harasgenster
11-01-11, 14:14
Hello
It's another month until I see the urologist again (went two months ago and was diagnosed with overactive bladder disorder) and I'm still feeling very anxious and wish I didn't have to wait!
The pills I've been given have helped with some symptoms but not others and changes since I last saw the urologist (such as excruciating period pain having never really suffered with it before, a swollen urethral opening and constant discharge) are driving me nuts! It's partly the anxiety and partly the symptoms themselves as they are a real nuisance and extremely tiring. I'm also a bit worried that my symptoms follow my monthly cycle getting far worse as I approach my period then almost disappearing in the last few days of my period then slowly building up again over the month.
Like a fool I have Googled this and found all sorts to do with both the womb and bladder and, perhaps somehow coming across as someone who isn't a hypochondriac (I'm not sure how I'd have managed that!) my urologist made the mistake of mentioning cancer last time I was there. However, she did say that I would be far too young so it's unlikely. I'm only 24.
I'm not too worried about cancer because I have had this for a year and nothing has happened to me and I don't think it's got much worse, just changed a little. I'm more worried that the urologist said I didn't have to come back if I was "Cured" but would need to if I wasn't because I'd need further tests. I don't know what they're testing for and that scares me.
Oddly my biggest fear is not that it will turn out to be something really serious but that it will be incurable. Due to the relative mildness of my complaints (seem terrible to me but they're not like people who are really very ill) and the fact it hasn't worse, it is likely something non-serious. And besides that, even if it was serious I'd be relieved if they could cure it! My worst fear is institial cystitis as they don't know what causes it and it's incurable. I am also worried that it may turn out to be overactive bladder but I know that in some cases it can not be cured, only managed.
I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. For the last year, I have not been able to enjoy sex and am only able to do very moderate exercise due to the discomfort. At certain times of the month it gets so bad I can't sleep and due to the exhaustion and stress that has come from this I had to go part time at work but became so stressed about money I now work all hours freelance to try and make my wage up to what it was. I'm just not myself anymore. I used to enjoy sex and exercise a lot and I felt much healthier (and younger!) I'm even worried about how this is affecting my relationship. I met my boyfriend after the illness started so I have never enjoyed sex with him. I love him very much and our relationship is wonderful but it does feel like there's something missing. Because I don't relax enough during sex I never get the satisfied feeling or the warm glow so it doesn't feel special to me. To be honest I only do it because I want to be normal and I want to be close to my boyfriend, but it doesn't really feel that close. It doesn't feel intimate like sex used to because I'm just waiting for it to be over!
At the moment I'm just feeling down in the dumps with the whole thing. I need the toilet all the time at the moment (because I'm about to come on my period) but it's not like just needing the toilet frequently, it's literally constant, and my external parts (easiest way to say it...) are tender and sore. I'm also terrified of my period coming up due to the horrendous pain I went through last time. I've never felt anything like it and I really don't want it to happen again!
Sorry, this is just a bit of a rant really. I just want it to go away! I want my life back!
It's another month until I see the urologist again (went two months ago and was diagnosed with overactive bladder disorder) and I'm still feeling very anxious and wish I didn't have to wait!
The pills I've been given have helped with some symptoms but not others and changes since I last saw the urologist (such as excruciating period pain having never really suffered with it before, a swollen urethral opening and constant discharge) are driving me nuts! It's partly the anxiety and partly the symptoms themselves as they are a real nuisance and extremely tiring. I'm also a bit worried that my symptoms follow my monthly cycle getting far worse as I approach my period then almost disappearing in the last few days of my period then slowly building up again over the month.
Like a fool I have Googled this and found all sorts to do with both the womb and bladder and, perhaps somehow coming across as someone who isn't a hypochondriac (I'm not sure how I'd have managed that!) my urologist made the mistake of mentioning cancer last time I was there. However, she did say that I would be far too young so it's unlikely. I'm only 24.
I'm not too worried about cancer because I have had this for a year and nothing has happened to me and I don't think it's got much worse, just changed a little. I'm more worried that the urologist said I didn't have to come back if I was "Cured" but would need to if I wasn't because I'd need further tests. I don't know what they're testing for and that scares me.
Oddly my biggest fear is not that it will turn out to be something really serious but that it will be incurable. Due to the relative mildness of my complaints (seem terrible to me but they're not like people who are really very ill) and the fact it hasn't worse, it is likely something non-serious. And besides that, even if it was serious I'd be relieved if they could cure it! My worst fear is institial cystitis as they don't know what causes it and it's incurable. I am also worried that it may turn out to be overactive bladder but I know that in some cases it can not be cured, only managed.
I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. For the last year, I have not been able to enjoy sex and am only able to do very moderate exercise due to the discomfort. At certain times of the month it gets so bad I can't sleep and due to the exhaustion and stress that has come from this I had to go part time at work but became so stressed about money I now work all hours freelance to try and make my wage up to what it was. I'm just not myself anymore. I used to enjoy sex and exercise a lot and I felt much healthier (and younger!) I'm even worried about how this is affecting my relationship. I met my boyfriend after the illness started so I have never enjoyed sex with him. I love him very much and our relationship is wonderful but it does feel like there's something missing. Because I don't relax enough during sex I never get the satisfied feeling or the warm glow so it doesn't feel special to me. To be honest I only do it because I want to be normal and I want to be close to my boyfriend, but it doesn't really feel that close. It doesn't feel intimate like sex used to because I'm just waiting for it to be over!
At the moment I'm just feeling down in the dumps with the whole thing. I need the toilet all the time at the moment (because I'm about to come on my period) but it's not like just needing the toilet frequently, it's literally constant, and my external parts (easiest way to say it...) are tender and sore. I'm also terrified of my period coming up due to the horrendous pain I went through last time. I've never felt anything like it and I really don't want it to happen again!
Sorry, this is just a bit of a rant really. I just want it to go away! I want my life back!