sarah56
26-03-06, 21:54
this is something i have never done, but i would like to try it. i only talk about my past with my closest friends. i have not done this for a long time and i have a counsellor soon, so maybe this would be a start.
well were do i start! my life started with hurt at the age of 4 when my dad left and choose a women over me. i still remember times with my dad when he lived with my mum and me and i was daddy's little girl. he has been in and out of my life when it pleases him ever since.
then i lost my grandad when i was 9 that was the first death i had ever know, seeing as i never had pets or anything. i took that pretty bad.
my mum met a bloke about 2years after my dad and mum spilt, he used to me to get to my mum. at the age of 11 he started hittng me and sexually abusing me, but i just thought he actually does love me. thats all i wanted him to love me the way he loved my brothers. this was going on for 8months till i finally told my mum, but ui didnt want him to leave, just wanted him to stop. he stayed then he went to prision 3months later and that was when my mum got out.
i also had a best friend that raped me at the same time as my stepdad, i didnt understand what was going on. in the end it all came out at school to a teacher and it went to court 2years laters.
i meet my first boyfriend at 13 and he help me through it all, but then became very aggressive 2years later hitting me if i even looked at a bloke., i was stupied and put up with it for two years.
at 17 i moved in with one of my mates from school and he knew i had money through what happened to me on my 18th birthday. we became an item and i done all the flat up and he lived off me until the money ran out. when money ran out so did i, he kicked me out and i lost everything.
at this point i lost all self respect for myself and started sleeping with any bloke for attention.
then i met a really nice bloke, well i thought he was. he done everything for me and i loved him more then anything. he had a past with baggage and ened up keep going back to his ex, back to me and back again. i put up with it for a year and took him back everytime. last jan i started getting pains in my belly went to the doctors, and found out i was 5 and half months pregant. i was a shock but i was ok. this bloke was back with his ex at the time, so just let be.
I went for a scan within the week and found out she had spina bifida, she would never walk and be inconanent. my whole world fell apeart. began feeling like i just lost everything i touched. i had to do the best for both of us so i termantated her. i still to this day say it was a medical miscarrage, i gave birth to her and can still see her little face now.
this bloke didnt help me at all, just said i dont need this in my life. so i got on with it.
i had another bad relationship and that was it for me, it was just lies and cheating.
my PA started after all of this and i felt i lost myself, well still have.
This last year i have consentrated on me and helping myself. to keep myself going i tell myself there are people worse off then me and my life is what i make it.
i will never let these people win and i say u can change your presant and future but not the past. life is what you make it.
All of us have to find the control to beat this, and there is away. i just havent found it yet
sarah xx
s.walters
well were do i start! my life started with hurt at the age of 4 when my dad left and choose a women over me. i still remember times with my dad when he lived with my mum and me and i was daddy's little girl. he has been in and out of my life when it pleases him ever since.
then i lost my grandad when i was 9 that was the first death i had ever know, seeing as i never had pets or anything. i took that pretty bad.
my mum met a bloke about 2years after my dad and mum spilt, he used to me to get to my mum. at the age of 11 he started hittng me and sexually abusing me, but i just thought he actually does love me. thats all i wanted him to love me the way he loved my brothers. this was going on for 8months till i finally told my mum, but ui didnt want him to leave, just wanted him to stop. he stayed then he went to prision 3months later and that was when my mum got out.
i also had a best friend that raped me at the same time as my stepdad, i didnt understand what was going on. in the end it all came out at school to a teacher and it went to court 2years laters.
i meet my first boyfriend at 13 and he help me through it all, but then became very aggressive 2years later hitting me if i even looked at a bloke., i was stupied and put up with it for two years.
at 17 i moved in with one of my mates from school and he knew i had money through what happened to me on my 18th birthday. we became an item and i done all the flat up and he lived off me until the money ran out. when money ran out so did i, he kicked me out and i lost everything.
at this point i lost all self respect for myself and started sleeping with any bloke for attention.
then i met a really nice bloke, well i thought he was. he done everything for me and i loved him more then anything. he had a past with baggage and ened up keep going back to his ex, back to me and back again. i put up with it for a year and took him back everytime. last jan i started getting pains in my belly went to the doctors, and found out i was 5 and half months pregant. i was a shock but i was ok. this bloke was back with his ex at the time, so just let be.
I went for a scan within the week and found out she had spina bifida, she would never walk and be inconanent. my whole world fell apeart. began feeling like i just lost everything i touched. i had to do the best for both of us so i termantated her. i still to this day say it was a medical miscarrage, i gave birth to her and can still see her little face now.
this bloke didnt help me at all, just said i dont need this in my life. so i got on with it.
i had another bad relationship and that was it for me, it was just lies and cheating.
my PA started after all of this and i felt i lost myself, well still have.
This last year i have consentrated on me and helping myself. to keep myself going i tell myself there are people worse off then me and my life is what i make it.
i will never let these people win and i say u can change your presant and future but not the past. life is what you make it.
All of us have to find the control to beat this, and there is away. i just havent found it yet
sarah xx
s.walters