Don't know what to do, need help n advice

[dizzielizzie]

I'm a mess about going for a meal for my boyfriends mums birthday tonight. All his family will be there, and I can't handle families, because I don't have one of my own really (well mum died and I was abused by my father and step mum and sexually abused by step uncle) so I don't trust anyone!

I panic and think everyone is looking at me and not liking me. I spent my childhood being told I was worthless and fat, and was bullied all through school, but not as much when I became buliemic and got skinny (How shallow are the people in this world!!) And then when I started taking speed and esctasy at 15 I was so popular, and thin, and the life of the party. The panic attacks were masked by the drugs and alcohol binges. Plus I'd smoke weed most of the time aswell to make me laugh. I felt I liked people and people liked me!! I even went travelling on my own round Oz and Thailand and met loadza people but drinking got me through my moods!

I quit all that drug scene a year ago (I'm 24 now) and have been t total for 1 month now and 1 month without cigerettes (my god its hard!!)

But I now have no life line!! I panic and cry when I have to socialise, I feel like such a loser, I hate myself! I don't want to be like this I want to be fun again. Started citalopram 10mg Monday so waiting for them to kick in and the side effects to subside!

Please please can someone give me tips and advice to help me get through tonight and help me start my new nursing placement on Monday! 6 more months to go till I qualify and I'm scared of messing it all up!!!

Lizzie x

[panicdiva]

Firstly, remember & believe, you are not a loser, oh I know it's easy to feel like you are, I feel like that often, but look in the mirror & tell yourself you are not!!! Secondly, try to remember that the people you are going to meet are not any better or worse people than you are. Tell yourself that too. I told myself that for the 1st time a couple of wks ago when I was about to go into an interview, it calmed my nerves quite abit, & I got the job. Thirdly, remember that yes they will be assessing you, but you will be assessing them too & they might feel nervous too. See for the 1st little while tonight you WILL feel nervous & probably feel lots of panic - but, just go in there knowing & accepting that. Allow yourself to feel like that - it's okay - then as the night goes on, I bet you will start to relax a little & maybe even enjoy yourself - then afterwards, when the night has ended & you know you have got through it - give yourself a pat on the back. If the panic does not fully go away, well, so what, try to enjoy yourself inspite of it. Let us know how you get on.

Hope this has helped a little.

[sal]

Just read your post hun and i am thinking about you. I cant imagine how you must feel and can only imagine how hard tonight was. Did you go and manage to get through it.

Here for you if you want to talk and thinking about you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[dizzielizzie]

Thanks panic diva and Sal. I did go out in the end. I had one vodka and coke before I left. But even my boyfriend said that my panics have got worse because I know I can't have a drink!! So that calmed me (not the answer but all the family are really loud and I used to drink a load of vodka with them and smoke, so the change is hard)

Had a bit of a panic when my fella went off to sort out what everyone was eating so I sat in the corner like a mouse (didn't even have my mobile to scan through) as everyone loudly talked to one another! But my fellas cousin came over after a while to say I hadn't looked my bubbly self and couldn't believe I was stil not drinking or smoking.

Anyway thats over, next step is tommorrow. Just got to not let myself cry when I get in a tricky situation. Or if a patient is nasty to me or if the staff nurses don't help me etc, I am really crapping it about tomorrow.

Thanks again for your support, I rekon this site gives people hope and a sense of worth, it does me a bit anyway.

All the best!!

[jackie]

well done you you have been through so much but have not let it get in the way with your life forever. you have alot to live for and this is juist another hurdle to cross.

you will get there , does your partner know how you feel, is thwere anything he could do to ease it. not get you out of it but to help you get through it that wee bit easier

go you!
jackie

[panicdiva]

Lizzie,

You got through last night - you did it! So if you are feeling any panic tomorrow when you start your placement just remember that you got through Sat. night so you'll get through your 1st day on placement. Remember too that each day you go on your placement the panic feelings will get less & less. The main thing is - despite the fear & the panic you are doing it! I for one am proud of you & hope you are proud of yourself too!!!

[Meg]

Well done for going and staying

Good luck for today

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress