Am I crazy?

[Mark801]

Hey guys.

I've been posting frequently as I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety.

The thing is that around this time last year, a few relatives of mine passed away last year. Literally weeks apart. I was also stressed because it was during my finals period as well. I was overcomed by so much anxiety that I ended up being hospitalized after suffering a panic attack.

I had anxiety since my sophomore year of high school, but it wasn't at a point where I couldn't control it.

Anyways, I ended up spending my bday in the hospital. It's in the third week of January. As my bday is coming up, I'm getting really anxious because this past week has been absoltutely hell for me. Ive been having palps(racing, pounding, ectopics), off balance-feeling, foggy/heavy headed, muscle tension, lack of sleep, feels like im being suffocated, feeling hot and then cold, tight chested, tired and lazy(no energy) and just a feeling of doom.

This is how I was last year during my finals period and family issues and I'm scared because I really don't wanna end up in the hospital again. I'm terrified of doctors and I don't wanna spend my birthday there again. I keep on having this doomed feeling and it really scares me.

I'm gonna be 21 for god's sake. I just wanna be a normal young healthy college kid. Is that too much to ask for? Sorry for the rant but I just had to get it out.

Please tell me that I'm crazy and I won't have to spend my bday at the hospital again.

[Mark801]

Anyone?

[countrygirl]

The doom feeling is because you are fearing something its not a premonition of something. I don't need to tell you that the more you fear something then your brain will make your body feel all the symptoms that panic you into ending up in hospital..I remember many years ago when I was still at school that on last day of term we had to attend a church service - on year I had a cold and felt faint in the church which freaked me. For the next 3 years I would worry more and more as the time approached that I would be ill again in the church and by time the day came I literally would be ill - I could not breathe felt faint etc etc and spent the day at home - next day I would be fine. It was a perfect example of my mind controlling my body which just shows how so many of our symptoms are generated by our minds and not our bodies.

[midgey]

Hey mark,
You are not alone in your fears and anxieties. It is perfectly understandable that with the time approaching the year anniversary of your hospitalisation you are bound to feel very anxious.
I think you need to change your mindset (easy to say when on the outside). You seem to be telling yourself that you will be bad again......sure fire way to bring on more anxiety and panic. Have you tried any relaxation techniques? Maybe the few days around that date you could organise something to do so that you don't have too much time on your hands to "think".
I wish you all the best and hope you can change your negative mindset into some positive thoughts to get over this difficult time.

[mislaura]

Anxiety really builds on intself and when the brain gets going in a certain pattern, it can get really out of control. Have you spoken with anyone (professional) about this? Also, I have found that distracting myself with activity and changing the focus of my thoughts by working on something else tends to helps. It takes me out of the irrational state and helps to put me back in the here and now.