Making me angry.

[AnxiousM]

I thought i'd beat this anxiety thing but this week has been rough. After clutching onto something being wrong with my heart after some palps last Sunday it's been nothing but crap.

I don't think I'm sleeping very well. I'm constantly sighing and I feel like there's a stone in the centre of my chest behind my chest bone. Has all this breathing and then constant burping caused acid? I worried myself again reading that heart attack symptoms can be like heartburn... I've had this crap feeling in the centre of my chest all week. I've just been to the gym tonight and thought 'sod this, if my heart wants to pack in now is the time!' so I loaded up the squat rack with 150kg and did squats. Felt dizzy after a hard training session but no chest tightness. I came home and had a shower and surprise surprise the crappy sighing and weird chest is back.

I am not putting up with this!! I'm going to get on my bike tomorrow and push myself so hard my heart can beat out of my chest and onto the tarmac.

Sorry for the rant but I am SO fed up of not being able to be me and my body being hyper sensitive to every twinge and pain. Is anyone else like this?!

The only thing that is making me feel anxious is this lump, tightness or whatever it is in my chest, but is this anxiety itself?! I was fine last Saturday! The doctor checked my heart and blood pressure on Tuesday, both ok.

I get even more angry with myself as I don't want my fiancé to worry. It makes me upset and I can almost feel myself wanting to cry now. It feels like there's a massive cry in my chest that doesn't want to come out.

Anxiety is rubbish.

I apologise again for my rant. I am alone at home and had to get it off my chest.

M

[European]

And breathe....

I think you're paying far too much attention to your physical symptoms, and your are taking them far too seriously as well. Easier said than done stopping it or at least reigning this sort of behaviour in, I know, but it is a bit like looking at yourself in the mirror excessively: It will only be a question of time until you will find all kinds of flaws and get more and more insecure about yourself.

By the sounds of it you are physically healthy, which means there is no reason to weigh up every single sensation your body is producing. This is normal and every one of us experiences this.
On the basis of what you have written, your body is not the problem, but the fact that you are excessively monitoring it, which is obsessive. And it would make more sense to focus on this obsession, as opposed to your body, in view of finding some peace of mind (quite literally).

I think it's very understandable that you are frustrated and angry. Maybe you could use some of this anger to drive you on in terms of finding out where your obsessional behaviour is coming from, and what you are deep-down trying to achieve with it (e.g. control of some sort?). And maybe it would not be a bad idea to seek out professional help in terms of helping you to help yourself in this respect. Just a thought.

As for the "massive cry in your chest", well, you've spotted it already, which shows that you're in touch with your feelings, which is a good thing. So, why not let it out? I have a hunch you might be feeling considerably better afterwards. :yesyes:

[mtatum4496]

You're right, anxiety is nothing but rubbish, plain and simple.

I went through the heart thing last summer, scared me out of my wits. It took x-rays and a few tests ordered by my doctor to finally satisfy me that my heart is functioning properly. Body aches, twinges for no apparent reason, and all sorts of discomforts are part and parcel of the anxiety experience.

[AnxiousM]

So, after a rubbish week last week the weekend came. Friday and Saturday days where the same and rubbish sleep in the nights. Sunday came and after a night of rubbish sleep I went to see relations who were throwing a 1st birthday party for their son. I felt a little anxious but the tightness on my chest and sighing went in their company. I then drove home that evening and felt fine.

I went to bed thinking all was good. What followed was an entire night of no sleep. My heart wasn't racing, although I could feel it beating through my back. I went downstairs at 5am, my fiancé wad getting ready for an early shift at work, and felt massively overwhelmed or uneasy. Began to shiver a lot and got back into bed, my fiancé calmed me down but still no sleep.

Got to work this morning and within 30 minutes I burst into tears.

What the **** is wrong with me :(