Terror taking over my life after mum dying, desperate for help :(

[ElectricAlice]

Hi, in October my mother who I was extremely close to suddenly passed away (by suddenly I mean in 20 minutes when everyone thought she was fine). I have never felt pain, despair and darkness like I have. I am struggling with the grief, and miss her more than anything.

But what makes it extremely more difficult is that I have developed chronic health anxiety in the past month. My mum died of DVT, a blood clot in her leg moving to her lung and causing an embolism. I am absolutely terrified this is going to happen to me. I suffer from bad chest pain, and have done for about 7 months now. And have been told this is anxiety after various blood tests, pulse/heart checks all coming back fine. What is worse is that I now have had an achy left leg for the past couple weeks, I cant stop checking how it looks to see if it's swollen (it's not) and obsessively feeling and comparing it. I've been back to the doctors and she said it's 100% nothing to worry about but I can't help it, I'm convinced it's s blood clot. My question is, can anxiety cause an achy leg? It's not really bad pain and usually when I'm distracted it goes away. I also feel like I can't get enough breath into my lungs and feel like breathing isn't natural anymore, like I'm going to stop breathing. The anxiety is taking over my life. Completely, I'm at my wits end and I just don't know what to do. I cant keep going back to the doctors. Please help me :( thanks so much if you read all this.

[Captain Caveman]

Hi Alice. Sorry that you won't have your Mum around. I see you are up late. Like you say, you can't keep going back to the docs. My doc once said to me it's people like you who keep me in a job. Eventually, one needs to stop rushing to the docs and googling and seeking constant reassurance. It's scary to change, but it will be the best thing for you long term. Here is an article that might help. (I'm not overly convinced about No.3, but the rest should be helpful to you) http://www.ocdchicago.org/images/uploads/pdf/EP13.pdf

[mom1982]

Hi, sorry for your loss. Did you have anx before your mom passed? because you mentioned she passed in oct and you have been having anxious issues for 7 months.

I developed health anx 2-3 days after my grandma suddenly passed away in 2008. I was extremely close to her too, she practically brought me up. I have been suffering with health anx ever since. the first few months to a year is very difficult and it slowly gets better as you work on your thoughts and begin to realise that you are physically fine as all the docs cant find anything seriously wrong. but many things trigger it and it comes back now and then.

many people feel better after CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and most people(if not all) need to see to see a psychologist or counsellor to talk about your feelings and learn coping strategies. Are you seeing anyone for this?

There is hope, hang in there! but it takes time and hard work to manage anxiety. it's a horrible thing and messes with our brain and thinking patterns and we believe things that are not true.

[Granny Primark]

so sorry bout your loss. loads of hugs.
My mum also died very suddenly so I fully understand how you are feeling.
My mum died in her sleep and for months I was frightened to go to sleep.
Ask your dr for some counselling to give you some reassurance.
Hope you feel better soon.
Good luck.

[HazG]

I so feel your pain i lost my mum too last jan almost a year ago and i too have suffered with all these symptoms i have never experiened before! i miss my mum and watching her pass away was the worse thing in my life.It was all very quick and all very sudden and the build up to what happened was horrible...

I too went to my GP's every 5 mins and he was very good with me,it wasn;t untill my daughter said look mum your not going to die you don't have cancer you have to stop going to the Drs :blush: and it sort of hit home but it has taken almost 12 months to feel anything like normal again.

I'm so sorry for your loss keep your chin up you will get there in the end :hugs:

[judipat]

Hello Alice
So very sorry to hear about your Mum.
I have suffered HA, GAD and PA's for the last 30 years - but not constantly, there have been many years where I have been free from it.
In the last ten years, I have lost both my Mum and Dad. My Mum had stomach cancer and my Dad,sister and I nursed her for nearly two years - it was awful. Looking back, I dont know how I got through those days as I had three small children at the time. She was 65 when she died.
My dad on the other hand, at 81, was playing golf one day and died the next of an aortic anurism. Boy! what a shock - I still cant beleive it sometimes now.
What I wanted to say to you was this; Grief affects us all in different ways and for different lengths of time.
You dont say how old your Mum was, but did she have a long life, a good life, a loving family? etc, etc. She certainly had a daughter that loved her very much eh? Try and focus on the good times you had with her, the laughs you had. Yes, it will be sad, but it will stop you panicing and focussing on the illness etc. Also ask yourself, "what would Mum say about all this??" Chances are she would tell you to not dwell on it and go live your life.
I dont for one minute doubt all your physical symptoms, but they are all a result of depression, anxiety and panic. If you hav'nt already, read up all the info you can on this site and books etc and try and understand and accept how anxiety/panic affects your body. When you understand, its a lot easier to accept.
Take care
Judi xx

[bronte]

im so sorry you are going through this i lost my precious mum 2 years ago and i know your pain i too was very close to my mum infact we lived next door to each other which made it harder when mum died my mum was 68 and my dad died at 54 nearly 21 years ago and thats when my health anxiety first started but when my mum died 2 years ago my health anxiety went through the roof and i have put myself through test i didnt really need i know exactly how you feel my mum helped me through my anxiety patches but since shes gone i feel so alone sometimes desperate i miss her so much the pain is physicle as well as mental i thought i would die of a broken heart but it does ease you will never get over losing your precious mum but you will learn to live with it in time pm me any time i will always talk to you and help you the best i can i send you a hug:hugs:x

[eyeface]

Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I came to this forum for the same reasons- I've been having bad HA since my Dad died last May. At first I didn't put two and two together, and realise that this concern with my health was linked to my Dad. But you suddenly realise, when you see so many posts of this nature on this forum, that it is extremely common to feel anxious about your health following the death of someone close to you.

So what I'm saying is, all the posts about HA following the death of a loved one should help to prove to you that what you are feeling (including the pains) is directly linked to what happened. My Dad died of a heart attack, and now I very often feel chest pains. I get leg pains sometimes, but since that's not related to how my Dad died, I take no notice- same as you'd probably be less inclined to take notice of any little chest twinges you get.

Keep pushing on- you will get better.

[gaaron]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the pain you are in :hugs:xx

[ElectricAlice]

Thankyou all so much for your replies. I feel at last like someone understands. My family and friends are so so great but they can't actually understand because they just keep saying I'm fine. Which is good, but they don't understand the terror. And the way your mind works and connects everything. so thankyou so much for taking the time :)

I mean the doctors would have found something wouldn't they? I'm only 22 and my mum was only 54, she went to the doctors twice prior to her sudden death and nothing was done, which is why I'm so angry, untrusting and scared they're missing something on me.

Is it possible that the anxiety is causing leg pain? I don't understand fully how it works. I was getting chest pain on the right side prior to mums death, which makes it more scary but I figured it must have been a pulled muscle from backpacking with a 3 stone backpack. I also read about anemia and how this can cause chest pain and leg pain.

I just cant get it out of my head I have a clot. If anyone has had experience of one legged leg aching whilst resting, and shooting pains in my ankles. (I only got these pains when I realised it's a symptom of dtv which makes me think it is anxiety a bit more. But you know the vicious cycle your mind works in. So any knowledge would help so much.

Also how do I go about trying to see a therapist? I don't have enough money to see one privately :(. I'm still living in the house where I saw mum pass away. I saw it all happen, and it was extremely traumatic. I'm finding it so hard to cope, I feel like I need help but don't know how to get it :(

[macc noodle]

ElectricAlice

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved mother and your struggles to come to terms with it.

You do need some help with bereavement counselling - someone you can tell all your fears to who will help you at this difficult time. Ask you GP and also ask him about the possibility of counselling for your anxieties - he may well want you to have the bereavement counselling first to see if this helps your anxiety levels reduce.

And, yes, you can get leg pain with anxiety - you can get pain absolutely anywhere with it and the more it bothers you the worse it becomes.

I used to love going on holidays but had a massive fear of DVT and used to fret about it so much (even taking aspirin as a precaution before I flew and for 5 days afterwards just in case - and boy did I go mad if I did not have aspirin in my handbag -they were my security blanket big time) - I even used to measure the size of my legs to see if they were swelling and the pain was sooooo bad - but no hun, it was just me and my anxiety.

I feel for you and your worries but what happened to your mum was dreadful but rare and you will be fine :) keep posting and keep taking comfort if you can from us here - we may not have suffered the dreadful sudden loss of a parent but boy do we know about anxiety and panic :hugs:

Jan

[ElectricAlice]

Thankyou, it's a comfort to here that the leg pain can be caused by anxiety. Is it tensing the muscles do you think? Also, the doctor gave me Citolopram to take. But I haven't so far as I'm scared about the side affects and coming off them. Has anyone taken these tablets? I spoke to my doctor about seeing a therapist and she said she'd post a letter off about it but I think that is going to take such a long time. I also am on the waiting list for Cruse bereavement, but they even told me that their services wouldn't help because I'm in the early stages of grief. But after 3 months I feel this is the time I need it most. It feels like a lot of people just expect me to get on with things without any help.

[macc noodle]

Hey hun - I was given 10mg daily dose of Citalopram to take the edge of my anxiety earlier this year (won't bore you with details but had a major resurgence of health anxiety after nearly 15 yrs of being under control :( - but getting better now) - take them and see what happens - I only had a bit of constipation (tmi) and a couple of headaches for the first few weeks but then all ok (these might not have been related to the meds but they were on the list of possible side effects so maybe maybe not).

Took them for 2 months and then gave them up - no side effects - 10mg is a very small dose - what size is yours?

Regarding bereavement counselling - are there any support groups in your area for people who have suffered loss? You could maybe join them whilst you are awaiting counselling.

Don't worry about other people's expectations hun - you need whatever you need and it will take whatever time it takes - we are all different.

You are facing two problems here - the loss of a loved parent and your health anxiety issues and you need help.

Try not to worry about the leg pain - I know easier said than done - the pain is caused by the anxiety trust me and the more you focus on it the worse it becomes - yes you will be holding yourself and tensing your muscles so it will not help. The key is trying not to become to focussed on the leg pain - try and distract yourself and in time it will lessen.

:bighug1:

[ElectricAlice]

Thankyou thankyou! It is just SUCH a relief to speak to someone who has gone through anxiety like mine. I felt so alone and like I was going insane or something :(. I live in the highlands of Scotland in Inverness, so I'm not sure what groups there are to help. I will try looking online though. It's such a terrible time. I didn't realise the desolate deepness of grief as I've never lost anyone before. And mum was thee most important person to me in my whole world. I almost feel like the anxiety is stopping me grief properly and think about my mum like i'd like too because all I can think about is death and health. Then I feel guilty that she didn't get the medical help she needed because the doctors missed her DVT. I mean surely she must have had the symptoms and told her doctor? That's why I'm so terrified they'll miss something of mine. Or that I have DVT without the prominent symptoms.

The doc gave me 10mg to take a day for 2 weeks then up it to 20mg. I'm on the verge of just taking them. But I just feel like if I got help outwith medication I wouldn't need to. It's a tough decision to make. I wish I could make the pain go away.

[Frozen in fear]

Sorry about your mum anxiety will give us pains

[ElectricAlice]

I just can't shake this fear. I feel breathless and have has chest pains for ages and with my leg hurting it's all the stupid symptoms of DVT/PE. I have no swelling or pain. But mum never mentioned that and she seemed to walk fine. Unless she just didn't tell anyone. I'm really scared I have a clot :( please help anyone.

[ElectricAlice]

I meant swelling or redness sorry x

[mothermac]

Hi,my thoughts are with you at this time.My father died a long time ago when I was 11 yrs of age of a heart attack in his sleep,he worked abroad and it was a terrible traumatic time for us all.I have had serious fears about harboring some form of the same thing and dying young like my dad(he was only 45) I am in my 44th yr now and recently have had some form of achy chest,I also have high blood pressure which I am taking beta's for and suffer from anxiety which is why I come on here.I have seen a cardiologist in the past who said that it was unlikely I would have the same thing as my father who drank,smoked to an inch of his life and lived his life out of a suitcase.I don't drink,smoke and try and eat as healthy as I can.What I am trying to say is that the fear and grief you are experiencing is obviously linked to your mother and the trauma you feel is coming out as this health anxiety.Think about it-you are concerned that you may have a DVT like your mother so your brain is telling your leg to ache,even though you may not think it your sub-conscious is working overtime.I believe my anxiety over my heart is linked to my dad somewhere and have had tests and they couldn't find much wrong,If I have got what my dad had I don't really want to know as the fretting would get worse.I suggest you pop back to the doctor's and ask to see a counsellor who will help you with your feelings of grief, which in turn may lessen the stress of worrying about this thing-I wish you well.

[ElectricAlice]

I ended up going to my hospital today because my breathing just felt so off. I got blood tests for clots, got examined, checked for anemia, a chest X-ray, and a ECP. Everything came back fine and he said that I definitely don't have DVT. And it's all anxiety based. I was there for about 4 hours.

So can I relax now? No :( should I relax? I mean that's a pretty safe diagnosis isn't it? I'm just still so worried about my leg pain. Anyone else getting leg pain?

Also I really need some advice about Citalopram, not sure whether to take it or not.

Thankyou so much x

[macc noodle]

Hi ElectricAlice

Great to hear that the doc gave you a clean bill of health - aside from the anxiety!

You can get pain anywhere with anxiety - the leg pain you are experiencing is only anxiety because your body is permanently tensed up and it creates a similar feeling to that which you can get in your muscles when you have been running - does it feel at bit like that?

I would relax hun because you are fine - and you have to trust the docs. I do not know what happened with your mum's passing but I believe that it was very sad and probably quite rare for her to go without having any symptoms (but I am not a doctor so ony surmising).

If you are suffering the anxiety so badly, you might as well try the Citalopram and try not to dwell too much on possible side effects - you might be affected or you might not. They may well give you some much needed relief from the high level of anxiety you are suffering.

Well done anyway hun, you have taken a good step today in seeking help and getting the reassurance that all is well - now you just have to have a little faith and trust their diagnosis.

:D

[Captain Caveman]

I ended up going to my hospital today because my breathing just felt so off. I got blood tests for clots, got examined, checked for anemia, a chest X-ray, and a ECP. Everything came back fine and he said that I definitely don't have DVT. And it's all anxiety based. I was there for about 4 hours.

So can I relax now? No :( should I relax? I mean that's a pretty safe diagnosis isn't it? I'm just still so worried about my leg pain.

Hi Alice. I know from my experience that when you are in the midst of panic that it is futile to try and reassure yourself that you are going to be ok and it's just anxiety etc. If you read the article I linked on this following thread, it will explain the primative side of your brain vs the rational side of your brain, and why highly anxious people struggle to take in reassurance: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=88050




Also I really need some advice about Citalopram, not sure whether to take it or not. Thankyou so much x

You will get mixed opinions. Some people believe it is a good idea to take ssri medication. Others don't though. I'd suggest you research about the "Serotonin Hypothesis".

[ElectricAlice]

The leg pain feels like tight pain, like the muscle is about to cramp. And is generally sore, when walking, then achey at rest. Does this sound like muscular?

[gaaron]

Hi ElectricAlice, what you have just described is muscular. When we're feeling 'tight' these things happen. xxx

[ElectricAlice]

Do you have any advice about how to stop the pain? Xxxxxx

[gaaron]

gee, it's down to relaxing lol! I havestarted very simple pilates and do then at home. It's a matter of breathing and being in the present. Pilates (and I stress it's the simple bit) has allowed me to learn to breath properly whilst stretching my legs/arms and I found out it worked for me! I now, whenever I'm going 'overboard', lie on my back and do the breathing and stretch! Never been able to do the breathing stuff before, you know, the one that's supposed to relax you. So for me 'cos I was getting ready to do a 'stretch' and put the 'breathing' into practice worked! My muscles relaxed..unbelievable xx

[ElectricAlice]

Thanks for your help :). I'm just so freaked out it's DVT. Even though the doctors told me it wasn't :( xxxxx

[kathyanne]

You poor poor thing. Listen you are reacting to your mum's death. The leg ache ect, it's all reaction. Your anxiety is at it's worst now. You've lost mum you are bound to be feeling lost.

This is what I would do.

I would go to the doctor. Tell him/her how I am feeling, my aches and pains. How I feel mentally. Ask all the questions that are worrying you about your mum's condition. They have to be careing to your needs and understand why you are feeling this way. If they do tests then fine. They won't I suspect as it sounds like extreme health anxiety. The doctor won't be able to reasure you as it's too deep. Ask your doctor to refer you to see someone, a Therapist, Councilor, CBT, (cognitive behaviour therapy). They are there for you, so tell them exactly whats going on.

You should not allow yourself to live like this, I'm sure your mum would telling you by now to go see the doctor to get something done. Don't let it ruin your life.

Good luck, let me know how things go for you love.

Kathy:hugs:

[westofengland]

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my wife two years to cancer (aged only 46) and now my mum has liver cancer. I think the answer to your problems is in your first couple of lines of your post - you are suffering grief and loss and it's triggered health anxiety, which is very natural. By all means go for medical checks as anybody else would but don't expect endless tests and GP visits to make the pain and loss of your bereavement go away. I suspect that on some level we 'use' Health Anxiety and the distractions of reassurance seeking to mask other painful feelings we have to do with self esteem, beravement loss, etc. And at the end of the day people do get ill and die and we have all to learn to accept this

Hope u feel better soon

[ElectricAlice]

So you can definetely get one legged pain? All tight and sore all up the leg? I don't understand how it's not both legs :( sorry to keep asking xxxxx

[amandaj]

hi alice i have recently been diagonosed with pulemory embolism after i had my baby,infact i got 2 blood clots on my lungs ,i had a really bad pain in my side and chest youd really know about it if it was that ,im now on warfarin and i know there prob gone now ,but dvt is a big fear for alot of people on here and im still scared they are there now so i understand your fears feel free to pm me if you need to talk amanda xxx

[ElectricAlice]

So they'd find it after being to the doctors and hospital loads? I'm worried now :(

[ElectricAlice]

Because ive had chest pain for about 6 months :( what happens if that's what it is?

[amandaj]

if youve had chest pains for 6 months its def not that honestly they travel quickly xx

[Anxious_gal]

your mind might be creating the pain, it's because your so focused on it that without realizing it your tensing up the muscle.
have you been tapping your foot a lot too due to nerves?
you know you have health anxiety when you go to the hospital, have all the tests and still don't feel reassured.
your convinced the doctor over looked something.
you feel like no one is taking your seriously and that can make you feel very alone indeed x
anxiety can cause the most intense symptoms that its perfectly normal to get worried.
sometimes when we don't deal with our emotions we get anxious.
I am sorry about your mum :hugs:
when did your leg pain start?

when you get the chest pain, do you find your shoulders and back and neck tense up?
or get achy, heavy arms and tingling?

[ElectricAlice]

Yeah my chest feels really tight like someones put a band around me, or someones standing on my chest, usually the right side. It's worse when I get stressed. My leg pain has been there for about 3 weeks. After I found out about the symptoms of DVT. :( no swelling or redness, just the achy pain. Sometimes tingly xxx

[amandaj]

can i just also add my ankles and legs were very swollen due to the clots xx

[Hazel B]

Alica, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like to lose your Mum suddenly and too early - "untimely" as people call it. I won't go into my long story but after 3 years of losing my beloved Mum and a lot of horrid incidents and a health scare, I developed anxiety to the point where my pulse was over 130bpm and I was not able to sleep or eat properly.

After seeing my GP many times, I finally had the strength and courage to admit and see that the anxiety was caused by grief and pent up emotions. This was one of the most diffucult things I've ever faced as I was convinced my body was letting me down and I was ill with something incurable. Well, I did have gallstones (now had the operation to remove my gallbladder) - but what helped me the most after accepting I had anxiety was counselling for 12 weeks and Propranolol ( a beta-blocker that stops the horrid adrenaline cycle). The counselling helped me to get rid of all the thoughts and worries in my mind, like a long scream coming out, and the drugs helped my body to come out of panic mode.

I am sure that the doctors have checked you properly and you don't have DVT, it's your mind playing tricks on you and going into over-drive worrying. There is a pattern you can see on this site where health anxiety can start after losing a loved one. I know it's not easy when you're all on edge, but please try to read other people's stories and see what I mean. I'm not taking away any of your grief and pain, what I mean is that you are not alone and your anxiety is not unusual after the trauma you've had.

Best wishes and I truly hope that you start to fell better in time.

[anx mum]

Yeah my chest feels really tight like someones put a band around me, or someones standing on my chest, usually the right side. It's worse when I get stressed. My leg pain has been there for about 3 weeks. After I found out about the symptoms of DVT. :( no swelling or redness, just the achy pain. Sometimes tingly xxx

Hi hun wanna say ur not alone on this one totally understand how u feel:hugs:lost my mum 5 years ago to a PE she was 53 my best friend. Like yourself im convinced theres somethin going on with me like u im worried about PE even tho my doc says its not getting chest pains, dizziness, breathing problems, pins and needles. Today he sent me for blood test cos i was so worried. Still waiting on results. I know u can have pains with anxiety cos believe me hun ive had them and evenually they have gone. Its no wonder your so scared with whats happend 2 your mum but i think with the tests they have done something would of shown