Small Talk (shudders)

[tiredzombie]

The other day I met an old school friend in town (he was with his girlfriend), who I haven't seen for years. After talking for a bit we arranged to hang out and settled on them both coming over mid-day Thursday (I guess I thought I would find it less worrying than going over to his, or to some more social event.)

The thought of this is now doing my head in. They both seem really nice, but I'm worried I'll end up boring them, as they're both quite unconventional and into stuff I know nothing about. Generally speaking, I feel like I'm awful at small talk, and I'm terrified of awkward silences. I can usually do ok with asking leading questions and sounding interested if the other person raises a subject, but often my mind just goes blank, and I feel like I'm being rude by not contributing. And the more people you add to a social situation, the more withdrawn I tend to become.

I also hate talking about myself. It's not so much modesty as not wanting to think about how pathetic my life seems (major self-esteem issues.) In the short time we've spent chatting I've already lied several times because I couldn't bear to face the truth (nothing too outrageous, but still 'tangled webs' and all that.) So I'm also worried about revealing something that makes me feel like a loser.

Another thing is that I'm living with my parents (so is he, although for a shorter time.) Aside from the potential awkwardness that this adds to the situation, I have pretty much zero adult experience of having friends round to where I'm living. The few friends I've had over the last few years I've only socialised with in public places. So I have no idea how to play 'host' or put people at their ease. I have no idea how we're going to spend the day; when I asked them what sort of thing they do for 'fun' the only real suggestion I got was card games. All the more 'social areas' in the house are close to where my parents spend most of the day (they both work from home), so I feel kind of worried about starting a game ore doing anything there.

I'm keen for it to go well as he was probably my closest friend in school and one of the most interesting people I've known. Basically, I just want it to be chilled and relaxing, rather than weird and awkward. Any advice/input greatly appreciated.

[midgey]

Aww, tiredzombie, just be yourself.

You seem very intelligent with lots to say. I worry before I see people either at home or out...not incase i say anything silly but incase i feel panicky and cant get out. I will say though, that when i do meet people, despite all my fears beforehand, it ALWAYS goes well and I wonder after what I was worried about !!

You already said u were close to this bloke before, so he obviously sees something in u that u don't.

I'd say take the plunge, have them round and just play it by ear. If you try to orchestrate the meeting it will be more stressful than it needs to be. I understand your parents will be there. Is it possible to maybe do some nibbles...open a bottle of wine, that may take up some time.

I wish u well, I'm sure u'll be glad when u've done it, let us know how u get on,

[_Emma]

I am very much the same as u in the respect that I hate small talk!!! I am constantly racking my brains for things 2 say, as I think that if I don't say anything, I will come across as a boring person with nothing 2 say! So a lot of the time I just end up babbling a load of rubbish!! What I have started 2 do (whether it's a good thing or not) is plan a list in my head of about 5 things I can talk about, so that I at least know there'll be something I can say! Also, if I run out of things 2 say, I suggest sticking on a dvd or something. Do remember though, that it's not just all up 2 u 2 make the conversation flow, it takes at least 2 people 2 have a conversation, so u don't have 2 feel that u have 2 make all of the effort!

On the being a host front, I would generally just invite the person in, tell them 2 have a seat, and then offer them a drink. It's sometimes nice 2 put some little cakes or biscuits onto a plate and just sit it on the table.

I'm sure it'll go fine, but do let us know!
:hugs:

[Jain]

I understand exactly as you feel just like Emma. I often dread social situations but they always turn out OK but I tie myself up in knots beforehand. You could always practice things you can ask them / say before they come or make a list of things to talk about? You sound very articulate however I do sympathise. Hope all went well.

[tiredzombie]

Hey guys, thanks for the reassuring advice. He called me yesterday morning and said he had a stomach bug, so we postponed meeting up 'til thurs next week. Will see how it goes and might post again afterwards.