View Full Version : Felt suicidal in the night
countrygirl
10-01-11, 12:02
This is the worst I have ever been - I have what my Dr is certain is an anxiety response when trying to fall asleep - the electric shock from middle up to head and the pounding heartbeat that is stopping me sleeping at all.
What I have been doing is trying to go to sleep and aftera bout 4 hrs of the horrible sensations I am in a terrible panic and then I took a temazepam sleeping pill but it didn't put me to sleep - I felt very very drunk but still could not sleep. At 5am this morning I did not want to live any more - I just cannot bear this horrible sensation and not having any sleep.
I saw my GP this morning and told him exactly how I felt and he is sending me for a brain mri to put my mind at rest about a small cyst I have on my brainstem - he says he is certain that I am experiencing an anxiety response as it started on a day when I was super panicked about a health symptom and went to bed literally shaking and thats when this sensation started.
He has given me a different sleeping pill and also some diazepam to take during the day both for two weeks he says I need to hit it with everything as its a viscious cycle of fearing going to sleep because of the nasty sensations so I am so panicked there is no way i can sleep. I told GP that I was almost suicidal during the night but he didn't say anything so don't know if he took me seriously or not other than he said everything is worse if you can't sleep.
I have a wonderful husband and happy life and lovely friends???????
There are more than just one solution to these problems and suicide isn't one of them. Look for them, change your lifestyle in a more relaxing attitude as much as you can. I assure you, it's not rocket science...not that difficult at least.
Captain Caveman
10-01-11, 12:10
Hi. I'd like to think he just didn't hear you. Anyone talking about suicide should be listened to. You can also post on this forum:) Sleep deprivation is not nice. I had some bad periods. But you can sort this mess out. So please don't be thinking along the suicide lines. You and everyone have all the necessary tools to sort out any challenges that come your way. It's difficult, but the reward will be all the sweeter:)
This is the worst I have ever been - I have what my Dr is certain is an anxiety response when trying to fall asleep - the electric shock from middle up to head and the pounding heartbeat that is stopping me sleeping at all.
What I have been doing is trying to go to sleep and aftera bout 4 hrs of the horrible sensations I am in a terrible panic and then I took a temazepam sleeping pill but it didn't put me to sleep - I felt very very drunk but still could not sleep. At 5am this morning I did not want to live any more - I just cannot bear this horrible sensation and not having any sleep.
I saw my GP this morning and told him exactly how I felt and he is sending me for a brain mri to put my mind at rest about a small cyst I have on my brainstem - he says he is certain that I am experiencing an anxiety response as it started on a day when I was super panicked about a health symptom and went to bed literally shaking and thats when this sensation started.
He has given me a different sleeping pill and also some diazepam to take during the day both for two weeks he says I need to hit it with everything as its a viscious cycle of fearing going to sleep because of the nasty sensations so I am so panicked there is no way i can sleep. I told GP that I was almost suicidal during the night but he didn't say anything so don't know if he took me seriously or not other than he said everything is worse if you can't sleep.
I have a wonderful husband and happy life and lovely friends???????
Ah hun this is awful isnt it just rung my doc really anxious having no sleep makes u feel so bad i feel really anxious and scared cos im on my own.
I can identify with all this as I've had a dreadful weekend. I had to wake my partner in the night on Saturday as I was in such a state. There is nothing worse than either not being able to sleep at all, or waking in the dark and feeling anxious.
Sweetie I know things feel dreadful just now, but you CAN get through this. Anxiety and sleep deprivation will make you feel awful. Your GP should be on high alert if your feeling that way.
Maybe you should see another GP if you feel you are not getting the right help. Are you taking any Antidepressants ? Many people hate the idea but from personal experience the long term benefits are so worth while.
Do you know what is behind the anxiety ? a problem, something from your past? diet? you need to get to the cause of the problem too.
I understand feelings of giving up, anxiety is so hard to cope with, but Suicide is NOT the answer. You are very special to the people in your life and the pain you would cause is irrepairable, believe me.
ANXIETY - DOES NOT MAKE YOU WORTHLESS!!!
There is something like 1 in 6 people in any one week in the UK suffering with an anxiety related illness. Now think of how many people in your street, your place of work, your group of friends - do you see how many are suffering like us ?
You are NOT alone and you deserve and can have -your health back.
Please get back in touch with your GP and get help and keep asking until you find a Doctor who is sympathetic. In the meantime if you feel Suicidal again at any time of the day or night, make contact with the Samaritans who have a 24 hour telephone line.
Please please don't give up - life is worth fighting anxiety forxxx
countrygirl
10-01-11, 13:58
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. I won't do anything but it is more just how bad I feel at moment. My husband is so wonderful but caanot cope with my panic in the night he needs his sleep so I feel awful disturbing him but also so scared of myself when I can't sleep,
My husband says he can write the book on how I behave:blush: I have been here with sleep problems a few times in the past and for some reason this one always hits me the hardest. If I have one sleepless night then thats it I am convinced that I will never ever sleep again and will go mad and die:blush::blush: Does anyone else think like this.
Logically ( have I ever thought this) I know that the new sleeping pills are likely to work if I don't get so panic stricken before I take one which is what I have been doing - I also know that if I go back to the Dr and still can't sleep without pills he will have to do something he won't just stop them but this is a big fear. He said this morning that after three weeks you get some dependency but then he looked at me and said I would imagine you don't care - right!
I am going to take the diazepam this afternoon and hope it relaxes me I am so tempted to try and sleep but if I am not successful it will panic me more????????
My husband says that until I get a change of mindset I will not be able to climb out of my panicky pit as this is something I do - stagger from one panic symptom to another. I am just always at my worst with sleep worry.
Thanks for listening.
countrygirl
10-01-11, 18:47
I keep having panic attacks whenever I shut my eyes to try and have a doze - my heart is pounding and I feel as if I cannot breathe. My husband has been wonderful but even after 4mg of diazepam I am still in serious panic all the time - now worrying how bad it is to have a pounding fast heartbeat all the time - heartbeat is about 98.
Dreading tonight.
Hi Countrygirl,
I’m sorry that you’re still having so much trouble sleeping. Part of the problem seems to be this big fear of those horrid panicky feelings as you fall asleep, and when a person fears something they try to avoid it – in this case, avoid falling asleep. Another thing about fear is that it’s about looking out for and avoiding danger. In a truly dangerous situation, falling asleep would be a pretty dumb move :doh:
So I suppose the secret is to somehow not be so scared of those feelings. I know it’s hard, but you probably realise by now that they can’t really hurt you. They’re only unpleasant feelings caused by unpleasant thoughts.
Another thing that keeps people awake at night are the sort of thoughts they’re having about not sleeping. You know the ones, “Oh no, I can’t sleep... It’s 3am and I’m still awake... I’ll never get to sleep...”
What’s happening is that you’re filling your mind with thoughts about being awake and not sleeping, and that’s what your subconscious mind thinks you want to happen and tries to make it so. It’s doesn’t understand the concept of ‘not’ thinking – thinking about what we don’t want – like we can on a conscious level. It just tries to act upon the subject of those thoughts.
So try to catch any such thoughts and change them into thoughts about going to sleep and falling asleep and being asleep – the thing you do want to happen.
Hope tonight is a more restful and peaceful one for you :sleep: ..zzZZz
Nigel
Countrygirl, your hubby has a point. Why don't you start writing a diary. And when you can't sleep. Get up, grab a camomile tea and write your diary.
It's great stress relief for you, will distract you from panic, and eventually you will feel tired too oh and allow hubby to sleep - lol.
Are you able to get out and have a brisk walk in the daytime too? I find this makes for a great nights sleep. Go easy on the caffine too. Camomile tea is the way forward at night.
Sweet dreams hopefully for tonightx
hi countrygirl
i could have written your post lol. to sum up - i have been on ssris for 7 years. to cut a long story short i had a short term patch of insomnia when coming off them which resolved itself and then 7 weeks after coming off them completely - i fell into a very big black hole. for several weeks before this i had not been sleeping - i would sleep one night and not the next. some nights i had no sleep whatsoever - some nights i would get a few hours and i had ALL the thoughts you are having - i will die from lack of sleep, i will go mad, i will be hospitalised etc.
i started back on an ssri because i was generally not coping at all and of course - what do ssris cause but insomnia for at least the first few weeks so my gp prescribed me zoplicone to help me sleep. the first night i took it - i was terrified about side effects and made my husband hold my hand! after half an hour i still felt wide awake but then i did fall asleep although i woke after a few hours - although i did find it easier to get back to sleep. i am now taking the standard dose (started on 3.75) of 7.5 and it gives me around 4 hours of solid sleep and then because it exits your body after this - i then wake up every hour or two but can get back to sleep.
i was exactly the same as you - i would try and get to sleep in the day and feel myself drift - only to jolt awake with a horrible electric shock sensation in my head/body. i would try and sleep in the day because i would be terrified that if i did not sleep at night - then i would have had no sleep at all.
i am still taking zoplicone because i was in such an anxious and depressed state - that the prozac seems to be taking a while to kick in. for the first time in months i did lay on the sofa the other day and did drift off and sleep for a short while because i remember dreaming so my body must have relaxed sufficiently for me to sleep. i can also go to be around 11-30 with a sleeping tablet and get 4 hours of solid rest and then intermittent sleep until around 10-30 in the morning.
i do try and stay awake in the day because you can have a restless night - even on a sleeping pill.
it is normal to think the worst with anxiety. i had a really bad headache the other day and my worries completely disappeared about sleep and were about my head instead - maybe it will last forever? - what if i have to go to hospital etc - its just your mind playing tricks on you.
are you on any other medication such as an anti depressant to help in the long term?
Hi
I have also had times when my anxiety has been so high I can't sleep, or even stay still. During the day I would walk a lot, so much I got blisters and pulled muscles and at night I had to keep walking around all the rooms in the house. I too thought I would go mad because I wasn't getting any sleep for 2-3 days at a time, then only an hour or so, I felt exhausted but couldn't relax. I'm not one for recommending medication but I would suggest you look at pregabalin, I feel its the only thing thats helped me at least a little. Its made for epilepsy and nerve pain, but also for generalised anxiety. It so far has stopped me getting to a really high anxiety level I think. I too tried diazepam and it didn't really have any effect, then I tried a higher dose and it made me feel drunk (I think, never been drunk) which I didn't like the feeling of and made me feel a bit more anxious.
countrygirl
10-01-11, 22:56
You are all so wondeful replying to me - making me not so alone.
I did fall asleep on the sofa this evening and the first lot of sleep I had no strange sensations which was great but then after a phone call I laid down again and went off to sleep again but after about half an hour I kep being woken up with the feeling as if I had fallen off the sofa but I did manage not to get the pounding heartbeat afterwards and because it was evening and did not matter I didn't panic about being awake all night:winks:
I seem to remember last time all those years ago that I had to first of all conquer the pounding heartbeat and then the panic and eventaully it went away but took many months.
Just off to bed so goodness knows what will happen but at least I know the sofa is really comfy!
On the subject of zopiclone Joannap do you get a horrible taste in your mouth the next day with it - it really puts me off it as I have the most horrible taste all day no matter what i eat or drink - it wears off by teatime but don't have much of day without it. Dr said some people do get this I just have to decide if i want to put up with it.
Wish me luck everyone!
May God bless you my friend.
I did fall asleep on the sofa this evening and the first lot of sleep I had no strange sensations which was great but then after a phone call I laid down again and went off to sleep again but after about half an hour I kep being woken up with the feeling as if I had fallen off the sofa but I did manage not to get the pounding heartbeat afterwards and because it was evening and did not matter I didn't panic about being awake all night.
See what happens when you don’t worry about it or care about it so much :winks:
Have a good night’s sleep :sleep: zzZz.. zzZz..
Nigel
countrygirl
11-01-11, 12:46
Thanks horse and nigel - I did get a good nights sleep - still had the horrible electric shock sensations in my head every few minutes but I kept remembering the posts telling me to not panic and remember they are harmless and I kept saying harmless, you will stop and at some point between the zaps I fell asleep and slept for 8 hrs through - unheard of for me so guess I was very tired!
My husband really helped as well reminding me of how often over the years I have been in exact same situation of not being able to sleep for whatever reason be it pain or weird sensations.
It is so wonderful to be able to come on here and get so many replies so quickly and feel that other people understand how you are feeling.:bighug1: to you all!
Thanks horse and nigel - I did get a good nights sleep - still had the horrible electric shock sensations in my head every few minutes but I kept remembering the posts telling me to not panic and remember they are harmless and I kept saying harmless, you will stop and at some point between the zaps I fell asleep and slept for 8 hrs through - unheard of for me so guess I was very tired!
My husband really helped as well reminding me of how often over the years I have been in exact same situation of not being able to sleep for whatever reason be it pain or weird sensations.
It is so wonderful to be able to come on here and get so many replies so quickly and feel that other people understand how you are feeling.:bighug1: to you all!
Hi hun so glad u had some sleep nothing worse then not sleeping ive been the same lately doc perscribed me something to help me. Your hubby sounds like hes a great support my hubby the same reminds me of when ive been ill in the past keep in touch. Bev xx
Hi Countrygirl,
I was so pleased when I read your success story.
8 hours – wow! That’s brilliant :D
See what happens when you stop being scared, and when you start thinking about the things you DO want to happen :winks:
Long may it continue :yesyes:
Nigel
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