evening

[harriethespy1]

hello all, i dont really know where to start, im 23, im upset, dont really know what to do about that

ill tell you what led me here, ive been having a bad day, and today it was all to much, and to be honest i was severely depressed about 5 years ago, but for the last few ive been keeping my head above water so to speak, positive thinking and the enevitable black spot where i am not good at all, but it always passes

i met a man , about 3 years ago, and i made a decision about being with, after getting to know him well enough, he told me he had genital warts

its three years later, i have them now, i love him dearly, but he isnt into me as he used to be, and i needed that, because when all else failed when i was feeling bad, he made me better

it doesnt work like that anymore, and now im dirty, and it seems for nothing, my heart hurts and my self esteem is gone, my depression is back full force

and i dont know why i just wrote that whole essay, except i just needed to get it out, you know its come to somethign when your in front of a computer crying alone not sure what to do right
no one in my life except him know about the warts, i cant explain to people why i feel so frightened of a future alone because i dont want people to know im damaged goods

i just need a chat, sorry to be a burden

[diane07]

Hi harriethespy1

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[JaneC]

Hello Harriet :welcome: you'll get lots of support on here but please don't think of yourself as damaged goods or dirty. I think almost everybody is damaged in one way or another and it doesn't make you less as a person :hugs:

[diane07]

You are definately not damaged goods, so please don't think that, have you had treatment to have them removed?

di xx

[harriethespy1]

thank you jane, thak you diane, you actually have no idea how much that helps and hurts to hear, its conflicting, sorry it feels abit complicated

i have had them treated, ibut the only real informative help ive had is off the net, but its scary to hear, and its all just building up, that ic ant tell my mum, i dont think she'd react well, i dont trust people, so i cant just confide in some one ive always been a worrier, but now my dread of the futures just getting to the point where im like **** it i wont face it but i know thats not the way to think, im rambling

[diane07]

Aww please don't worry too much hun, you have had them treated and there really isn't any need to tell anyone else about them if you don't want to.

You haven't done anything wrong, did the docs not give you any information at all?

di xx

[cath3112]

hi harriethespy

i too once had genital warts, and had the same feelings of disgust no one else would understand how bad you can feel unless you have had them, i was in a relationship for a while and the same happend to me, it took me months to admit what was going on and i found my cousin was the most helpful. i didnt no what was happening to me i thought i was mutating. she took me to the local clinic and they explained to me that they would be able to treat them and after i told my partner at the time i was lucky to have his full support, makes me wonder now knowing he was a cheat why i didnt see that before. either way i had a good friend to turn to and hopefully you will can find the same xx

[harriethespy1]

di, the docs gave me a leaflet, you can read it back to front and still not feel very enlightened, i just felt frightened

and at the moment, i just wish i hadnt been so naive, even when someones so genuine and loving, its not always going to stay that way

i have my sister who i could talk to , but i dont want to see her face react, i know her thoughts on sti's ect, like everyone elses whos never had one, you only get one from being dirty , not because you loved someone so much you'd risk it, because ultimatly, there isnt any protection from warts.
i dont want her to think badly of me, shes my best friend, ive always looked up to her , even when shes not been in a good position herself, she has dignity, whilst i always seem to end up in the mess you know?

* deleted this patch, cuz well i realised i was just being bitter and i dont want to voice that to the world -bad karma :)*

thanks to those who replied, just getting some kind of feed back helped to make me wake up, i was spiring down like you do when your drowing yourself in the negative, so just thank you