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Annie
07-08-03, 23:15
Hello to everybody.

I am a new member and would like to say how it has helped me knowing I am not alone out there.

I have suffered from panic attacks in some form since I was a teenager, (bus journeys to college I suffered from quite bad adrenalin)I am now 33. Six years ago I started having panic attacks if I was going out of town to visit friends or shop.

It is only now when they have become really bad what the ones in the past were.

They became a real problem almost twelve months ago. I commute to work which is a quick walk to the bus stop and then over an hour of a bus journey. I did this for four years without any difficulty whatsoever. I even looked forward to it as I meet friends on the bus. But, twelve months ago I started a new job, I worked there for two months before my female boss started bullying tactics and making my working life miserable. I had the first of my recent spell of panic attacks one morning (last October) on the bus whilst talking to a friend. The bus goes straight onto a motorway two minutes into the journey and it stays on this motorway for the next forty minutes to ann hour, there is nowhere to get off. I had to tell my friend I wasn't feeling very well, and did what many PA sufferers have probably done at one time or another, I said that I wasn't feeling very well as I had drunk too much wine the night before, I hadn't touched a drop. From then on I was having them every morning on the bus, a few times I even stood up on the bus on the motorway to ask the driver to stop. Partway down the aisle I realised what I was doing and sat back down, closed my eyes, breathed deeply and prayed that I could make it to the other end without seriously embarrassing myself. I am not sure what the symptoms of all PA sufferers are, I am sure that everybody's is different, but mine are severe stomach cramps and an overwhelming need to be near a bathroom. On the bus I feel terrified.

It then started in social situations where i felt exposed, shopping, cafe's with friends, queue's (I now cannot stand in the queue for my bus, I walk around town until i see the bus approaching).

Anyway I am rambling now. To cut a long story short, I was off work for eight weeks, I then left my job. I am now in a non stressful job and they are easier, but I still panic on the bus about having a panic attack. My last one was not on the bus though, it was whilst having lunch with a friend i have known since I was four. There is no rhyme or reason, and I just wish I knew why.

I read a lot about them now, and when I start to feel one coming on, actually thinking about it and what I am going through, strangely enough, helps. I am thinking of writing an article about them and thinking about what I will write about often makes an attack go away.

This will not beat me, and I will still catch this bus every morning, but i never drink the night before a bus journey, and i never arrange shopping trips with friends :-(

Annie

nomorepanic
08-08-03, 11:03
Hi Annie

Sorry to hear that you are a fellow sufferer. I can sympthise with you about the bus journey and reading your story I can almost feel myself there with you. I don't do public transport atall and will not go in the car (as a passenger) with anyone except my partner.

You are doing so well to keep taking the bus journey cos I gave up after a few bad experiences!

None of us know why we get Panic attacks at strange times and in any number of situations but it is something that we just have to deal with and try to cope with.

Your idea of reading something is very good - it focuses your mind and you can put things into perspective at the same time. If you do write an article, I could add it to the site if you want.

Try and get in the chat room sometime cos it helps to 'talk live' to people who can respond to your immediate questions. I am in the chat room after 9pm (uk time).

You could try hypnotherapy or some CBT to see if this can help you.

Keep your chin up and congratulate yourself for perservering with the bus journey.

Nicola

Joanne
11-08-03, 12:13
Hi Annie,
You sound like a determined lady!
I know what you are going through- I get sudden rushes of self awareness on buses, then that makes me panic- and I haven't used one for ages. I walk everywhere now- as I cant drive.Well done for persevering.
They are a very friendly bunch here- so come along to chat anytime!
Joanne x

Annie
11-08-03, 21:30
Thanks for your message Joanne.

Good morning this morning, had no attack on the bus nor feelings of anxiety, always a good way to start the week. Feeling happier tonight as well as am getting a lift to work in the morning.

It has helped a lot reading every body else's stories, really makes you feel a lot less silly.

Got a little tipsy on Friday evening, and told two close friends about the PA's, luckily they were very understanding, and one of them admitted to feelings of anxiety herself. I really think there are a lot of people out there who suffer from PA's but never say.

My boyfriend once told me about the statistics on sufferers, which made me realise I cannot be the only deep breathing person on my bus.

Annie x

nomorepanic
13-08-03, 20:08
Hi Annie

I agree that there are more people that suffer than we ever know so it is good to tell others if you feel comfortable about it. I find it hard to tell work colleagues but I can tell close friends. I am thinking at the moment of telling my boss that I am bad again as I always seem to ill and off work and I need someone on my side!

Take care

Nicola

Shelley
15-08-03, 16:04
Hi Annie

Mines a similar problem, I have had panic on all public transport but like you it's not going to beat me it does my head in but I can't let it rule my life - also the "I feel sick" is a favourite of mine.

LOL at deap breathing!!

x Shell



Shell

Annie
18-08-03, 22:43
Thanks for your message Shelley.

You made me smile with the "I feel sick". Last winter I had had a particularly bad journey on the bus, and as we came into the city centre I started to feel even worse, but we were still in an area where the bus was not supposed to stop. Things became quite drastic and very terrifying, I went to the front of the bus and asked the driver if he would let me off. He said he couldn't, so I told him I was pregnant and suffering from morning sickness and was about to be sick, miraculously the door opened.

I can smile now, but that day set me back months in my progress to beat panic attacks.

Good luck with beating it too.

Deep breathing definitely helps, and plenty of open windows.

Love Annie

Jo
20-08-03, 14:34
Hello Annie - I am sorry for the late reply! I suffer with panic attacks too, but I am determined not to let it beat me, like I did in May 2002. You sound a very determined lady - an inspiration.

Good luck in your recovery Annie,

Jo xx

Shelley
26-08-03, 12:55
Annie

Recently started a new job (been seconded out from my company) and today I nearly did the I feel sick thing but didnt, I got past most of the horrid feelings coming in on the tram and panicy feelings in work (not so much panic it's hard to explain), I've been finding it hard to catch my breath, I'm not sure if it's actually medical or it's something to do with PA's / stress of starting a new job - so Im going to get it checked out. Im like you I havent stopped travelling on transport - the one thing I do find difficult (always loved it to) is travelling by train..try not to look at it as a step back, more a minor blip...to be honest I think everyone is prone to PA's it just affects some people more than others.

x

Shell