CBT not working after 1.5years

[Saor]

I've been seeing my clinical psychologist for 1.5years now, and I honestly feel like I have made no progress. I still have all the same issues, deep insecurity, low self esteem etc. Why am I not making progress is my psych just really bad.......I hate how we just sit there and talk and I cry etc. he doesn't give me anything practical to do to start changing things.....

I'm tired of ruining my relationships with my insecurities, my perfectionism, my standards, my low self esteem my high expectations, my fear of abandonment aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh I am sick of being a ****ing mess.

I still have the same issues I had when I started going to him.

What kind of thing does your CBT therapist do with you? Is it practical work, does it work???? I'm at my wits end here. I'm off my anti-depressants about 2 months now and I really don't want to go back on them.

Thanks:weep:

[Dahlia]

Hi Saor


What type of things has your therapist done with you? Perhaps they aren't using CBT but psychotherapy (which is more where you talk a lot and they nod a lot!).

Dahlia

[Saor]

Hi Dahlia thanks for replying!
Yeah i just talk alot and he nods alot, i feel like i'm wasting my time and money. i had deep rooted issues from childhood and then most of those were reinforced after being raped at 17. I guess it's not CBT it's just psychotherapy, it's not working. I'm frustrated and angry and i'm not learning how to cope with things.

Ive never heard of schema therapy though, what does that entail? I will look for that book when I get paid. I'll do anything at this stage. I'm 32 and I just want to find some form of happiness and ability to relax and love myself for once. I've met a great guy and I am SHOVING him away from me, if not have lost him already.

[nomorepanic]

It doesn't sound like CBT to me Saor. It sounds more like counselling which doesn't always help.

It would normally be only 6 - 10 sessions not for 1.5 years. I don't think you are getting the right therapy to be honest.

[Saor]

It doesn't sound like CBT to me Saor. It sounds more like counselling which doesn't always help.

It would normally be only 6 - 10 sessions not for 1.5 years. I don't think you are getting the right therapy to be honest.

Thanks Nicola, it actually helps to hear someone else say that. He is a registered clinical psych but he is no CBT therapist. And I think he is taking advantage because he should know that this therapy is not working for me.

Thank you.

[KK77]

Get rid of him Saor. You do have to work at any form of talking therapy but if after all this time you feel so negative then you must move on to something else that is more suitable to your needs.

Also, you may need to speak to your doctor about how you're coping with coming off your med. You may not want to go back on them again but it's still good to discuss how you feel - and ask about referring you for suitable therapy.

[Nigel]

Hi Saor,

I need to take up that job, I think. How much will you pay me to listen and nod a lot :winks:

But seriously, as others have said, you should be seeing some positive results after 1½ years, and if not, something doesn’t seem right. Talking is fine up to a point – it helps to understand the issues and where they stem from. But then a certain amount of practical challenges are necessary or nothing will ever change.

“I'm tired of ruining my relationships with my insecurities, my perfectionism, my standards, my low self esteem my high expectations, my fear of abandonment...”

It’s probably all part of one thing, and you just need to find the right key to start unlocking it. Perfectionism and unrealistically high standards create feelings of never doing and being good enough, which just reinforces feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem. Then throw in a fear of abandonment, which doing and being good enough might just prevent from happening.

But what would happen if – heaven forbid – you were to accept something that was pretty good but not quite perfect? Would other people still think it was good enough, and wouldn't that save you a lot of time and effort and frustration? And what if at the same time you felt you were just a little better than you normally think you are? Then put those two ideas together...

When a person has more realistic expectations about their abilities and their achievements, and more realistic thoughts about themselves, things start to meet in the middle. That’s when life works a whole lot better :winks:

Take care :)
Nigel

[Saor]

Hi Saor,

But what would happen if – heaven forbid – you were to accept something that was pretty good but not quite perfect? Would other people still think it was good enough, and wouldn't that save you a lot of time and effort and frustration? And what if at the same time you felt you were just a little better than you normally think you are? Then put those two ideas together...

When a person has more realistic expectations about their abilities and their achievements, and more realistic thoughts about themselves, things start to meet in the middle. That’s when life works a whole lot better :winks:

Take care :)
Nigel

Don't you think that's what I want, where I am trying to get to with therapy?

Really Nigel I just find your post condescending. No further replies are necessary.

[European]

I agree with the others: This doesn't sound like CBT to me, Saor, but like normal counselling, probably by some 'old school' therapist who has been trained with an emphasis in psycho-analysis.

CBT is still a reasonably new approach, and not being used on a more widespread level for more than 20 years, if that. It is also very pragmatical and hands-on (which I believe is part of the reason, why so many anxiety sufferers in particular shy away from it initially), and it is also very goal oriented.

I'd suggest the next time you have a session with your therapist you broach this subject, and how you feel about it, and confront him in terms of setting some concrete goals within a preferred time-frame. If he shouldn't be open to this, I think that might be good indication to find yourself someone else.

In any case, any CBT therapist worth their salt will sit down with you right at the beginning and mark out the problems and set some goals in terms of coming to terms with those problems, talk about how much it would cost you (in case you're going private) and what time-frame this would require to start with. No CBT therapist would ever embark on an open-ended approach!

I hope it goes well for you, and that you will stand up for yourself in order to get the therapy you need and that would really benefit you!

[Nigel]

Hi Saor,

I’m sorry if my reply offended you – that wasn’t my intention. Perhaps I shouldn’t try to reply at 3am in the morning!

“Don't you think that's what I want, where I am trying to get to with therapy?”

I do – I think you made that perfectly clear. I wasn’t being condescending – just trying to say something in a light hearted way, that’s all. I do understand some of it myself – perhaps not the abandonment bit, but certainly perfectionism and low self esteem. I know what I said might sound like stating the obvious, but quite often the obvious isn’t obvious until it’s pointed out. It wasn’t for me for many years. Even now I still lose sight of that, and it helps to be reminded of the facts from time to time.

Nigel

[cece]

Thanks Nicola, it actually helps to hear someone else say that. He is a registered clinical psych but he is no CBT therapist. And I think he is taking advantage because he should know that this therapy is not working for me.

Thank you.

Cbt therapists here in the states usually give between 12-16 sessions, usually done once a week. The real progress is made between sessions and you bring your TEA forms that you have done during the week to your sessions and the therapist looks over them and gives suggestions where necessary for refining the thoughts and counter thoughts you put in them. Most of the talking is done by the therapist in cbt (usually in the form of suggestions) unlike traditional therapy where the patient is expected to drone on and on.
Traditional therapy for me was just a money pit and thanks to cbt I am enjoying my life again.