Death of a loved one and Health anxiety

[eyeface]

Just wondering if any of you guys have any experience of health anxiety following the death of a loved one?

My dad had a stroke in 2004, which kind of devastated the whole family and shook up our lives. It was probably about 12 months after this happened that I began worrying about my own health. Now, on an almost yearly basis, each december, I get health worries flaring up. It's ridiculous, because I can chart my health problems each year- 2005- HIV, 2006- Cancer 2007- Cancer this kind of died down for the next couple of years. Then this year, my dad unfortunately died of a heart attack, and again, since december, I've been convinced my heart is playing up. Clearly, this causes anxiety which gives me chest pains, neck pains, shortness of breath etc.

I'm guessing all this is linked to my dad, but I'm just wondering if anyone has similar experiences, and has any advice.

Thanks

[sammi]

Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died when I was four of a heart attack he was 28, I'm 23 now and my anxiety started in nov 2009 I think its because I'm nearing the age my dad died so now I've convinced myself I have what he had even after all the tests I still suffer health anxiety over this badly.

[NervousNellie]

Hi! I think a lot of people suffer from HA more after the death of a loved one. My last grandparent died this past August. She suffered from HA too - although back in the day she was called a hypochondriac. She was almost my idol. Even though she had all kinds of "symptoms", we all joked about how she was so healthy and was going to live to be 200 years old and outlive all of us! So she was proving to me how you can have HA and still live a long, healthy life.

Well all of that came crashing down when she had a heart attack in April last year. At 86 years old, it was a miracle that she survived it because it was a pretty big one. It completely fueled my HA until I realized that it was a good outcome - she was still with us. The point was that she survived, which in a way helped my HA and my worries about having a heart attack and dying! She was back home after being in the hospital for 4 days. She was doing really well and then in August developed a blood clot in her leg. She had to have surgery to fix that and then everything went downhill from there. In less than a week, she passed away.

I was doing really well with my anxiety up until that point. Her death made me question everything in life all over again. All of these symptoms that I was feeling kept making me think "did she feel this?" or "did this happen to her?". And then I can't help but wonder if she really had some underlying problem that they shoved aside, thinking it was hypochondria? Not likely, because at 86 years of age, anything can happen, but that's what I'm worried is happening to me. I'm still trying to get back to where I was over a year ago. My HA was still with me, but under control. I had almost no physical symptoms anymore. I was almost over my anxiety. And then came my grandmother's death. Now I have to start over and it's not easy.

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone!

[cookie10]

i could have written this post myself. My dad died July 2009, sudden heart attack, aged just 62. Since then my health anxiety has totally focused on my heart. It has gotten so bad the last few months, I have now started on meds hoping things improve.

[eyeface]

Thank you guys for all your replies. While it's terrible what you've been through, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm not on any medication, I'm kinda of wary of it (purely a personal thing, and probably completely unjustified), but I'm doing my best to overcome it. I went to the doctor a few days ago and he listened to my heart and told me it sounded fine at the time, which helped, but as I'm sure you'll all understand, it's not enough to put your mind completely at rest. I'm taking steps towards making things as easy as I can- exercising, smoking as little as I can, drinking very little, and staying positive. Have any of you guys got help for this? Like CBT or the like?

[sammi]

I'm four weeks into cbt I'm liking it at the minute and hopin I see some benefits from it soon.

[westofengland]

Yes, lost wife aged 46 and my poor old mum has liver cancer (from bowel cancer) as the stupid drs didn't refer her for a proper test for 2 years

I suffered from it before, but the death of a loved one lights the fuse of the rocket. But actually I think anyone who loses a loved one has to come to terms with their own mortality, we just seem to experience this through increased anxiety....

Actually I am not too afraid of dying, but what scares me is leaving the kids on their own and all the endless appointments and poking and prodding you have to go through before you actually do die!

[westofengland]

I think CBT is great because it forces you to accept uncertainty which is a way through this, I believe. It's very matter of fact.
I personally need some kind of 'faith' and I also draw strength from the 12 step programmes of Alcoholics Anonymous - "Let go and let god" "one day at a time" "if you look in the rear view mirror of your past all the time you will crash" etc

[HazG]

My mum passed away last jan almost a year ago from bowel cancer i thought for months after i had it then it was something else i can say this has been the worst 12 months of my life i have never felt so poorly, i am off to the gp tomorrow with indigestion another symptom i have delevoped !! i am wishing my life would be back to normail,

[Gent1970]

My father was 86 when he passed away of Kidney failure. For a year I dealt with it really well, but one or two small events triggered a health phobia. I have done a lot of CBT on my own and it's really worked. Its good to know I am not alone.

What drives me on now is the reversal of fear....that is hope.

Now any time I have a negative thought I say out loud "Hope, not fear" I then choose to believe that I have a healthy future. It's not easy at first, but now hope springs to my mind without even thinking now. I hope to have a great and Healthy future. I know I will and if you choose to hope then the anxiety seems to diminish.
P.

Ps. I Started a website about being more positive: Check it out and let me know your comments: http://www.thepositivefarm.co.uk/

[Cell block H fan]

Yes, father in law was misdiagnosed & died 4 months later. That was back in 1991. That's what triggered my health anxiety in the first place unfortunately.

[westofengland]

Good website! You absolutely right, you can chose to see things in a positive or negative way

worrying so very rarely changes the outcome of anything as life is uncertain, and we can take a comfort in that - nobody knows for sure what the future holds

[Panic33]

I have been anxiety free for 12months, but 2 close members of my family died either side of christmas at the same time I ended up in a n e coughing up blood which turned out just to be a chest infection. Although I haven'y been worried about any of this other the norm, it is strange my anxiety started back. Can anxiety be brought on my stress over the death of a love-one? I ask because all my other anxiety has been cause by H.A. and worring specific about something this time my only worry now is the anxiety itself, worrying about worrying :(

[westofengland]

yeah worrying feeds on itself..