now i dont know what to do.. lack of understanding from people

[becks xxx]

Like most of us i find everyday things a challenge. School (or work for others) is probably my hardest thing i have to face, since it's everyday. From what i was aware many teachers were aware of my anxiety.. My subject teachers knew that i could want to leave the classroom, deputy headteacher (who deals mostly with me) keeps in touch with my counsellor.. And a woman from pastoral care.
So im in my last year and went back to school wednesday, first day was surprisingly not too bad, thursday was my worst nightmare. The woman who mostly deals with me wasn't in school, i couldn't face my 1st lesson so sat outside the pastoral care woman's office, and my next lesson just done some quiet study in the library. Both of these lessons it was already in my head that i wanted to go home, i had to, but i tryed controlling it and kept it to myself.
However when my next lesson come i just could not face it, my mood had completely dropped i felt fed up and told them i wanted to go home... There reply was "sorry that's not possible, try and do some quiet work in the library" so i told them, if i really can't do anymore its been agreed im allowed home, the deputy headteacher does when she's in, i can't do no study in the library cos i cannot concentrate which gives me more time to think.
To cut it short, another 2 got involved and all 3 teachers were reluctant to send me home. After making me sit on my own for 3 whole hours while they was in the office all talking about me they decided to let me home an hour before school finished. Maybe im going over the top, but to me that is complete torture.. How dare they keep me in a situation im so desperate to get out of? I even ran to the toilets crying and i was sick (they don't know about this) cos i felt absolutely just trapped. What right do they have!?
Then after 1 teacher tryed speaking to me telling me it's hard for them cos they have no understanding... I don't expecr them to completely understand me but i thought they knew a bit and obviously not? I just felt so alone and it's turned me off of school even more now. She even made me promise that id go in the next day, i did promise but never kept it as i was way too scared of going in friday and the same happening. What a disaster.... Now what do i do!?

[lizzie29]

Could you get your parent(s) to make an appointment to se ethe deputy head next week? Maybe if you all sat down together, explained what happened... then you could ask the deputy head to explain to the other teachers. If they are not fully aware of the situation and what has been agreed then that probably explains their reluctance to let you go home.

Hopefully if this gets sorted, then you'll feel better about going back to school. You're in an important year of your education, and the school will want the best for you and will hopefully do what they can to help.

Is your counsellor helping? Do you feel like you want to go home because it's your "safe place"? Try to tell yourself that school is no less safe than home - anxiety will not harm you there, it's just feelings. Maybe have some stuff about anxiety written down, some positive thoughts - then if you start to feel bad, try concentrating on them. Take care.

[andrew]

Hi Becks,
Well done for trying to cope. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, Mondays a new day.
I think you've got every right to be angry and disappointed with the situation. You've made agreements and they haven't stuck to them.
They may not of been aware of your situation. So that is what needs fixing. If you are able, go in Monday and ask to see the deputyhead who deals with you. Ask them to explain why the agreement wasn't stuck to and for some reassurance that it wont happen again. That is the best way Forward for You. If it doesnt feel easy enough for you to do it yourself, then as lizzie29 suggested, sort it via your parents or counsellor.
Good luck, you take care.

[ditzygirl]

Firstly sweetie, well done for sharing what happened with us, it always amazes me how brave people are on this site. I have bottled my anxieties up for years.

Sadly there is a lack of understanding to anxiety but its the system that is at fault and YOU are NOT alone. Many, many people understand your situation.

Please don;t give up on your schooling, as the others have said get your parents and or counsellor to go the school on monday and get this sorted. Maybe get a counsellor and a teacher to walk around the school while the others are in lessons. The counsellor can reassure you and the teacher will see how you are feeling by your body language. Do you have a good friend who can support you?

This wasn't a disaster just a little blip, honest I know all about them !!!

From the way your post is written you are bright and intelligent and just suffer anxiety-PLEASE try and stay positive, you can get through this.

Good luck tomorrow and please let us know how you get on.

You are far too special to give up and let anxiety win!!!x

[Groundhog]

Hi Becks
I’ve answered your posts before if you recall, I work in a secondary school and although I know you and your feelings are genuine I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Our school has circa 1600 students, on any given day our ‘nurse’ gets visited by around 50 students out of these half a dozen are genuine and two or three might be sent home, the rest are just malingerers trying it on. If the staff and school did not take a hard line with students in lessons that 50 would be at least a hundred, or more. We have guide lines to adhere to when students tell us they feel unwell / need the loo / have to be somewhere else, sadly in today’s society we just dare not stray from given outlines.

That said clearly you have special dispensation but that might (read will) have lapsed from most teachers memory. We have a list of pupils that have special medical needs / problems. Now I’m not trying to make little of your problems but top of our lists and of precedents are students that have serious life threatening illness. Off the top of my head we have two with pace makers, several with potencially deadly allergies, a couple of insulin dependent diabetics and so on, to be bluntly honest anxiety would be at the bottom of the list if it was on it at all. Its sometimes hard to imagine when you look around an average school what lies underneath health wise.

My advice is to get your doctor or therapist to write to the school and re-iterate your problems and suitable tactics to help in emergencies, and to do it regularly. You could also carry a note from your doctor / parent/analyst that explains you may need to be allowed home.

[becks xxx]

Thank you for all of your replies and suggestions!
I never actually made it in today but it is being sorted :-) x

[ditzygirl]

Becks - don't worry about today, at least it is all being sorted.
Please let us know how you get on, I really want you to succeed.

:yahoo:Anxiety is horrid but you can and will get through thisx