that so I don't sound one sided ha ha ) :blush::hugs:

Another thing to think about is if say you were 100% 'well' all the time would you still be happy to be with him if he drinks too much and gets nasty towards you if you are not 'perfect'... lets face it how many of us are perfect eh I know I'm not but my other half doesn't expect me to be and if he did then I'd tell him to 'walk' ?

I don't really know what to say fully as like I say I don't know either of you but I think you need to make the choice of either splitting fully and going your seperate ways in life or maybe just taking a big break from each other and see how you both feel after a couple of weeks.

Are you both quite young and how long have you both been together for? (you don't have to answer that of course).

I know you said you live with your mum so I just presume you are youngish (I'm 48 so that's old apparently :roflmao:)

I know what you mean about 'sitting down to talk' turning into arguements though as that's where our chats usually end up but that's mainly cos I tend to keep my feelings to myself and if my other half questions me and I wont talk about my feelings.. or if I do talk and he doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell him ... then off it goes WHAM.

At the end of the day do what is right for you and what will make you happier in the long run... if you split up it may be a little hard at first but there are plenty more fish in the sea rather than sharks so to speak :winks: x x x x x

[filigree]

I'm nearly forty now (can't believe it!) and have suffered very badly from anxiety pretty much my whole life. I've had health anxiety since I was a teenager.

Before I met my husband I had a few relationships and some guys understood and some didn't. In the end I married a man who was studying reflexology :))) and is interested in alternative medicine and is mostly patient with my anxiety. (sometimes when it gets really bad we argue.. but it's good 85% of the time).

I can really recommend, if you don't already have it "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by C. Weekes. There is a chapter in her book which I think all partners of anxious people should read because it talks about both sides of a relationship involving a person with anxiety.

Anyone out there in a relationship with someone else with anxiety? I've always wondered what it would have been like to have had a relationship with someone else who had health anxiety? Is it really good because you understand each other and can be patient or does it drive you both crazy?

[gaaron]

fairyclairy, Hi, I have read the majority of posts to your thread (it's late). All I can say is that I have always felt that way, but didn't know there was a name for it until I found NMP. I am now 53!! I now have time off from people so that I can gain 'energy' to reenter 'their world'. I'm unsure of how to answer your post or to others who describe the same situation. It's just that I have found a suitable way for me. We are not all the same - it would be boring if we were! Take care xx

[fairyclairy]

Thanks everyone xx

Im 22, so still got plenty of time to meet the right guy etc... i just thought i had found him! Been together 5 years now and i always thought he understood me and supported me.. he always has! But i dont know whats happened lately - i think christmas has been soooo busy and we've also had people close to us critically ill in hosp etc so its been abit of a stressful time.

Im going round to talk to him tomorrow and have everyone out in the open - he has no idea that i feel let down and unsupportive by him. He just thinks its all my fault etc... im going to take one of my anxiety books with me again and ask him to read it if we decide to give our relationship about it.. i know he'll say he doesnt need too bcos he understands but i think hes forgot alot about it.. how drained it makes us and how we have to take things slow!

Im hoping we can work through this...... but if we dont, i guess i have to think that there is plenty of time to meet someone. Maybe i just need abit of time on my own to regather what i want and need in life.. we'll see x

[gaaron]

good luck xx and take care xx

[One]

Hey :)

Read through the thread and it sounds like you're having a really hard time, and your bf isn't treating you like he should, but as a 20 year old guy I thought I should say something.

It might be that he's getting really frustrated with your illness (you've been together for 5 years so he's bound to be worried about you) and deep down he might have started to beat himself up for not being able to help. That's probably down to him not understanding it to a degree, and thinking it's all about getting you out the house etc.

Coming from one, I know how stupid guys can be at times and how bad they can be at talking about feelings etc, so I just thought I'd throw another perspective out there for you :)

Don't get me wrong, if he really doesn't seem to care anymore then it's not worth wasting your time, but after 5 years it has to be worth fighting for :hugs:x

[fairyclairy]

Thanku... i know it frustrates him but surely he can understand that its who i am. I had these when i met him and 5 years later i still have them.... he knew what he was getting into etc

I just dont know what he expects me to do - think he wants me to just say 'right il change, il stop having panic attacks' bt if only it was that simple!

I do understand how hard it must be for him... but he isnt helping the situation saying the things he has and being so nasty about them.. we'll see what happens.

If he cant accept me for who i am then theres no point wasting our time but if theres something to fight for then i definitly will x

[Anxious_gal]

I think your needs are just as important as his.
x

[One]

Good on you anyway :) keeping a level head is hard enough at the best of times let alone when you've got so much on your plate, hope you're ok:D