Panic - my dad is in hospital

[paula lynne]

I try to keep it together most days.
Today is difficult.
Panic bad. Anxiety bad.
Dad in hospital. Loss of memory, dizzy, sudden onset of headache, having spinal tap (now called csf investigations) testing cerebral spinal fluid. Its going to hurt. Something very wrong neurologically. Trying to forget the things I know from neuro nursing, and just be a daughter.
This isnt good. Ct scan and MRI booked for tomorrow.
Im not over loosing my mum. Dont want to do loose him too, gran passed in december.
It seems never ending at the moment.
Is it worse because I have some knowledge, or Im his daughter, or I have anxiety?
Hard work as havent talked to sister since 4th december and she said on facebook Im making the anxiety and panic up for attention. Have to see her later on the ward.
Feeling very stressed.
Already think hes dying. I know the 4 reasons why a doctor would order a spinal tap, and none of them good. Could use a friendly ear. Thanks x

[paul75]

How awful, really feel for you. Try and remain positive, anxiety has a terrible habit of making us think the absolute worst. (Catastrophising)
Try and ignore what your sister has said, you know you are not making it up or attention seeking, her opinion doesn't matter.
There must be people who have had the same thing as your dad and pulled through, never give up hope.

[paula lynne]

Paul, thank you. Yes, it is catastrophising, whether I like to admit it or not. Its so hard to switch off when I have the neuro nursing knowledge, maybe thats giving me these thoughts, and not anxiety. Maybe a mix? I appreciate your reply, thanks so much x

[paul75]

I'm one of the worlds worst at catastrophising so I know how you feel, seeing any family member ill is extremley upsetting, but when you have anxiety it makes it even worse ! If it was very bad he would be having a CT and MRI right now and not tomorrow.
Go and visit him and get a better picture of how he is, try and relax a bit (I know how hard it can be), and let us know how you get on.

[Nigel]

I’m so sorry Paula :hugs:

I’m sorry I don’t really have any wise words when it comes to real medical matters – I’m a wimp and am scared stiff of such things, so try to avoid finding out about them.

Suppose your knowledge is often an advantage because you can use it to rule out a lot of things that less educated people worry about, but at times like this it can be rather a double edged sword.

But even with that knowledge, there must be various possibilities at this time (I’m guessing) and anxiety is bound to make a person fear the worst and dismiss everything else. In fact I think most people would be like that, anxiety or not.

Forget about Sister for now. I think that just an unhelpful distraction at this time, and there are more important things to think about. Hopefully she’ll have the decency to put any differences of opinion to one side for now.

Thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed that things are better than you think.
Hope Dad’s OK.

Dunno what to say, so have another hug :hugs:

Nigel

[paula lynne]

Nigel x
Thank you, as usual, you hit the nail on the head, you seem to say the things I would say if it was the other way around and someone needed my help. You are right, I hope sister has the decency to put the squabble to one side, (shes the anti-christ and no mistake).

Knowledge is a double edged sword. Its taken all my might to not google today, about csf, just to "refresh my memory" as I said to hubby. In reality, it was to feed my already stressed brain. Its out of my hands, as I would say to anyone else. I cant seem to take my own advice.

Im ok, and can be quite professional etc. except when it comes to my family. I wonder if its like that for other health professionals who suffer anxiety and panic.?

Im really stressed, palps bad. Hate that hospital, its where mum died. Cant abide the smell. lights, people. It just seems never ending at the mo. Having to read over the self-harm thread re-karen (thanks karen and nigel for the link), as Im so messed up AGAIN. 4 days late for my monthly, (Im sure Im peri-menopause, very bad symptoms past 6 months) bad head and hubby wont/cant talk to me as Im sure he thinks Im going to blow any minute.

Got to go at 7pm...would rather cut off my arm with a blunt spoon than go, but Ive had all day to wind myself up to be honest. Its awful when you need to be somewhere, but anxiety and panic prevents you from just going, without worrying x:weep:

[lizzie29]

Hi Paula

So, so sorry to hear about this. I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm sure your sister will prioritise and focus on your dad rather than being mean to you. It'll be hard when you go, but hopefully easier than you're imagining, and you'll be glad you went I'm sure.

Take care x

[Nigel]

Hi Paula,

“You are right, I hope sister has the decency to put the squabble to one side, (shes the anti-christ and no mistake).”

Oi!!!
That means you too :winks:

“Im ok, and can be quite professional etc. except when it comes to my family. I wonder if its like that for other health professionals who suffer anxiety and panic.?”

I should imagine it’s like that for other health professional even if they don’t suffer anxiety. Do they say that they shouldn’t diagnose or treat family members if at all possible, or is that a myth?

I hate hospitals too – even visiting – but somehow we find the courage to do these things when we really need to. It’s the waiting and thinking about it that’s the worst. Try to find something to take your mind off it for an hour.

Take care :hugs:
Nigel

[paula lynne]

No, its not a myth. Its one of the Coventants, *thou shalt not diagnose a member of thy family*....so hard. Wish I could just separate the daughter/nurse/anxiety bits of me.

I will have the decency to put the trouble behind, even though she was the one who said those awful things about me on a public forum. I will always back down to keep the peace. Shes still the anti-christ in my opinion though, thats why I give her a wide berth.

Have to go to the hospital in a bit. (Hurl)...dont feel good.

I guess its already out of my hands. He mentioned yesterday hed had these excrutiating headaches for over a year.....he didnt say anything.

Its always hard with a parent. Especially when the parent doesnt believe anxiety and panic makes you feel so ill, and says "pull yourself together". And he was a mental health nurse for a while in the 70s, he should know better.

[Nigel]

Wish I could just separate the daughter/nurse/anxiety bits of me.”

It’s probably not realistically possible though. Switching off the ‘daughter’ bit is to effectively stop caring, and that’s not possible. And this is the kind of situation that would make anyone anxious – anxiety sufferer or not. Suppose the secret is to allow for it while keeping it under control.

Good luck at the hospital. I’ll be thinking of you :hugs:
Hope all’s well.

Nigel

[ditzygirl]

Paula

Who wouldn't be struggling with anxiety in your situation. dont beat yourself up sweetie just try and do what you need to do for your dad.

Don't worry about your sister or what anyone else does or doesn't think about anxiety.

Just get through this anyway you know how to. You and I know the hospital staff will help and support you and respect your anxiety.

We are here for you sweetie any time at all.

:bighug1:and do what feels right just nowxxxx

ps I have a little coping method, im not religious but i find the words of the serenity prayer a real comfort.

Thinking of you sweetiexxxx

[daisycake]

Hope all OK :hugs:Thinking of you xx

[missy007]

Paula

Just thinking about you and your family - hopes and prayers with you

:hugs:Lesley x

[ljd]

Paula I am so sorry to hear its hard when you have more knowledge about something especially when involving someone close to you please tc and try not to get too panicky its understandable you will be feeling like you are tc

[Hazel B]

Paula, I hope all is well, I'm thinking of you. Please think of your Dad and what he needs, he may be frightened himself and worried about what they might find out. He may need comfort, strength, advice, you just never know. Try to focus on your Dad, not your sister ( she doesn't sound like my definition of sister!) - the last thing he needs is to be fretting about his girls "kicking off". I know it wouldn't be your fault, but really try to be dignified and rise above any crap you may get from your sister. If she's upset it may bring out the best/worst in her, but concentrate on your Dad and then look after yourself.

You know how to manage panic, you help everyone here with your advice, it's just so hard when anxiety grips. Go back to basics, eat well, try to sleep, have that paper bag ready and have a nice hot bath with your favourite Lush products. Please don't hurt yourself, it's only a temporary relief.

Take care.:hugs:

[blue moon]

Sending you some big hugs Paula:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Love Petra xx:flowers:

[KK77]

Don't worry about what other people think Paula. You hold your head up high and do all that's necessary for your dad. It's a shame if your sister can't put any animosity behind her at a time like this but we can't control others.


Thinking of you and wish your dad well.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Paula,

thinking of you, and keep you in my prayers. hugs to ya :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

love

Yvonne

[JaneC]

I hope things are looking better this morning Paula :hugs:

[mandie]

Thinking of you Paula :hugs:

mandie xx

[paula lynne]

Thank you all for your words of support here, and PMs Ive recieved.
Dad is in good spirits. The MRI revealed nothing, no growth or changes. 3 Lumbar Punctures were unsuccessful, going to try again today, and an x-ray of his neck.

Im grateful its not what Id imagined in my head, a cancerous tumour. Horrible how anxiety always makes you think the very worst.

I realise now I have to "let go" of the outcome. Its out of my hands.

Im sorry about my rambling scatty posts, I was in a real mess. Feel better today, only the palps out of control. No sign of period, which doesnt help. Having a pj day, visiting dad this evening at 7.30pm. Thanks to all of you once agin, youre all such a support to me. Much Love xxx

[ditzygirl]

Paula that is brilliant news.

Anxiety does make you think the worst but I also think in such a situation its part of a coping method that we just can't control.

Your posts aren't scatty lol, going through what you are going through is really, really difficult.

Enjoy today as much as you can and hope all is ok at the hospital later.

:bighug1: and well done you are coping really wellxxxxx
keep us updated about your dadx

[Hazel B]

Good news, hope it goes well later.:hugs:x

[paul75]

Good stuff, I would have been out of my mind with worry as well.
Hope your dad makes a swift recovery.

[tracey c]

So sorry to hear about your Dad and I hope all goes well tonight. You are right and it is 'out of your hands', so just concentrate on your Dad, yourself and forget about the negative 'sister' issue. Stay positive!
Thinking of you x:hugs:

[Nigel]

Hi Paula,

Have been thinking about you and Dad and am so glad that he’s in good spirits and things look better than you were imagining.

“Horrible how anxiety always makes you think the very worst.”

In a way it’s what panic and anxiety were designed to do – more so in days gone by. In caveman times it was probably wise to assume the rustling in the bushes was a hungry lion, even if it did turn out to be a gust of wind. The problem is that we then learnt to think and imagine, and those original response systems respond in the same way to our thoughts if they’re intense enough. Suppose one day we won’t, but evolution takes millions of years.

Having a PY day sounds good. I think you deserve one of those :)

Wishing Dad a continued speedy recovery :yesyes:

Nigel

[gaaron]

Hi Paula, I've not been onsite for a couple of days and have just found your thread. I'm so sorry to hear your news, but happy that the MRI revealed nothing. I'm thinking of you xxx :hugs::flowers: take care

[ElizabethJane]

Hi Paula I'm sorry that your Father is ill and in hospital. I'm thinking of you. EJ

[allergyphobia]

Paula -- only just seen this post...

Glad your fears were NOT confirmed. Like you say - things are out of your hands so time to let go and be there as you can and will be for your dad.

Thinking of you and your family, big hugs always

Amber xx

[Hazel B]

Thinking of you, take care and hope your Dad is OK.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:x

[paula lynne]

Thank you all for your kindness x
Dad was discharged today under the care of an oesteosurgeon. It seems there is severe degeneration in his neck, this was causing the headaches. Hes going to stay with "his lady friend" for a few days, and I will pop down and see him later.

But something happened after discharge which has concerned me.

Evil sister picked him up and they went to a chemist to get a prescription for meds. He came out of the chemist and walked straight past the car. She beeped the horn, he turned and waved at her, carried on walking, and got into THE WRONG CAR. She ran to get him, and he seemed surprised to see her, then laughed it off.....

He was in a state of confusion when he was admitted to the hospital too.
His mother had alzheimers........you know where Im going with this......I guess Ive got to keep an eye on the situation.

Thanks everyone xx

[ditzygirl]

Oh hun, that's a worry. Do you know if the hospital picked up on the confusion ? I look after my partners father who is 90 and has alzheimers. I had a real fight to get a diagnosis but I won't bore you with all the story and anyway you probably know more than I do.

At least he is going to his friends house to recover, you will get a better idea of how he really is.

You know where I am if you need anything sweetie - I could write a book on care of the elderly or lack of it in certain situations!!!!lol

Keep smiling hun you can get through thisxxx

[paula lynne]

Thanks Ditz, it is a worry. Theres been a few other episodes in the last month or two now I think about it.
This confusion is one of the reasons I thought there may be a growth in his brain. The only thing the hospital said to him was that he had to stop drinking.

I may PM you another time, you have much more knowledge than me.
Thanks for being there x:hugs:

[paula lynne]

Thanks to Inspires for a comforting and supportive PM. x

[ditzygirl]

mmm PM me anytime hun, I am becoming an expert in care of the elderly believe me.

I'll be here anytime at allxxx

[gaaron]

:hugs:x

[Hazel B]

You can only keep an eye on him, maybe it's just age, I don't know about these things. I'm thinking of you and send a big :bighug1:x

[Nigel]

Hi Paula,

At least Dad’s back home – that’s good.
Sorry but I don’t have many useful things to say when it comes to medical matters :shrug:

All I can do is say I’m thinking of your both and wishing Dad all the best, and to send you a :hugs:

Nigel

[paula lynne]

Thanks to Ditzygirl, Gaaron, and Hazel B x
He just phoned me to say he felt ok, and his lady friend is looking after him, and not to bother to pop in.

Unfortunately, I can tell hes been drinking, nothing excessive, maybe 3/4 cans. I expect hes frightened. I know I like a few wines when stressed too. Im not being judgemental, but hes an ex-landlord, we lived in several pubs growing up, and alcohol has always been a part of my life from a young age, for all the wrong reasons.

He hasnt had a drink for 3 days, The consultant catagorically said "no more booze"...and obviously its the first thing he does. Hes not a loving dad, (not to me, adopted-same mum as evil sis and brother) and he finds it impossible to relay any emotion. Maybe drinking is his way of coping because he cant express himself.

Im doing ok. Just finding it difficult to ignore all the signs that hes been displaying, and trying to listen some of my own advice. Thanks all once again x

[paula lynne]

Thanks Nigel xx

[gaaron]

Hi Paula, It's difficult when someone you love disobeys Doctors Orders. You know you can't stop him, but he's in a safe place at the moment so try not to worry (I know that's daft). If drinking is a 'prob' issue in the family have you ever contacted the groups that help you to cope? :hugs:x

[paula lynne]

I had help several years ago, as my alcohol intake began to get out of control whilst working on the neurosurgery ward (not on duty).

I learnt I was in control of it, not the other way around.
Dad always had a problem, would never admit this. Miner from the valleys, certain things were important to him, alcohol was one.

Evil sister a massive binge drinker, makes her mental, she oozes evil and nasty violent behaviour. Has hit me several times, and ruined my wedding, and my sons christening.

Brother (her twin) quiet, isolated, been on seroxat for 15 years. Likes a drink too. Put on 4 stone this past 4 years.

I know there are issues, but I cant worry about them, they need to sort them out if they think theres a problem. I cant fix them all.

Thanks Gaaron for helping me look at the bigger picture. x

[ditzygirl]

Wow and I thought I had a lot on my plate!!!!
I like a glass of wine too but cut down a lot and feel better for it. There is nothing wrong with enjoying drink as long as you are in control which you are.

You can't change your past hun, but you can change your future.
Try not to worry about your bro and sister, they have to deal with their own issues. You can't be responsible for everyone else so just worry about the people who are good to you. In fact make it a rule!!!! I have, not easy to practise but feels great once you mastered it.

Your dad, mmmm well there isn't much you can do if he won't listen to the doctors. And from reading between the lines I wonder if he has a suspicion he has the onset of alzheimers - would explain why he won't listening to the professionals.

How long is your dad staying with his friend ? does he then go back to living alone ?

I might have some ideas to help you cope, you probably can't change how he wants to spend the rest of his life, which is a little selfish on you but there are ways and means believe me.

Keep you chin up hun - I have to say looking after elderly parents is the toughest thing I have ever done, so If I can help please shout.xxxx:bighug1:

[PoppyC]

Hi Paula
I hope that your Dad is going to be ok. I am thinking of you and truly hope that all goes well.
My mum died of alcoholism after 30 years heavy drinking, a year and a half ago~! My Dad was very poorly and it didnt help him and he died too. From the age of 12 I learnt to grow up with severe alcoholism with my mum.
One thing I learnt is let people go how they want to in their final months. Thats just my view though. I tried like mad to get my mum and dad to give up drinking, but as they said it was their last pleasure, and then they went. Looking back I can understand what they meant. They didnt need some neurotic daughter like me lecturing them on the evils of drink.
Maybe this doesnt make sense. My mum was 81 and my dad 87, however.
Let us know how things go.
Sending you a lot of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[ditzygirl]

Poppy, that is an awful lot to deal with.
I agree with what you are saying though, I am watching my elderly inlaws just now and trying to look after them. They are not alcoholics just old and poorly.
But I have realised I just can't change how they want to end the last part of their lives.
In a way it's horrid to watch, no dignity which i struggle with but if its what they want there isn't much you can do.

It;s tough to come to terms with but great advisexx

[paula lynne]

Ditzy, dad with his friend for 3 days, then back up the flat near me where he lives. (about 20 mins walk away). I think he definately knows something is wrong. He never talks about emotional stuff, so I will keep my eyes open. I suspect I will be bothering you by Pm in the future. Thanks for being there xx

Poppy, Im sorry about how things were for your with your mum and dad. I also think no matter what I say, or the doctors, dad will carry on drinking regardless. I realise I cant stop him or control him, he knows the score, its got to be his desicion. Im worried about the behaviour hes displaying, so will keep my eyes peeled. Not much else I can do x

Thanks x:hugs:

[PoppyC]

Hi Paula
I am not so great now, but please accept my hugs, and let people live as they want to in the last part.
I may not make much sense but I do mean the best for you.
You seem like such a lovely person :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[paula lynne]

I know what you mean Poppy x
I will let him be. And also be there for him if he needs me xx:hugs:

[gaaron]

morning Paula :hugs: x

[suzy-sue]

Hi Paula ,You cant stop your Dad from drinking if thats what he wants .But it may be worth looking into a fact I read about Vit b12 .If the liver isnt working properly due to damage .It will stop absorbtion of vit b12 .This can cause confusion .It is possible to have injections to put this right .Not sure if this helps ,but I thought it was worth telling you .:hugs:luv sue xx

[margaret jones]

Paula thinking of you at this difficult time have a :hugs: from me and take care and remember we are all thinking of you xxx

[midgey]

Oh Paula,

I've just seen this post. I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time.

I'm glad for u all that the MRI didn't show what u thought it might.

You must look after yourself as well.

Big hugs to you, thinking of you and hope you get the conclusion you want and need and all will be well. :bighug1:

[Hazel B]

Thinking of you.:hugs:

[gaaron]

:hugs: how r u today? x

[gaaron]

u not replied hun. U ok?