Wish no one had told me I was bipolar

[harasgenster]

I was diagnosed with a mild version of bipolar a couple of years ago and, although I normally trust doctors and have tried to in this instance, my gut says I don't have it at all but just anxiety and sometimes depression.

However, because they've put the idea in my head I can't enjoy being happy anymore! Like at the moment I feel really upbeat and I have a lot of energy and I want to do things, but I had a really good day yesterday (I went to a tap dancing class with my friends :) ) and that's probably just made me happy. Before I was ill I was always very hyperactive and fast paced so it would make sense for me to feel that way when the anxiety subsides.

But now they've given me this idea I'm bipolar, whenever I feel like running around doing things and I feel happy and optimistic, I start thinking - "oh, is this a bad sign? Is it not real happiness if it could be bipolar?"

I know I'm probably taking this all the wrong way but it is making me question whether my happiness is "valid", if that makes sense.

Does anyone see where I'm coming from? Like I said, I'm really sceptical over the idea I'm bipolar but let's just say I am for the sake of argument - does happiness still count if it's caused by an illness? (God it sounds so stupid when I look at it written down but it's bothering me!)

[ditzygirl]

This is a hard thing to come to terms with, there is such a stigma when people are diagnosed with such a condition - who can blame you for stuggling!!

But just because you have this diagnosis does not mean you can't lead a normal life. Believe me - I have witnessed this situation over many years. Correctly managed you will have a great life.

You don't need to share with anyone if you fear judgement, drugs can make life very different for you and I am sure there are support groups around for someone who is struggling with this diagnosis.
Have you had a look on depressioncanbefun ?

You sound as if you are in a happy place in your life so try to keep focussed on that. Why don't you research Stephen Fry. He is bi polar - but watch him on TV, would you know ?

Good luck hunx

[harasgenster]

Hi
Thanks for your reply. I'm a big comedy fan so I know a lot about Stephen Fry :) (Bit if Fry and Laurie is one of my favs :) )

I've been on mood stabilisers for the last couple of years and they've helped with some things. They don't help with the anxiety whatsoever (I don't have periods where I'm not anxious) but they help me sleep. I haven't looked at support groups but I've looked at some forums. I didn't really feel like I identified with anyone on there, though. But I guess even if I have bipolar, it's only cyclothymia or bipolar II (somewhere in between apparently) so I won't have the same symptoms as people with bipolar I.

The thing is, not only do I not think I'm bipolar, no one around me recognises any of the symptoms in me either - friends, family, housemates etc. The only time my mood goes noticeably up and down is:

Up - when I've been with my friends
Up - when it's a nice day outside
Down - when I've got a lot of work
Down - when I'm coming toward my period.
Down - when I've missed sleep

They are extreme changes in my mood - from very anxious to hyperactive (but very rarely depressed) - but I've been like that since I was a kid and bipolar isn't supposed to show itself until you're an adult. I thought it was supposed to be changes of mood for no reason?

I'm just trying to tell myself it's just a name and it doesn't matter whether I have it or not because I haven't changed in any way. It's just that it keeps making me anxious when I feel happy because I've started feeling like being happy must mean I'm ill - do you know what I mean?

[ditzygirl]

mmmm its s difficult one isn't it?

Have you thought about getting a second opinion because ur right, maybe that is just how you are. I have to be honest and say I think we are very quick to label people in this day and age - but that's another story!! I won't rant lol!!!

If you were serious Bi polar you would have real big ups and downs. do you see a specialist/consultant? maybe they can answer this one betterx

[harasgenster]

I have to be honest and say I think we are very quick to label people in this day and age - but that's another story!! I won't rant lol!!!

My thoughts EXACTLY :D


If you were serious Bi polar you would have real big ups and downs. do you see a specialist/consultant? maybe they can answer this one betterx

I didn't get more than one appointment with the psychiatrist but I've been told my GP used to be one. Weirdly I'm a bit scared of getting a second opinion and them changing their mind! It's all been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and I don't want to spend ages trying to get used to one idea then get told another! I've just been trying to ignore it but if my doctor brings it up (sometimes he does) I might try and discuss it with him. Just hope he doesn't get offended that I'm disagreeing with him!

[ditzygirl]

i rather think this will eat away at you if you dont get another opinion but I understand ignoring it too.

It's a real toughiex

[Nigel]

Hi harasgenster,

I’m with Ditzy re the idea that labels aren’t always helpful. People often have bits and pieces of various mental health issues, making it impossible to neatly define it in the way a physical illness can be defined.

Just remember... the label won’t stick unless you allow it to :winks:

“I'm really sceptical over the idea I'm bipolar but let's just say I am for the sake of argument - does happiness still count if it's caused by an illness?”

I don’t know much about bipolar apart from the basic facts I’ve read here and there. I might be wrong but I’ve thought of it not like the illness makes a person happy or sad but that it heightens the emotions they’re naturally experiencing, making them very extreme. So normal happiness becomes extreme euphoria, while a bit of a low mood becomes utter despair.

It doesn’t hurt to think of it like that anyway, and that means your happiness isn’t fake. All it means (if anything) is that it may be slightly out of proportion, that’s all.

Take care :)
Nigel